Author's Notes: *sings Ryuichi style* Na no na no na no na no na no da! This is my first Hunter x Hunter fic and this is especially for Kurapika's birthday! Otanjoubi, Pika-chan! Please R&R!
Disclaimers: I wish I owned Kurapika but I don't.
No Need For Words
I see the pain residing in those emerald eyes. The pain he tries hard to mask especially when Gon and Leorio are around. Even with me, he tries not to reveal what he really feels. He tries to stand strong for all of us even if he is just a few years older than Gon and me. Chronologically, yes. But in wisdom and his experiences, he is even beyond Leorio.
I don't know why he tries to hide himself from me well in fact, I can see through him. He knows that and yet he doesn't say a word. He just remains silent as ever.
I don't know why I'm this interested in his personality. I mean, Gon is more interesting with all his high hopes and dreams. But he has this mysterious aura around him – one I possibly cannot ignore.
We rarely see the child inside him – the real him in his real age. And it's in these times that he lets us see his vulnerable side. He laughs and plays with us, making Leorio the only one to be the adult. He even makes fun of the older man, calling him an old 'obaachan' whenever Leorio acts too motherly for him and us.
But one thing that he really never wants us to see: his tears.
He doesn't cry no matter how hurt he is. Even when Gon tells him to let it all out; even when Leorio sits beside him to pat his back. He just sighs and produces one fake, sad smile and tells them that he's fine. Gon argues with him for quite a while making him irritated. Leorio would squeeze his shoulders and then leave him alone. Me? I would just look at him from afar and he'll never even know that I'm sharing a starry night with him.
Just like now.
He's out again and quite depressed. He had just talked to Hisoka and they had fought. Hisoka had been bugging him ever since that clown never got to defeat Kuroro. And every time that psycho called, it got him depressed.
"You're observing me again, na Killua?"
"Stop hiding in the shadows. I can clearly feel your presence anyway."
Seeing I can no longer escape him, I got out of the shadows and walked slowly towards him, still maintaining the distance between us.
"Why do you always stand behind me like that? Come on and sit beside me. I don't bite, Killu-chan."
"Killu-chan? Since when did you start calling me that?" I asked indignantly.
Soft laughter came from his lips as I sat down beside him.
"Right just about now."
For a while, silence reigned between us. All we could hear were the rustling of the leaves of the trees and the grass we sat on. I heard him breathe deep.
I glanced at him questioningly. "Why? I never did do anything."
He smiled softly. "You always listened to me. I always knew you were right behind me, that's why I talked to myself out loud whenever Gon and Leorio would finally leave me alone."
That's right. I had always been curious why he talked out loud. I thought he was just like that, but as far as I knew he wasn't. He was the silent and keep-to-myself type. That's why I was always curious.
"Why didn't you tell me to leave? I was invading your privacy. You hated that, right?"
He was silent once again, but not for long.
"You didn't really 'invade' my personal space. You were just like a shadow behind me who never said a word and just stood there for countless of evenings. In a way, you never existed that's why you didn't get to really 'invade', so to speak."
"I didn't mean to destroy your shadowing tonight, but I just felt like telling them to you this time."
He turned to look at me with his tantalizing green eyes. I gulped at the feelings that it showed. He sighed and somehow while I was trying to breathe, he managed to lean his head on my shoulder.
"I feel safe with you, Killua. Why? Why do I feel that you won't try to milk everything out of me? Why do I feel that you won't push me to feel what I can't feel for you unlike…?"
He closed his eyes, silent tears streaming from the. For the first time, I saw him break his pretenses and just break down. I've always wanted to see this part of him, but now that I have, I don't know how to handle it.
"He wants me to leave all of you and be with him. Says he can give me a nice life. He says he loves me. But I know he doesn't. He just wants someone who he can play with now that Kuroro can't fight anymore. I don't love him. In fact, I hate him. I'm happy here with all of you. But he won't stop, Killua. Now I'm thinking if I should go to him and just kill him just to make him stop. But I don't want to leave you guys."
I raked my hands through his hair. "Then don't go to him. If you want to stay with us, then do so by all means possible. If you think it will make you happy by staying here with us then follow your heart. This time, follow what your heart says, Kurapika. Besides, I don't think Gon and Leorio would be too pleased to that you've gone."
He sighed and closed his eyes. I waited for him to reply but it seemed that it won't be for quite a while. I closed my own eyes as I continued running my hands through his blonde hair. I have never expected that Hisoka felt that way about the boy beside me. Maybe Hisoka really does love him, but considering the impressions he had made…
…but, why did I really tell him not to go? Was it only because of Gon who considers him like an older brother? Was it only because of Leorio who I know loves him more than he knows? Was it because of me who…
"Will you not miss me too, Killua?"
I blinked my eyes open and saw him staring at me with those bluish emerald gems.
"Of course I will."
He smiled and I smiled back.
"Why do you always watch over me, Killua? Do you care for me that much? I understand Leorio. I know the way he feels about me. And he knows that he can't win me…
"But you… I don't understand."
"You're a very dear friend, Kurapika. But what I don't understand is why Leorio doesn't stand a chance."
"Leorio's a great friend. I will always treasure him even if we don't agree with each other most of the time. But my love for him will never be more than a friend."
"Is there someone else?" I ventured. I knew it was personal, but somehow I wanted to know.
And now, somehow I want it to be me.
"I know it sounds really weird, but you and I have a deeper connection. Do you feel it, Killua?"
Deeper connection? Yes. Sometimes I feel that I can read your every thought just by looking at you. Sometimes I feel that even with that small smile you grace me with, you tell me a thousand tales. If that's what you're calling a deeper connection, then yes.
And if that's why I want you to be with me, then …
"I guess that's why I always watch you, ne?" I answered vaguely.
He nodded. "But is that all there is to us? A deeper connection?"
I looked at him. He was waiting for this reply as if everything depended on it. But what could I say? That I have grown to understand him, to care for him all these years? That I have already fallen for him?
Follow your heart…
Yes, I know I told him that, but what if this is one of those things wherein the head must rule over the heart?
I shook my head and brushed the bang that was covering his face then settling my hand on his tear-stained cheek. No. I won't back out. I will tell him what I feel.
"I love you, Kurapika. That's why I want you to stay. That's why we have a deeper connection. That's why I always watched you. I love you, that's why."
He suddenly threw himself at me, his lips touching mine. There was nothing special about the kiss other than it was my first and I loved the person kissing me.
"I love you too, Killua."
I smiled at him and hugged his lithe figure. "Stay?"
He nodded, resting on my chest. We lay like that for quite sometime, our breaths doing the talking. Then after sometime, I embraced him closer to me and whispered in his ear.
"Otanjoubi omedetou, Kura-chan."
He shifted, his eyes once again brimming with tears as he faced me. He kissed me again.
"I never thought you knew."
"I have my connections," I joked.
He smiled at me. "I love you."
"I love you too."
He never asked why I loved him or how I came to do so. I didn't ask him. It was as if we knew even if we didn't ask. We didn't need words to convey how we feel. They were never verbally unsheathed and yet, I know that we don't need to.
Love is something of the mind and not of the heart.
And the heart doesn't need ink and paper or words to justify his messages.
Author's Notes: I just don't know how I finished this in two sittings! I just suddenly got inspired to do this since I couldn't write my minor paper in my communications class. Oh well. I hope you liked the way I put it. I promise I'll write more especially when UP makes me take a break which is quite far from possible. Yare-yare. Please read my other fics. I took a rest from Slam Dunk but I will be back as soon as possible.
Disclaimers: Hunter x Hunter and all its characters belong to Togashi Yoshihiro and his associates. They were only borrowed for the bringing joy to this rambling author and to her readers. Thank you.
No Need For Words© is copyright of Yumehime Yana Hossuru 05A2k3, 09:40a.