Chapter One: Enter the Mentor! Birth of the Heartthrob Knight?! Pain of the White-Haired Girl, Stupidity of the Blond Boy! Achieve Your Dream, Weiss-chan!
Jaune Arc, Inter-kingdom Man of Romance, was on top of the world. He'd finally won his first match in the ring, he got an A- on an exam, and he came up with a great idea to court Weiss!
Yes siree, this was a great day in the making. He was on a roll. As he sauntered down the hallway, Pyrrha came up to him, "You did good today Jaune. I'm very proud of what you've accomplished."
"Thanks Pyr, I couldn't have done it without your help. You're a great teacher," Jaune smiled back at her.
Pyrrha's cheeks grew red, "What are you doing now?"
"I've got an idea," he said, "To ask Weiss out."
She chuckled, "Well I hope everything works out well for you. Weiss'll be lucky to date you."
Her eyes lingered on Jaune before she waved goodbye, "Good luck!"
"Thanks!" Jaune waved back and continued walking down the hall. Just a moment later, he passed by Ruby, "Hey Ruby!"
"Hi Jaune!" Ruby gave him two thumbs up, "Third time's the charm!"
"Hope so too," Jaune chuckled. The first two times, Weiss rolled her eyes, glared at him, then bluntly declined. But this time was going to be different, he could feel it.
Yang walked up and grabbed Ruby by the elbow, "Come on the Bullhead leaves for Vale in five minutes!"
Jaune waved at Yang, who waved back as well. He kept moving his feet down the hallway, passing more of his friends.
"Hey Ren, Nora."
"Hi Jauney! Bye Jauney!" Nora exclaimed as Ren nodded. Jaune nodded back as well. He was pretty sure they were going to the kitchen again.
He closed his eyes and began humming a ditty, swinging his legs down the hall. Then he hit something and fell.
Papers flew everywhere as Jaune fell onto his back. He looked around to see Glynda Goodwitch picking up her documents, while giving Jaune a dark stare. He quietly yelped before grabbing some of the papers on the ground, "Sorry Ms. Goodwitch."
"Pay attention to where you're walking, Mr. Arc," Jaune winced slightly. As all the papers were gathered and the two blondes stood up, Glynda spoke, "That being said, I wish to congratulate you for your first victory. You have improved most excellently, Jaune Arc."
Jaune swore he saw the barest smile on her lips before she passed him. Huh. His luck with the ladies today was great! This was a great sign!
As he approached the Beacon post office, he saw Blake exiting, carrying a new book in her arms as Sun Wukong talked animatedly into her ear.
A human one. Jaune wasn't sure if Blake could actually hear through those ribbons. What was hearing through four ears like? He shook his head. No time for distractions! Eyes on the prize!
He walked into the room and spotted a beautiful cascade of white, flowing from a fountain atop the most gorgeous head on Remnant. Weiss was waiting in line at the Beacon postal office to receive a package. He walked over to her and spoke.
"Hey Snow Angel, what are you doing tonight?" to say Jaune Arc had a crush was an understatement. He was head over heels with Weiss, the woman of his dreams.
He put his hand on the wall, giving him a cool posture that would totally make him look cool, "I was wondering if you and I could do something fun later."
She raised an eyebrow at him, keeping up her frown of disinterest, which hey! Was an improvement from a scowl or look of mild disdain, "No. I'm quite busy tonight."
Weiss was always busy, but it was never something important, at least that's what Yang said. Apparently Weiss spent a lot of time in her bed under her sheets.
Which meant she was actually free!
"How 'bout this, you, me, and a stack of comics under the candlelight?" Romantic, fun, and discreet, all in one. It was perfect!
Weiss blinked. Then the slightest sneer came on her face, "Such low brow entertainment. No."
Jaune visibly deflated as Weiss was called up by the clerk.
As she signed for her package, she spoke, "Not enough accumulated reasons for me to even consider your confession. I've no reason to even give you the time of day."
Weiss shook her head, "If you want a target to fall for you, you have to work within their parameters, not your own."
He paused as the gears turned in his head. Wait, was Weiss… giving him dating advice?!
"Also! I let you off easy the first two times, thinking it was just a minor annoyance. But frankly, after your second attempt, I began formulating and compiling a list of everything wrong with your method," Weiss raised a finger as she grabbed a colorful box with several attractively drawn men on it.
"First your base charisma stat is subpar at best, and you of course aimed for the higher difficulty target," she pointed towards herself, "When there are other lower level targets to conquer and gain experience from."
"Wait, 'lower level targets'?"
"Second, as I've said, you have put zero effort into increasing your odds of a successful confession by blatantly ignoring the obvious quests to buff your understanding and character profile!" Weiss pointed a finger at him, directly in front of his eyes, "Also, I ask you, what are my interests? My hobbies? Birth date? Favorite food, favorite drink, favorite color?"
Jaune drawled out, "White?"
Weiss glared at him.
He began sweating, "Aren't those things you find out on the first date?"
"Spoken like a true ignoramus, bumbling around with not a conquest to his name, and yet bemoaning his failures but still keeping up the same tactics. Some say insanity is performing the same action again and again, hoping for different results," Weiss stared him down.
He furrowed his brow, "Wait, you've… 'conquered' before?"
A proud smile erupted on Weiss' face as she closed her eyes, "Of course. I am recognized as the highest among my rank, Remnant's premier Conqueror of Love by a 95% margin! Nay, I am not just a mere 'Conqueror', I am the Goddess of Conquest herself!"
"... The what now?"
Weiss frowned, "You know nothing about me, yet you deigned to attempt a courtship. You really are a bumbling idiot."
"Well I want to try to get to know you—"
Weiss shoved her box into his face, "The Collector's First Edition of Tenisu Ai to Dansei! Only one hundred of these exist, one of the greatest Otome games of the last decade. I've played the second edition before, but this one contains the original dialogue for Kuro-Kun's route, the fabled best route in the entire franchise!"
She pointed a finger to the ceiling, "This is my fate! My interest! My passion! To know not of this is to not know me! You will never romance me, nor anyone else with your current level!"
Jaune placed his head in his palms, "Why does this always happen to me? Why?!"
"Because, as with all things, you have not put in enough effort into this. Everything requires studying, practice, and strategy. Dating simulations are the greatest virtual testament to that. Becoming a huntsman or huntress is merely the physical application of it in the real, 3D world."
Weiss put her box into her bag, "Think about it, Pyrrha asks you to study Grimm and tactics, while you practice fighting styles and war plans in preparation for actual combat. Playing dating sims is the same principle."
Jaune folded his arms, "So, what? I should just buy some dating sims and spend days on end playing them to get better at women?"
"Hardly," Weiss began walking out of the post office, with Jaune following to her left, "I have already obtained quite a bit of knowledge from my time as a gamer. Therefore, you have no need to sink in two thousand plus hours of gameplay to become a master. All you need is some mentorship."
"Wait," Jaune squinted, "Are you… offering to help me woo ladies?"
When Weiss nodded back, Jaune simply asked, "Why?"
Weiss gave a wide smile, "Why, it is every gamer's dream to take part in a real life game. For you," she lightly pointed her finger at him, "Are quite possibly the closest thing to a real life dating sim protagonist. Why shouldn't I help out a struggling noob? As the world's greatest, it is my duty to do so!"
She grabbed him by the arm and dragged him down the hall, "Come! I have the perfect tutorial for you!"
"Aaagh! Weiss! Stop, I'm gonna trip!" Jaune yelled as his feet threatened to twist over himself.
"Wow, you don't even need to try, do you?" Weiss laughed as the two of them made their way to the dorms.
From the Author of Remnant Reborn: Love Conquers All & Fate/Two Bros
With Special Chapter Titles written by the Author of Daily Life with Monster Daughters & Centaur of Attention, The Immortal Doctor Reid
"Pfffffffffttt. This is so dumb it warps back around to awesome. I like it."
Placeholder Name Productions Presents
I Can Schnee the Ending!
Press 'Next' to continue.