That seal looked three kinds of nasty. The first kind was that it was just a fucked up seal, it was kind of just pulsing and stuff with this weird evil chakra stuff, the second was that it was on Sasuke, and that was very much in the realm of no touchy, the final kind of nasty was that the seal came from that snake freak's hickey. All that nasty combined meant that he actually felt bad for Sasuke for once. Seals sucked, he would know, what with there being a seal that kept a giant demon inside of him like he was a giant dog cage.
Shame there wasn't anything he could do about it. It wasn't like there were any seal masters in Konoha, at least none that were super awesome like the Uzumaki were. According to the history book someone had thrown at him, the Uzumaki were just naturally awesome at seals. Like they could just look at it and do seal stuff. If only there was a-
Wait! Wait, wait, wait! He was an idiot! He was an Uzumaki! Right? Well, at least he was told he was an Uzumaki. Which means he should be good at seal stuff. Why didn't he think about this before! Okay, this was easy to test. Any real Uzumaki would be able to do something with a seal. That left two options for fucking around. Experimenting. He meant experimenting. Either his own seal that was all the separated him from being a morsel to a giant tsundere fox.
Or touching Sasuke's nasty.
Both of those sounded like terrible ideas. Just awful and downright horrendous. Like why would he ever do either of those things? He wouldn't. Least not unless he was really bored. Which given how he was on watch he was.
A quick check to make sure that Sakura was knocked the fuck out. Yep, she was white-girl black-out wasted, half sprawled out onto a branch that acted like her pillow. She actually looked cute when she was snoring. Good thing she was asleep though. There was no way that she would be okay with this.
Now to make sure that Sasuke wouldn't wake up.
"Psst, Sasuke." Naruto hissed. No response. That was good. "Sasuke," Still nothing. "Bastard." More nothing. Naruto slapped Sasuke cheek lightly. How much nothing was too much nothing? He slapped Sasuke ten times really fast. Not hard enough to actually hurt, but also not hard enough to wake him up apparently.
Was seal-fucking a consensual act? Well considering how Sasuke got the seal by being seal rapped it should be fine. Besides, it wasn't like anything was going to happen. He'd be staring at the seal and hadn't-oh. Well, that's new. It was like a thread was just floating there waiting to be plucked and unraveled. Why didn't he see that before?
Channeling just a bit of his chakra into his fingertips he did what he always did when he saw a loose thread. Pull until something broke. As he pulled the more and more threads began to appear like, well like a bunch of hair that got stuck to some gum, only really long, and the gum was extra nasty. Like it was purple and pulsating and shit. Just so much ew. That was inside of Sasuke? What kind of a hickey did that snake freak give him? "You better thank me for this later bastard."
With both hands he grabbed at the threads and pulled out the giant chunk of nasty out of - he stopped he heard a noise, not a there's danger noise, well it was dangerous, the same level of dangerous that Haku was when he said that he wasn't a girl. No, this noise came from Sasuke. Who was moaning? The Uchiha's face was red, and he was panting.
Naruto had enjoyed more than enough doujinshi to recognize the kind of face Sasuke was making. At Least the dude didn't have a boner. Or a dick big enough to have a boner. Still, Sasuke moaned like a girl. Not that he knew what a girl moaning sounded like, but it wasn't a dude moan that was for sure.
With one last yank, Naruto pulled out as much of the stuff as he could. The threads snapped like roots being pulled from the ground. Sasuke moaned with each one, growing more intense as he began to writhe on his bedroll. Even once all the strands were gone and Naruto was left holding two handfuls of purple nasty he kept moaning.
This was the most disturbed Naruto had ever been in his life. He needed to get rid of this gunk. Where what should he do with it? Wipe it on Sasuke's shirt? Throw it on Sakura? Just get rid of it? What was the proper way to dispose of seal gunk? Again the answer just kind of magically popped into his brain like a pair of boobs. What? Boobs had a habit of randomly being on his mind. He didn't even need to be thinking about something remotely sexual and then suddenly boobs.
Sakura would look great with boobs. Was there a seal that made boobs grow? Now that was a jutsu! Sasuke moaned and he was brought back to reality where he was holding seal gunk while Sasuke was moaning inches away from him. Wait didn't he have an answer until he got distracted by boobs? That's right! He did!
Make the gunk un-gunk! "Here goes nothing."
He brought the two chunks together kneading it like it was a ball dough from the first time. When he did this with the old man he pretended he was touching boobs or the butt of a cute girl. Wait he should not be thinking about that while messing with Sasuke's nasty purple gunk. Hey, it wasn't purple anymore. It was actually turning pink. Pink was good, it was a pretty color, and one that Sakura liked.
The seal gunk didn't feel quite as nasty anymore as it was turned into this weird pink chakra slime that was kind of warm and nice. Okay, so it wasn't nasty anymore, but what was he supposed to do with it now? Give it to Sakura? She liked pink, but it was still kind of slimy so maybe not. He looked at Sasuke who was still breathing heavily, he hadn't moaned in a while so that was good. And the seal, well the seal looked fuckered. Like it was a pussing open wound that had been taken out of his skin with an ice cream scoop. Except instead of flesh and blood it was more chakra and seal junk. Maybe now it was safe to put back?
"I swear you better not moan when I stick this back inside of you." Naruto groaned shivering at the thought. "I'm going to pretend I didn't just say that."
Thankfully the seal gunk was all too happy to go back into Sasuke, and the bastard didn't moan, instead he kind of just sighed with content, he stopped squirming and relaxed. Well, that was good. Everything worked out for the best maybe. "I still have no idea what I did."
Feeling rather content with himself Naruto resumed his favorite past time. Thinking about boobs, butts, and cute girls.
That train of thought lasted about twelve minutes. Before Sasuke woke up and screamed like a girl. Which caused Sakura to wake up and scream like a girl, which made sense because she actually was a girl. Sasuke had no excuse.
"What the hell happened to me?" Sasuke shouted, his voice shrill and panicked. One hand supporting him while the other patted at his crotch, then his chest. A blush spread from ear to ear. "This is not happening."
"Sasuke?" Sakura asked, "what happened are you okay? Is that seal thing messing with you?"
"Seal?" Sasuke's free hand went to the spot on his neck. "What the hell? No!" Sasuke stood, quickly, running back in forth. "Why would he do this? This just has to be an illusion."
"Oh, that seal thing?" Naruto shrugged, moving over to his bedroll, Sasuke and Sakura were up: their turn on watch. "Yea, you can thank me later, I might have fixed it."
"You!" Sasuke growled his face really red now. Did his hair look longer? And why was he holding his shorts like they were about to fall? "You did this?" He gestured towards his body.
"Are you feeling okay Sasuke? Maybe you should rest more?" Sakura tried to intervene. But it was kind of like trying to tell a storm to not rain so much.
"I'm not talking about the seal!" Sasuke growled, he grabbed at the base of his shirt. "I'm talking about this!" He lifted his shirt to reveal a slender waist, wide hips. And boobs. Not fat boobs like Choji had. But girl boobs.
Naruto blinked twice at the sight. This was his first time seeing girl boobies so close. They might be Sasuke's, but they were still girl boobies. So that was worth something. Sakura sat beside him her mouth hung open in shock, looking like she might fall over at any moment. "Those are nice."
Sasuke slammed her shirt down, her face was beyond red now. "Idiot!" She shouted, then mumbled. "It's not something to be happy about."
"So are you a full girl?" Naruto asked, hey, he made a seal that made boobies grow! He was a genius! "Or do you still have a-"
"I don't have a," She swallowed, trying to keep her pants up and look as small as possible. "I don't have a penis if that's what you wanted to know. But why'd you do this!? Turn me back!"
Sakura passed out.
"I don't know how I just kind of messed with the seal that snake freak put on you." Naruto shrugged. "I can mess with it again if you want."
"No!" Sasuke shouted, moving to sit down on her bedroll. "I don't want you messing with me anymore. I'll just deal with this until we get out of this forest. It's not like it changes anything. You're still a loser."
"Really that's the thanks I get for stopping that snake freaks seal? You should be thanking me."
"You turned me into a girl!"
"And he could have been trying to turn you into a snake!"
Sasuke hmph'd, pulling her knees close to her chest like any other girl. "Don't talk to me I'm mad at you." She sniffled. Apparently, Sasuke's tear ducts weren't dried up after all.
"Hey," Naruto scrambled over to her getting right in her face. She turned away from him, scooting along the ground. "Look, I'm sorry I turned you into a girl. But at least you're kind of a pretty one now, and you don't have to worry about that seal anymore. Probably."
She didn't move or even look at him. Instead, what came out was simple. "Idiot."
If he didn't know any better Sasuke almost sounded happy.
AN: This is what happens when I stay up until four in the morning watching SGDQ