Xander parked his bike in the bike rack and frowned when he realized he didn't have a bike lock before chuckling to himself as he realized how silly he was being since it was the middle of a zombie apocalypse and it wasn't like the zombies were going to steal it.
He did a quick scan of his surroundings to make sure no zombies had snuck up on him while he was distracted.
Seeing he was still in the clear, he returned to the bench he'd used the day before and took off his dry bag, quickly undressing and stuffing his clothes and guns in it. His zombie whacker wouldn't fit, so he reluctantly returned to his bike and left it there, cursing the hot asphalt under his breath as he quickly hot footed it back to the beach.
"Hope my feet didn't blister," he muttered, quickly walking down to the ocean, glancing about and seeing that the child zombie had somehow made it out of the surf over the last twenty-four hours and that seagulls were harassing at least one zombie, attracted to the smell of blood from its missing arm.
Xander wandered out into the surf, sighing in relief as the water cooled his feet and ducking under the water when he was waist deep.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"Naked guy coming on board," a young blonde woman in a white bikini called out cheerfully as she leaned on the rail of the yacht Jayne had gotten for them.
"It's just me," Xander called out.
"Who's me and where did you come from?" she asked curiously. "The last two people to come out of the water at least had a surfboard to explain how they got out here. Did you really swim all the way?"
"Good, that means Amy and Jonathan made it," Xander said as he climbed up the ladder onto the ship, "and yes I did."
"Crazy world," she said, looking Xander up and down. "Need a towel?"
A blonde woman a little older and curvier made an appearance along with a dark haired man.
"If you've got one," Xander replied. "Didn't have room in my bag for one."
"Dave," the man said, offering a hand, completely uncaring about Xander's state of undress.
"Xander," he replied, shaking his hand, "I'm from the barge, I just had to run to town to help out some people."
"Sandy," the younger blonde introduced herself before vanishing inside.
"Donna," the older woman said. "How did you swim to shore and back and deal with all the zombies?"
"Carefully," Xander replied with a grin. "Well... not really, but don't let anyone else know that, I don't want them to worry."
Sandy returned with a towel that he gratefully accepted and started drying off.
"No seriously, it's a long swim and there's dead people everywhere," Donna said.
"I was experimented on by a crazy swim coach so I can swim like a fish," Xander told them, "and the zombies are slow and stupid. As long as you make sure they don't surround you, you can simply out walk them."
"But they don't get tired and can walk forever," Sandy argued, "they can keep going until you drop!"
Xander nodded as he dried his legs. "True, but they are almost blind and have no tracking skills to speak of, get a block ahead of them and they lose interest."
"Then how did they kill so many people?" Dave asked, recalling the streets filled with undead as they made their escape.
"People are idiots in large groups and no one knew what they were," Xander replied. "They are really only dangerous at close range or when you let them surround you."
"Well, they can't surround us out here," Sandy said with a bright smile.
"Thankfully they can't swim, they just kinda bob and then the fish eat them," Xander assured her.
"I can't believe there was a zombie apocalypse or that someone liked our movies enough to save us," Dave said.
"You guys are from the studio near my parent's bar," Xander realized. "The one's Faith and Jayne saved."
"That's us," Donna agreed. "Cindy and Bobby are in her room or I would introduce them."
"I'm sure I'll meet them eventually," Xander said, handing the towel back to Sandy. "We've got birth control supplies as well as just about everything else on the barge if you need anything." He got dressed as he spoke, leaving his guns in his bag.
"Are you sure you have enough?" Sandy asked.
"More than enough," Xander assured her. "We had half a day's notice this was going to happen and may have overstocked a little."
"I don't know, I think you'll run out eventually," she said with a frown.
"The wildlife is already harassing the zombies and they won't last long, exposed to the elements the way they are," he told her. "In nine months they'll all be gone, and that's a conservative estimate."
"That's a relief," Donna said, "I wasn't looking forward to spending the rest of my life at sea."
"That's understandable," Xander agreed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some people to assure I made it back uneaten and then I'm thinking lunch."
"Ramp to the other yacht is just over there," Sandy offered, waving to the other side of the deck.
"Joy, my ex's yacht," he said with a sigh. "Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll have stepped out for a drink."
"Actually I think she's sunbathing," Sandy said.
Xander groaned. "I swear, I am going to make a rope ladder long enough to hang off the barge."
"Just get over here, doofus!"
"How good is her hearing?" Xander asked in disbelief.
"Like there's a lot of noise to drown you out," Cordy called out. "Now get over here so I can apologize, you idiot!"
Xander snickered, glad to hear she was sounding more like herself again and even less shrew like than she had been since they'd broken up. "Be there in a second." He turned to the three. "Thanks again and feel free to join us on the barge when you feel up to it. We're just going to be lazing about and making plans for the next couple of weeks, after that we'll be holding classes in... just about everything, including magic."
"Sounds good," Dave said with a smile. "I was taking classes in filmmaking and set design, but those aren't going to be very useful I'm guessing."
Xander shrugged. "No idea, we'll just have to see how things turn out." He gave them a departing wave and crossed the deck to take the gangplank to Cordy's yacht which had a noticeable slant being much larger than the boat he was on.
Cordy was dressed in a red bikini and leaning on the rail. "About time. What were you doing in Sunnydale?"
"Had to deliver antibiotics to a shelter and check on Betty," Xander replied as he crossed over to her ship.
"How's Nanna?" she asked, not even bothering to hide her concern.
"Betty is doing fine, as are your parents," Xander assured her. "I checked the property for zombies and gave them the low down on the situation. If you want to talk to them, Giles can get them on the radio."
"That's a relief," Cordelia said. "I never expected..." she waved a hand, "all of this."
"I did, which is why I had a plan ready," he replied.
Cordelia just stared at him for a moment and then groaned. "Zombie movies," she said with a sigh.
"Zombie movies," he cheerfully agreed. "Not to mention the zombie apocalypse we prevented by destroying that one mask. That kinda moved it up on my list of possible disasters to look out for."
"That does make it a little more sensible," she admitted.
"Well as fun as this is, I've got to go let everyone know I made it back alright," Xander said, crossing over to the gangplank leading up to the barge.
Cordelia nodded and laid back down on her deck chair.
Xander smiled as he returned to the barge and was almost tackled by Harmony and Dawn.
"I'm glad you're okay! Buffy and them said you were fine but I was worried," Harmony told him, squeezing him tightly.
"It was a cake walk," Xander assured the worried blonde. "I also cleared your house of zombies and made sure your parents were okay. They send their love."
"Thank you," Harmony said and attempted to extract his tonsils.
"You don't look horny so let's get you a sandwich," Dawn said as soon as Harmony had released him.
Xander shook off the hormonal daze Harmony had inflicted on him. "Food does sound good."
River waved to the three from the picnic tables where she was setting out food.
"So how was your trip?" River asked, relieved he was okay and a bit concerned that he treated it so casually, even if she was pretty sure he was doing it for their sake.
"It was okay," Xander said as she passed him a plate filled with a couple of ham sandwiches, potato chips, and beans while Dawn poured him a root beer. "I ran into Amy and Jonathan and sent them this way before hitting the pet shop. I stuck mainly to the roofs because the zombies have filled the streets downtown. Helped out a friend who was trapped in his bike shop and found that the guy who ran the pet shop had already released all the animals."
"No fighting through hordes of hungry corpses?" Dawn asked.
"Not if I can avoid it," Xander replied, before devouring half his sandwich in two bites. "I killed a few here and there if I needed to, but mostly I just avoided them. I dropped off a load of antibiotics with my parents, who are not running a swinger's group by the way, but a support group and my uncle hired a load of hookers to save them from the zombies."
"Huh! I knew it was a good idea," Dawn said smugly.
"It really was," Xander agreed. "I spent the night there as it was getting late, then went over to Cordelia's place and escorted Harmony's parents home. They'd left the gate open so I had to kill a zombie that the crows were tormenting on their front lawn. Birds seem to really like messing with zombies, it almost made me feel sorry for them."
"Well I'm glad you're back," River told him, "playing spin the bottle isn't as fun without you."
"So we didn't," Harmony said, making River snicker. "Instead we played Monopoly and I'm pretty sure Willow was cheating, but none of us cared enough to check the rules. I mean no five hundred dollars in free parking? Who plays like that?"
"Willow does," Xander replied. "She always insisted we played exactly as the rules state."
"I don't think I've ever actually read the rules," Dawn said, "and before last night I was pretty sure no one under fifty had."
"Poker was a lot more fun," Harmony said, "though River is like, super good at it."
"There's only fifty two cards in a deck, that makes it easy to tell who has what," River offered.
"And Harmony is either the best card shark you've never heard of or is descended from the goddess of luck," Dawn added.
"Don't play strip poker with her unless you want to end up naked," River told him.
"Oh we're definitely playing strip poker then," Dawn decided.
"Isn't the point of strip poker to end up naked while pretending you don't want to?" Harmony asked.
River and Dawn exchanged glances.
"We've been playing it wrong this entire time, haven't we?" River asked.
"I think so," Dawn replied with a frown.
"Most people play to win," Xander offered, "though losing sounds like a lot more fun."
"It really is," Harmony cheerfully agreed.
"So where is everyone?" Xander asked. "I expected to see more people up and about."
"Most people are relaxing in their rooms or talking to people on the radio in one of the offices," Dawn offered. "We were just waiting for you. Once they'd gotten everything sorted out yesterday, everyone just drifted off to do their own things except for dinner when we all meet up."
"Since there's nothing we really need to do right now, Giles suggested everyone take a few days to relax and mentally adapt to the situation," River explained.
"Which seems to require a lot of naps," Harmony offered. "Well, either that or they're off having sex."
"Some of the former, probably more of the latter," River said before pulling a deck of cards out of her pocket. "Anyone up for some cards?"
Dawn cleared away their lunch dishes. "I think I'm up for some strip poker."
"Sounds like fun," Xander agreed.
"To the tour bus," Harmony said with a bright smile.
The group relocated to their luxury home away from home, River making sure to lock the door so her brother couldn't interrupt them, while Dawn dealt.
"I bet my shoes," River said as she rejoined them and checked her cards.
"All in," Harmony decided and started stripping.
"You haven't even looked at your hand," Dawn complained.
"I have a good feeling about it," the blonde declared as she kicked off her jeans.
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
Beta By: Abyssal Angel and Mist of Shadows
AN: Has anyone actually read the full set of Monopoly rules? I think I've skimmed it a time or two at most.
TN: Pretty sure I learned from observation or being taught by others. I don't think I've ever seen the rulebook, let alone read it.