(Professor Oak's Theme- Pokemon FireRed)

Our story begins once more in scenic Pallet Town, where we join our 'heroes' as they prepare to… I dunno. FIND OUT NOW, I guess.

All was peaceful and calm. The grass blew, the sun shone down, the birds sang, the Scout hurt people, all was as it should be. Nothing was going to ruin this beautiful day, as the narrator laid back in his chair, picking up his tea cup and taking a-

(Undertale- Megalovania)

"PROOOOFEEEESSSOOOOOORRRRRR!" the cry echoed through Pallet Town.

I can't get a break these days, can I.

Professor Thomas Oak turned his head towards the door of his lab, fearing the worst.

With a CRASH, the worst came in the form of a red-clothed boy. He barreled through the doors, sending them flying off their hinges and slamming into the ground, rolling repeatedly before flipping and smashing face-first on the ground.

With a long sigh, Professor Oak looked down, "Oh, hello, Redneck. What brings you to my lab?"

The boy in the red jacket sprung up like lightning, holding up his PokePhone, "Oak! You gotta have a look at this!" The researcher sighed, leaning in and taking a look….

"…What? Some sort of new Video Game?"

Redneck shook his head, "Not the banner ad! The Article!"

Oak rubbed his eyes, leaning in and taking a look again.

"…Professor Willow has created a new Pokedex designed for Kanto Pokemon?!" the elderly man exclaimed, before falling to his knees and screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THAT'S MY JOB!"

Indeed, the news was true! The Kalosian Professor, Thomas Willow, had created a Kantonian Pokedex! And this one was better than Oak's magnum opus, sporting motion controls, infrared cameras, and detachable-

"It's a Nintendo Switch, isn't it." Red deadpanned.

Okay, fine. But yeah, new Pokedex.

Oak clutched his head, "I'm ruined! RUINED! Now, people will want to order Pokedexes from him, not me! I'll become nothing more than a second rate scientist who occasionally tries to take over the world!"

"Wait, people actually buy this?" Red glanced down at his own Pokedex, shaking it gently. Several screws fell out, followed by the hinge breaking and the device ultimately exploding in his hands.

"I was on a budget! It was created in the 90s!" came the reply.

"… Didn't I get this in 2016…?" the protagonist muttered, slowly coming upon the realization that he was the owner of a 20-year old antiquated piece of-

(Megaman 5- Boss Theme)

"SHUT UP! The point is, he's going to get the money, and I'm NOT!" Oak began pacing, before pausing and opening a closet nearby. Inside was a freaking robot! It's chest was made out of a Pokemon healer, and a monitor from a PC with a Silph Scope attached on the front made up the robot's head. Each arm was built using Mega Rings for the joints, with a VS Seeker covering each hand like a gauntlet, save for his left arm, which had a Pokeball attached to the front with a hole on the front; some sort of arm cannon.

"Holy Keji Inafune, Batman! You… You built a robot?" Red raised an eyebrow. The professor shrugged, flicking a switch and starting up his newly created Robot Master. The eyes began to glow a bright red. It rotated its head to face Red, and a cold shiver shot down the trainer's spine.

"This is my ultimate creation; Poke-Man!" Oak declared, "He will find these new Pokedexes, and personally destroy them all to ruin him! Go! Poke-Man! Destroy Thomas Willow!" With those words, Oak let out a cackle. The Robot stepped forwards…

Before it randomly exploded into scrap metal.

Professor and Trainer stared at the debris for a few seconds, before exchanging glances.

Just then, another computer in the lab began to ring. The female computer voice™ spoke.

"You have a call from-Thomas Willow. *Dramatically deep voice* ~FLARE HUNTER~- Do you want to want to pick up?"

Oak growled, "Alexa, cancel the call."

"… I think you should take it." Came the reply. Redneck blinked, scratching his head.

"No, Alexa. I didn't give my well earned cash to Amaz-mon just to hear you question me!"

"I'm sorry." The voice replied, this time coming from the door of the lab, "I didn't quite understand that. Also, I'm standing right here."

The two Gen-Wonners turned around, and in their midst was a woman with oddly shaped brown hair in a red shirt standing by the door. In her hands was a package, and a small tablet hung by her side.

"Alexa Cameron, Lumiose Sun." the reporter greeted, placing the box on the floor, "Not usually my job, delivering packages like this, but hey, I owed the Flare Hunters." She turned to Professor Oak with a nod, "Professor Oak, I presume?"

"Ugh… Is it from Willow? He just wants to rub it in with the BS ball, doesn't he?" the researcher grumbled, walking over. Alexa shrugged, pulling out the tablet from her belt and holding it out before her. The screen turned on, and a fancy logo appeared on screen.

(Pokemon Go- Professor Willow's Theme)


"Hello, Oak!" Thomas Willow waved cheerfully, sitting at his desk, "As you may be aware, I've just released my new Kanto Pokedex! Now, naturally, I understand you might be slightly agitated by this…"

Oak's Robot sparked, before Red kicked it and it fizzled out. Oak muttered a swear word under his breath.

"However, I need YOUR help!" the man pointed at the screen.

"Wait, what?"

"Well, you see… The Pokedex… It hasn't actually been calibrated for Kanto's region properly yet." He scratched the back of his head, "I would travel around Kanto, placing markers at the correct locations, but… Well, I'm a little busy. Distress calls and whatnot."

Redneck scratched his crotch.

"Oak, you know Kanto like the back of your hand! I mean, you managed to catch 151 Pokemon at your age, so I need your aid to map out Kanto with the device in the box."

Oak froze up, hearing a shotgun cock and the metal barrels pressed up against the back of his head. Redneck rasped, "You… Sick… Jerk…"

"I've emailed several co-ordinates you need to travel to, and the device will automatically map each out. Of course, I need it to physically arrive at each location to map it out for the most accurate map, so that's up to you, Professor! Good luck!" the professor saluted, as the words 'MISSION START!' flashed across the screen.

The tablet flicked off. Alexa saluted, before turning to leave. She barely made it out of the doorway before a red beam of light sucked her into the air.

"Still haven't gotten used to this yeeeeettttt!" her cry echoed through the Kantonian skies, before silence reigned once more.

Redneck stared. Oak stared. Ash stared at Serena's Chest.

"… Redneck, you know what must be done, right?" Professor Oak tore open the new parcel, scooping up the devices within and regarding them with disdain, "We must interfere somehow. We must stop the progress of-"

"Ooh! Shin-NEE!" Red leapt for the Switch, scooping it up and clutching it close to his body. A small Poke-ball shaped remote fell out of the box as he did, and he scooped it up as well.

"Redneck, don't-" The professor stopped, rubbing his chin in thought, "Actually, take it with you. Maybe if you do what Willow said, you'll wreck the thing beyond repair. Genius idea, Oak, you should have thought of that earlier!"

"…Of course, me being the protagonist, you realize that I'll probably succeed." Redneck replied, as the device instantly charged up in his hands. He reached off-screen, producing a can of soda and taking a long sip. A REEEEEAAAALLLYYYY LONG

"Yeah, they know. I'm a Mary Sue." Red whispered aside. Okay, whatever you say, man. I just read the text in the reader's brain.

"…On second thoughts, can you pass that to-"


Prepare yourself, Kanto.



"Here we goooo! Yah-hoo!"

(Hotel Mario- Opening Cutscene)

Red proudly strode out of Pallet Town, rolling up his sleeves and adjusting his lucky underwear, "Nice of the Professor to invite me on an adventure, eh readers? I hope he made lots-a Spadinner!"

He paused, before peering around, "Speaking of which… Roll call!"

Several Pokeballs flew from his belt, and he proudly inspected each, "Come on out… CHAR!"

A Charizard wearing a magnificent fedora moonwalked before Red, spinning his hat and expertly tossing it into the air, before setting it on fire and replacing it on his head. This was none other than Red's own Starter, a Fire-Type with an odd personality quirk. He and Red had gone through thicc and shin, sharing their love of alcohol, heavy ordinance, overall stupidity and penchant for gratuitous violence!

Joining him was empty space, empty space II and a leaf. No, not Leaf, just a leaf.

Red stared, before realizing a note was attached to the bottom of the leaf.

"'IOU?!' "He incredulously gaped, "Wait, so Leaf took ALL my other Pokemon?! What the hell, sis!" Char let out a moan, realizing he would ultimately have to carry the team through the Kanto League. BY HIMSELF.


MY CAPS LOCK IS STU-Oh, there we go.

Red patted his Pokemon on the back, letting out a weak smile, "Don't worry, man. We'll get through this. Maximum effort, as they say."

The Charizard gave a weak grin, and proceeded to partake in a bromantic hug with Red.

The gunner grinned, pushing the dragon off him, "Alright, enough hugging. First things first: Obligatory preparation Montage!"

Cue the music.

(DEADPOOL RAP- TeamHeadKick)

"Firstly, if I'm starting a new series, I'm-a gonna need a redesign! This jacket is so 2K16!"



"Ugh, comin- Go?"

"Z, did you take my shirt by mistake?"

"I-uh-no…? No I didn't."

"Well, explain why when I came out of the shower, all my clothes were missing! I swear, if this is revenge for the duct-tape…"


"Go, there is a high chance Z is telling the truth. His Aura doesn't lie."

"Oh. Okay. I suppose I was being a little…um… irrational to assume you stole ALL my clothes. But still…"

Awkward silence.

"…Can I borrow yours?"

"D'oh, fine. Still, who DID steal your clothes?"

The Flare Hunters never noticed the boy in red screaming like a maniac leaping off the edge of the airship, clutching a wad of clothes tightly to his chest.

"Not to mention a new selling poi- I mean, Gameplay mechanic."


"Joey, did you steal all the scrolls about throwing Shurikens?"

"I would never, Gold-Sempai. My aim is top-notch!"

"Then who…"

"REDNECK! STOP USING THE SCANNER ON THOSE ANCIENT SCROLLS! I- What are you even using them for, anyway?"

"I can't aim for peanuts! I need training on how to throw mah balls!"


"CRAP HE FOUND ME RANGA BOI TAKE THESE ANCIENT SCROLLS WHOPWHOPWHOPWHOOPWHOOP!" Red screamed, running from the ninja base as shurikens began to fly after him.

"And finally, a new love interest!"

"… Forget that! There's only room for one person in my heart!"


"Ugh… Oh, Redneck. What brings you to my house?"

"Listen, I need you to put this on."



"Oh. Uh… You still game for an adventure around Kanto? It'll be fun!"

Yellow paused, taking the random blade of straw she was chewing out of her mouth, "Sure."

"ALRIGHTY!" Red posed like the poser he was!

(Mario Odyssey- You Got A Power Moon!)

One final scene transition later, Red stood atop a hill, grinning derpily. He now wore Go's jacket and a pair of matching shorts he found in the same cupboard, but his traditional red cap rested upon his head like always. Pokeballs made his backpack bulge- 297 of them, to be exact, earned from the equally random Poke-Stops which I GUESS exist in the Redneck AU now.

"I still don't get how all these new-fangled Poke-Stops appeared." Yellow commented, gently poking the blue circle in the centre and spinning it. A few seconds later, a sputtering sound came from the pole, spitting several Pokeballs and some money into her face.

"Oh, I can explain that! Flashback!"

"Wait, I don't think now's a goo-"

Scarce Seconds Earlier…

Red walked over to the random terminal under the rock, letting out a yawn. His new Pokedex blipped.

"Place the Sheikah Sla-I mean, the Pokedex onto the pedestal." An automated voice spoke.

Red rubbed his chin. Pedestal started with P. Pokedex also started with P. P+P= MONEY!

Excitedly, he quickly tapped the Pokedex onto the pedestal. It shone for a few seconds.

"Sheikah Slate- POKEDEX Authenticated. Please Watch For Falling Rocks."

A RUMBLING SOUND shook the earth, followed by a blue pole with a rotating cube on it popping out of the ground. As Red approached it, the rotating cube transformed into a Pokeball insignia with a spinning centre.

"Cool beans."

And all across Kanto, Pokestops appeared! In fire…

"WHOO, BURNING!" Koga cheered, setting a forest alight. A Pokestop suddenly popped up before him and he slammed into it, knocking himself unconscious.

In Water…

"Welcome to the 40th Kantonian Swimming Contest! This year, we have Kasumi the Water Flower racing against crowd favourite, SIDON! Our competitors are in perfect form today-"


"What's this? Sidon has been knocked out by a random pole popping out in the river! Ladies and Gentlemen, this is an unexpected occurrence that could not have been foreseen. On the bright side, the guys who bet on Kasumi are probably having a field day now."

Through Grass…

"I Like Shorts!"


"I Like Shorts!"


Even under that Girl's Skirt!

"Wait, what?"


"ROBLOX DEATH SOUND! Well, that was unexpected. Oh well, back to writing, I guess." the author grumbled, sitting back down to write.

Redneck beamed. He had done good.

"Still, what did they mean when they told me to watch out for falling-"

Red barely looked up before Dwayne Johnson landed on top of him.


"What was that last one?" Yellow questioned, adjusting her ever-present straw hat.

"Nothing. Shall we get moving?"

The Manga Trainer nodded, "Okay."

This is just the beginning of the amazing adventures of Redneck and Yellow. Their jourmey is destined to be packed with non-stop action, millions of laughs, heart-pounding perils, and endless excitement. Together they'll encounter fantastic friends, evil enemies, And meet creatures beyond their wildest imagination. And as their story unfolds, we'll unlock the magic and mystery of a most wonderous place: The incredible World of Pokemon!


"No, you know what, this won't do." Red grunted after a few seconds of waiting off-screen, "I mean, we already did a Kanto Parody, and one is enough for now!"

"B-But what about the new game?" Yellow questioned, scratching her nose, "I mean, you need to parody it somehow, right?"

"I know. That's why we're going to do something time-saving, amazing and swift." Red crouched in a runner's pose, "We're going to speedrun this. That way, there's no way it will be left hanging for a whole year!"


"Wait, speedrun?"




(Team America- Montage)

In a cloud of dust, Red sped off, pulling Yellow along swiftly ON THE ROAD TO

Viridian City

"PACKAGE GIVE!" Red screamed at the guy in the Pokemart, making him drop the box in fright. Red then promptly threw it across the entirety of Route one, where it neatly landed on Professor Oak's desk, falling open to reveal the BS Ball.

Redneck held a hand to his ear, listening to the screams of anguish, before grinning, kicking aside an old dude and running into

Viridian Forest

Red rapped repeatedly on the door of Yellow's house, Pokeball in hand. Yellow blinked, "Wait, I'm right here. Red, how are we even supposed to do this?"

All of a sudden, the door swung open, revealing Yellow standing there, "I did not do it, it did not hit her, that's bowlshcit, I did nawt-Oh hai Red. Oh, and Yellow too."

The Psychic Manga Trainer travelling with Red dropped her jaw on the ground.


After punching Yellow's BUTTerfree (Tee hee) in the face multiple times, Charizard and Red ran off into the woods, spamming Pokeballs around them while cursing at the fact the motion controls didn't suit them. I mean, seriously. Why does everybody keep hating on motion controls?

Back on topic, Red caught a Pikachu who he promptly named Light Yagami, before Char slapped him and he renamed to Captain McThunderoos before ploughing through several more trees and arriving at

Pewter City

Red and Yellow stood in the museum, admiring the fine art and the rocket ships & Knuckles. After getting punched in the face by Knuckles, Red and Yellow took the initiative to flee to Brock's Gym.

"I HATH ARRIVED TO SLAY THEE!" spoketh Reddit-cus!

"About that. I'm on vacation right now, so all my Pokemon are at the breeding house." Brock replied, flipping through his ever-present book of attractive females. Red paused, rubbing his chin.

"I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DANCE OFF!" Red finally declared, as 'anime music' began to play in the background.

(We- Actually, translate this for yourself! XD)

Orera saikou! Hai!
Orera saikou!

"IT ON, BYOTCH!" Brock declared, as a disco ball folded from the ceiling and the floor began to flash with light. 'Light-Years' Guy perked up, pulling out a microphone and singing along with a perfect soprano.

Saa, omaera yoku kike!

Aku no jugyou wo hajimeru zo,
Rekishi ni na wo nokosou!
Saikou no akutou mezasu nara,
jama na suupaa hiiroo tsukamaenakya!

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" Yellow finally screamed, letting a rare swear word leave her lips for once. The trainers in the room were dropping some deadly moves, but only one could be… NUMBER ONE!

Kosokoso to tsuite koi,
Mono-oto tatezu ni!

AAA DAME! Sawaru na!

One spectacular dance off later, Brock conceded the Boulder Badge to Red, who steeled himself for

Mount Moon (That can be seen as an order or a location.)

(Church of the Helix Fossil- Praise the Helix!)

"HAAAAAILLLL THE HOLLLL-LEEEEEEE HEEEEEELLLIIIXXXXX!" Red declared, holding the stone high above his head. A heavenly light shone down upon him, guiding him through the caves. Team Rocket grunts panicked and fled at the sight of the religious relic, the rocks parting before Red as he marched past. No Zubat dare assail him, for fear of invoking the wrath of the spiral one!

Yellow stared, "I still think the religion is ridi-"


Meanwhile, the Helix floated before our hero, speaking to him with his echoing voice.

'You have done well to transport me to the edge of the cave. However, I must go, for the False Prophet lays ahead on your road of justice. As such, I bestow unto you the Amulet of Anarchy.' It spoke, bestowing a golden power upon Redneck, 'He is rage… Brutal, without fear. But you… You will be worse.'

'Rip and tear, until it is done.'

With those words, the helix rose into the clear skies above to the awe of all present.

Red looked down at his new shiny, before grinning stupidly, "Cool! Hey, Yellow, you coming?"

The bloodied, mangled mess that was the psychic dragged herself before Red, "I… Want… to die…"

With those words of wisdom, Red smashed a wall and arrived at

Cerulean City

(Ween- Ocean Man)

"SUPA AMAZING HACKING SKILZ ACTIVATE!" Red screamed, typing several keys in on Bill's Cell separator. A few clunks later, Bill came out the other end.

"Why did you add stubble? Though I like the pecs." He commented on his appearance.

"Two words; Ben Affleck." Came the reply. The Zubatmobile lowered from the ceiling at those words, much to Red's excitement.

Bill stared.

"Please leave."

Red proceeded to do just that, cross the bridge, get salty that McDittos didn't have any more McNuggets, and leave to go to Hungry Jackie's.

MEANWHILE, Yellow was fighting Misty!... I think?

"BUGBUGBUGBUGBUGBUGBUGBUG BUUUGGGGGGGGZ!" the Gym Leader screamed as the Viridian Girl entered the gym. Yellow looked around.

"I only have my Pikachu on me. Why do you think there are bugs here?"

"I SMELL BUG ON YOU! IT IS A VILE AND PUTRID SCENT! VACATE MY IMMEDIATE VINCINITY IMMEDIATELY!" Misty cried, throwing her badge at Yellow in an attempt to get her away.

"Gee, thanks." The blonde grumbled, meeting up with Red on their way to

Vermillion City

(Metal Gear Solid- Encounter)

"The one who wins this fight shall inherit the title of 'Boss'. The one who inherits the title of Boss faces an existence of endless battle." Lt Surge spoke, facing down Redneck, "You're a soldier. Prove your loyalty! Finish your mission!"


One epic fistfight full of long, dramatic speeches, calling your opponent's name repeatedly, heroic sacrifices, 'YOURE PRETTY GOOD's and 'I CAN'T DO IT ITS NO GOOD's later, Red triumphed over the soldier.

"REEEEEDDDD! IT'S NOT OVER YET!" the Gym Leader suddenly screamed, slowly limping at the Trainer with an assault rifle…

(Metal Gear Solid- Mantis's Hymm)

Suddenly, he lurched, as an ominous music track swelled. He lunged for Red, arms barely reaching, before letting out a scream of, "FOOOOOOOXXXXXSSSSS-"

With an anticlimactic thud, he fell.

"-die." Redneck finished, turning to leave.

(Metal Gear Solid 3-Takin' On the Shagohod)

Yellow sped off the bridge of the S.S. Anne just as it left, clutching the disk in her hands and riding on a dirtbike, looking over her shoulder worriedly, "Get on! Hurry!" Red stared, before climbing onto the back of the bike.

A roar, as a gigantic tank smashed through the side of the ship, chasing after our two heroes.

"YELLOW! IT IS NOT OVER YET!" came a booming voice from the tank, "THERE IS NO ESCAPE!"

Red looked, wide-eyed, at the psychic, "HOW DID YOU PISS A GUY LIKE THAT OFF?!"


Several rocket-launcher blasts, blowing up a bridge and several other buildings in the town in the process, Red finally managed to kill the guy. After Yellow accidentally impaled herself on a tree branch, the two decided it would be a good time to make swift tracks to


(Pokemon Anime- Route 1 theme)

Red and Yellow sat on a bench, tossing some birdseed onto the path before them. Several Pidgeys flew down to feed on the food.

"So… How's life?" Yellow asked Red at last.

"Good. I've been traveling around, meeting people, fighting them, getting my ass kicked, the usual." Red replied, placing a hand over Yellow's shoulder, "And you?"

"Not much. I did once run into this guy, though. How's Leaf?"

"Oh, her sniper job? I heard she quit a few days ago and is right now in that crossover fighting thing! I wonder how she's faring?"


Leaf began to scream in terror, as Ivysaur dodged repeated strikes from their opponent's sword, only to get blown up by a glowing blue hard-light bomb, "ED, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!"

Trainer Ed, watching from the sidelines, popped another piece of popcorn into his mouth, "Just keep spamming, I guess. Always worked for me."

Leaf stared, before getting splattered in the face by a humanoid squid wielding a watergun. Her eye twitched.

"I WANT MY GUNS BAAAAAACK!" the girl sobbed, leaping off the edge of the stage.

"Eh, knowing her, she's kicking ass like she always is."


A few seconds passed. A jogger ran by, whistling. The two protagonists stared blankly at each other.

"Should we get moving?"


Transition to

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(҉̫͙͚̮͖͚̹̬̘̬̙̩͍͎͞L̵̡̩̰̗̩͙̟̹͉̬̠̺̟̯ͅa̷͏̨̪͎͈̟̯̲̦̺̤̭͕̞v̴̨͈̯̲̼ę̨̞͚̹͓̬̼n̴̵̙̰̠͈̫͝͡d҉̸̢̧̝̹͙͓͖͖̼̟̠͍̯͇̞͚̜͈͎̀ͅe̷҉̣̺͚̖͖͇̯͈̘̜̝̕r̶̸̷̤̱̮̩̫̼͍̩̘͚̦̟̻͉͢ ̥̙͉̻͉̱͕̖̠̜͝͡Ţ̶̭̻̗̘̦͉̬͙̬̦̯͉̜̙͍͢o͝͏̷̦̟̲̭̻̺̼̠̙͘ͅw̸̛̮͇̺̝̭͇͘͝ǹ͜҉҉̘̱̪͈͇͉̯͉-̢̧̡͕͓͉͖̦̲̣͉̪͕͉̰́͜ ̴͇͈̺̩͝1͏̺̖̙͚̗̲ͅ9̧̛͏͚̹͓̬9̵̫̹̫̹̰̣̯̺̮͚̼̙̳̙̦̱̼̠̕ͅ6͏̼̹̰ͅ)̴̢̤͚͙̝̩̥̟͓̀ͅͅ

The tower of spirits lay silent, as ethereal glows surrounded our protagonist. Yellow shuddered, standing behind Red, "R-Red? I-I don't like this place… It's overflowing with negative psychic energy…"

Red yawned, scratching his butt, "Oh, that thing? Yeah. Ignore it."

"A-AH! WHAT ABOUT THAT INVISIBLE HAND?!" the girl shrieked, pointing out the transparent limb on her partner's shoulder.

"Yellow, the Invisible Hand is an economic theory created by Adam Smith with regards to income distribution." Came the nonchalant reply, "It is used to describe the notion in classical economics that an individual's efforts to pursue one's own interests may have a far greater benefit to society in relation to the individual working with society's interests in mind. In this case…"

The psychic's jaw fell open, before she began to quiver in fear, "W-Wait. Red using words larger than 'Elephant'?! I-Income distribution?!"

"... oremoR nhoJ ,em taefed tsum uoy ,emag eht taeb ot redro nI" Red hissed, his head beginning to rotate 180 degrees to face Yellow, ".ol iel ul iel aL .ol iel ul iel aL"

A high-pitched scream, followed by lightning striking the tower and the story slowly beginning to ̻̖̖͍̜̝̯b̦̙͉re̥a̗͉̦̞̗ͅͅk͓͇ ạ̱̱͖p̮͍̯̠a̰̜r̬͕ț̩ ̜̝̯͖̪a͕̝̳̯̗̤t̟̬͉̝͓̬̼ ͈̺̫͇̣̳̺i͓͍̰̳t̖s͈͍͈̩ ̫͈̣v̝͍e̤̹͉̟̲̘̝ry̹ ͉s͍̙̠͉̬̲͙e̬̻a̜m̖͎͓̜̩s̻̮͍̣ ̫t̪̬̹̪e̳a̰̫͈̯̬r̲̤̖i̳̜̬͇̼͓n̤̩̖̩g͓̞̼͈͓̺ ̲i͇͔̝̜n̯̭̥̥t̝o̭̯̤͚ š̲̬͈̮̲o̘m̋̊̂ͪe̴̙͍t͎̯̭̹̱̄ͭͯ͝h̢͚͍̹̥̏̓̽̈́͗ͅi̦̤͉̜͓͎̇̾̉̓̈̈́̓n̷͖̳͕͛̓̒̀ͮg͕̈́́͞ t̲̹̯̔ͯͅw̜̝̬͚͙̲ͨ̐̄̓͊i̖͉͉̿͜s̴̽͑̓ͣ̿t̻̠̼̩̤ͯ̓̄ͤ̓ä̙̥́͂s̞͇̹̻̠̓ͯ̒d̯̥͇͑̐ͭ͂̓ͯ ͐̽̐͏a͒̽̏̊̽ͤ͏̹s̓̄̓̇dn̔͏̝̜̹̺͚̻͎s̪͔̱̥͈̺̮̕ả̢͎̙̜ ͈̦̤̩i̞͓̹̹͈̤ͩn̷̖̣ ̡̲ͯ͂͊̒͊͌̊c͓̖̖̉ͭͣͩ͂ͬ͠ͅh̪̥͎̻́̾̓̈́̋̑o̢̲̖͎̜͔͓̪̍̾ͭ̏͂́̓m͍̌ͣp͎͓̔͆͆̿̎r̸͕̰ͤͦ̍i̩̺̮͚͙̙ͧ̚͘e͓͚̟̥͈͍̗ͯ̈̃͒̚͠n̎͆̇҉̬s̞͓̓ͮ͂ỉ͙͊ͦ̊͐̐ͮ̀c̦̦̱͎̳̝͌̇͐͘b͔͈̫̦̣͙ͩͦ̑ͮͧ̾l̑ͩ͏ͅe͉̫̗͇̾̐ͩ̈́

!̪̹̗̲̙̰̮̮̲́ͫ͑ͪ͐͜l̶̯̦̈ṭ̛͕̟̗̺͚̜ͣ͠͡ǫ̛̈́̋̏͒͏͍̳l̶̜͈ͭ̉ȏ̷͔̥̣͕̖̞͉x̙͎ͫͮ͝͞A͔͍͓̼͇ͥ̚͞ ̡̛̦͎̩̺͈̮̮ͯ͌͑̐ͦ̆̾͛ͤ6̨̄ͣͥ̍ͩ̇̒̃͢͏̰͉͖̯̤̗̙̙̺3̢̬̙̙̖̟ͬ͑ͤ̍̾ͥ0̧͖̑̇̓́2͒̈͋ͩ̈̐͗͏̷̪̖̝͕͔͘ ̷̮̙̖ͨ̋Ļ̩͍̝̘͔̦̦͕̀ͥͤ̓͑͠A̘͚͍̜̖̫̞ͫ́͜E̵͚͓̽͛͗Ṙ͓̓̄̈̇͗́̕ ̸̨͖͕̘̙͈̲ͮ̓ͣ̑̊ͬͪ́̔͠S̗̯̺̃̾͜͡I̜̠̘̥̬͙̼̗ͦ͝ ̪̜̹̥̗̹̖͍͛ͧ̾̍̅̓G̸̶̘̩̞̩͐̒ͫ̊̽̊͆ͮͅ

̷̠̼͍̘̞͎̤̔M͔̱̪͖̠͚͉̾̂́͠N̸̼͈̭͕̣̣̰̞͑͆͛̈́͒͝Ṫ͍̟͓̞̪̅͆͢͠L̡̲̠̟͔̠̝̰ͯ̄ͩ̈̃̈͠P̢̣̤̗͗̍̒̍͑̑ ̙͎̯̏ͨ͠N̴̙̤̟̜̰͖̮͍ͦͦ̆͐͠W̼̤͈̣̙̺̮̩ͬ̋̿̋͒̇ͫ̕ͅD̯̪̫͆͆́͠͞ͅ ̝̲͚̙̠̍̀T̛̠̱̝̹̦̭͍̃͑͛Ľ̮̭͕̥̍ͥ̍̈́ͯ͝D̶̷̼͎̗̱̲͓͐͊͛̃͌͜

R̷̲͈̯̥̬̎̑ͫ̃̄͟͝I̴͚̤̥̫̹̝̤̞̋̋̏̋̉͆͢P̲͔̗̳̝̠̾ͪ̉̆͛ͣ̇ͨ́͝ ̈̂҉̷̞̤̙͎͚̱͔̦A̴̬̰̙͓̻̋ͯ̎ͯ̊̈̚ͅN̩̦̳̊̎ͧ͂͛̈ͬͪD̢̼̤̺̗̩̱̻ͦͯͧ͐̄́͛̾ ̷̛̯͍͚͆̏̾̑̓̃ͬT̜͖͓̰͚̈́͆ͨ̒͡ͅȆ̞͊́͒͒̍ͮ̔͜͞A̴̵̵̤̳ͭ̂͌ͮ̇ͩ͛R̷͙̆́̏̿ͥ!̢̝̘̱̘̲̾̋͊̈́͒͑́̒ ̸̺̘͉̖͖̟̳̥ͧ̀̂ͧ͟R̷̞͍̠̜̔́̇̇́̕Ị̠̻̹͖̙͕̗͒ͣ͘͜P̸̯̤͕̲̤͌̈́̿̒̇͟͞ ̛̩͔̠̭͇̣̙͚ͮ͡Ả̧̨̝̦̭̳͉͇̯̊̀͋ͅN̦̳̗̼̺̳̑ͨ̒ͣ̋̀D̥̦̃̈́̆ͦ̊̎ͤ͞ ̬̝͙͇͉̻̱͈̾͗͐͛͗͘͡T̫͕̠̤ͫ͞Ê̯̆̿͛A̡̩ͤ̈̈̈ͥ̾̾R͙̮̬̭͎̱̭̜̈́̐́ͤ͋!̴̛̰͙̘̖̯̲̱͇̹ͭ̇ͭͯ ͒ͯ̈ͨ̎͌̂ͩ҉̢ͅȒ̷̤̥͕͐ͤͬ̚͟I̟͖͌̆ͯ̀̍̊̎P̖̟͚̋͋ͥ̀͟͝ ̢̺̖̟̳͔̮̬̟͂ͬ̑Aͨ͒̎̆ͦ͝͡҉͈̤̘͎N̜͓̞̤̼͍̥ͯͪ̊̀̏D̷͙̥̺̞͍̖̝͑͗̈́͋̎́̇ ̼̬̩̮͍̲ͩͣͫT͙͇̩͙̥͚͙͇̙͊̉̔̃͛̆̈́͋̀͝͠E̴̊̐͒̀̆̔́͛ͩ͏̙͔̳̰Ā̙͓̥̬͉̪̹͎ͧ͛̃ͨͩͨȒ̥̮̟̣̈̈́ͥͤͩ͐͘ ̩̙͔̳̀ͫY̩̰̘̜͈̩̼̓̅̕O̭̥̗͔͕̹̱̰͙̿́̊͐̚U̲͔͎̓͌͆͐͒͋ͮͪ͡R͙̞͎̮ͪ̃̎ͬ ̳͉̭̹̣̈́ͮ̍́ͣͬ̆́̚͜Ģ̸͇̦̼̻͓͕̗͇̏̿ͥ͐̑̐̎̍U̧̡̱͔̹̱̻͗̆̈́̋̍͂̊̀Ț̘̬͈͍̪̐ͬ̃̓̆͘S͔͓̠͙̹̋̓̒͜!͑ͬ͡҉̥̱͔̻̙̻

Y̊ͣ́O̊̔̏ͩͬŮ̴̍ͬͨ̀'͑͟R̵ͥ͆͊Eͬ͑̈ͫ̈́͘ ̷̍͋̌̆̚Hͫ͛ͮ͂ͤ͌͊U͒͌G̓̂̌͋ͬ͛҉E͛̈́ͨ̚!̴ ͭT̵̈ͩH̃̄̌̿̽̍Ã̊̍͐T̵ ̨̔̃͛̽̎̔M͌E̊ͨ̾ͬͣ͆́À͆͐̓́N͘Sͤ Yͧ̀O̔ͦ̾̽ͣ̚͠Uͩ̈́ͨ̂̂̃̚ ͞H̀́͢À̧͒̂ͫV̀͊̏Ěͤͥ͒̎͞ ̛H̴̽̔UĠͬ̑̓̓E̾ͩ ͤ͂Ǧ͂̈́Ȕ̓̓̇͢TSͧ̏ͪ!̇
ͭ̎͐͝R̛̋E͐̉S̶ͬͪ̅T̎ͪͯͮ̏͌̂͞AB̨̿͋ͪ̆ͥ̈́͊IL̍̓͑̀͗͗ͩÌ̑Z͛İ̵̾ͪ͛̊̃ͯN̾ͬ̉̆̀̽G̉̐̌̑͒ͣ̑ ̓̍̐P̛̿͆͛Ľ̒̽̇ͩOT͌ͧ͜




Celadon City

"REDNECK! F**K YEAH! DA DAAO DAAO DADADA DANADA NAAAOOOOO!" Our 'hero' sang, performing some epic air guitar as he ran into the Gym. The females in the Gym stared.

"Oh, right. The sexual discrimination." Red muffled, face-first in the dirt outside the gym. Yellow sighed, rolling her eyes and walking into the Gym.

As our lovable psychic approached the center, she smelt something out of order.

"Burning… Nature?! OH NO!" she yelped, dashing around the corner to find-

Erika sitting in the middle, smoking a blunt. She looked up at Yellow, clearly as high as a kite, "Hii. You asn-nwnanna blunnth tho?"

The nature-loving girl's eye twitched.

MEANWHILE, Red was under the Rocket Casino, politely telling the Rocket Grunts in the base beneath to kindly vacate the facility.

(Shadow the Edgehog- EGGMAN Remix)

"KILL ELIMINATE DESTROY EXPLOSION GUNS BFG BLAST TO THE FACE WITH AN ORDER OF FRIES AND- Oh, a Lapras. SHOVE!-BLAST KILLERADICATELIMINATE." Redneck robotically barked, shooting everything in sight. His Charizard followed, backing him up by setting anything that COULD be set on fire ablaze.

Politeness wasn't exactly Red's forte.

He kicked down a final pair of doors. "SCNOO-PINGAS USUAL, I SEE!" Giovanni declared, "GET A LOAD OF THIS!"

Several punches later, the terrorist leader fell.

"NO WAY, I CAN'T BEELIEVE THIS!" the man declared in an overly hammy fashion. Red spun, posing.

"YOU COULDN'T DEFEAT THE TRUE SUPA-POWA OF FRIENDSHIP! WE'RE REDNECK HEROES!" our protagonist declared, before coughing, "Okay, can we stop yelling now?"

"NO!" Giovanni barked in the most Robotnik-like manner possible, before turning to leave in his Rocket-Mobile, "YOSH!"

When Red came back up again, things made even less sense.


"YOU CRAZY, GIRL! YOU CRAZY!" Erika screamed, trying to get up from the girl's furious assault.

Redneck looked at the scene unfolding before him, unsure as to how to react. Then, it struck him. The deed that must be done. The promise he had made several scene changes back.

(Church of the Helix Fossil- Godslayers)

The doors of the roof area of Celadon Department Store smashed open, as Red pulled out the Amulet of Anarchy. A man standing on the roof holding an Eevee jumped, edging away.

"FALSE PROPHET! YOUR MEMES END HERE!" Red declared. The False Prophet leapt forwards, glowing with an unholy energy.


Red didn't falter at all, swinging forwards and smacking the amulet of Anarchy over the Eevee's neck. It began to writhe, spinning in the air. The sacred sealing power of the Amulet shone bright, as the false prophet let out a final cry, "NO! N-NOT INTO THE PITTT! IT BUUURRRNNNSSSSS-ABAAAABSELECT AN ITEM OR OBJECT CAN BE ASSIGNED TO THE SELECT BUTTON FOR EASIER USE ABA START DOWN DOWN DOWN SAVING AJ SAVED THE GAME ABABABA…"


Red wiped the unclean remains of the vile beast from his jacket, "IT HAS BEEN DONE! JUSTICE IS SERVED WITH A SIDE OF ASSKICKING!"

Yellow walked up, a very, VERY regretful Erika in tow, "Shall we move?"

"Yes. Let's." Red spoke, feeling very accomplished. The two then made their way to

Saffron City

We now join Mr Giovanni Testa Di Cazzo as he attempts to convince Mr Gene Eric, the CEO of Silph co, into a mutualistic trade agreement with his corporation. He has just finished explaining the opportunity costs involved with said merger, and is now describing the consequences of choosing a homogenous course of action. I am brushing up on my Economics!


"Sir, withdrawals are over there." The man replied, pointing at an ATM behind Giovanni.


(PACIFIC RIM- Title Theme)

Luckily, at that moment, Red kicked open the doors of the base with a heroic cry of, "OBJECTION!" Flinging his finger forwards, Charizard followed, lowering his head and letting it rip with BEYBLADES OF PURE FIAAARRRR!

Or, you know, just regular fireballs. I need my glasses.

Giovanni blocked the attack, "RED! HOW DARE YOU INTERUPPT THIS IMPORTANT TRANSACTION OF GOODS AND SERVICES!" Red ignored Giovanni's cry, proceeding to set the area on fire and burning down the entirety of Gene Eric's office. Having enough of this, Giovanni charged Red, fists raised.

And so began the most epic CQC battle in the series. Too bad we're looking at Yellow now, eh?

(Star Wars- Duel of the Fates)

Chu Chu dodged another psychic toss by Kadabra, before being flung back towards Yellow and ramming her into a wall. Sabrina let out a loud laugh, "Is this truly the strength of the psychic I've heard so much about?! You're a mere child!"

"I possess more power than you can ever imagine!" Sabrina hissed, raising up Yellow and pushing her back into a wall with her telekinesis. The farmer, quite annoyed by this Gym Leader, tapped into her own telekinesis with a wave of her hand.

Her eyes lit up a bright golden, as a thunderbolt of green psychic energy shot from her hands.

A green psychic energy beam shot back along the lavender ray that was holding Yellow down, pushing it back slowly and surely. Sabrina gasped, never having encountered such a challenger prior. She struggled against the natural-born psychic, her honed and trained skills useless against the young mage. Yellow never spoke a word, simply holding out a hand before her and only wincing once or twice as she pushed back the lavender psychic energy coming forth from the Gym Leader.

"You…!" She choked, losing focus for the briefest of milliseconds.

It was enough. Green psychic energy blasted through, knocking the girl to the ground. Yellow walked around in front of her.

"Our difference wasn't our power; it was how we used it." The Viridian girl commented with a smirk later, receiving the badge from the Psychic Gym Leader when asked for the method by which she defeated the powerful psychic, before turning to leave, "You may be a part of this council. But at this rate, you'll never be one of us."

The Gym Leader coughed again, as the blonde was walking away, glowing with a strange energy.

'W-Who is this girl…?!' she coughed weakly, taking a final glance at the mage.

(Naruto Shippuden OP 16- Silhouette)

As Yellow walked outside, it was her turn to be confused at the happenings around her.

"THIS IS TO GO FUUURTHER BEYOND!" Giovanni roared, floating into the air and gaining a golden aura, his toupee shining gold and becoming messy anime hair. Red let out a gasp, "GENE! What does the Scouter say about his Power Level?!"

"IT'S OVER 8000!" the CEO screamed, smashing the device in one hand! Red let out a hiss, before performing a pose, "You're pretty good, but you can you figure out which one of these is me?!"

Several shadow clones appeared around the Redneck, each flipping off the Super Saiyan terrorist before charging forwards and pulling out shotguns.

"EARTH LASER!" Giovanni yelled, as several glowing Pokeballs floated around him, charging up a gigantic laser beam, and firing it down at Red, who had pulled out a small yellow medallion.

"FOR LOVE, JUSTICE, AND A PARTNER FOR CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!" Red declared, placing two hands on the crude medallion, "SONICHU REDNECK!"

He transformed into a red Sonichu, his scarlet quills shining in the morning sun. His fur was red, except for the ammunition bandolier strapped over his chest and the gloves on his wrists, which were black. His hat remained on his head, as he drew his fists back.

"CURSE-YE-HA-MEEEEEEE…. HAAAAA!" Red screamed, firing a red version of the attack!

"ONE PUUUUNNNNCCCHHH!" Giovanni roared, speeding forwards, his fist before him.

"HEY-O! DON'T GIVE IT UP, LUFFY!" Mr Gene Eric declared, now wearing a straw hat and his fist shooting out like he was made out of some sort of gum or rubber!


(Needle Scratches Record)

"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY DOING THIS?!" Yellow finally screamed, getting the attention of the fighters.

"Oh, uh, yeah." Red and Giovanni muttered in agreement, putting away their controllers and turning off their TV, "Sorry, uh… What were we doing again?"

After spanking Giovanni and telling him to go home to his mommy, Red received a Master Ball and a boxset of… the 4Kids Dub of One Piece! AND SAILOR MOON! NA NIIII?!

"I love these Japanimes! Go safely on your travels, Sempai and Oji-Chan!" the man grinned, making Yellow's eye twitch several times.

Red only just managed to drag Yellow away a safe distance away before she could write on her Death Note. The Viridian Girl settled, instead, on disposing of the box-sets appropriately with COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF FIRE, before happily skipping towards


(Do You Believe in Magic- The Lovin' Spoonful)

Red pulled out his candy jar, tossing several snacks to Char, Chu Chu and Captain McThunderoos, before tossing a single candy in his mouth and chewing on it. Yellow let out a hiss, quickly pulling away Chu Chu's piece before she could eat it, "WHAT ARE YOU FEEDING MY BABY?!"

"This? Oh, just some candy." Red replied, looking confused at his companion, "Have you never seen a candy before?"

"No no no. It's just… I really don't believe in using Candy to improve Pokemon." The farmer sighed, glaring at the treats inside of the gunner's jar, "I mean, it's not organic. It's artificially produced in labs, and I don't like the idea of that sort of thing influencing my Pokemon's bodies. Plus, what if they get addicted? The costs of buying large amounts of candy and potentially Diabetes treatments in future far outweigh the short-term benefits."

"…You should try one." Red finally spoke.

"NO! You aren't making me, or my Pokemon eat any of those things!" Yellow shook her head furiously, despite Chu Chu leaning over and reaching for the jar. Yellow noticed this, gently pushing her away.

"Oh, C'mon. They'll like it!"




"Pretty please?"


Redneck paused, one of his rare flashes of genius coming to him, "Sudo eat a candy?"

Yellow paused, looking down at the jar. To be honest, despite herself, some of the little sugary treats did look tempting. She could imagine placing one in her mouth, having the delicious snack melting on her tongue, the sweet taste lingering on her taste-buds for the longest time…

'But the chemicals!'

'Just this once…?'

'The Chemicals!'



'…Sudo eat a candy.'

'…You stupid little-'

"M-Ma-Maybe Y-You're R-right." Yellow slowly began, looking at Red. Redneck paused from taking a swig from his flask, "R-Really? I mean, I won't pressure you into doing something you don't want to…"

"N-Nah. I-I think I'll just take… One candy." The girl grinned shyly, reaching into the jar. Her fingers found their way around one single sticky snack. It was colored the same as her name, and shaped like a small little Pokeball.

With a small shrug, she shoved the treat in her mouth.

The biochemistry of Amarillo Del Bosque Verde is interesting. Since she's powered mostly on nature itself, she holds a large amount of energy that, if unleashed, could potentially solve all the world's problems. As a result of her training with her powers, she's learnt to rein in this energy within herself, expelling most of it to the world around her. It is unknown what this power is made of; it isn't Synergy, Aura or Psychic energy, yet can interact with all three in ways that benefit the user, according to their wills and desires at the time. That is why Yellow is so calm all the time; one bad thought could lead to a meteor hail of Aura Spheres, or a small sun crashing to Earth, or even just exploding someone's head through sheer willpower.

Candy is a stimulant. It gives most individuals 'sugar rushes' when consumed, small boosts of energy that can help them get through the day. Yellow, being a young 15-Year old psychic with prior knowledge of artificial sweeteners, is unaware of this fact, and Red had forgotten to divulge this information to her prior to eating the candy.

In addition, the candy she ate was a Speed Increasing Candy; quick acting as well for maximum efficiency.

TLDR: You are screwed.


"SHHHHHHHUUUUGGGGGAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!" Yellow suddenly shrieked at the top of her lungs, her eyes moving in separate directions. Red leapt away with a scream, as Yellow began to blink around the area at supersonic speeds, leaving objects upturned in her wake as she ran. Her hat blew off as she ran, ploughing a hole in a nearby hill before performing several HUNDRED backflips and running around in circles, throwing nearby objects into the air. Still yelling incoherently, she shot off in the direction of

Vermillion Ci- Oh wait, we're not doing a transition yet.

She sped through the city streets, reaching speeds that only fighter jets could usually, before leaping into the air and flying across the ocean, gibbering like a maniac. And then, the havoc began, all across the world!

Johto, Sprout Tower.

"Now, students, I shall teach you the way of the fist!"




"Teacher, are you okay?"

"It…. It appears our punching bag is possessed! BURN IT AT THE STAKE!"

Unova, Nimbasa City

"Aren't you excited to go on the Ferris Wheel? It's so romantic, isn't it?"

"It's too slow. Why can't we take the roller coaster, Amy?"

"Because I just want to say… I… I lo-"



"WHOO! Now that's what I call a Ferris Wheel!"

"Dear GOD! Jim, the Ferris Wheel's POSSESSED! BURN IT! BURN IT AT THE STAKE!"

Kalos, Prism Tower

(Metal Gear Solid 3- Snake Eater)

"I give my lifeeee! Not for honor, but for yooouuuuu~!"

"Ekans Eater!"

"In my tiiime! There'll be no one els-"

(Initial D- Running in the 90's)



"Are you okay, Diantha?!"

"Mr Director, I think that stage-lamp must be possessed!"

"Well, guess we'll just need to fix it. Terry, get the stake ready."

The Rice Fields





Alola, Iki Town

"Welcome to the annual Iki Town Stake Festival! This year, we have a great selection of stakes, carved by our local carpenters, but only one can take home the prize of-"

"HIHouaiuwidjaiyui9178217oisuaHIUY! 83o2hdy87! EGGESELZIOR!"


Hoenn, Sky Pillar

"Born on a Pillar, In the Heavens! The Blood of my ancestors flows inside me!"


"My duty is, to save the Lore! From natural detrition! Gonna set your heart free, tru- Oh, here we go; 'The moron's guide to burning possessed objects at stakes.' Strange… I don't remember it on my desk earlier. Oh well, Might as well read up! I'll get those possessed sandals in no time!"


(Fire Emblem Awakening- Agh! Won Goph in Mah Mouph! Blech! Ptooey!)

Yellow slowly forced her eyes open. Her mouth was dry, her body weak. She attempted to use her psychic power to douse the area around her, but found she was way too weak for even that.

"OH MY GOD IT'S AWAKE!" Redneck screamed, slapping the girl in the face repeatedly, "SPIRITS BEGONE! SPIRITS BEGONE!"

"RED, I'M FINE!" Yellow screamed between slaps, "WHAT HAPPENED?!"

"Oh, uh… Nothing." Red gulped, looking around nervously, "I, uh, just came to the sudden realization… after much introspection…. That you're absolutely right! I'm never using candies again!"

"Oh, well… To be honest, I kinda liked it. I mean, it tasted-"

"YELLOW DON'T YOU DARE EAT ANOTHER CANDY." Red growled, eyes glowing angrily.

"O-Okay… I won't…" Yellow whimpered, still quite confused.

Behind them, the entirety of Route 16 was inexplicably on fire.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Fuchsia City

Red stared at Koga's unconscious body for a few seconds.

"…Yoink!" he finally grinned, picking up the burnt badge off the body of the mostly-dead poison Gym Leader. Oh yeah, and he went to the Safari Zone, ran into some guy and passed him some false teeth, I guess. Next scene, please.

"In a bit of a hurry, aren't we?" Yellow muttered..

Hey, shut up! Anyhoo, somehow, they got on a boat and set sail to

Cinnabar Island

(Jeopardy- Thinking Music)

Yellow approached the Gym, stretching as she did, "A quiz, huh?"

Redneck nodded, "Yeah, well… I think we might have some trouble with this one. I mean, some of these may be a little…"

"Please, Red." She walked inside, preparing to read minds, "It's not the first time we- Wait, whaaaaa-?!"

Everyone in the gym was sporting tinfoil hats, and the doors were firmly locked shut. Yellow's jaw fell open, her psychic aura vanishing immediately. Red scratched his head, confused. "Hey, what's with the hats?" He finally asked, walking up to a random dude.

"Oh, it's Blaine's anniversary today!" the man replied, grinning, "We couldn't afford party hats, but we had some tinfoil and…"

Yellow let out a moan, walking over to one terminal and looking at the question.

'Find the sum of 1 and 1.'

"Oh… I know this one!" She remarked, scratching her head, "You know, this isn't that hard at all! Maybe I could do this without telepathy!"

After tapping in '2', she continued onto the next terminal.

'Differentiate f(x) 12x2 X 32x X 98 for all values of f, where 0 f 35.'

A few seconds passed. Yellow looked down at the equation for the longest time, before a soft 'BLAM' sound came from inside her head and she fell over, smoke coming from her head. Red shook his head sadly, pressing the button 'WHO CARES?!' next to the equation and pulling the girl through the now-opened doors.

A few more simple questions later, the two stood before Blaine.

"RED! WE MEET AGAIN!" the Gym Leader roared.

"Wait, didn't you get arrested?" Red slowly realized, flashing back to his first adventure.

"I broke out!" the man replied, drawing his revolvers, "NOW, DIE!"

Captain Thunderoos leapt forwards, taking the bullets to the chest and launching a lightning bolt towards Blaine's chest.

"THUNDEROOS!" Red screamed, as Blaine reeled back, clutching his arm, "NOOO!"

(Metal Gear Solid- The Best is Yet to Come)

"R-Red… Do it! Fire the stinger!" Captain Thunderoos choked, his bullet wound painting the ground red. Blaine rose to his feet, drawing his guns and taking aim at the Pikachu. It leapt aside, launching more electricity at the man.

"…Ash?!" Red slowly realized how familiar the voice sounded.

"A name from another age… It is far better than Captain Thunderoos." The Pikachu replied, dodging bullets, "Consider this one final gift from Captain Thunderoos!"

He drew a katana out of thin air, plunging it into Blaine's arm. The man barely flinched, opening fire on the electric mouse, "YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME! YOU WILL PAY!"

"A cornered fox is when it is most dangerous!" Ash declared, charging forwards and striking again with electricity. Blaine raised a fist, before punching forwards, ramming the Pikachu into a wall.

"DAMM MOUSE! DIE!" Blaine roared, choking the mouse against the walls.

"Redneck, we… aren't tools… of the government…" Ash coughed, looking at his brother-in-arms one final time, "Nor tools… of sad 15 year olds at their laptops… We fight… Because we… choose to."

"AAAASSSSSHHHHHH!" Red screamed.

"Goodbye… Red…"

With a final cry, Captain Thunderoos overloaded his bio-electric circuitry, departing from this world with the force of a small missile's blast. Concrete rained down around the combatants.

Red turned to face Blaine through the rubble, eyes narrowed. He reached for his flask, tossing it aside. With a cry that shook the stone around them, he cried out, "BLAINE! NOW IT'S PERSONAL!"

The scientist laughed, his fist suddenly becoming grey and metallic, "Nanomachines, son! They harden when I need them to, allowing me to pack a punch!"

"I'm not used to death. I fight for justice, to right what has gone wrong." Red rasped, drawing Captain… no, Ash's katana from the rubble, "But now, I'm not so sure…" The blade began to spark with a flash of electricity as he raised it before him, "Besides… this isn't my sword."

(Metal Gear Rising- It has to be this way)

They charged forwards, clashing over and over again. Redneck avoided each strike with a new-found agility, ducking beneath and slashing upwards into his foe's body. Blaine leapt away, grabbing onto a girder from the debris nearby and hurling it skywards.

Time slowed around Red, as a kanji appeared around the girder. He swung his sword at superhuman speeds, cleaving the steel with pinpoint accuracy and with a never-before seen fury.

"You're strong, Redneck. Howev/er, I still possess something you don't!" Blaine laughed, leaping aside and drawing his pistols. Red swung his weapon through the air as bullets flew. Shattered lead littered the ground before him.

"Redneck Budwiener… I know your true name!" Blaine roared.

Red's eyes widened. A cracking sound could be heard around him, as he let out a furious roar of rage and anger. Blood pulsed through his veins, flames enveloping him as he leapt forwards, slashing Blaine into mincemeat with his blade.

The truth still stung him.

A truth he never wanted to reveal.

(Justin Bieber- Baby)

Eyup, that's what could have happened to make the plot even more confusing. In actual fact, Blaine was still in prison, so Red was able to take a badge from the bowl nearby marked 'Please Take One' after making his way through the quiz segment. How convenient!

"On to my NEXT ADVENTURE!" Red grinned dumbly, hoisting Yellow over his shoulder and surfing on Char's back ON THE ROAD TO

Viridian City

(Halo CE- Rock Anthem To Save The World)

Red and Yellow kicked down the doors to the last Gym in Viridian City, the former carrying an assault rifle in his hands. Char followed, a rocket launcher over his shoulder, while Yellow clutched her fishing rod.

"Alright, Spartans! Let's finish the fight!" Red declared, charging forwards. Team Rocket grunts leapt out, throwing whatever they had at our maniac 'hero', but in true Redneck fashion, they were eliminated with copious amounts of gunfire and artillery.

"GIOVANNI!" Red declared, punching down the door to the final room in which he would do battle. Giovanni whipped around, Rhyhorn's pokeball in hand.

(Harmony of Heroes- Dark Intelligence)

"Redneck! You stand before me once more. You hope to finish me off now, in the hopes of collecting my badge, as well as 'stopping' Team Rock- Wait, didn't we already do this?" the man suddenly paused mid-way through his speech.

"Yeah, well it's a crappy remake! Come at me!" Red declared, as Char flew forth, fist outstretched.

And so they fought. Talons scraped against rock, as the two clashed again and again, neither wanting to back down from the battle. Char popped out the pin of a grenade, hurling it towards Rhyhorn, but it kicked it right back. Char avoided the attack, breathing flames on the grenade before charging back forwards again and kicking the Pokemon into a wall. The Rhyhorn got back up, as Giovanni clicked a button that- Aw crap. Why?! WHY?!

"I realized that the author really liked kicking his foes into walls, which is why I installed these things!" Giovanni grinned, revealing the walls were now lined with THE BOUNCE PADS! How am I supposed to beat people up now?!

"Shut it, author!" Red growled, pointing at the camera, "I'll do what I like!"

Char swung fist after fist at the Ryhorn, avoiding repeated horn drills and other miscellaneous attacks, before suddenly, the roof blew open with a flash of green plasma, and a familiar protagonist crashed to the floor with a SUPERHERO LANDING™!

"OH SWEET HELIX, HE'S NUDDDEEEE!" Redneck screamed, as a dude clad in nothing but a pair of combat fatigues entered the room, his eyes narrowed. As much as he hated to see it, the man standing before him was none other than Flare Hunter Z!

"I found you! Give back Go's clothes!"


"Rather me than Go! Now give back those clothes right this second!" Z declared with all the dignity a naked Frenchman could, "NOW PREPARE TO- Wait, Giovanni?!"

The terrorist leader waved, before a pair of handcuffs flew across the room, slamming around his wrists.

"Wait, how did you do that while I was waving?" the man questioned after a few seconds.

Z shrugged, scratching the back of his head, "I'm just that good. Anything you say can and will be used against you in court! Aile, beam us back!"

With that, the two teleported away, a single Gym Badge falling to the ground as they did. Red and Yellow exchanged glances.

"…Well, at least I get to keep the-"

A red flash zipped past, followed by a cry of "ALMOST FORGOT!". Red's stolen jacket and clothing were now gone, leaving him standing in his birthday suit.


Victory Road

"Wait, so you actually got that jacket and pants on your birthday?" Yellow questioned Redneck, who was proudly striding down the road towards the L33T 4.

"Eyup! Shame about that the new jacket, though. It was actually starting to grow on me slightly." Red replied, walking up to the security guard and showing him his badge collection, "Like, literally. Go should really look into getting a new one."

"… Red, don't you think your Kleptomania may be affecting others?" Yellow asked the gunner, as he took another swig of his alcohol.

Red scratched his head, "Well… Everyone already sees me as a joke character to begin with. No matter what I do, nobody will ever take me seriously."

"I swear, being me is a curse."

Yellow paused, looking at her friend silently, "Red, don't say that! What about your invincibility?"

"Oh, you mean the ridiculous clause where, when I die in one scene, I magically am healed in the other for another gag?" Red grunted, swimming through the river and shoving the next badge up the nose of the next guard, "Or do you mean the one that means I CAN NEVER DIE IN A SERIES, therefore preventing me from being relatable or meaningful in any way?"

"…. You were given this life to inspire people, Red." The psychic spoke, rubbing her chin, "Life isn't easy naturally. We all have mountains to hurdle, challenges to overcome, goals to achieve." She paused, looking up at the cliff-face ahead before using her telekinesis to lift her and her partner up the stones. She looked down at the world below, "Maybe you were given those powers for a purpose, Redneck."

"Yeah, being part of some divine comedy. Maybe if I killed everyone-" Red caught himself, realizing he was thinking too deeply again.

"This power can be used to build or destroy." The farmer placed them on a rocky outcrop, looking out towards the horizon, "Use it to create something new off your past transgressions. Use it to grow in wisdom and strength. Have the courage, not to die for a cause, but to live for it."

"But what cause do I serve? The readers? The Author? Myself?" Red questioned, leaping off the ledge and diving several hundred feet to the ground below, towards the stone pillars at the beginning of the hall of the Elite Four.

"That's for you to decide." Yellow replied, slowing their fall and bringing herself, and her partner, to a soft touchdown before the doors, "And even if you are ignored… Well, they say in darkness, even the dimmest of flames shine brightest."

With a creak, the doors of the gym slowly swung open, revealing the light of the great hall of champions.

"Oh, wait, I get it now!" Red suddenly chuckled, "'Get Deep!' Hilarious!"

Yellow only stared, "I literally have no idea what you're talking about. C'mon, there's battles to win."

L33T 4 B4TTL3Z

The two stood in a dark, empty room. An icy breeze blew through, chilling the exposed skin of the two friends.

"I-I don't get it." Yellow whimpered, "I thought there were battles we needed to win first."

Red grinned.

"B-But L-Lance… Loreli…. Bruno… Agatha… They just… They just let you through…!"

Red grinned.

The psychic looked around, scared and confused, "This… Was this in the script? Were we supposed to do that?"

Red let out a chuckle. Then a guffaw, before shrieking in laughter. A crazed laugh, that echoed through the halls of the final arena for the longest time.

"And the last horse crosses the finish line, Yellow!" Red declared, as the sides of the arena lit up in flames. The psychic turned to look at the gunner, who was looking down at her with a gleeful stare that sent shivers down her spine.

"I already beat them, back in 2016!" Red sang. A single spotlight shone down upon him, followed by two more. The lights slowly came on, bathing the room in a haunting scarlet light.

"R-Red?! I-Isn't this a R-Remake?" Yellow whimpered, backing away from the trainer.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU THOUGHT!" Red declared again, snapping his fingers. Dramatic Music started up.

(Pokemon HeartGold- VS Red)

"It was all part of my plan to KEEP me as the Kanto League Champion!" Red spoke, as hundreds of people suddenly appeared behind the flames, bleachers and seats rising up from the floor. Spotlights shone down around the two, as Red continued.

"W-Wait. You mean that the whole reason why you brought me along…" it suddenly dawned on the farmer.

"Was so I could defeat you!" Red spoke, drawing a Pokeball, "It's no secret that you are far weaker than me in battling, and you don't even like to fight around in the first place. You were the perfect candidate for me to fight!"

"O-Oh my gosh…" Yellow whimpered again, "You're telling me that this entire journey was orchestrated by YOU so you could stay number one?!"

"Actually, no. I just came up with that on the fly after I realized I was still the technical Kanto League Champion." Red grinned cheekily, "Pretty cool, eh? Anyway… HAVE AT YOU, YELLOW!"

Char came roaring out of his Pokeball.

"This will be a battle that shall rock the night! One that shall be remembered, even in the loose canon of my series!" Redneck spoke, "DO YOUR WORS-"

*anticlimactic rock against head sound.*

Red's eyes rolled up into his head, and he slumped face-down, unconscious. Yellow lowered the large rock.

"Are you done yet?" she asked, quite annoyed. At this, Redneck made an instant recovery.

"You may have bested me, but I still-"

*see above for sound!*



*see above for sound!*


"Will you st-"

*You know the drill…*


"Ha! I'll have you know I'm rock proo-"

*le ditto.*


"I should really look at my Rock Proofing. It's not wor-"


Red finally fell unconscious on the ground. Yellow lowered her rock one more time, before grinning goofily.

(Zelda CDI- Ending theme)

"I won!" she grinned, raising a hand.

(FFVII- Victory Fanfare!)


*Unconscious Sounds*

Yellow Got the Title of Kanto League Champion, 2K18!
… And a scratched, rusted penny.

The farmer waved to the cheering audience around her, before turning around to leave.

Only to come face first with the TRUE FINAL BOSS!

"What's your name, little girl?!"

"How did you telepathically lift that rock?!"

"Do you like Dogs or Cats?"

"Are you interested in investing in Z-Ranch? Some guy in Johto told me-"

"A few words for GNN?"




Yellow screamed like a little girl, taking off in the opposite direction. The press closed in, the flashes of cameras blinding and people with microphones drawing closer and closer, out for blood!

"S-Stay B-Back! L-Leave me alone!" the farmer yelped, as her back bumped into a wall behind her. She was trapped. Behind her was 10 feet of blast-proof concrete, and before her was a crazed group of reporters armed with recording gear of all kinds.

With a whimper, she held her hand before her, a wave of green the last thing she saw before the world blanked out. The room was enveloped in a green glow…

'Where are they now?'

(Full House- Everywhere You Look)

Professor Thomas 'Sorrel' Willow later cancelled his new Pokedex project following the many lawsuits regarding the numerous damages caused by the Pokestops. To resolve the problem, he sold the designs to a certain game company, who would later re-release the device in future under a new name to critical acclaim thanks to its fantastic launch titles such as Super Mareep Odyssey, The Legend of Zorua: Wild in the Breath and Overcooked. Using his share of the royalties, paid for the repairs and was last seen proposing plans for creating massive pools of money aboard flying vehicles. What these plans will be used for is unknown.

Yellow Amarillo Del Bosque Verde teleported herself out of the area unconsciously and safely home, where she then curled up in the foetal position, sucking her thumb. She refuses to comment on the events of this One-Shot and requests that everyone forget about it and move on with their life. The trophy she received now sits on her mantelpiece among her other awards (Best Farmer 1998-2017, Duoduo Racing League Champion 2017, Cutest Side Character ETERNALLY ect.)

The Random Reporters, unfortunately, were teleported to Yellow's house as well. A moment of silence, in pity of the poor girl.

Captain Thunderoos left Red's inventory shortly following his 'defeat', destroying his Pokeball as he left. It is said he travels Kanto, searching for injustices to set right with his trusty katana. Unfortunately, the Pikachu was ultimately sued by Zubatman for violating the copyright on the Zubatarangs, and will go to court sometime next June.

Flare Hunter Z gave Go back her clothing after washing it himself. However, as a result of being naked for prolonged periods of time in Kanto, he caught a really bad cold that put him out of commission for several days. While the goings on in their base is mostly unknown, thanks to a source aboard their airship (Their mechanic's Blog), we now know he's currently arguing against plans for a new pool to be constructed aboard the gunship.

Giovanni was taken to a Kantonian court and found guilty of his crimes, but as he pleaded Guilty and taking into account the fact he was being manipulated by an outside force, the courts gave him a lighter sentence. He's currently on community service working as a barber in Kanto, but he reportedly enjoys his new job. His salon specializes in dyeing really bright red hair and boasting a wide array of toupees for those who are challenged in the follicle department. His next scheme involves creating the world's ultimate Toupee for an anonymous Unovan politician/businessman. In related news, Team Rocket grunts have been sighted targeting increasing amounts of Yungoos.

Ash stared at Serena's chest.

Serena's chest is getting stared at. Wait, didn't that series end already?

Koga recovered from his coma, and went back to burning stuff. In fact, he even took up a doctorate and moved to Cinnabar Island to replace Blaine!

As for our heroes…

"All's well ends well!" Red smiled at the camera, taking another sip from his Big M. He and Oak were seated on a couch, watching TV.

"Indeed, Red. Indeed. In fact, I just got an idea from this adventure!" Oak rubbed his chin, looking at Red, "I mean, there's a lot of potential in what just happened here. Two different ways to fight…Like your guns, and Yellow's ability to distort the world around her… 8 Bosses… Two age-old rivals…"

"Oak, don't you dare." Red growled, "I swear, are we just building up to a game plug?"

"… And we shall call it… MEGAMAN 11!" Oak declared proudly, placing his hands on his hips, "Brilliant!"

(MegaMan 11- Fuseman's theme)

Red proceeded to spit out his milk, before screaming, "WHAT?! Wait, where's number one to te-"

"HUSH! We don't talk about nine or ten!" Oak quickly silenced Red, running to grab his phone and dialling a number, "I'm going to need some help with this, though. Somebody with the appropriate knowledge of the Jump n' Shoot…"

He stopped dialling, turning slowly to look at Redneck, "Waaaiiittt…."

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" the boy screamed, leaping out a window and slamming face first into the garden-bed.

"… Uh, time to call the second best understanding of 'Jump n' Shoot!'"

Meanwhile... butit'sprettyobviouswhohecalled

A lone mobile phone rang in the darkness of the room. A single white-gloved, blue-armoured hand clasped around the mobile device, raising to the side of the black-haired boy's head.




Oh, and Pokemon Let's Go too, I guess.


Hahaha, What a story, Mark!