Chapter 1

"Brother." she stepped into his office at Starfleet Academy, where she corrected herself upon seeing Lt Sanchez and Fourth year Cadet Tiberius Kirk, his transporter theory aide

"Permission to enter Commander Selemani" She could not read her brother. Just like her father. He was emotionless. But it was not always so. She still remembered Selemani's fingertips wiping away her tears, "Don't cry T'yel." She could see her mother then. Her beautiful mother laughing, singing, Speaking to her and her brother in many languages of the federation and beyond. She was right there and T'yel could feel her love. She could feel her brother's protective nature. "Noone will hurt you again." he never said it, but she could feel his thoughts. He would become ill after each time he tried to comfort her. He stopped when he turned 10 and took his memories with him. He became cold and distant just like Father.

Her brother turned off the desktop holoprojector the men were discussing. "Cadet T'yel" said the young blond man. She acknowledged in kind,

"Cadet Kirk". She had always felt silly calling her best friend such a name, as well as calling her brother Commander. But rules were rules. Protocol had to be followed. Although the mishap of calling Commander Selemani -brother, was nothing compared to Regulation 1138 in which her father, much more Vulcan than she or her brother, had broken. Her unfeeling father. It was hard to believe he would break any rules for her mother.

She had heard the stories from Uncle Jim. How they were already in love on their first mission. How he caught them kissing many times on Enterprise. T'yel was not sure she believed her Uncle. She was certain her father had no affection for her, why should she believe he had any for her mother. It tugged at her as she looked at her brother. Her brother who inherited all the genes of the human phenotype. Outwardly he did not look Vulcan. His ears were human. He was just as light as father which might have been the only superficial attribute father had given him. But inside he was all Vulcan control and logic. He was just in human in appearance. Father Hiraku and Father Ben would remark that he was a clone of Spock. A vulcan in a human body. This is why he must be her father's favorite.

T'yel on the other hand felt like an anomaly. Tiberius' father had told her she looked very much like her mother. She had the same delicate features from her mother her skin color, a shade lighter, that Tiberius had said was beautiful. It was awkward coming from her best friend, who she was certain preferred green-skinned Orion girls. She did inherit her father's eyebrows which she disdained. With 100% certainty. T'yel concluded this feature was not beautiful. So she plucked them every week which made her dislike her father even more. What she could not get rid of was her pointed ears which gave her Vulcan ancestry away. Her emotions, control and brain functioning were wholly human. She was more Vulcan in appearance than her favored older brother, but she was human inside. A human woman trapped in a vulcan body. To her father, she must truly be a disappointment.

T'yel had seen Dr. Mccoy's reports when she was 10..Father Hikaru had hidden them from her on his Padd. Her brain was damaged. She had suffered irreparable damage at 2 . Tiberius was 4 on the Enterpise the day it happened. He says he remembers T'yel being a chatterbox. Talking in 5 different languages by the time she was 1. But then she stops talking. She says one word, "mama," until she is 5.

Even by human standards, she is an imbecile.

This is why her father did not want her.

"T'yel do you want something to eat?" Father Hikaru asks.

"Mama"

"T'yel did you brush your teeth?" Father Ben asks

"Mama"

"Good night T'yel", Demora says kissing her adopted sister goodnight.

"Mama"

They are playing, Her older sister Demora holds T'yel in her lap as she plays against Father Hiraku. It's an ancient Earth game called Scrabble. T'yel watches as her sister looks inquisitvely at the words.. Scratching her head

" I quit father, "Demora laughs snuggling closer to her sister.

"Mama" T'yell reaches for the blocks with letters as she has seen her sister and Father Hiraku do, and spells D-i-l-i t-h-i-u-m.

She knows what happens next as Father Hiraku tells the house computer to record.

She has seen this recording many times on Father Hiraku's PADD.

" Do you know what this word is?"

T'yel looks at it and says, "mama," As she spells T-R-A-N-S-P-O-R-T-E-R.

They play again, her and Father Hiraku.

She plays until she beats Father Hiraku. But her answers never change.

"Mama"

She hears him. Who is that voice? T'yel has heard that voice before. Her sister Demora is crying, Saying she is so proud of T'yel. Tyel leaves her lap and follows the voice of Father Hiraku and the other voice . A voice that she can't quite place but is familiar all the same. Father Hiraku is sending a transmission. She stands on her tiptoes to see the image on the screen and gives a small wave. T'yel adds another word that day.

"Papa"

***

She broke out of her reverie, "What do you need" Selemeni paused, "sister", dropping the formalities.

"Today.." . She needed her brother.. He no longer shared much. But even when he was on New Vulcan he would visit her on this day. Never speaking of it. He would not share mother on this day. But it was the day she felt closest to her brother. Her very human looking brother who would help her deal with the sadness and help her mediate so she could get through another year. T'yel thought, perhaps it also helped him as well.

Or not.

"I know the significance of today. As you see I am occupied. We shall speak tomorrow. Dismissed Cadet."

I will protect you. I will never let anyone hurt you again.

She nodded, " Of course Commander"

Her brother turned the holoprojector on without look back at T'yal, "Let's continue.."

She stepped out of his office and hurried down the academy halls, happy that they were empty. That noone could see her emotions. They only thing she had left of her mother were her human emotions. That was all she had left and she was not going to control them like Selemani.

What she did have from her Vulcan side was shame from exhibiting them as she walked down the stairwell, her gait unsteady, shaking trying to hold sadness in until she could get to her quarters.

"T'yel" she turned around to see Tiberius running after her.

"Go away Tiberius, " She said weakly as she sat on one of the stairs, her head in her hands trying to cover the tears so he would not see.

He says nothing but "I am not a Betazoid but I know when my best friend needs me." he says sitting down and putting his arm around her to draw her close.T'yel was grateful Tiberius did not listen, for she needed him now.

"I can't remember her!" she cries into his chest. Vulcans are supposed to remember everything. She only knows the stories people tell anecdotes. And she holds on to what little she can remember from what her brother shared so long ago.

She was 2,her brother 7 when her mother died. The Romulans had boarded the ship killing mercilessly and taking prisoners. Their mother had raced from the bridge to the Enterprises Child Center. Father unable to follow had to stay on the bridge as was his duty as first officer. They never made it to the escape pods. Instead they were taken offship.

It was at this part of the reports that T'yel felt guilt. It wasn't enough that she could never be as logical and intelligent as a Vulcan but her mother was singled out because of her. Did her father and brother lay blame on her for this?

The witness said the Romulans took great interest in the mother of a Vulcan baby. Perhaps had she not been part Vulcan, her mother would just have been locked away with the rest of the prisoners. Instead they tortured her. Witnesses said when they took her away, Selemani jumped at the guards kicking and punching. But he was 7. T'yel cannot picture her brother doing such a thing.. And this part of the report gives her a sense of closeness to her brother. He cares.

He cared.

Two days they were locked in the hold of the ship. No water. No Food. They can hear her screams. Soon she stops screaming. One of the witnesses says a Romulan woman comes in during the night and picks T'yel up and places her with her mother. In T'yels dreams she is still alive. She kisses her baby and T'yel goes back to sleep. When she wakes up, mother is no longer awake. "Wake up mama, wake up" T'yel says silently as she read the reports Father Hiraku thought he had hidden from her so long ago on his Padd. The rescue party comes but it was too late. They found her beautiful mother bruised and lying in blood.

T'yel is in her mother's arms when they find her. T'yal does not have many memories but she does remember the sound of phasers. The door blowing in and father standing there with Uncle Jim and Dr. Mccoy. She holds her hands up to be picked up by Papa but he doesn't pick her up at all. Did he cry at all? She thinks he did. But what 2 yr old remembers? A vulcan 2 yr old. But she is Vulcan by phenotype only. Her mind is wholly human and she cannot remember. Perhaps she is making this up. Only her father, her very distant father could tell her.

She tries hard to remember. "Father" she cries in Vulcan. T'yel was never good with languages. But she can faintly remember calling him father in his tongue. "Help mama. She is not well." Her father falling to his knees and grabbing them both and saying, "Nyota , nyota" over and over again.

"Spock, you need to get up." she can hear the voice of Dr Mcoy as she felt herself between her father's chest and her mothers body. She has been rocking like this for 1 hour, 2 min and 15 sec. Father will not stop rocking back and forth. "Jim get me a sedative."

"Papa" He father doesn't feel well.

Before Dr. Mccoy can give her father they hypo, she touches his face and it's dark. It's cold and she is frightened. She sees mountains fall and planets explode and she can hear her father yelling. He never yells. She had never heard him raise his voice. Anger, sadness and rage. she hears him now and she is terrified. She can feel something..something she cannot name shattering. Him calling out for "my Nyota come back."She can't breathe. T'yel feels like she is breaking in many pieces. T'yel feels like a weight is upon her and she can't breath.

T'yel knows from the reports that she is barely alive. She spends a month in sickbay. A vulcan healer is called in. She can no longer talk except to say "mama."

Since her mother's death she has only been in her father's presence twice since gaining entry to Starfleet Academy.

The first time she was with her father was when T'yel was discharged back to her father as soon as she was well. Or as well as she could ever hope to be. Father took her and Selemani to New Vulcan which was to be their new home after he left Starfleet. It did not last. In little over a month, she and Selemani were placed with Hikaru and Ben Sulu by their father.

T'yel wants to know why. But she is afraid of his answer. He is a Vulcan and he will not lie. He will tell her that it was because of her they picked mama out of the hostages. Her father will tell her how embarrassed he was of her when he brought her to New Vulcan and she could only say one word in federation standard-"mama."

She has her other fathers, sister Demora and her comforter, Selemani. She does not need Papa. Selemani was always by her side,until he was summoned to New Vulcan by father when he was 10.

Father does not summon her.

TBC