Disclaimer: I don't own VHD or its characters.
This little fic is just meant to poke some fun at our favorite characters from "VHD: Bloodlust". D and the others are all taking a group field trip to a popular hot spring resort, but most of the fun is just getting there.
Please read and enjoy!
The heavy metal vehicle skied through the dust-filled plain without difficulty, unchallenged by the dry environment's rough and arid weather. Inside, a total of eleven-point-five people were enjoying the new air conditioner that had been recently put into the huge mini-van-like rover, each working hard to forget about how cramped it was. Patience was low, and tension was high.
"Hey," Kyle whispered to Nolt beside him. The bigger man peered down at his younger brother, his face barely moving a twitch.
"Why don't you go ask him?"
"Ask who what?"
"You know---" Kyle rolled his eyes over in Borgoff's direction who was busily driving the vehicle. Nolt's face constricted into a look of mild disbelief.
"You're still not over that yet?" he asked dubiously.
"C'mon, man," Kyle hissed, his voice beginning to work into his whisper. "I won't ask you another favor for the rest of my life!" Nolt shook his head, crossing his arms up to his chest to make clear his stand. Kyle sighed, frustrated, and he slammed his back against the wall of the vehicle.
"What's the matter with you now, Kyle?" Leila breathed, her eyes closed and her head resting against the other wall.
"Kyle still wants a turn to drive," Nolt answered for him, voice flat.
"Oh, let it go, Kyle," Caroline suddenly interjected, her own sultry voice edged with irritation. "We've already argued over who's going to drive before we left. Nobody else is complaining."
"Well I don't think it's fair," Kyle said sulkily as he crossed his own arms and propped his foot up against his seat. "We should all get a turn. It'll be a while before we get there, and I never get to drive."
"Shaddup," Borgoff said over his shoulder. "I can hear everything you say, Kyle. I'm older than you and get special rights . . . and this is my rover anyway."
"Says who?" Kyle suddenly shot, sitting up in outrage. "This is just as much mine and Nolt's as it is yours, Borgoff!"
"I don't think so," Borgoff said as he shot a look over his shoulder. "I'm the one who found this thing, and I'm the one who put the most back into it, so it's mostly mine."
"Hey, wait a minute," Nolt suddenly put in. "I agree with Kyle on this one, Borgoff, and I did all of the heavy lifting . . . what did you do?"
"The most important part, of course," Borgoff retorted. "I drew up all of the modifications and the mechanics. I was the supervisor, and you two were the labor."
"Labor!?" Kyle exclaimed, even more outraged. "I bet I know the workings of this rover better than you do, Borgoff! Whenever the damn thing breaks down, who do you think is always forced to fix it?"
"Details, details," Borgoff said flippantly as he waved his hand through the air. Everyone could hear the sound of Kyle's teeth grinding as he was about to launch into another tirade. Leila sighed, the sound of it hardly breaking through the noise barrier that Borgoff and Kyle were creating as they argued. Every now and then, Nolt's voice could be heard trying to intercede between the two of them. Leila threw a frustrated glance over in D's direction, hoping that he'd be able to bring the situation back under control.
"Don't look at me," he said placidly as he caught her look. "I didn't even want to go in this thing."
"Look," Carmila said, exasperated as she fanned herself. "Not everyone here like to ride cyborg horses. We all voted . . . Borgoff, can't you turn that thing up a notch? It's too damn hot in here."
"It's 'on' at full blast, Carmila," Borgoff said through clenched teeth as he continued to fight for his wheel. Kyle was working to push him out of the seat. Every now and then, the vehicle would lurch sideways, but nobody was knocked from their own spots in the rover. "What else do you expect me to do?" Borgoff continued once he had managed to regain full control of the wheel again. Kyle had given up, deciding that it wouldn't get him anywhere. "You didn't have to wear that damn dress."
"True that," Benge said as he fought to get another one of Carmila's folds away from his face. He was seated in one of the corners and was the only one completely trapped by her extravagant gown. "I can hardly breathe in here!"
"You'd think she'd be cold," D's left hand mused over the ruckus, referring to Carmila's scant top. D nodded in agreement, but he didn't say anything.
"That's easy for a thing without a body of it's own to say," Carmila said as she shot a sharp look over at Lefthand. It grunted, unfazed by the minor insult.
"Are we there yet?" Caroline whined, rubbing her temples with her fingers to help fight off the headache she was getting.
"Damn it, no!" Borgoff shouted back. "Don't ask me that again! We'll be there when we get there!"
"Don't take your mood out on me!" Caroline huffed, indignant. "I didn't do anything!"
"Yeah, but your hair keeps getting in my mouth," Grove spat. "Can't you tie it back or something?"
"Well why don't you just get your lazy ass out of bed?!" Caroline retorted as she looked down at Grove.
"Hey, I can't help it! You should be grateful that I even let you sit on my bed!"
"Leave him alone, Caroline," Leila piped up, defensive. "Just trade seats with me, okay?"
"You should stick him in rehab," Caroline muttered as she stood.
"I'm not an addict!" Grove shouted.
"Oh, yeah?" Benge said as he pushed at some more folds. "Then what's that stuff you always shoot up your arm, Tinkerbell?"
"I told you to stop calling me that," Grove said through clenched teeth as he glared at Benge who only returned it with a chuckle.
"Tinkerbell," he sang in a mocking tone. "Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell, Tinkerbeeelllll---OW!" Benge held his hand over his head, grimacing as he touched the tender spot on his head before whipping his attention back to Leila. "What the hell did you do that for!" he cried, outraged.
"Stop teasing him," she warned as she stood over him, her hand still clenched in a tight fist.
"Or what?" Benge challenged.
"Or I'll give you another taste of this," Leila hissed, waving her fist under his nose. Benge swallowed before regaining his composure and giving Leila a forced, derisive smile.
"You don't scare me, witch," he laughed weakly. "I'll call him and everyone else here anything that I want."
"Oh, yeah?" Caroline broke in, still working to get comfortable in Leila's old seat. "Then what would you call me?"
"Nothing yet," Benge mumbled as Leila finally backed away, satisfied that she had gotten her message through loud and clear.
A loud banging coming from overhead stopped anyone from saying anything else. Everyone became silent as all eyes turned upward towards the source of the banging.
"Stop your arguing in there!" everyone heard Mashira's voice shout. "I can't commune with nature with all of the noise you guys are making!"
"What's there to commune with out there, Mashira?" Kyle shouted back, still stung from his lost battle with Borgoff. "There's nothing out there but dirt and rock!"
"Even rock and dirt have feelings, you know!" Mashira shouted incredulously as though it were common knowledge.
"You're just upset that you had to sit outside, Mashira!" Benge shouted irritably as he flipped another fold away from his face. "You know that you want to come in here!"
"If someone hadn't taken the last seat available," they all heard Mashira growl as his anger began to take over, "---I would be in there to enjoy that nice air-conditioning!"
"Aaahhh," Caroline cooed in mock sympathy. She had been the one to take the last seat. "Poor Mashira is sitting out there all by himself. You know what they say, wolf man. The last one is a rotten egg . . ."
"Shut the hell up, Caroline," Mashira growled. "I was talking about the front passenger's side seat."
"I already went over that with you, Mashira," Borgoff shouted out loud enough to be heard. "We needed the spot to put all our things."
"You could've put them out here!"
"And have it all get ruined by the weather out there? Give me a break."
A loud thump could be heard as Mashira resigned himself into another meditative position on top of the rover. A silence ensued between them all as a result of Mashira's short reprieve. Leila sighed in relief and was grateful for the moment. Her attention was suddenly diverted towards the back of the vehicle.
"You two have been awfully quiet," she commented dryly as she watched Meier and Charlotte cuddling up to each other. "Care to share any thoughts with the rest of the group?"
"Yes," Meier breathed as he gazed lovingly into Charlotte's beautiful, bright eyes. "We have an announcement to make . . . Charlotte, my dear one. Would you like to be the one to give them the good news?"
"Oh, no, Meier, my love," Charlotte breathed, lost in the depth of her lover's intense stare. "You should be the one to . . ."
Kyle and Benge exchanged looks of disgust before rolling their eyes.
"Well, what is it?" Carmila asked in quiet impatience, still fanning herself. A big chunk of her own gown was suddenly thrown over her head. "Damn you, Benge---"
"Charlotte and I are getting married," Meier interrupted before another argument could escalate. "And you're all invited to the wedding."
"Oh, that's great, you two!" Leila exclaimed happily. She jumped up from her seat so that she could give the two lovers a congratulatory hug, but she had to take her time getting to the back of the vehicle to avoid tripping over one of Carmila's folds.
"I always thought you two should get married!" she said amiably as she took one of each of their hands into her own. "You two make such a good couple."
"Yeah, like the Addams' Family couple," Benge snickered. Kyle laughed in turn.
"Good one, Benge!" he said as they slapped hands together. Leila threw them both a sharp look that made them both shut-up, but they continued to snicker when she turned her back on them.
"So have you guys set a date, yet?" Borgoff asked from the front.
"No," Meier answered with a coy smile. "But we wanted to ask Carmila if we could hold the wedding at the Castle of Chaythe."
"Why the hell would I care?" Carmila muttered. "I used to have all sorts of parties there back in my day. The place needs a little energy to help spruce it up a little."
"Oh, thank you so much, Carmila!" Charlotte gushed. "You don't know how much that means to us both."
"Just do me a favor," D started up quietly. "Don't have any kids."
"What?" Charlotte asked, her eyes blinking with confusion. "Why not? Meier and I have already decided that we wanted twenty."
"Twenty!" everyone exclaimed at the same time. Charlotte blushed as Meier smiled.
"Hey! What's going on in there?" Mashira called from the top of the rover.
"Meier, Charlotte," D sighed as he reached up to pinch his brow. The others were still too stunned to comment. "Twenty?---why?"
"It was a nice, even number," Charlotte said with a shrug. "Wasn't it, Sweet Cakes?"
"Yeah, I'll bet," Benge snorted. "Charlotte . . . you wouldn't happen to be Catholic, would you?"
"Why, yes," Charlotte answered, surprised. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"Only that many Catholics don't believe in birth control."
Meier's face suddenly turned beet red as the others turned knowing eyes on him, but he quickly cleared his throat and blew them off. Charlotte only blinked her eyes in confusion.
"Well I think every family should have a lot of kids," Nolt said to break the silence. "Me, I've always liked kids and kids have always liked me."
"Oh, reeeaaaally?" Caroline said, her voice drawn down into a sultry purr. "Kyle . . . would you mind trading seats with me?"
"Huh?" Nolt said, his alert mode shifting into high gear. Kyle was about to refuse when another idea crossed his mind instead.
"Sure, Caroline," Kyle said with a slight lilt to his voice. "Go right on ahead . . . you know, Nolt's single."
The spark in Caroline's eyes became a glimmer of burning passion. "That's nice to know, Kyle," she purred, her eyes fixed on Nolt's nervous form. Sweat beads were beginning to break out along his forehead. He threw a fierce look at Kyle as the smaller man slid out from beside him. Kyle gave him a shrewd wink that said, "That'll teach you for not backing me up when I need you to," as Caroline slipped into his old spot. Nolt had to lean over to his left as Caroline slinked her own body against his own, his elbow brushing up against Grove's head.
"Hey, watch it, Nolt," Grove said irritably. "It's already bad enough that half of everyone here has made their home on my bed."
"Sorry, man," Nolt said hoarsely, distracted by Caroline's giggling. "Borgoff, are you sure you got that thing cranked to its max? I'm getting hot here myself."
Borgoff sighed in resigned frustration. "Yes, Nolt, it's as high as it can go. Just hold on to your sweat glands."
"Take your time, Borgoff," Caroline murmured as she slid her hand onto Nolt's lap, making him shift in his seat. "I'm in no hurry, now."
"D, can I get some help from you?" Nolt asked, his deep voice rising a notch as Caroline's hand went further up. D shrugged.
"What can I do?" he asked casually. "You're a pretty big man that can handle himself."
"Kyle?" Nolt's voice broke as Caroline's hand found purchase in a sensitive area. He quickly moved so that he was free again . . . for the moment.
"What, man?" Kyle said, chuckling evilly. "I don't see a problem to deal with."
"Men," Carmila spat under her breath.
"You said it," Leila agreed in disgust as she watched.
"Oh, Meier," Charlotte breathed dreamily.
"Oh, Charlotte," Meier sighed lovingly.
"Will you two shut up?" Benge said as he kicked at another fold that was slowly making its way up his leg. "You're making me sick."
A flash of shadow suddenly ripped through the air and ended with a loud "CHINK!" against the wall beside Benge's head. The deadly blade still vibrated with the force it was thrown with, reflecting Benge's wide, fear-stricken eyes from its gleaming, black surface.
Meier's red eyes glowed with intensity, his glare focused, his free hand still outstretched from the throw. Benge swallowed before giving a sheepish laugh.
"Just kidding," he said. "I was just kidding . . . please, continue."