Chapter 2

FROM: bluegreen118

TO: hourtohournotetonote

DATE: Nov 1 at 11:12 AM

SUBJECT: Re: hollow wieners

Jacques,

I hope your Halloween was excellent, and that your simplicity and badassery hit the mark. Things were really quiet around here. We only had about six trick-or-treaters. Of course, that means I am contractually obligated to eat the leftover Reese's cups.

I can't believe it's already almost homecoming. I'm excited about it. Make no mistake, football is still my least favorite sport, but I actually really like going to the homecoming game. I guess it's something about the lights and the drumbeats and the scent of the air. Fall air always smells like possibility. Or maybe I just like ogling the cheerleaders. You know me.

Are you doing anything interesting this weekend? We're supposed to have suck nice weather. Excuse me, dick nice weather. :)

-Blue

...

FROM: hourtohournotetonote

TO: bluegreen118

DATE: Nov 1 at 5:30 PM

SUBJECT: Reese's are better than sex

Very funny, Blue. VERY FUNNY.

Anyway, I'm sorry you got stuck at home last night for only six trick-or-treaters. What a waste. Next year, couldn't you just stick the bowl on the porch with a note telling the kids to take two? Granted, the kids in my neighborhood would have taken candy by the fistful cackling with villainous laughter, and they probably would have peed on the note for good measure. But maybe the kids in your neighborhood are more civilized.

But seriously, leftover Reese's? Is it possible to send chocolate over email these days? PLEASE SAY IT IS.

My Halloween wasn't bad. I won't say too much about it. But I ended up going to this guy's party. I don't think it was really my scene, but it was definitely interesting. I guess it was nice to step out of my comfort zone (wait- I didn't just ruin my chance of convincing you I'm a hardcore party ninja, right?).

So, I keep thinking about the idea of secret identities. Do you ever feel locked into yourself? I'm not sure if I'm making sense here. I guess what I mean is that sometimes it seems like everyone knows who I am except me.

Okay, I'm glad you mentioned homecoming, because I totally forgot that Spirit Week is this week. Monday is Decades Day, right? I guess I should check online so I can avoid making an ass of myself. Honestly, I can't believe they schedule Spirit Week right after Halloween. Creekwood really blows its load on costume days all at once. How do you think you'll dress up for Monday? I know you're not going to answer that.

And I totally figured you'd be ogling the cheerleaders on Friday, because you're all about the ladies. Me too, Blue. Me too.

-Jacques

I'm smiling like an idiot at my laptop. Although, it kind of twinges my heart a bit to think that Jacques is not a virgin, the same fact also makes it beat like 10 times faster. You know… imagining it.

See here's the thing. I've reached the point of no return with Jacques. He could be anyone and I wouldn't care. He could be freaking Martin Addison (wow Jacques is starting to rub off on me) and I wouldn't care. I'd still be crazy about him. Sure, I keep hearing Simon's voice in my head, but it only makes sense to imagine the person you've liked for three years being your secret romantical email partner when you don't know their true identity. But this thing with Jacques, it's different than how I feel about Simon. This is real. I'm just afraid that Jacques doesn't feel the same way. I'm afraid that when he finds out who I really am, he's going to stop emailing me and I'll lose him. And I can't lose him, not yet. Maybe not ever.

FROM: bluegreen118

TO: hourtohournotetonote

DATE: Nov 2 at 1:43 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Reese's are better than sex

Reese's are better than sex? Admittedly, I wouldn't know, but I have to hope you're wrong about that one. Maybe you should stop having heterosexual sex, Jacques. I'm just saying.

The kids in your neighborhood sound really charming. Urine isn't a huge issue here, so maybe next year, I'll take your advice. It will probably be moot, anyway, because my mom almost never goes out. She just can't keep up with your party ninja ways, Jacques. :)

I completely understand what you mean about feeling locked into yourself. For me, I don't even think it has anything to do with other people thinking they know me. It's more that I want to leap in and say certain things and do certain things, but I always seem to hold myself back. I think a big part of me is afraid. Even thinking about it makes me nauseated. Did I mention I get nauseated easily?

Of course, that's the exact reason I don't want to say anything about Spirit Week and costumes. I don't want you to put two and two together and figure out who I am. Whatever it is we're doing here, I don't think it works if we know each other's real identities. I have to admit that it makes me nervous to think of you as someone actually connected with my life, rather than a mostly anonymous person on the internet. Obviously, some of the things I've told you about myself are things I've never talked about with anyone. I don't know, Jacques- there's something about you that makes me want to open up, and that's slightly terrifying for me.

I hope this isn't too awkward. I know you were kidding when you asked what costume I was going to wear, but I wanted to put this out there- just in case it wasn't entirely a joke? I have to admit I'm curious about you sometimes, too.

-Blue

P.S. I'm attaching a Reese's cup to this email. I hope this is what you had in mind.

I spent hours deleting and rewriting that email. I wanted to make sure I got my point across without sounding too harsh. Although, saying I'm curious about him sometimes is a bit of a drastic understatement. I'm desperate to know who he is. I spend almost every hour of my day thinking about it. I find myself picking out details from his emails and trying to see if they fit with people I know. So far, I can still only come up with one reasonable guess, but I'm still not getting my hopes up. Though, I don't really know if it matters at this point. Simon or not, I'll love Jacques no matter what.

For Spirit Week, Wednesday is gender bender day. It's simple really, boys dress as girls, and girls dress as guys. Every year Garrett and Nick force me to dress up as a cheerleader. I guess I just always have felt kind of insecure about it. It's not that I'm not sure of my masculinity- I'm gay but I've always felt like a dude. It's just that it's the type of thing people get called gay for. If I did it any other day of the year, I would be tormented for a year. It just doesn't really seem right to me how these kids are fine with it this one day, but tomorrow everything will be back to normal.

I'm squished in the corner of the back couch in Mr. Wise's class when I notice Simon's wearing these cute little hair clips. Subtle- yet adorable, and so totally Simon. I smile and shake my head.

Friday comes around and I'm completely ready to go ogle some cheerleaders at the homecoming game. Ha- I'm smiling at my own joke. Too bad the only other person who would understand it is Jacques. Which is another reason I'm even more excited for the game than usual; he might be there. I like thinking of that. Us in the same place at the same time- possibly even sitting on the same bleachers. Of course I realize we go to the same school, but something about Homecoming just makes it feel more… I don't know, romantic? If that makes any sense.

I'm sitting next to Garrett on the bleachers when I spot Simon (and Nick) waltink towards us. Cue the increase of my heartbeat and the butterflies in my stomach… great. Garrett scoots over towards me to make room for them, but there isn't really any, and Simon winds up basically sitting on Nick's lap. Man have I never wished more that I was Nick's lap… heh heh heh. Okay, okay, I need to stop I know. I know I'm not technically dating, but this somehow feels like I'm cheating on Jacques (even though my sneaking suspicion is growing ever larger). But I still can't help but feel disappointed when Simon gets up to go sit by the drama kids, sitting way too close to Cal Price for my liking. Way too close.