Pairing: Paul/Bella

Genre: Romance/Family/Comedy

Category: Alternate Universe/Out of Character/Extremely Over The Top

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author-mama4dukes. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story was previously published by mama4dukes on Tricky Raven on December 12, 2015.

The Rabbit Meets the Magic Stick

by mama4dukes

And so our story begins…

"Thanks for this morning, Bells. I really appreciate it," Jacob said to his friend as they walked into the garage.

"It was no big deal. Besides, Mr. Hinkley even gave us that part you said you needed to stop my clunker from smoking up, plus he gave us fifty bucks each."

"Of course he did. You put in some hard work this morning. I mean, damn, when my dad told me that Mr. Hinkley needed help loading some tires onto a truck, I didn't think he meant over three hundred of them. If it weren't for your help, Bells, I would still be slaving away at the junkyard."

"It really wasn't a problem, Jake. I had fun hanging out with you."

"Cool." Jacob placed the box of parts down on the ground and grabbed the fuel pump. "You want to give me a hand installing this in the Rabbit?"

"Sure." Bella wiggled out of her jacket and approached the car while Jacob opened the hood. He tried to prop the hood up using the attached strut but the entire mechanism collapsed and broke.

"Damn it! Now we have to go back to the junkyard and get another hood strut."

"Calm down, Jake. We don't have to go today. Mr. Hinkley said we can come back anytime for parts because we worked so hard today."

"True, but it's just so annoying. If it's not one thing, it's another." He shook his head as he looked at the broken part and threw it on the ground. He needed to find something to keep the hood open. He spotted a stick with some feathers sticking out on one end. He shrugged his shoulders and grabbed it. It was the perfect size to prop up the hood.

Just as he had the stick perfectly angled, Bella gasped and reached for it. "Oh my God, Jake! You can't use that! That's the stick that Quil was supposed to take home to his grandfather last night. He must have forgotten it. It's an important tribal thingy."

"Who cares? No one is going to find out."

"Um, I care. It's probably super ancient. It has to be at least as old as our dads are."

"Yeah, and this old stick serves my purposes right now. It's a perfect substitute for the hood strut."

Bella tried to put on the sternest expression she could. "No, Jake, I won't let you!" She attempted to seize the stick.

"Aww, hell no! I got that thing propped up perfectly." Jake put his hand over hers so that she couldn't dislodge the stick.

"Stop it, Jake! I mean it!"

"No, you stop it!"

"I'm serious! This is like a really important stick!"

"I don't care!"

"Well, I do. You're just going to have to find..."

A sudden gust of wind blew open the garage doors. Jake and Bella both looked up, their hands still on the stick. At the same time, Paul Lahote was roused awake from his slumber in the back seat of the beat up Rabbit. He sat up and rubbed his eyes in time to see a cyclone barreling directly towards them. Before any of them could move, a loud crack of thunder sounded, and they were sucked up into the rotating column of air before landing with a thud—Rabbit, stick, and all—in the middle of the forest.

The three stunned teenagers stared wide-eyed at the scene around them. They had just survived a freak tornado. Or was it even a tornado? Everything seemed too calm, too peaceful. Quite honestly, all three of them should be dead, but they were more or less unruffled—at least physically.

"Maybe it's the calm before the storm," Bella stated what everyone was thinking out loud.

Bella and Jacob looked at each other before noticing Paul.

"What the hell are you doing in my car, Lahote?" Jake asked.

"I was sleeping, for your information!"

"In my car?"

"Yeah, in your car! I needed a place to bunk." He turned to Bella. "What in hell are you doing here, Vampire Girl?"

"V…V…Vampire Girl? Why would you call me that?" she wondered how this stranger found out about the Cullens and her doomed relationship with Edward.

Paul cursed under his breath for his faux pas, remembering that Jake still had no idea about the existence of vampires and wolves. In fact, Bella Swan probably didn't know about the existence of wolves. He knew she knew about vampires, though. "Um…cause you're so pale. You could use a tan."

"Oh, right, I guess that makes sense." Bella shifted uncomfortably on her feet before taking a sudden interest in her toes. It had been a great morning until the twister happened and before the reminder that she really was 'Vampire Girl' and that she couldn't tell anyone.

Paul stared quizzically at the startled girl in front of him. "Hey, are you okay?"

She nodded her head, but continued to morbidly stare down at her toes. It was amazing how quickly her entire countenance changed in a matter of seconds.

"Hey, I asked if you were okay?" Paul repeated. He had gotten out of the car to stand directly in front of her.

She lifted her head to look up at him, but then stopped. Her eyes and mouth flew open as she realized that the boy in front of her was stark naked.

"Bells, what's wrong?" Jacob asked, concerned about his friend. He followed her line of sight and saw that Paul was not wearing a single stitch of clothing. "Why the hell are you naked?"

"Obviously because I forgot my clothes at…at…" Paul scratched his head. "Damn it! I forgot her name!"

"Who?" Jake questioned.

"Bonehead, if I knew her name, I'd tell you."

"Yeah, but that still doesn't explain why you're naked in my car!"

"Maybe he's one of those perverts who like to go streaking," Bella suggested.

"I am not a streaker!"

"Then why are you naked?"

"Because I was running from a psycho dad who was firing his rifle at me just cause I decided to bunk in his daughter's room, that's why!"

"Oh my God!" Bella gasped. "You know, my dad is a cop. Maybe you should report it to him?"

"I know who your dad is, Bella Swan. And no, I'm not going to report it to him because he'll probably have me arrested."

"Why would he have you arrested? You were the one getting shot at."

"She's right, you know," Jacob agreed, nodding. "You should tell Chief Swan about the crazy dad."


"Did you just growl?" Bella asked Paul before turning to Jake, "Did you hear him? He growled like a tiger or something."

"Of course I growled. I was chased and shot at by a psychotic, gun-toting dude, I survived a tornado, landed in the middle of the forest, and I'm stuck with two of the weirdest geeks on the planet! Is Taha Aki ever going to give me a break?"

"Who is Taha Aki?"

"Some kind of Quileute god of some sort. The elders are always praying to him and stuff," Jacob told Bella.

"Taha Aki was not a god! He was a wol…"

"A what?" Bella asked Paul, who had suddenly snapped his mouth shut after realizing that he almost spilled the beans about the tribal secret.

"Nothing...just, let's get out of here. We should probably get back to the reservation."

"Good idea," Bella agreed. She dug her phone out of her pocket and tried to access the GPS. "Hey, my phone isn't working!"

"Duh, the tornado probably wiped out all the cell towers."

"That makes sense." She decided to shut it down in order to conserve power. "Alright, who knows which direction the reservation is?"

Paul looked around. He could usually sense where he was at, but this part of the forest seemed unfamiliar…yet it was still familiar at the same time. "Uh, let's just walk. I don't know where I am."

"We should make your house the first stop," Bella said. "You need to put some clothes on. I've never seen a p…p…penis before. Yours is the first one ever."

"You've never seen a penis? Didn't the vam…" Paul stopped himself again. "Haven't you ever had a boyfriend?" he asked instead.

"I did…once…twice. We didn't…we never…well, he and I…um… He broke up with me!" she blurted quickly.


"Why? Um…" Bella shifted nervously again. "I…I wasn't good enough for him."

"Why that little toe fungus! He told you that you weren't good enough for him?"

Bella nodded her head glumly and whispered, "I tried to change for him so he would like me more. I wore dresses and listened to classical music and everything."

"You never told me that, Bells." Jacob joined in the conversation. "What a creep!"

Meanwhile, Paul was growing more and more incensed. He didn't like hearing about how she had been treated by that Cullen monster. Why? He had no idea, but he simply didn't like it. "Yeah, no kidding. Listen to me, girl. If a guy ever tells you that you aren't good enough, then he isn't good enough for you—especially if you have to change your personality for him."

"Gee whiz, Lahote. I never knew you were so philosophical," Jacob commented.

Paul ignored Jake and asked Bella, "Did you like changing for him?"

Bella thought hard. Did she like changing for Edward? Did she like wearing all those dresses and makeup? Did she enjoy eating all of those gross, tasteless health foods? Did she even like all of those ridiculous gifts he and his family gave her? Did she like not being able to hang out with her friends or go to parties because he didn't approve?

"You know, my opinion is that if a guy asks you to change for him, it means he has a lot of changes to make himself."

It was after hearing that statement by Paul that Bella had a revelation. When she really thought hard about it, she didn't like Edward. Why? She couldn't be herself when she was with him. Edward Cullen made it clear that he found a lot of faults with her, which meant they shouldn't be together. And it wasn't that she was not good enough for him, it was that he had ridiculous, outdated standards from the early 20th century.

A smile formed on Bella's face as she turned to Paul. "No, I didn't like changing for Edward. Thank you for enlightening me." She paused for a second before asking, "So, your name is Lahote?"

"Lahote is my last name. My first name is Paul. Uh…we should get back to the reservation. Everyone is probably worried about us."

Bella and Jake both turned to Paul expectantly. He wasn't used to being put into a leadership role, most people thought he was a smart aleck destined to be a loser like his father, but apparently these two looked up to him for some strange reason. Well, he was a wolf with the job of protecting humans, so he supposed he'd have to take charge.

"Alright, does this clunker run?"

"Not yet, I was about to install a fuel pump before the twister happened," Jake informed him.

Paul let out a sigh. He looked up at the pair, whom—oddly—he liked, and pointed in the direction of what he hoped was the reservation. "Uh…this way."

"Don't forget Quil's grandpa's stick, Jake," Bella reminded him.

Jake grabbed the stick, which Paul recognized as Old Quil's medicine stick, which was used only for very exclusive ceremonies.

"What the hell are you doing with Old Quil's stick?"

"I was using it to prop up the hood of my car."

"Are you kidding me? Give me that!" Paul yanked the stick away from Jacob. "You'll be lucky if you escape this without a tribal reprimand. That thing is a super important artifact from Taha Aki's time."

"I told you it was," Bella told Jake smugly. "I tried to get him to stop fiddling with it before the twister hit."

"She's got a hell of a lot more brains than you do, Jake."

"Who is Taha Aki?" Bella asked.

Paul realized, at that moment, that he slipped. He looked around wildly before his eyes fell on Jake, who was telling Bella, "I don't know, but remember that story I told you about the Quileutes supposedly being descended from wolves and how the Cullens are our enemy clan?"

"Yeah, you mean the story you told me that time we were in La Push, ran into Sam Uley, and he was unbelievably rude and cryptic."

"Exactly. Anyway, I think Taha Aki is actually the original god who made the wolves."

"Ah, I understand. He must be like the wolf god." Bella nodded her head and when she saw Jake agree, she asked, "So, Jake, remember that story you told me about the Cullens hunting on your land and your great-grandfather making a treaty with them?"


"Tell me about this treaty."

"Uh…we really need to get going," Paul urged in an attempt to get them off of the topic. The pair followed him through the forest, but kept up with the conversation.

"Right, legend has it that the Cullens actually moved back to Forks since living here during my great-grandfather's time. My great-grandfather supposedly made a treaty with them, which states that they could hunt on the land provided they didn't enter La Push; otherwise, he would expose what they really were."

"You never told me what they really were, Jake."

"They called them cold ones, but they were really vampires," Jake answered. "Quileute legend says that the Cullens are really vampires."

Paul slapped Jake across the back of his head. "Dude, you're telling her tribal secrets! They're called secrets for a reason; the reason being they are secret!"

"Aw, Paul! Bells is okay. She can keep a secret."

"I can." Bella nodded, all the while thinking that the Quileute tribal legend may actually have some substance to it. After all, the Cullens really were vampires who returned to Forks since first moving to the area many decades ago. She took a deep calming breath and decided to secretly pray to this Taha Aki wolf god because maybe he would help to keep the Cullens away from her because, after her conversation with Paul, she had made a firm decision that she didn't want to have anything to do with them.