"Flappy bird, not all over the paperwork! UnBelievable~!" A very unsatisfied manager to his-so far disappointing—assistant
"Its not my fault, I don't have hands. I am a bird man!"
"It doesn't matter. A child could make coffee and not spill it, a child! That's it! I had it with you, you're through Mr. Bird."
It had been a few months after flappy bird got fired from his job at a rather new office building. It was he first day too, and he managed to spill coffee all over the place, but he hadn't told his wife and kid yet. Flappy bird was 27 and although he did attend post-secondary school, he tried his hardest every day to make a decent living for himself. He had been married at a younger age than most, and truly found the love of his life. Her name was Farpy Bird. His wife just conceived last year, and now they nurtured a beautiful baby girl named Foarty bird.
He had been to so many jobs before, but never seemed to truly hook one. Because he had wings for hands, it was hard to get into any physical work, and his was a total klutz. His wife used to hold a job at a local Walmart, but quit to help make things easier at home. His family thought his most recent job would finally be the one to solve all of their problems, and Flappy didn't have the heart to tell them that he was sent home because he was inadequate.
Walking up and going to sleep was all he really did, but he would pretend that he still had that joke, in order to give Farpy and Foarty hope to carry on living. The guilt was unbearable, and the more he lied, the more he wanted to suffer. The last hope for his family, to redeem his miserable life, would be to support them through the life insurance plan he set in motion year's back—skipping a funeral and merely giving them enough to last through to March.
Flappy bird stood on the top of a large building. He may have been a bird, but he ironically didn't have the arm strength to give the air nearly enough flaps to stay airborne. Perhaps falling could simulate to him, the feeling of flight—the only time he would ever feel it in his life. But this wasn't about him, it was about his family and the lies that sealed his fate—If only he wasn't born a freakishly stupid bird human hybrid.
He was about to jump went a pipe appeared before him.
"What the heck…"
He contemplated the pipe a million times in his head. From every angle. Even fantasizing it in a hot bikini with feminine curves couldn't give flappy a proper understand or reason as to why he had appeared before it. But it was usual to do so nevertheless.
"Hello Flappy! I am here to tell you that god has given you a second chance"
"Gosh…." Flappy blushed. He couldn't believe god would choose to help him of all people. It was kind of romantic.
"Flappy, you're life insurance won't cover for anything. The only thing that death will do is make everyone you had ever loved live a happier and better life. I have given you the power of flight—but like with seriously bad controls, like no good at all, man. Each pipe represents a single cent. You will eventually die because you suck, but the money you have earned by passing them will be given to Foarty and Farpy. Good luck"
Flappy bird couldn't believe it. God's voice was way more attractive than he fantasied in his dreams. He seemed to be a hunky stud with a 12 pack of abs—each muscle and ab had its own muscle and ab. Also, Flappy was given a chance to day with something to his name. All he had to do was jump off a high building and pass by giant green pipes made by god.
Flappy jumped off the building.
"Ha! Just a prank bro! Not the part about your death having no meaning, I was serious on that. Anyway, sucks to be you, fam!"
Flappy died as he lived. Infinitely falling to new low, each time being more and more pathetic and useless.