Heyo! If you're reading any of my other stories, you're probably wondering why I'm writing this instead of updating them. Wellll... I'm working on it... hehe...

Anyways, this is an AU. Max didn't save Flynn from prison and he died, so Rapunzel left with Mother Gothel.

WARNING: This is really dark. Death, self-harm, and suicide. Please be safe.

*sigh* why did I write this.

Rapunzel remembered.

Most days she blocked out the pain of loss with grief stricken singing or cuts on her arms and wrists. Most days she tried to forget, slamming her head against the cement wall and wishing beyond anything she had that she'd never left the tower in the first place. Most days she tugged on the chains until her wrists were raw and bleeding, painting the floor beneath her red. Red flowers, red sunshine, red lips. Red eyes and teeth of ruffians and monsters flashing before her eyes. Most days she screamed and cried and kicked at her mother without knowing why.

Most days she fought.

But there were some- perhaps more often then she thought- where she truly remembered. Remembered the feeling of his hand, guiding her arm and brushing the hair out of her face. On those days she'd pull out her cloth, as worn out as it is, and stare at the sun, mesmerized by the swirling pattern of light.

Those days were short, but what were days really, when nothing mattered anymore; hours and seconds are the same, and days are measured in ragged breaths and sips of water. Mother came, sang, and left. Dust settled, her hair grew, she ate, and she slept. Rapunzel wasn't even sure where she was anymore- a cave or another tower- it was all the same.

He was gone.

Most days, Rapunzel sat on her pile of blankets quietly, glared at her mother and hated the world. Most days she thought about her parents, imagining all the different ways she could slaughter them for taking him away from her.

But some days she slept. Peacefully, surrounded by darkness, the words sitting on her lips, tasting bitterly of him.

I love you.

And EVERY day she dreamt. Of his warmth and confidence. Awake or asleep she dreamt. Happiness and clarity- pure joy. Every day she dreamt of him, wether it be a second or a month.

So when Mother left one day and never returned, when the hunger grew too strong and she was left gnawing at her arms because it's okay I can heal later, when she finally left the new tower, Rapunzel ran. Sticks and rocks tore at her bare feet but she ran, blood pouring down her body and soaking her dress. Her chapped lips cracked in the fresh air, and her dull eyes burned in the light, but she ran.

It took too long to make it to the kingdom. Her lungs burned. It was too much.

Tears streamed down her face, magical and pure. There were no people, but that wasn't new. He was the only one.

The river stretched out below her, and lights twinkled above her. Stars but not just stars. Lanterns, not many but enough, and Rapunzel took a moment to wonder how long it had been, who still had the patience and love to keep the tradition going. Her heart warmed for a moment, to think that it was all for her.

And then that moment ended.

Rapunzel stared into the water and leapt, thinking it was only fitting that this is how she should die. In the dark, cold and alone. Drowning, because that first time in the cave was supposed to be her fate.

Rapunzel remembered, and oh how she wished she couldn't. As her hair rose around her, floating like death, she remembered Pascal. Bones snapping as Mother kicked him, thuds and a grunt. She remembered his face, smug and happy. Why had she dragged him into this? Why why WHY?

Most days she wanted to die.

Some days she understood she was alive for a reason.

And every day she leapt.