It will be as if I never existed…

I never thought it would end like this. I did the unthinkable, the un-gentlemanly, leaving her in the forest that night. But she was human, soft, pliable, able to live again. She was able to breathe, and her heart was able to beat. I thought those would continue without me.

I remember the last time I saw her. She lay in her bed so peacefully that evening, as if she had always slept there alone. I sat by her window, watching her sleep, praying to hear my name as I had once only months before.

"Jacob…my Jacob…"

I froze, hearing words that I never wanted to hear. Forcing myself to believe what I didn't want to be true. I believed then that Alice was right, that Bella's future had disappeared because I was no longer a part of it. Yet Bella was dreaming of another now. Her future had already changed.

Had I truly understood the future, I would have never left that room. I would have rushed to her side, begged her forgiveness, taken her in my arms. I would have placed her sweet lips to mine and tasted her breath. I would have stolen her life in exchange for immortality.

Yet here I am, a hundred years later, and Bella is gone. I'm not sure that she was ever here. Perhaps she was nothing more than a dream, a fantastic memory.

I stopped writing as I heard a slight rustling at my chamber door, slightly put off at how deep in thought I had been. Whoever it was had managed to creep within striking distance without my notice. However, a moment's notice had been enough for me to recognize the mental voice. I looked up slowly, having already assessed that Jane stood silently in my presence.

"Aro expects you," Jane stated calmly, her cape gathered around her. Not a question, but an acknowledgment of fact. I was expected, so I would appear. I simply stared at her. A cruel smile skirted onto her face, as she imagined how easy it would be for her to slip and cause me pain. I let her fantasize, knowing that even Jane could not pierce my mental shield. The pain I had lived through every moment for a hundred years past had built a wall that not even she, evil child, could break. I lived alone in my mind and with my ghost.

"I will join Aro when I am ready, and not a moment before." My stance made clear the tone behind my words. I would not be summoned as a subordinate or a pet. Jane started to speak back, but bit her tongue instead. She bowed curtly and strode back down the hall. I listened to her steps recede, and I sighed.

I closed my diary, certain that my afternoon solace had ended. Jane could easily be dismissed, but Aro would not be as easily dissuaded. He wished to see me, and no matter my power, I would eventually cave to his will. I stood slowly with the weight of my age and floated across the room to my chest of drawers.

As I placed my diary within it secret compartment, I caught a brief glance of myself in the ornate wall mirror. My chambers had been decorated in the gothic style of the 12th and 13th century, another of Aro's many fascinations. The twisted metals, heavy carved woods, dark crevasses all matched my inner soul, so I didn't mind horribly. I only minded the mirror.

I drew my eyes upward to the eyes of the reflection, looking at myself for the first time in over a year. I couldn't see anything except my eyes.

Eyes that burn bright red with the blood of tens of thousands.

I turned sharply and fled to the main hall in search of Aro.