The hunk tournament had ended with flowers and Arch de Triomphes. Team Lightyear was escorting Buzz to his transport pod, which would take him to his actual spacecraft. The Charmnaught was a huge vessel, far much larger than Zurg's Dreadnaught, almost the size of a small planet. It hovered above the Trade World, because it was too big to be parked anywhere. As being a luxurious snobbery-ship, it also contained glamour beyond imagination: a beach simulation sector with a huge pool and its own tropical climate, a medieval castle, and paved roads all around where white horses trailed decorated wagons; as to name a few of those extraordinaries. From outside, the mightiness possessed the colors green, white, and purple. The fore was build to present Buzz' face, the foremost curving figurehead ending up to resemble white dazzling teeth. On a bad side, the turgidity consumed cosmic amounts of energy. The reactor chamber's one hundred crystallic rods had to be changed every half an hour.
Lightyear paraded with his trophy and roses towards the mini-transport, which for some incomprehensible reason resembled Zurg's hover throne.
"Now, farewell, my splendid comrades! It has been a sheer pleasure to have ye as my faithful audience!" he stepped onto the vehicle, bowing his team for goodbyes. But right then, his comlink beeped. Ringing in the grandeur of Mozart's Die Zauberflöte.
"Oh, must I trouble myself to answer?" he whimpered, "Behold, Lord Lightyear speaking!"
It was one of his servants calling from the dam ship. They had run out of crystallic rods up there and could not get the spacecraft fly. "Oh, oh, oh! Such a distress! Why do the heavens laugh evilly at my misery?" he placed a hand on his throat and moaned.
"But Buzz! You're always welcome to fly with forty-two!" Booster rejoiced, "We can fly you home, Captain!" Mira and XR also nodded their approval.
"Oh, such a plebeian method to float across the ashen of stars..." the winner complained, "But I shall accept your request. Ye shall escort the mighty me to the splendors of my manor."
"Now he has a manor too?" XR rolled his eyes. "Wonder when comes the Buzz Tower and Planet B." But, so they all headed to the Star Cruiser and blasted off towards Capital Planet.
On the way, the former captain was a constant pest. He bewailed about everything.
"How rude! What a scandal! I was not given a red mat of entrée! Why do the seats have no ermine fur draping? Pfyi! How parochial! Lo, and I beheld in my heart to encounter at least a few masterpieces of the splendid Rembrandt on the walls of our means of moving!"
"But Buzz, this is how 42 has always been! Your own Star Cruiser!" Nova sighed at Buzz, who sulking sat on the copilot seat.
"Oh, oh, the abysm of times, how the clouds of eternity fly... how cometh ever..."
Suddenly a red light pulsated on the console, and Commander Nebula's austere face appeared in the vidscreen. "Coming all Star Cruisers! Red alert at Star Command! Zurg is attacking with full assault! All Star Cruisers return to Star Command, immediately!"
"Craters!" Mira vociferated. "We gotta speed up! Buzz, we can't take you home now. The Alliance is under attack! We need your help!"
He was horror-struck, panting and fully sweating. "But! But! Me, a gentleman of splendor cannot... I could get a dirty spot on my tuxedo! Ohhh..." he fainted due to the terrible impression of him getting bedraggled. But the remaining triplet was determined, they would shoot off to Star Command and right now! The safety of the universe was in jeopardy!
A horrifying sight it was. The base of the heroes was all surrounded by vile buzzing hornets and droidekas. The outrageous shadow of the Dreadnaught floated nearby, its horns of Neptar gleaming awfully in the light of distant stars.
"Finally the Galaxy shall be mine! Muwahahaha!" Zurg gloated inside his flagship, watching how his dark army little by little beat more and more the defenders of goodness. The first ion shields had been already undone, and the rangers in the outskirts of the base were forced to retreat inside. "Once I have it all in my fingers of iron and vicious, I shall shoot it all with my Hyper-Purple Ray! Muuhahaa, it shall be so glorious! All shall be purple! What a dream! What a sweet illusion! Ahh Nana Zurg would bake her little Zurggie Boy a big creamy fruitcake if she knew how bad a bully I have been!"
"So... how are ya gonna split it all, boss? Can I ask for a... small earldom of a few solar systems? The former Capital Planet perhaps? I could name it Planet W and build my own cruel county there!" Darkmatter beside him grinned greedily.
"We shall think of that later. At least I am taking the costs of the door project from your next month's salary", the Emperor answered sourly. "And that octa-cursed planet of lack-wits shall be annihilated immediately! I shall build my ultra-fast hyperspace wormhole on the place of it, so I can speedily reach the other side of my ghastly Galaxy! Speedy I shall be! Speedy Gonzales! Mohaha! Ohh I am making myself laugh with my evilly spicy jokes!" he wiped a tear of hilarity from his helmet cheek. But suddenly his oculars widened when spotting the view through his arena window. Star Cruiser Forty-Two was approaching his victorious hornets, and being victorious with full laser power.
"Darkmatter! Go and get that lamebrained scum! Burn! Annihilate! Liquidate! Terminate! Vandalize! Smite! Scupper! Chop!" the bucket head ran amok.
"My pleasure!" the blue man grimaced. "I can have my revenge on that Lightwit, in case he's squeaking there! Rorrh! He took my victory!" He stomped away to the launch deck of the Dreadnaught and switched on his warship.
Forty-Two was in the middle of a hot battle. Nonetheless, the temperature in vacuum is near the Absolute Zero, so it should be moreover called a cold battle.
"We gotta get in! Zurg's army is too strong!" Nova shouted at XR and Booster, who were plugging hysterically the radar and other devices. Blam! Slam! Zap! The ship was right betwixt and between of crossfire, and had started shaking violently. All the time new plasma missiles of the bug corps injured its hull. And here just a plaster band would not be enough to heal any damages. There was not much help from Buzz' side. Quivering with fear, eyes glazed and wide, he hugged his knees in the copilot seat and bit his carefully manicured nails broken.
"Iiiihihhiiiiiihhhh--- hhh--- helllp me--- my shiny curls shall go all to the appalling state of unpleasantness because of this shaking in the infernal flames of darkness! Ye must stop it! Iiihihiiii---- eeep---" he whimpered like a mouse being dragged from its tail.
"We're going in now!" the Princess bellowed and pulled the ship into a dive, "Adjust the posterior shield to maximum! 42 may explode if a missile hits the fusion cells!"
"E---explode?" Buzz wheezed and covered his eyes. "EEEEEP!"
But, right at the last nanopart of a nanosecond, which is indeed a very small time and hardly can be measured with any modern clocks, the vessel flounced inside and landed rather smoothly on the launch bay. Most of the Star Cruisers had absconded already there. It was terribly, horribly, dreadfully, gruesomely evident that the hornets would crawl soon inside, and the star wars would go on within these very corridors. Next Team Lightyear ran out of their transport.
"Buzz, stay here! And don't do anything", Mira pushed Buzz into an empty side room, rather much boiling because of his daft helplessness. "We're going to the command deck to find Commander Nebula! I repeat, don't do anything and don't touch anything!"
"Hmph! Definitely I shall not set my fragrantly soft and clean skin to skim anything!" he criticized the room his nose pointing upwards when being alone, "So dusty and scandalously disheveled! And not even a mirror here so I could stay in the company of my wonderful self!" Thus, against the orders he left the shielded space and started mincing along an empty alley.
Oh, the cursed adventurousness! Not many minutes went, and the menacing sound of two large space boots echoed in the rear. And there it was, the thunderous figure of Warp Darkmatter, contrasting as a black shadow against the light coming from behind. Zurg's number one henchman had just infiltrated the last island of heroism, together with a large hole in the outer hull so that the yellow pests of the midge regime could worm in.
Darkmatter growled through his teeth like a fierce rabid wolf. "LIGHTYEAR! Face me, you chicken noodle! You took away my victory! You'll pay for this!"
Buzz turned around on his heels like a ballet dancer. He primed his lips and picked up a monocle from his breast pocket. He set it over his left eye and fixed the position of his top hat. "Signore Darkmatter. Although I must impolitely say thee that it shall be not quite a pleasure to meet thee..." His regard widened suddenly with aghast, "Oh, but hast thou washed thy teeth and when?
"What?" Warp raised a brow, then in a horrified panic drew forth a mirror from his pocket. "AHH! I got plaque! There's a bread crumb in my eyetooth's cavity!" He started ferociously wiping the teeth whiter with a handkerchief. "Rotten blazooka! Gotta look tip-top; never know when a pretty gal walks by!"
"I ought to recommend thee a splendid product generously manufactured by my agent company." Lightyear took a box of toothpaste from his attaché case. "Thou shalt rejoice as thou seest the brilliantly glittering whiteness of Alaskan snowfields reflecting from thy teeth after a splendid usage. I shall grant thee a free sample, even as I have the heavy heart to behold the darkness in thee." The Morphean walked to the blue male and passed the box. After a slight bow, he tiptoed back to his previous spot.
"Now, as we, old friends separated by the bonds of evilness, have met again, I shall announce the woe of my heart. Hast thou not cometh to be cognizant that it wrong is to become a servant of maliciousness? Thou hast heard that it was said of them of old time, thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment. But I say unto thee, that whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say..." Buzz stood leaning to his cane, with eyes closed and a finger pointing upwards.
Darkmatter blinked and threw the napkin over his shoulder. Wasn't he supposed to avenge that idiot? What the heck was he blabbering? Agent Z wanted a good heated battle, but was that ego-oaf keeping him a sermon? Besides, he could not understand even a half of the ancient lingo. "Hey! Stop that wimpy gibbering and fight like a man!" he hopped his both feet together, smoke coming out of his ears. But Buzz did not do a gesture to raise a hand against him.
"...And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye...?" he went on with the fine cautionary lecture.
BLAM! Sparkles and smoke smoldered from Warp's weapon arm. Buzz fell onto the floor, limp like a boiled macaroni. "Agagagagaga..." he stammered before passing out. The vile villain stepped over him, snorting.
"Hmph. That pushover ain't even a good rival any more. Too bad Zee made him that demented, I missed a saucy wrestle. I guess this seals my avenge then. Bye-bye, Lightcheese."
How horrible! Buzz had been shot! He was all stunned and sooty!
The indolent male lay in the middle of the scrap for a moment. Blink, blink. Tardily awareness streamed back in him. Moaning he rose up, face all black and his masterly done curl-exhibition all sticking out in tangled dreadlocks. His silky suit was without sleeves, the originally snow-white handmade shirt under it appeared as if a swarm of moths had devoured it. The gentleman's walking-stick had molten to one lumpy piece of metal. "Urrf... where am I...?" he squaked and rubbed his eyes. Abruptly it all flashed in his vision, the weeks left behind, the dreary mission on that asteroid, the contest, everything... "AAAH!" he grabbed his hair with both hands and glared at his outfit. "What have I become! EEP! This isn't true! I wrote love poems! I read romance of chivalry! I wanted to be Prince Charming and save a princess from a dragon! EEE! NOOOOO!" he cringed at his own insanity, eyes drawn tight shut. "The greatest hero of this Galaxy became a wimp! IIIIIIIII!" Obviously Warp's blast had been that forceful that it had cancelled the influence of those horrible brainwaves. Buzz had gotten back his reason!
Screep! With both hands, he ripped the tuxedo and the shirt off, letting a score of buttons bounce merrily in the air. "Buzz Lightyear of Star Command has returned! The Galaxy needs me! Grurrf!" he snorted deep through his nostrils, as comprehending standing in the middle of a battlefield. "Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!" The man tried pressing his pectoral in order to activate the jetpack. But he fooled around his upper body bare, wearing only partly burned trousers. "Umm whatever. Still, Buzz Lightyear to the rescue! Swoosh!" The Captain took a giant leap in the air, heading to help his fighting team members further there. The struggle had fallen now completely inside the Base.
Hornets began surrounding him from every side. But this would not stop the hunk of hunks even if he was lacking a bludgeon. "Taa ta-ta-ta taa taa ta-ta-ta-taa!" he blazed a melody with a deep voice, grabbed the nearest heavy metal bar -left as a trash from some explosion- and started hitting the artificial insectoids. Skillfully, like rugged paragons always did, he dodged the plasma missiles and was victorious with mashing Zurg's killer machines in the caveman way. "Swoosh! Clang! Eat my cosmic dust! Tetsusaiga! Tattaraa!" In the background, Team Lightyear spotted their commanding officer.
"Look! I can't believe it! Buzz is fighting with us! He has come back!" Booster yelped.
"Something has returned him to his own!" Mira squealed.
"Still he's doing his own theme music and sound effects?" XR rubbed his helmet in wonder. "Well whatever. Good that cap is at least becoming A-OK."
Buzz literally ran on the hornets, hopping expert somersaults in the air. Thunk! Whack! Zonks! More and more robots turned to garbage as he smacked them broken, the aiding laser blasts of XR, Booster, and Mira chopping also those like ripe salami. The rangers were advancing the Base's control center, which was blocked by the biggest and meanest slayer technology.
"We should get this thing handled somehow! The hornets are too many!" Nova shouted.
"I'm on the way to form a plan, just need some time..."
"Use the force, Buzz!" Commander Nebula's voice rang out of nowhere. He was on the other side of the command deck, desperately trying to do carrot salad out of the droids all alone.
"The Force... yes, that's it! Brilliant! We're gonna defeat them!" Lightyear yelped with a grin, "Team, go help the Commander! I'll handle this! To infinity and beyond!" He jumped leapfrog over a few lack-brained robots and reached the big, round and red button right outside the control center. It had a warning with large, friendly letters on it: "Do not press".
"Eat the Turbo Force of the power sucker!" the Captain hit the button with a virile fist. Out of the blue, a loud whirr filled the battlefield ether. The hornets stopped abruptly, as if being frozen by an early and very chilly winter. Then, the gravity field of the generator rotors vanished. Every bravely combating ranger missed their instep support and began floating in the just-formed void.
"What's this? They stopped all d---bliblibliziuumh..." the light also in XR's AI chip ceased. Mira and the rest blankly shifted gazes. Buzz victoriously ventilated up there, perhaps even more smugly than as the newly-baked Mister Galaxy winner a few hours ago. "Now! Let's go people and get this thing back! Evil will never win as long as a few good rangers are still around! Your jetpacks should still work, we're gonna defeat Zurg manually. Yeah. Just like zip it." For a second, he rubbed his cleft with a pondering look. Something was wrong concerning him. "Oh yea. I kinda feel like I was again doing that swimsuit tour in that blasted contest. Anyone seen my space suit?"
"Commander, what was that thing?" the Tangean asked the old man who was fluttering nearby.
"It's a power shutdown option made for real-time Red Alert training, the LGM's installed that whatsoever-itchymizer a few weeks ago. Enables sorta energy hoover inside these very walls, which sucks the electric power from everything, even from the enemy devices. Easy to reverse and easy to get the energies back, but while that sucker's on, it also nicely extends its hoovering outside. I bet that stinkin' bunch bowl head with his purpleness is starting to miss some competence out there too."
After the top hat-trick, it was indeed rather easy to push His Imperial Loser away. No droid worked, no mecha was there to undo the spell of the power sucker. Buzz Lightyear had used the force well. Even a skilled Jedi Master would have been proud of him. The Dreadnaught, its sinister name already scaring little kids to hide under their beds, had neatly lost stamina. Darkmatter's shiny triangular vessel was all just a slack lump of alloy endangering the delicate ecosystem of the lifeless vacuum.
Indeed, what had happened to that half-robot jackal? After he had beaten up the Shakespeare imitator, he had found nothing interesting at the base. Assuming that the hornets would take care of the minor blockheads, he lazily had scooted back to the warship. To sit down, snigger, watch the live show, have an automatic back massage, and to measure whether his bicep had grown more bulk in the middle of the hard actions. However, the Dark Padawan had to fall to the mercy of his jetpack, as his every-little-boy's-dreamship had no kick any longer. Swoosh, and he cursing darted to his Master's vessel -only to find out that he was being blamed of Buzz' recovery and put to kill moths with flyswatter in Zurg's spare robe closet. Hence, the Dreadnaught had swept back to hyperspace.
And thus once again the Galaxy was saved. The villains were shooed back to their shire and Buzz was able to fancy the gleaming, glittering gold trophy sitting in his shelf. The paraphernalia of gentleman-goodies he had his wardrobe full, he hardly ever would use. Though... the protagonist could not perfectly understand why he in the most private corner of his mind wanted to start using full-time that purple sweatshirt, which had the letter 'B' sewn on it with golden silk. Somehow that letter had such a glorious and harmonic form... However, mostly he was back on the Good Ol' Buzz. No more beauty contests or mushy poetry. The ranger was back to defend the universe and ready for new adventures.
Back on Planet Z, the atmosphere varied rather much depending on person. Warp could not comprehend why the Emperor kept complacent simpering and rubbing his hands together although none kind of advance had been made on the fields of evil conquering work. And Darkmatter was furthermore sour and resentful due to Buzz' victory.
"Why does it always have to be that pigeon-brained mollycoddle Lightyear that gets all the hype? Why he? Why always he! Evil is supposed to be so much more profitable!" he stormed around the throne room of Zurg's palace, while the royal himself hummed gratified on his seat. "My fan club is languishing in tears! Next year I'll get a triple prize in the Mister Galaxy contest! I'll be even the both Crown Princes if I say so! I'll..."
"No, Darkmatter", his Master's voice reached him with a boom. "You shall not take part of it next year. I shall. I am going to be the representative of my glorious Empire."
The blue muscleman's face twisted with utter confusion. "YOU? But... bbb--- I am the most handsome man of Zeta Quadrant!"
"No you are not! I am! Now go away before I will put you in the bubble of torment because of insulting my glory and might!" Zurg shook his fist to the cringing lackey, who soon dashed out of the door. As being alone, the Emperor opened up a locker placed on the armrest of his throne, picking up a large handheld mirror. In front of it, he evaluated the gorgeously gallant features of his helmet. "Ahh, definitely. If my boor-wit son can win, thus I can win too! Oohahahaa! With this marvelous toothy smile I shall enchant everyone!" he took a mile-wide grin with the grill, smoothing the healthily purple, metallic mask cheek with a clawed fingertip. "Ahh every dandy girl shall swoon when seeing my attractive helmet smiling like the anime chibis! Ruhaurrhahahaa! I rule!"
Now, please press the review button and write me a mile-long complaint letter about putting everyone absolutely OOC and bashing the greatest hero of the galaxy. In case you try to sue me, I can of course generously donate the prosecutor my old senior high math books written in that gibberish mother tongue of mine that no reasonable person can understand. Thanks for reading and good night!