Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Title: Can't fight what I feel

Author: yami no hikari

E-mail: malik_and_bakura@most-wanted.com

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Romance/Drama, some humor ^_^

Warnings: shounen-ai, a/u, some ooc-ness (sorry), and mild language.

Pairing: Rei/Kai

Progress: one of eight.

A/N- This is my first Beyblade fic. I haven't seen all the episodes so I hope that the characters aren't too ooc. I apologize in advance if they are, but please bear in mind that some ooc-ness is to be expected as it is an a/u. ****Really a/u****, so nothing that happened in the series happened here. Reviews are great, constructive criticism always appreciated (especially in this case ^_^), and flamers shot down! Please remember that there is a difference between constructive criticism and a flame. Constructive criticism offers ways to fix the problem, flames help no one. Enjoy!

You may have seen this fic up here before, but *somehow* it got taken down, and *not* by me. As it fits all ff.net requirements, I sincerely doubt that it was by them. Anyway, as I have no proof that it was an account hacker (only two stories were erased) I'll put it down to a computer error for now. (24 beautiful reviews all lost! T-T ) The old chapters one and two have been combined into just one.

//song lyrics//- song is 'Mudshovel' by Staind, parts of lyrics used all the way through.
-Chapter one-

********** Rei **********

"Hey man! What's up?" Tyson shouted, overly exuberant voice echoing through the school yard. Rei froze, caught in the act of balancing his book bag precariously on one leg, as he shifted through the various things inside, in search of his class list. Tyson threw one arm around his startled friend's shoulders, causing Rei's things to fall to the ground with a muffled thump.

"It's so great to see you! How are you? This is going to be the best year ever! Don't you think? Well, see ya later!" Pulling away, he pounded him on the back energetically, knocking the air out of Rei's lungs, and took off again.

As soon as Tyson released him, Rei lost his balance, just managing to catch himself before he fell, staggering a step forward, with a small cry of, "Gah!" More a noise caused by abruptly being able to breathe again, then by any actual pre-planned wit.

"Are you all right?" Max asked, rushing forward to help him. His concern was questionable though, due to the amused smile that he was trying unsuccessfully to fight back.

"Yeah," Rei managed to gasp out. He sucked in another much needed breath of air, shooting a slightly dark look at the whirlwind of energy that was currently assaulting his next 'friend'.

Rei shook his head. "Who gave him sugar this early in the morning?" He asked, watching Tyson practically run Kenny down. Kenny stood there like a deer caught in the headlights, frozen against its impending doom. Recovering seconds before Tyson hit, Kenny half turned, putting both arms in a protective hug around his laptop, and bracing for impact.

Max followed his gaze and winced. "Poor Kenny."

Rei laughed, stooping down to gather back up his things, and Max kneeled to help him, stacking them in semi-orderly piles, just as the warning bell rang.

Rei quickly shoved what he could back into his bag, and hastily zipped it shut, then quickly scooped up the remaining papers, taking off for class with Max right beside him.

********** Kai **********

Kai Hiwatari sat stiffly in the chair beside his grandfather, and across from the principal. He glanced out the window, watching a ninth grade PE class play rugby, listening to the principal, (What was his name? Mr. Johansson? No matter.) And his grandfather talk about him as if he wasn't there.

"These grades are amazing! You must be so proud Mr. Hiwatari." Mr. Johansson was rambling on. He talked so much; it was amazing that he could breathe at all. Unnecessary unproductive words flowing constantly from his mouth, and buzzing in Kai's ears like angry bees. It was annoying. Kai cringed inwardly, not relishing being around the mindless idiots that the other students were sure to be, if this was their leader. Holding in a sigh, he shifted slightly in his chair, earning a dark look from his grandfather. Stilling, he reluctantly focused his gaze, and attention, on the Principal.

"....Kai shows amazing potential in so many areas! Why just look at these test scores!"

Kai watched in disdain as the man scanned the pile of papers eagerly like a kid in a candy store, folder cover rattling and papers making a slight crinkling sound as they were turned and flipped. He couldn't understand why his grades were such a big deal. Perhaps the other students found it a comfort to hear such rave reviews about all their work, but Kai just felt embarrassed. All this man's enthusiasm did was deepening his dread of the other students. How stupid would they have to be for the principal to make such a fuss over someone who wasn't?

But he was still talking...

"Perhaps, Kai would consider a position on the school's team? We're still looking for more members, and with talent such as Kai's, he should be able to win a spot, no problem."

Long hours spent training with his grandfather had left him with a 6th sense when it came to his moods. After all, those moods depended on whether or not he ate or slept until something was done to complete satisfaction, more often than not with no expectations or instruction given. Kai could feel smug satisfaction radiating off him, manifested by the slight upward tightening of the old man's lips, (completely different from the downward tightening that meant displeasure, or the twitch that meant duck or brace yourself),and the way his left shoulder moved a minuscule amount back. Grandfather was pleased, but his stoic expression never wavered.

"Perhaps. We will see." He said non-committal, giving the principal a small polite smile.

"Of course!" Mr. Johansson said, finally shifting the paper back into a neat pile, and placing it back in its folder.

"I assume, then, that my grandson's application has been accepted?"

"Well, we don't usually take new students this late the in the year, and there is a waiting list, but...." He hesitated, "all things considered I feel that we can make an exception just this once."

Kai felt both gazes suddenly on him, and looked back at the principal levelly, calmly. Inwardly panicking, and fighting down the trained impulse to calculate the distance to the nearest exit and if he could make it, he watched the soft pale flesh of the man's hand extend toward him like a snake. Forcing himself to grasp is, albeit for the least amount of time possible, long practiced skill kept his mask firmly in place, pushing the panic down.

Come on Kai. He inwardly berated himself, spitting his name in his head like a curse. It's a handshake. Grow up. You can deal with it.

Mr. Johansson was finished shaking his Grandfather's hand, and stood. Following his example, Kai and his Grandfather rose to their feet also.

"Mrs. Sawyer will help you with the rest of the transfer papers, and Kai's class list." Mr. Johansson gave Kai one last smile. "We hope you enjoy your time here! Welcome to St.Augustine's school for boys."

Kai felt like screaming.

//You take away I feel the same//

********* Rei **********

"Come on ladies! Let's pick it up! One more lap, then hit the showers!" Ms. Pierson's slightly harsh voice carried across the length of the field.

"Yes..drill...sergeant!" Tyson managed to pant out, whining while keeping a steady jog up. "One...more....lap....easy...for....her...to.....say!"

Kenny didn't reply; face red, trying doggedly to keep up with his long legged companions. Max beside him, slowing down his own pace to match Kenny's, to offer whatever support his presence could provide. Rei was in the lead, just ahead of Tyson, steadily heading toward the finish.

The day was clear and bright, although the air held a crispness that warned of the imminent arrival of fall. Rei inhaled a deeper breath of the fresh cool air, and shivered slightly in his PE uniform. It was a good thing they were running or he would be very cold right now. Still listening with half an ear to Tyson's bitter tirade against running, PE, and the entire education system in general, including a rather colorful speculation of what Ms. Pierson's personal habits probably were, Rei crossed the finishing line, stumbling a few more steps to slow down, before doubling over and panting, waiting for the others.

Tyson raced by him, coming to a halt a few feet away, and immediately flopping onto his back, placing one hand dramatically over his eyes. "I'm dying!"

Kenny crossed the finish line next, followed closely by Max, easily switching from his easy jog to a walk, then allowing himself to stop beside Rei, looking down on Tyson. Heaving a loud sigh, he stared at his friend with amused irritation, "Tyson, get up! The rest of us are tired too."

"Yeah, Tyson," Max said, "Only one more class and then lunch."

Tyson peaked over the side of his arm at them, before ignoring them again. "That's one whole class away! I'm too weak to go on now!"

"They're making hotdogs.." Rei said, in a last effort to tempt Tyson into coming with them willingly.

Tyson moved his arm, and watched them distrustfully, "Really?"

"Promise," Rei assured him. "Just one more class."

Tyson gave a huge sigh, and grumbling hauled himself to his feet. "Better not be steamed veggies again...."

********* Kai **********

Kai stood outside the door to his first class, waiting for the teacher to call him in. Forcing himself not to fidget, he waited patiently for her to introduce him. The principal had wanted to wait until tomorrow for him to begin classes, but his grandfather had been insistent. He had to begin immediately.

Kai tensed for a moment, before forcing himself to relax, when the door opened an inch. "Mr. Hiwatari, please come in."

Kai shifted his bag further up on his shoulder, and took a deep breath, before confidently entering the classroom. Glancing over the class, he stopped dead, face turning ashen. No! It can't be! Kai stared in horror at the boy sitting in the third row, face turned as he looked out the window. Glossy black hair shining in the late morning sun, as spiky and wild as it had always been. Suddenly the boy tensed, as if sensing he was being watched, and the world seemed to slow for Kai as that head turned, and the yellow eyes that he could never forget looked at him with mild interest. Kai closed his eyes for a moment, willing the pain to pass. You can't be here. You're dead.
********** Rei **********

Rei sat in his usual seat in the third row, absently playing with his pencil. He was finding it unusually hard to concentrate, as the cheery mid- day sunlight warmed his face, the teacher's monotonous voice a peaceful relaxing drone in the background, drawing the tension out of his muscles. Lazily he watched the leaves fluttering in hypnotic patterns outside the window, following one's journey to the ground with his eyes.

Pay attention! You're getting as bad as Tyson! Rei berated himself, shifting his weight slightly onto one hip, and bullying his mind into paying attention to what the teacher was talking about.

"...all they way from Russia! So I want everyone to do their best to make him feel welcome." Miss Myers was saying brightly, as she walked across the room toward the door. Apparently Rei had missed the student's official introduction. "Mr. Hiwatari, please come in."

Rei shifted his eyes to Tyson's seat off to the right of him, when Tyson coughed to get his attention. Rei raised an eyebrow, and nodded toward the door, and Tyson brought his hand up to his forehead, forefinger and thumb in an 'L' sign, and crossed his eyes.

Rei shook his head, and gave Tyson a slight disapproving look, as if to say 'don't be mean', before smiling slightly to take the harshness off of it.

Miss Myers opened the door, and turned around to give Tyson and Rei a warning stare. Rei quickly looked out the window again to hide his slightly guilty look, while Tyson's hand dropped nonchalantly, as if he had simply been scratching his nose, and he suddenly appeared the picture of innocence.

Rei heard the door open the rest of the way, the squeak Miss Myers kept meaning to tell the janitor about, the light click of boots on linoleum, then the expected whispers from his classmates.

"Look at his hair."

"Look at his clothes."

"Must not have gotten a uniform yet..."

"I think he's hot!"

"You would!"

Rei rolled his eyes at their banter, and then frowned as they went silent.

Something was wrong. He could feel it as an almost tangible substance clawing at him- sudden panic, but not his own. Turning cautiously he found himself staring into depthless red eyes. Fiery fathomless pools that he instinctively knew would consume him whole if he let them. His breath caught in his throat and a short eternity passed between the two, when, as abruptly as it had begun, it was over.

Rei fell back slightly in his seat, like a marionette whose strings had been cut, staring dazedly where the boy had been.

The class was whispering again.

"What's wrong with him?"

"...white as a ghost!"


"Class! Settle down! Everyone!" Reluctantly the class obeyed. "Now, I'm sure that it must be quite scary to start school in a whole new country."

Glancing anxiously at the door, as if that would bring him back, she dutifully picked up her lesson plan, and hastily started to copy the year's first assignment on the board. "Please open your books to page 114, and we'll see how much you remember from last year."

The class groaned loudly, the incident with the new student temporarily forgotten as some gave longing glances outside, some glared murderously at the clock as if it had betrayed them, and a select few, like Kenny, looked ecstatic.

"Questions 1 to 10 and the bonus question if you have time. Excuse me." Miss Myers quickly exited the room. Now that her responsibility to her class was fulfilled, she could start after the foreign escapee.

The second she closed the door behind her, excited babble broke out, and people moved closer to their friends.

Tyson immediately hopped up and dragged his chair over to Rei's desk. Kenny and Max soon followed.

"So what do you think is wrong with him?" Tyson asked, glancing with distaste at his textbook, before temporarily pushing it away in favor of talking.

"Probably exactly what the teacher said." Max replied, flipping through his binder for a clean page. "After all, he is a long way from home."

"What do you think, Rei?" Tyson asked trying to forestall the time until he absolutely had to do work.

"I think..." Rei began, raising his pencil, before quickly setting it down again, realizing that his hand was trembling, "....that if the lunch bell doesn't ring soon, I'm going to starve to death."

Tyson raised his eyes mournfully toward the clock, before raising both hands and waggling his fingers in a dramatic spell casting motion, "You will hurry up. You will hurry up."

"Just get to work, Tyson."

********** Kai ***********

Kai raced down the school hallway as if the devil himself was after him, with one thought on his mind, He's alive! He didn't stop running until he reached the street, then slowed to a rapid walk, trying to get as far away from the school as possible to sort out his thoughts.

Heart hammering, more from the sudden panic of seeing 'him' again than from the brief physical excursion, his breath slowly returning to normal, Kai's mind raced with all of the implications Rei's appearance had.

Smiling slightly, he then abruptly laughed aloud, briefly escaping everything, and startling a passerby. Rei had made it. He had beaten them all! He should have realized that it wasn't that easy to kill off Rei. Kai shook his head, smiling fondly.

He wandered down the streets, not really paying attention to where he was going, mind a million miles away from this small town.

(End Author Notes: the next few chapters will be what he is remembering, and they're what the highly a/u warning is for. The next five chapters or so will all be about the past, leading up to Kai's discovery that Rei is alive. To answer a reviewers comment, (would check who, but my precious reviews were deleted! T_T ) , "So, Kai knows Rei, but Rei doesn't know Kai. That's kind of confusing, but okay...." Rei didn't say that. In fact, he didn't say anything about Kai yet.)