Breaking up the boy

Warnings/notes : (Schuldich x Yohji), Yohji x Omi, songfic, Schuldich pov. [hinted at Schuldich x ?, Aya x Ken in this part, very briefly], mild angst.

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz. The song 'Breaking up the girl' belongs to Garbage (lyrics slightly altered [as you can see from the title]).

written at 15th march 2003, by Misura

**********

I should have seen it sooner, really. But I didn't and now I have to deal with things the way they are. With Yohji, being drunk rather often, drowning some secret pain in the liquor.

With Omi, being in love with him, and Aya knowing what I was too blind to notice and ruthlessly abusing that feeling to get rid of Weiss' weakness.

With myself, not being able to go on and pretend I'm ignorant anymore. A Bombay kitten may show you its claws and teeth, it will conquer your heart too, with very little effort.

//Don't end up in the gutter

Just like the one before//

It's hard not to show my feelings at that moment. But I have grown to know people do not appreciate it if you tell them you have just read their innermost secrets. And what would be the use of it?

He doesn't hate me for having Yohji. It surprises me a bit, though it shouldn't really. Omi.....

Why does he love someone like Balinese? I can see his feelings are going back to when they first met, when Yohji was still dating women, dreaming of Asuka. He never said anything about it.

As I search my mind for a way to bring up the subject, he looks at his watch.

"Oh, I'm going to be late for my shift! Sorry, I really must be gone now. I'll see you around!"

He's gone and I feel alone. It's silly. Nothing has changed yet nothing is the same anymore. I know I can't forget about this, that it would break his heart as well as mine if I kept things the way they are. I have to do something. I need a drink.

//Don't be just the same

Don't become a loser//

That night, Yohji and me go out again, without any company this time. Aya did try to get Ken to join us, but Ken just snapped at him that he needed sleep for his soccer-match tomorrow and that Aya shouldn't even consider sending Omi again after what happened last time.

It was a wonderful sight to see Aya at a loss for words once.

Yohji starts drinking again as soon as we settle down somewhere. He usually took some lighter stuff at the beginning of the night, but lately that has changed. I didn't ask and he didn't tell me his reasons. I respect the privacy of people I care about. Most of the time.

Not tonight though. As soon as he's gone far enough not to notice me anymore, I delve into the secrets of his mind, the things he'd rather forget about, the mistakes he can't turn back.

And I ask myself if what I find is yet another thing Aya noticed before me.

It's quite some time before I fall asleep that night.

//I had to let you go because you were breaking up

You were breaking up the boy//

The next day I drop by at the flowershop. Aya gives me his usual glare, Ken smiles absent-mindedly, Omi looks happy to see me and Yohji seems to be suffering from his hang-over too much to do anything but be lazy and grope his head from time to time when someone makes a noise louder than a whisper.

What is it that makes Omi love him? Why does Yohji love an innocent angel like him and then drown his feelings in alcohol? Because of me?

How utterly touching. How utterly stupid.

"I'm breaking up with you." I inform Yohji. He seems more pained by the volume of my voice than the meaning of my words. At first anyway. Then it slowly dawns on him.

"You what?"

"I'm putting an end to our relationship." I repeat, while Ken stares at me in amazement and a small smile plays around Aya's lips. Omi seems to have vanished from the scene.

"But why?"

Poor confused, foolish Balinese. He really doesn't get it. And quite probably that's a good thing. I have a certain reputation to uphold and being noble isn't part of it.

"Bye, Yohji."

//I won't be the same

I won't be a loser//

Not looking back, I step out of the door. I will never return there, I know. Omi stands there, confusion in his eyes, mingled with hope immediately followed by guilt.

What is it that makes him think he's to blame for all unhappiness in the world?

"Hey, Omi." A smile to hide a thousand tears.

"Hello, Schuldich." A cheerful mask to hide the shards of a broken heart.

"Aren't you supposed to be in there?"

"Why did you break up with Yohji?" A question for a question.

I shrug. "He drank too much. I don't like drunk people."

"You could have told him that." It's no doubt what he would have done.

"Maybe. But it's better this way. We were never going to get along."

"I'm sorry to hear." Sympathy. I wish someone loved me like he does Yohji.

"Don't be. I'll find someone else soon enough."

"Oh."

"Omi...."

"Yes?"

"He's yours now. Don't let him go to waste. He loves you."

"What do you mean?"

I turn and walk away.

"Schuldich?"

//I had to let you go because you were breaking up

You were breaking up the boy//

I have to know. Even if it's going to hurt me. And so I stand there watching as two shapes move behind the curtains of Yohji's room that evening. One small, one tall. Slowly closing in on eachother, until they touch.

Bombay kittens can move fast if they're given the proper incentive.

The lights dim and I feel something inside me dying a soft death. It's over. It should be raining now, to fit my mood, but the sky is clear and cloudless. A perfect night.

Not a night for tears.

So I won't cry. I'll just go back to where I belong, where nothing and no one waits for me.

A brief flickering of emotions catches my attention, tempting me to take a last look at the house I've turned my back on. I wonder why everyone seems to be getting what I have had to fight so hard for, only to loose it again. What has Aya ever done to deserve to be loved?

In the end, the tears come easily. Because everything is just so unfair.

I always knew that, based my life on that knowledge and yet it's different this time.

I tried to do something good, something that was right to do. And what's my reward? There isn't any. There's nothing at all. I lost everything.

//Don't be just the same

Don't become a loser//

I walk home. People look at me, point and whisper. I don't care. They're all losers.

: Schuldich? :

: What do you want? : I don't want to talk, not now. : Leave me alone. :

: You did the right thing. :

I stop walking. Someone nearly bumps into me, giving me a dirty look as he scurries past.

: And what's the use of that? What's in it for me? :

: Schuldich..... : A feeling is conveyed, but I hit it away before it can touch me.

: Go away! I don't want your pity! :

: It's not pity I'm offering you. :

It's true.

Love blinds us all.

And yet we couldn't live without it.

~OWARI~