*Ever wonder why the Jedi don't drink? Here's my take on it.*
Sand everywhere, on ground, in your hair, in your clothes, on your body. It crawls into every crevice in your body, burrowing it's way in your skin.
Obi-Wan Kenobi hated it. It had to be the most boring place in the world, and he owed it all to his stupid Padawan, Anakin.
So that's how Obi-Wan came up with the idea to throw a party in his hermitage, on Tatooine. He invited everyone from Padmé Amidala to Emperor Palpatine to Darth Vader. The ghosts of Qui-Gon Jinn and Mace Windu were also expected.
And to cater to such a distinguished crowd, Obi-Wan needed the best drinks available: Canadian beer.
Coming from the planet Canada, land of the beavers, the beer was notorious around the galaxy for being the most potent in the Outer Rim. Obi-Wan ordered the beer through one of his contacts, and was now awaiting his guests.
A knock came on his door, and he eagerly went to answer it. Darth Vader and Padmé Amidala stood at the door, arm in arm.
"Welcome to the party!" Obi-Wan exclaimed, showing them in. After they arrived, the rest of the guests arrived in quick succession, all heading for the cooler and the Canadian beer inside.
The only ones still yet to arrive were the ghosts of Qui-Gon and Mace. Finally, around two hours after the party had started, Mace and Qui-Gon floated through the door.
"This party's over!" exclaimed Mace, only to be nudged by Qui-Gon.
"Wrong episode, my friend." he explained, as they headed inside. Obi-Wan soon joined in, picking up a beer and plopping down on the couch beside some of his old Jedi friends.
In no time at all, the ex-Jedi had all began to sing loudly (and off-key) the lyrics to "Tub thumper" by ChumbaWumba. Yoda just kept wandering around the room, screaming: "Knocked down I get! But I get up again!"
Obi-Wan and Vader were involved in an intense game of a thumber war, both trying to best the other's thumb. Padmé screamed out encouragement to her husband, as he tried in vain to pin down his ex-master's thumb.
"I win!" yelled out a drunken Obi-Wan. "Ha! You suck!" he exclaimed to his equally drunk ex-Padawan.
Vader hiccupped through his mechanical suit, and stumbled about the room. Padmé followed him worriedly, still somewhat sober.
Meanwhile, Mace Windu and Qui-Gon were both trying to see who could chug down the most beer in two minutes. Mace won, but soon collapsed to the floor unconscious. Unfortunately, since he was a ghost, he sunk through the floor.
Qui-Gon then sought out his old Padawan, who was now running around the room, shouting about his victory over Vader.
"Hey, Wan-Obi!" Qui-Gon slurred, attracting the attention of Obi-Wan. "Get your ass over here!'"
The younger man followed instructions, and stood beside the dead Jedi.
"So, Obi-Wan, why didn't you ever get it on with Padmé?" the drunken ghost asked, "She's a total babe, and she obviously was attracted to you!"
Obi-Wan was horrified, even in his weakened state. His Master was like a hundred years old! "What makes you think I didn't?!" he shot back as he tried to regain his faltering balance.
" 'Cause she's married to Vader!" Qui-Gon exclaimed. "They have children together!"
Obi-Wan offered a sly grin at him. "What makes you think they're his?"
This made the ghostly figure stop and think, and Obi-Wan used the opportunity to move back into the main party area. He found Yoda and Mace blanking beer cans in the air, and Vader dancing half-naked with Padmé.
This party has definitely gotten out of hand... Obi-Wan thought, right before the ground rushed up to meet him...