Day 19, Tuesday, October 2010

Dear Journal,

I'm so freaking tired. We had to kayak in the Columbia River for several hours today and I'm so sore. It's so much harder kayaking in the river with currents. Since my arm is pretty sore, I won't write much and will try to write about my day as quick as I can. So other than kayaking being tough, it was also tough for me with trying to participate in conversations that everyone else was having. I mostly just listened and barely said anything, because my brain was working extra slow and couldn't think of anything to say. Even though they had interesting conversations and I knew what they were talking about, I couldn't think of anything meaningful to add to the conversation. However, I did a lot of pointing whenever I saw stuff that we needed to look out for. I was always the first one to notice something, like other kayakers paddling passed us (though they weren't dangerous people), and huffs that were in the water. Basically I guess I was the look out person in our group, so luckily again I wasn't useless. We had to deal with smoky conditions when we were kayaking too, because there was a forest fire going on.

We reached the Bonneville Dam, which is where we're at right now, and the same group of people who passed us on the river earlier, are also here. DJ talked to a couple people from the the other group about possibly coming with us to the compound, but I don't think they want to go because one of them said it'll be dangerous trying to get there since we can't reach it by river, and having to travel through the city and all. DJ and everyone else seems confident that we'll make it, so hopefully those other people were just being scaredy cats. It's stupid that I just called them that, since I'm a scaredy cat myself but don't like to show it. Goodnight.

Day 21, Thursday, October 2010

Dear Journal,

My mind is blanking out right now... I'm not sure how to write about what I went through yesterday. So yesterday morning, before we left Bonneville Dam, a few people from that other group decided to join us. They were a pair of couples and their names were Paul and Tami, and Noah and Marlana. Paul's wife, Tami was killed by a huff in the water, and Paul shot himself in the head after seeing his wife die. Sam was in the same kayak with Paul! And after he died, Sam fell in the water because of Paul's body leaning out of the kayak, along with Bailey, inside his cat carrier. Sam and Bailey both made it! They were able to get out of the water and get into another kayak. That was so freaking scary seeing all that, but that's not all. There was a group of bad guys in kayaks, who were trying to freaking kill us! At one point, we had to go to shore and take out some of the bad guys, except for me because I stayed with Bailey and Sandy. I hope the day won't come to when I have to kill someone.

Later, we were about to reach another shoreline but Marlana's husband was shot and killed... and Benny too! Sandy jumped in the water after him, she tried to swim back but couldn't catch up with us, so she swam to shore, and we had to leave her there! I was absolutely devastated! More bad guys were kayaking straight for us, and we were all rowing away for our lives. But thank God, rescue showed up at the most perfect time. Earlier in the day, we were all at Multnomah Falls, and met people who are living there, including the sheriff. The sheriff gave DJ a walkie talkie, in case we would get into trouble after we left, and a few hours earlier before the sheriff came to our rescue, DJ told him that we needed their help, and like I said, could not have been a better timing. The sheriff and his other people took out the bad kayak gang, and towed us and our kayaks to a safe location.

The next day, which was today, we had to walk and drag all our stuff down this big, slippery hill, it was raining by the way. There were a ton of huffs behind us and they were all falling and rolling down the hill. Eli fell and rolled down the hill with a huff, but luckily he didn't get bit. Then I freaking slipped and rolled down a bit, and a huff tried to grab me! But Sandy came back! She attacked the huff that was after me, and she saved me! It was so awesome! I haven't been that happy, since before my mom and grandparents died.

We, along with Sandy, went back into our kayaks and took off again in the river. When we reached Jansen Beach, we witnessed a family trying to escape from huffs that were in their houseboat, but... they didn't make it. There was a toddler and baby... it was so horrible! We still had to deal with bad people in kayaks, but we didn't have to shoot them because we were able to reach shore before they could even get close to us. We ditched our kayaks and made it to the UPS that DJ used to work at. We easily found more food and supplies here.

So, funny story, Eli was drinking a can of soda and he burped so freaking loud, and we were all laughing and I got the hiccups. Never thought I might get the hiccups again, because I thought I would never laugh that hard ever again. We met Todd, he's a guy who DJ used to work with, and he's living here at UPS. Todd is pretty weird, but he's funny. I remember DJ telling me stories about him before the apocalypse started and now I've finally met the dude. DJ and him were even telling us some of those funny stories and we were all cracking up. But then, Todd said that we should leave Sandy here with him. I don't know if I want to, because Sandy could save us from more huffs, but DJ said that her barking could become an issue for us and attract more huffs. Personally, I just really love that dog and don't wanna leave her again, like when we had to yesterday, when we were in the river. But then I thought, what if she ends up getting killed if she tried to save us? I now think it's better that we do leave her here with Todd, where she'll be safe. Todd even said that he and Sandy will come to the compound if we come back for them. The bad people who were after us somehow got into UPS and tried to shoot at us. But Todd was able to get rid of them by playing loud music to scare them away, and DJ and Eli shot some of them, while huffs took care of the rest.

So today was kind of a better day than yesterday. Sandy came back, we made it to UPS, and we all got to laugh some. We'll be staying here tonight and tomorrow night, then off to the compound we go. Goodnight.

Day 22, Friday, October 2010 (3 weeks into apocalypse)

Dear Journal,

Last night when we were all trying to go to sleep, Todd and Eli kept making us laugh so hard that I thought I was gonna get the hiccups again. Todd was just being weird, but in a really funny way, and Eli was reacting to his weirdness by throwing him some hilarious, sarcastic comments. It was great.

We did huff killing training today. DJ would open the door to let a huff inside, so that we could get use to having to take them out, by jamming a bat into their head. Everyone else did pretty good, but of course I messed up on my first try. I hit the head, but not hard enough. Sam messed up on the first try too, so I don't know why I'm complaining about it. A small, 2 year old huff came in, and it was so sad and scary at the same time, seeing it. Eli of course, being the tough expert on killing huffs, took it out because none of us wanted to. The rest of the day was very relaxing. Other than huff killing training, we got to have a lazy day. I told Todd that I decided to let Sandy stay with him. I'm sad obviously that we're leaving her, but she'll be more safe. Plus, Todd will have her as company after we leave tomorrow, and we'll come back for them.

I've had a lot time today to think about all the stuff that I miss having to worry about, compared to now. So here's a list...

.Homework

.Those kids at school who made fun of me for being shy

.Teacher calling my name to answer a question when I didn't raise my freaking hand

. Being at a restaurant and repeating my order over and over again in my head before the waiter comes and the waiter is confused by my order

.Worry over my mom making me do chores when I already had so much homework to do

.Struggling with social anxiety in school, especially with group projects and having to talk to a classmate I barely know.

Something I still worry about now, and seriously shouldn't because it's extremely dumb with everything else I need to worry about now, is being afraid that I'll say something completely stupid, and cringe about it for the next few years. I can't believe I'm still worried about that! I'm way more worried about how easily me and everyone else I know, could get killed by huffs or by other people. What if I make a dumb decision and get someone else killed?! There's always these scenarios that pop in my head, of what I think could go extremely wrong, and with everything we've all been through, we've been in some seriously messed up situations and somehow made it out alive. But that's not gonna last forever. I keep forgetting about how safe the compound is supposed to be, so I'm mostly just anxious about the rest of the journey there. Sometimes I wonder why I still write in this journal? If I'm gonna die soon, then what's the point?

So on a more positive note, I got to know Marlana a little more today. It's the first time I've talked to her a lot, I mean since I met her a couple days ago I spoke some words to her, but not nearly as much as today. She approached me when I was writing in my journal, and I told her about all the things that I miss worrying about, before the world changed. She also ended up making her own list of what she missed worrying about, too, like paying bills. Then we talked about all the nice things that we miss like pizza, ice cream, music, and family who we've lost... Marlana was a guidance counselor and after hearing that, I almost thought about opening up to her about my anxiety, but I usually don't like to talk to other people about it, so I didn't. Well, goodnight. Hopefully we'll all be at the compound the next time I write in my journal.