Doctor Romani smiled, standing between Rin and Shirou and placing a hand on their shoulders. "Okay, now everyone's finally calmed down enough, let's do this fast, before they revolt again. Everyone, these are Tohsaka Rin-chan and Emiya Shirou-kun, Masters from the Singularity we've just pulled Ritsuka-kun out of." Then he gestured towards two other girls standing by the sidelines, both of whom waved and smiled at the large crowd of mostly perplexed Servants. "And those are fellow Masters Himemiya Anthy-chan and Tohsaka Sakura-chan, Rin-chan's little sister."
Orion perked up visibly from his perch spot on Artemis' head. "I like what I see, I really do...!" he cooed ecstatically, before Artemis forced a giggle and roughly shoved him back down with a thumb.
"Ohhhh, Darling, you're so funny, but please don't be again, hmmm?"
"Why do yuh look jusht like Ishtar?" Shuten-Douji slurred, drunkenly pulling a large goblet separate from her drooling lips and erratically pointing it at Rin. "All three o' yuh...?"
Romani laughed nervously, now pointing towards the three new Servants standing by the podium. "We'll hold a short round of questions after we're done with the introductions so you can get to know your new co-workers better, okay? But first, let me introduce you to Saber, Archer and Berserker. They are the Servants of Emiya-kun, Himemiya-chan, and Sakura-chan, respectively."
"A pleasure to make your acquaintance," Saber stoically greeted, bowing her head.
The Archer smirked, flashing perfect white teeth that made many a female Servant weak at the knees, and Caster Cu flinch uncomfortably, struck by bad memories. Medb began humming to herself at the sight of the white haired man, rubbing her chin in calculation...
"Uuuuu," Berserker bowed as well.
"Ahhhhh!" Nursery Rhyme clasped her hands together, happily. "I remember you now! The girl from Londinium! I'm so, so glad your story could have a happy ending after all...!"
Berserker cocked her head aside. "Uuuu?"
Andersen pushed his glasses up his nose with an annoyed sigh. "Please, it is obvious this is not the same Berserker. She just happens to be a different manifestation of the same Heroic Existence..."
The tiny Caster pouted angrily at him. "N-Nobody asked for your opinion, you... you meanie!"
"You're familiar too, aren't you..." Nitocris pondered, gazing in concern at Saber while wondering she'd seen that face before, and then she gasped loudly. "Ah! Lion King!"
Saber blinked. "I beg your pardon?"
"Y-Yes, the body's completely different, but there's no mistaking that face!" Hassan of Serenity gulped. "Nobody else could have such a face...!"
"Heyyyyy, now...!" Jeanne Alter growled, while Ruler Jeanne simply tried to look aside innocently. Off to the side, Okita had another explosive cough, spewing out blood and keeling over to lie on the floor as Nero poked her face.
Sitting at the back of the crowd along the other Chaldea Servants who had made it back alive from Mahora, Mordred snorted. "Did all that poison kill that little runt's brain, or what?"
"Is it true what I just heard?!" a handsome man in armor rushed into the conference room, all but ripping the doors open as he pulled them open with desperate vigor. Then his eyes grew impossibly wide and fixed as he stared at Saber, and in a blink he was right before her, falling to a knee before her, his forehead all but touching the floor. The gathered Servants just blinked as one, collectively perplexed he'd just gotten past like all of them just like that, before they could even notice. "It is! You... Your Majesty!" he said with an emotional voice that would have been extremely majestic and noble if only it hadn't sounded that broken. "I never thought I'd see this day, but that only speaks of how weak my faith was! I should have fully trusted your capacity to make it here, even past the oceans of time...!"
"Oh brother," Mordred groaned. "Gawain! Stop making such a show, it's not even like she's the first one you've seen since you started working here!"
Mordred father's only smiled benevolently, placing a hand on the kneeling fellow Saber's scalp. Shirou leaned closer, squinting sort of jealously. Rin grumbled and pulled him back, muttering something about not making any dramas. "My good Gawain. I am so pleased to see you again, as well. Why, this brings back so many memories of-"
"RRRRRTHHHRRRRR!" the newer, much taller and darker figure who had just appeared at the doorstep roared, just as melodramatically, taking what remained of the doors down with another, even more vicious pull, a large black aura constantly swirling around his armor. "RRRRRTHHHRRRRR!"
Saber's face twitched just a little, not-so-happy memories of the Fourth Grail War flowing back to her, too. "Ah, and Lancelot's here too, I see..."
"RRRRRTHHHRRRRR!" the Berserker bellowed, dashing forward and sending a few unfortunate Servants flying in all directions as he charged through them, in a direct line for the groaning, head-shaking blonde. "RRRRRTHHHRRRRR!"
Saber was about to pull Excalibur out while pushing Shirou behind herself, when someone stepped into Lancelot's path and strongly hit him across the head with a rolled up Chaldea Swimsuit Illustrated magazine (Scathach cover), forcing him to a sudden halt. "No, Dad!" Mashu harshly scolded him, waving the magazine around one more time. "Bad Dad! Behave, Dad, or else!"
"RRRRRTHHHRRRRR!" Berserker said in his defense.
"I know who she is!" Mashu shouted back, stomping towards him just one step. Accordingly, the gigantic Black Knight backed away, with a shaky wave of clanging shoulders. "All the more reason to behave before her! Honestly, what am I ever going to do with you?"
"rrrrrrthhhhrrrrr..." the Black Knight muttered, sitting down on the floor and slumping ahead, clearly defeated.
"...!-!" Shirou, Rin and Sakura were saying, pale and wide-eyed, although Anthy only chuckled to herself as girlishly as possible.
"Okay, can we start with the questions now?" asked Blavatsky, raising a hand.
"Um, but I still haven't introduced Ruler, who-" Romani said, gesturing towards the black haired female standing shortly behind the other newly arrived Servants.
Helena waved it off. "Pfffft, so what, we already know who is she, we have records from Orleans, remember? But, if she's a Ruler, that means she's got no Master, correct? Then, if she is a Master..." she pointed at Rin, who gulped and sweated a single big fat drop, "who is her Servant, and where are they?"
Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon created and own Fate Grand Order.
Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created Mahou Sensei Negima!
What Makes Us Human.
Chapter Five: Rin.
"My Servant," Rin seriously explained while Bedivere joined Gawain in greeting Artoria, the blonde girl with the twin tails and the huge metallic glove replacing her left arm bowing to her king, "was not the strongest or most imposing of Servants, but he still was brave and selfless, and fought for me to the bitter end. I have nothing but gratitude for him, so-"
"Oh my my my, oh dear...!" Mephistopheles chuckled with a quick, exaggerated blinking of twisted mischievous eyes. "So you came to Chaldea without a Servant...?"
"Yeah, sorry to tell you this, but while you look like a nice girl and all, all of us are already taken, you know?" Jing Ke asked.
"I'm sure Tohsaka-sempai is very well aware poaching anyone else's Servants away would be a very despicable and vile act that any twisted and merciless Master would punish with swift and cruel death, were there any such evil Masters in Chaldea, so we don't have to worry about her ever doing anything that low, Jing-chan!" Ritsuko happily said. "Surely she'll just get her own Servants as we go on, won't you, Sempai...?"
Sakura looked aside, whistling innocently as Rin nodded at that, feeling the sort of icy shudder she used to feel whenever in presence the of Kotomine for some reason or another. Gah, this girl...! "It's not like I'm in any hurry or anything, mostly I came over to further my studies in magic and make sure Sakura won't get over her head..."
Ritsuko nodded. "Well, that certainly puts my mind at ease! Even if the possibility you could ever be stabbed or strangled by any evil Masters within these walls is null anyway, Sempai!"
Sakura gave Ritsuka a concerned stare. "Are you sure she's actually your blood sister?" she asked him in a low voice.
He nodded. "Da Vinci-sensei demanded for a DNA test after fifteen minutes of first meeting us..." he confided.
Then Sakura's head whipped around as soon as she heard Shirou gasp loudly. So did Rin's head, actually. They followed Shirou's gaze with theirs, and while at first they were simply annoyed at seeing his eyes drawn towards a shapely woman entering the room, they just as quickly realized Shirou's shocked gaze was not fixed on her large bustline, but on her pale face, complete with quiet red eyes and framing long silvery white hair. A face nearly identical to that of Illya's.
"Sorry I'm so late!" the newcomer sheepishly said, even as Romani only ushered her in with a vague 'don't worry' hand gesture. "I'm still getting used to those facilities, and... oh!" she blinked, looking at Archer, who was for once just as dumbstruck as Shirou, looking at her with complete awe and confusion. "Oh my, you're almost the living image of-!"
And then Shirou's gasping only increased as a tall, lean man in a dark armored bodysuit walked in, definitely not following the albino beauty in and just casually strolling in a darkly cold and completely composed way. A red hood shadowed most of his face but the area around his eyes, and while what little flesh could be seen was as tanned as Archer's, Shirou could recognize his eyes immediately, even if they said nothing to Rin and Sakura except maybe a casual 'fuck you'. Saber's face, on the other hand, had started twitching violently, much to the surprise of Gawain, Mordred and Bedivere. "Who... Who is that Servant, Doctor?" Shirou was about to ask, when he found himself beaten to the punch for it by... Archer of all people? What? Archer could even emote bafflement? Since when? Weren't his only emotions trolling sarcasm and better than thou aloofness, then?!
"Hm? Ah, he's the Assassin of Fuyuki City, and the lady is Caster from Fuyuki... oh, that's right, Emiya-kun mentioned he was born in your universe's Fuyuki, weren't you, Emiya-kun?" Romani turned to smile at the younger man. "I seem to remember you mentioned that when we were introduced and I asked about your backg-"
"SABER!" Caster from Fuyuki all but flew past them then, tackling Artoria against a wall while Gawain and Bedivere gasped loudly. Then she tightly hugged the shorter Servant against herself, head nestled in her bosom. "Oh dear goodness, Saber, is that really you...?!"
Saber sighed, although Rin noticed she wasn't exactly trying to get Caster off herself yet. This was a new development in what concerned to Saber and Casters, truly. "Yes, Irisviel, it's me... in a fashion, I suppose. I am the Saber who fought under another like you in another realm, but I imagine you wouldn't be her, Irisviel never dressed... well, like this."
"Don't you like it?" Caster pulled back, blinking adorably, adjusting her large hat, which had grown slightly askew after her tackle. "It's what I've been wearing since becoming a Servant!"
"It's not that I don't like it..." Saber admitted, staring up and down at her in a way that Rin also found to be somewhat lingering and appreciating, "But... clothes like those were never your style, or rather hers, I suppose, but-"
Caster giggled, patting Saber's head fondly. "You're the same Saber I knew and was so close to, I can tell! I just can feel it in my heart!"
"... very well, if such is your decision, my lady" Saber said in a rather unusually subdued tone, and now Shirou was starting to worry a wee little bit, at least until he turned back to look at the familiar Assassin again. But the mystery man gave no signs at all of recognizing him or the frowning Archer in the slightest.
Liz Bathory glanced back and forth between the men, curiously. "Ooooo-kaaaayyyyy... what's the big story here, then?" she asked finally, eyebrows furrowing.
"None at all, I'm sure," Assassin icily said, taking a spot at the back of the crowd, a spot isolated and dark enough only Edmond Dantes currently stood there, back against a wall and staring away from everyone else. After that, the closest one was the Phantom of the Opera, who played suitably ominous background music on his organ. "So... these are the new reinforcements from that Singularity. Don't look like much to me..."
Saber seemed to seethe at this, much to Mordred's interest. She shared her father's general dislike of the man, in all truth, since he seemed to have some sort of unwarranted contempt for her, even if part of him also reminded her of Kairi in a way. Whatever the source of the bad blood between them was, however, Saber chose to simply not reply to the slight, instead making sure to step closer to Caster of Fuyuki, which in turn somewhat rattled Assassin nanoscopically for a picosecond or two.
Liz looked on again. "... no, definitely there's a very big and juicy story behind this!"
"There isn't!" Archer protested, and wow, Shirou thought, he could get indignant too instead of just making others indignant at him?! Who would've ever thought it!
"By the way, Nee-san..." Sakura said much later that night, both sisters taking the upper bunk of the room they'd been given, with the much heavier Fran taking the lower one all to herself. Apparently Servants in Chaldea usually had rooms and beds of their own instead of just spending most of their time being immaterial, which Rin found to be somewhat impractical, especially with so many of them around to share mana. On the other hand, perhaps it was necessary for them to work as a more or less cohesive army, to make them think of themselves as more of heroes and less of tools, so she also guessed there was some logic behind that as well.
"Hmmm?" Rin said, opening her eyes just a bit.
"I'm scared," Sakura confessed quietly.
Rin sighed. "Sakura, please. Berserker, Emiya and I won't allow anything bad to happen to you, and besides us, you're now surrounded by most of mankind's greatest heroes and, admitted, dangerous villains who are fortunately on our side, so-"
"Uuuu!" Berserker agreed from below.
"I don't mean that, Nee-san," Sakura said. "I mean I'm scared about what will happen as soon as those heroes and dangerous villains... well, at least the heroines... about what they'll do as soon as Kiyohime-san and Tamamo-san tell them they made Pactios with Ritsuka-sempai..."
Rin's eyes snapped open in sudden stark terror of her own.
Then another room all the way down the hall exploded loudly enough to rattle the whole building, which was a neat trick since they were in an underground complex.
The Tohsaka sisters had just taken part in a Holy Grail War, and as such were no strangers to acts of violence between Servants, or the overwhelming sensation of unrestrained might said acts inflicted upon any mere humans who happened to be in their proximity, magi included.
However, all prior conflicts between Servants they had witnessed before had some greater purpose behind them. Even Gilgamesh's fits of cruelty severed an ulterior plan of his to subdue the Earth. This, on the other hand, was just a catfight that was much bigger than it had any right to be.
Barricaded behind their door, with Berserker closely watching their backs, they were now peeking out to see Tamamo-no-Mae and Kiyohime, rivals brought together by necessity, duking it out in the hall, not with each other for once, but teaming up against the red clad Saber of roses, the horned and dragon-winged Lancer (as opposed to the horned and dragon-winged Saber), and that impossibly huge-breasted Berserker with long black hair whose name yet escaped the sisters. Outnumbered, the duo was being pushed back steadily, the Saber taking the offensive forefront as her huge twisted blade kept on smashing against the large mirror the Caster was using as a protective barrier.
"Truly, such perfidy and malice had I not witnessed since my mother's rule!" Red Saber shouted, pushing back against the insolently grinning but clearly physically outmatched Tamamo, who held her ground regardless. "To think that you, jackal, would resort to stealing Praetor's virginal lips behind our backs, instead of competing fairly here against the whole lot of us!"
"Tch, they knew they'd stand no chance then!" Lancer sneered, swinging her spear against Kiyohime once more, only for the Berserker to spin back and out of its way right in time. Unluckily for her, that also sent her into the other Berserker, who slammed her down with surprising and obviously trained skill. "Well done, Raikou!" Bathory cheered. "Pin her down and hold her still, now, so I can stab the scaly pig...!"
"Okay, they're getting too out of hand now," Sakura decided, her heart moving her to side against the team with a Saber in it and in favor of the underdogs. Besides, she sort of liked Kiyohime-san. "Fran! Save Kiyohime-san, will you!"
"Uuu!" her Servant nodded, leaping past their door and joining the fray from above, swatting Raikou back with her mace and throwing Liz off balance, allowing Kiyohime to quickly stand back up. "Uuu, uu?" Fran asked her rescuee, which roughly translates as 'Are you okay, Miss?'
"I'm fine, thanks!" Kiyohime smiled, pleasantly surprised. "I knew you'd back us up, Fran-chan! After all, your Master is obviously a fellow nice Japanese maiden of class and elegance!"
While Fran nodded briefly and Sakura blushed at the praise, the fight was cut short abruptly. Red Saber stopped swinging at Tamamo, and Raikou and Liz pulled back uneasily when Doctor Roman, Leonardo Da Vinci, Ritsuko and Florence Nightingale strode quickly onto the hall, no doubt alerted and ready to lay the down law. "Now what's the meaning of this nonsense? And you're even involving our new guests! What will they think of us?" Da Vinci chided them. "They will think Chaldea is some sort of chaotic psychiatric hospital, that's what!"
"Nobody asked the mechanical doll to join in!" Lancer hissed, giving Fran a poisonous sideways glance. "I'll bet she was a part of the conspiracy that started all of this! It happened in her world, after all!"
"What happened?" asked Roman. "And what conspiracy? Are you sure you aren't just blowing things out of proportion again, Liz-chan?"
"Excessive bursts of anger induced stress are highly harmful to the nervous, cardiac and digestive systems," the tall, busty combat nurse lectured sternly. "In the event you don't calm down immediately, I'll be forced to sedate you all on the spot."
Nero pointed at the smugly smiling Kiyo-Tama couple and protested, "Umu! While you are at it, Physician, give these two courtesans some medication to control their libidos! Do you know what they did? They dared to kiss Praetor behind our collective backs!"
"Oh, this is so rich, now a Roman emperor is lecturing us on morality, ufufufu!" Caster chuckled dryly.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait and then wait some more, WHAT?!" Ritsuko cried out. "You guys kissed Oniichan, for real?! And he let it happen?! I'll bet he wasn't even conscious, was he, you sick freaks! ... also, well done, 'bout damn time!"
"They even had the gall to boast of how they'd gotten some stupid collectible cards because of it!" Lancer huffed.
Berserker Nightingale frowned. "Kissing indiscriminately is a highly risky way to contract numerous infections and diseases. I'll have to put all the involved in prevention quarantine. How many of you exposed yourselves to this foolish gamble with contagion?"
"Um, it was the two of us, Marie, Mashu-san, Mo-san and Anchin-sama," Kiyohime confessed.
"Mordred, seriously?" Leonardo hummed, intrigued. "Who would have thought it possible, he never seemed the type..."
"It's always the ones you least expect them to, right?" Roman mused aloud.
Ritsuko's eyes bugged out. "Whaaaaaat?! MY dear little shy eggplant, too?! Onii-chan, you aren't cool anymore, you're a rotten treacherous fiend! I'm gonna rip your freaking balls off!"
Da Vinci sighed wearily, glancing towards the door of the Tohsaka quarters. "Rin-san, Sakura-san?" she called out, calmly enough. "Would you happen to know anything on this subject?"
Rin sighed as well as she stepped out with a reluctant Sakura in tow. "Sorry about that, Ma'am... or sir... whatever. As a matter of fact, we do, sort of, but you'd be better off asking Emiya-kun and Saber, er, Arturia. They did it first, so I guess their example might have moved Kyrielight-san and the others to do the same..."
Sakura gasped. "Onee-chan! You're throwing Sempai under the bus, how cold!"
"Well, Rin means 'cold' after all," Raikou observed.
"Ah! I was going to say that!" Tamamo objected.
"You can call just call me Maestro if you want to, Rin-san," Da Vinci told the honor student. "So, could we see those cards that were mentioned? Would they be Class Cards, by any chance?"
"How do you even know about Class Cards?" a puzzled Rin asked.
"I'm Leonardo Da Vinci, that's why."
"Ah, it's like saying 'I'm Batman'," Sakura nodded, understanding.
Dan Vinci started. "Oh, you know of him! How was he looking when you met?"
Rin blinked. "Wait, you know Batman-sama, Da Vinci-sensei?"
"Who doesn't," Nero sniffed.
"Rotten busybody," Bathory muttered. "I'm not sure why, but I'm sure I'd have gotten away with it if it wasn't for him!"
"Who?" Raikou said, looking confused.
"I don't know what those Class Cards are, but these are even better!" Kiyo smiled, pulling her shiny card out. "Behold! The fruit of my youthful passion with Anchin-sama! Kiyohime's ultra-powerful Pactio Card!"
Nero stared dubiously at it. "And what's that trinket supposed to do? It looks like a cheap conversation piece to me."
"What a thing for an ignorant harlot to say!" Tamamo bristled. "Pactios are one of the great mysteries of magic! Even I, who don't favor Western mysticism that much, readily recognize and admire their value for a warrior... of love!"
"Yeah, yeah, that's all too nice and cool, I'm sure," Ritsuko grumbled, snatching Kiyo's card right off her hand to stare closely at it. "This isn't even Riyo's art, what a ripoff! Let me guess, you kissed Onii-chan and these crappy looking things popped out, right? How is that? Onii-chan is a complete zero when it comes to magic.
Somewhere in Mundus Magicus, Louise La Valiere... ahhh, forget it.
"He's still our Master, though," Tamamo shrugged, "and that's enough to make the miracle work!" She smiled mischievously then. "You should try it as well, Ritsuko-sama. I'm sure you'd have no shortage of partners to practice this noble art with...!"
"I thought you were against harems?" Raikou asked her.
"Only when it's my man having them! If Ritsuko-sama wants one of her own, who am I to contradict her?" the fox faux piously said.
Ritsuko smiled very slow, creepy and lecherously. "A harem of kissing 'Pactio' beauties and hunks, huh...?"
"Oh God, you actually did it!" Liz said in disgust. "Fool, you just damned us all! Daring her of all people to go around kissing others... even moreso than usual!"
"Oh, and now it's the Blood Countess lecturing us on morals!" Tamamo scoffed. "That's even worse!"
"No, she's completely right this time..." Roman groaned while Da Vinci, Raikou, Nero and Kiyohime only could nod stoically.
Rin grimaced. "So... should we be worried, too?"
"No, worry is only of any use against things that can be prevented or avoided," Nightingale coldly replied. "Against something like Master's depravity, however, even we can do nothing but prepare for it with the honor of the doomed."
Ritsuko looked at her, surprised. "So that's how you really feel about me? You should have told me before! I'd never have pegged you for the uke type, Flo-chan!"
A short while later, in Shirou's new room, which he wasn't sharing with Saber because they weren't married and he was a gentleman and her Knights would skewer him alive Jesus, Emiya uneasily explained things over to Da Vinci, Roman, Nightingale, Ritsuko, Raikou, Nero and Liz, with Artoria, the Tohsakas and Fran sitting patiently at the sidelines.
"Well you see, I suppose it all started with Negi-sensei, who teaches English in our school. Well, the Junior High Female division of our school, but everyone knows him, and apparently his father and mine were friends..."
"Even though Irisviel never mentioned Nagi Springfield, but I am sure she had her good reasons," Artoria took a moment to digress. She felt tempted to ask Dress of Heaven if she'd ever met a Nagi in her timeline, but she was wary that might be a touchy subject for Irisviels everywhere in general.
Shirou gave a token nod. "Negi-sensei is a wizard, basically a variety of magic user who don't abide to the same codes most Magi like my father and Tohsaka's are supposed to uphold."
"Even if your father was mostly known for going against those codes to kill his own kind," Rin pointed out. Before Shirou could protest, she gestured for him to wait with a hand. "Although I can understand why he might have done it. I've been in Clock Tower for years, remember? If someone knows how wicked and twisted the average magus can get, that's me..."
"I'm already dreading the moment the Association comes in to seize the organization," Roman mumbled while nodding. "Odds are they'll just order a purge without even listening to us..."
"Let the bitches try. Do they have over one hundred Servants? No? Well, then I'd like to see them pull that off!" Ritsuko boasted.
"Dammit, girl, you don't have to tempt Fate that badly!" the doctor shot back. "Think of what you're saying for once!"
Shirou sighed. "Like I was saying, Negi-sensei is a campus celebrity, and while of course most students don't know he's a mage, he's still gathered a large group of followers around him. Saber and I both kind of have joined that team of late..."
"From your words I assume this teacher is a great leader, able to inspire obedience from even a Heroic Spirit of flawless beauty and her Master," Nero said, seemingly inspired and even impressed. "I would like to meet this man myself."
"Um, he's not a man," Rin said. "He's only ten years old."
A blunt silence fell all over the room.
"... excuse me?" Raikou finally said, a twitching starting to develop on her right eyebrow. Twisted as her maternal instinct was, it was still very powerful, and that included a strong dislike of hurling children into harm's path. Children who actually were books, serial killers, de-aged conquerors or old literary authors did not count, naturally.
Shirou nodded, seemingly oblivious to her quietly rising outrage. Rin began discreetly sliding back towards the door just in case. "He's also got a Familiar, this ermine partner who arranges Pactios for him and his Ministra Magi, and Saber and I were convinced one would increase our chances for victory in the Grail War..."
"One with each other, not with the child, I would hope," Da Vinci said.
"Geh, of course not with him!" Shirou gasped. "Who do you take us for?! Anyway, after Kiyohime-san and the others learned about that, they in turn also wanted Pactios with Fujimaru-san, and in truth we went through many dangerous situations where we needed every advantage we could get, but none of that was Saber's idea or mine, so please don't blame us on for what's going on between you!"
"Exposing children to all the health hazards involved with indiscriminate kissing is an abominable crime," Nightingale opined in a steely, unforgiven tone. "Exactly how many corrupters involved themselves in that debacle?"
"Um, let's see," Shirou recalled, "there's Chisame-san the hacker and Yukihiro-san the class rep. Then there's Kakizaki-san the singer and Misora-kun the apprentice nun and her partner Cocone-chan and-"
"Wow, the kid even kissed nuns?!" an overly-excited Ritsuko said. "That boy's dynamite, isn't he?! I want to meet him already! I'll bet he makes anything around him burn!"
"What a darkenned way to phrase it," Liz huffed. "You make it sound like he's some sort of conquering stud monkey instead of the victim of those girls' decadent habits. And believe me, if someone knows about decadent habits that's me..."
"You're still a pure innocent soul compared to Carmilla-san, dear," Raikou fondly patted the area between Liz's horns.
"Gahhh! What have we talked about mentioning that name in my presence, you cow?!"
"- and Shiina-san the cheerleader and Asuna-san the Baka, although she says she hates children, but honestly, who is she fooling..." Shirou kept on counting, absorbed into it by now. "And Konoka-san and Setsuna-san, even though they are also into each other and even got married in Ohtori... and I even heard a rumor he has a fiancee who's also his cousin…"
"I need to meet these friends of yours, Sempai!" Ritsuko said, eyes gleaming with anticipation.
Fortunately for the mental and physical well-being of all those on whom the continued existence of human history hinged, the next Singularity alarm came the next morning before Ritsuko could enact any daring schemes to exert her will over breakfast. Da Vinci had said it seemed to be a relatively small and contained Singularity so far, so she had seen fit to send only Ritsuko herself, Mashu, Assassin of Fuyuki and Dress of Heaven, plus Shirou and Saber, and Anthy and Archer, to give the newcomers a crash course on how to cruise into Singularities (as opposed as acting from within the one you came from).
And then, as if an afterthought, Da Vinci had added, "Oh, and Rin-san should probably go as well."
"Me?" Rin had blinked. "But, I don't have any Servants of my own yet..."
Da Vinci had shrugged it off. "This is as good a chance as any other to contract with another Heroic Spirit while you are there, don't you believe so? I'm sure you'll be fine, you have a very balanced team that I have carefully selected to protect you at all times."
"I don't need to be protected, thanks," Rin had muttered, "but I was under the impression I was to study a bit more on the situation before being sent as another field ag-"
"Leyshifting is almost done, please move into position, Tohsaka-san!" Roman cheerfully called out from the crystalline Leyshift coffins at the other end of the chamber, all but one currently sealed and humming, the final one still open and hissing out wisps of cryogenic gas. "You don't want to be left out, do you?!"
"No, seriously, why do you keep on jumping the gun like this?!" Rin protested, but then, seeing Sakura about to add her own opinion with a concerned expression, the older sister just straightened up and stormed towards her unit haughtily. "On second thought, if you're so convinced I'm needed for this mission's success, so be it!" I-it wasnt a-as if she was trying to s-save face in front her sister/lover or anything! It was merely out of pity, hmph!
"But, Nee-san!" Sakura gasped. "If you're having a bad feeling about this, you shouldn't-!"
Rin smiled and gave her a thumbs up while Roman helped her into the coffin. "Don't worry, your big sis can take care of herself! We'll be back before you even realize it! In the meanwhile, obey the Maestro and Doctor here and stay away from all the mass murderers, will you?"
"I will, Sister... p-please be careful..." Sakura gulped, seeing Rin's coffin being shut down before their eyes, then waiting with her heart in a figurative fist as the complex machinery took her, Sakura's beloved sempai, the Servants and the unsettling Ohtori girl away, not only from the base, but from that plane of reality altogether. Then she heaved a sad sigh. "You know I'll never forgive you if anything happens to them, don't you?" she asked Da Vinci and Roman. "Fran-chan and I should have gone with them..."
"After the massive waste of resources we had in your Singularity, I'm afraid we must focus on smaller incursions for the time being, Sakura-san," the Caster told her, sympathetic enough but also leaving no room for doubt. "I apologize, but it is true I selected that team suspecting they are the absolute best fit for what I have observed from that Singularity. And whatever is troubling Archer, Fuyuki's Assassin and Emiya-san about each other, it is for the best if they settle it away from meddling troublemakers and plotters like many of our Servants, and as soon as possible. I trust they will all be mature enough to work their unspoken issues out through necessary cooperation in the battlefield."
Sakura winced, rubbing herself up and down an arm. "Y-yes, well, I'm not too sure I would gamble Sempai and Nee-san's well-being on that..."
"I'm Leonardo Da Vinci, I know better!" the Caster smiled proudly.
"That is going to be your answer whenever I criticize anything about your decisions, isn't it..." Sakura gloomily, and quite correctly, predicted. "I'm telling Batman-sama you stole his catchphrase."
"How do you know he didn't steal it from me?"
"… okay, I concede your point…"
"Sempai, wake up, please," Mashu moaned as she began to unbutton her shirt. "Honestly, it's always like this with you..."
"Mashu-chan, what are you saying?" asked a curious Ritsuko, standing a a few feet apart from her along the rest of the just materialized field team. "I'm right here, up and conscious, we all are!"
"Oh, sorry, force of habit!" the Demi-Servant quickly apologized. "It's just, normally I'm sent away with Ritsuka-sempai, and he always faints when we make the jump..."
"Yeah, I'm kinda worried about his health, too," Ritsuko said, looking up at the clear blue sky. "What's the problem with this place anyway? It all looks fine to me! I was expecting to see a red blood sky, a ruined academy or something, perhaps a joint of tyrannic weirdos in fetish gear coming out to greet us upon arrival, but this field's just doll looking, what's with that?!"
Artoria looked all around the pristine fields of flowers they had just appeared on, a single large tree visible in the distance. "I cannot feel any hostile presences either. Maestro Da Vinci seems to have had the presence of mind as to send us away from immediate conflict. That is good, as we can formulate a strategy much better this way."
"How can we do that when we don't even know what we're going up against?" Ritsuko complained. "Okay, as the leader for this raid, I guess I'd better command three of you to go around and do a sweep of the surroundings while we set up camp here. How about you, Archer, you look like a good scout, and take Assassin with you..."
"Fou! Fou, fou!" Fou nodded vigorously, leaping out of nowhere to sit on Rin's head.
"What the-?!" Tohsaka gasped. "Who let this little animal into their coffin, and why?!"
"Hmm, I think you did?" Shirou told her. "I know he wasn't in mine, and you were the last one to get in, so he must've had more time for it with yours..."
"Fou fou fuuuuuuhh!" Fou nodded again.
While Rin only scowled bitterly, Mashu said, "Don't worry, Sempai, Fou's never a load in our operations. He's able to look after himself, after a while you won't even notice he's around..."
Then the Servants all tensed as one. "Look out!" Saber cautioned, pulling her invisible sword out. "Something is coming our way from the North...!"
"Say what?!" Shirou blinked, catching a glimpse of a red and white blur zooming towards them through the sky, then dive bombing them, only to clash against Mashu's shield, the girl's clothes changing into the blink of an eye to her snug Servant attire, her defensive weapon being pulled up swiftly, intercepting the small but fast projectile right in the nick of time. There was a small but strong explosion that sent Anthy, Rin, Shirou and Ritsuko dropping to their butts on the grass and a bright flash of light, and when it was over a small stick with a red handle and white wings on each side of its circular head twitched on the ground at Shielder's feet like a fish out of the water, and whining in a high pitched, cutesy voice.
"Ow! Ow, owww, owwiiieeeee!" it said, much to Shirou's utter bafflement. "What was that fooooor?! Who are you, and what do you want from me! Ah! Surely you aren't out to take advantage of a poor, virginal and maidenly wand in dire need, are- YOU!" it flapped back, seemingly terrified as it appeared to take notice of Rin, somehow, despite its complete absence of visible eyes. "What are you doing here, and with Illya's Oniichan to boot?! Are you dating behind her back?! I'll tell her, I'll tell her!"
"Illya?!" Archer and Shirou shouted as one, the male Servant's usual aloofness once again shattered in a blink.
"A... A Kaleidostick!" Rin gulped, taking a few steps back in terror, dreaded lessons from the Clock Tower flashing back into her mind. "Everyone, look out! This thing's highly dangerous!"
"That's my line, 'Master'!" the stick indignantly said, standing straight and pointing an accusing wing at her. "The nerve of you, wasting time on dates while Illya and Kuro-chan and especially me are in danger! What a lustful woman, and you didn't even invite us to join in! This is unforgivableeeeeee!" it cried out as Ritsuko plucked it up, pulling on its wigs hard and holding it relatively still. "No, no, not there, that's a sensitive area!"
"Okay, from the context I'm assuming this crap's some kind of deceptively powerful magical tool, right? Caster, I assume you're the biggest specialist in magic out of all of us, so can you-"
"Mama!" the stick gasped at Dress of Heaven now. "Um, this isn't what it looks like! I'm not Illya's wand, I mean, I haven't dragged Illya into anything dangerous behind your back, Illya's a big girl now anyway, please don't kill me! This is all but an act of ventriloquism from, um, some troll!"
"Illya is in danger?!" Archer and Shirou cried in unison, the former already pulling his short blades out, both too worried to be annoyed about their strange synchronicity.
"Well, um," the wand made a gulping nose, "I wouldn't go as far as to say it's immediate, completely lethal danger or anything,... but, we were just intercepted while flying by a very powerful enemy and got blown out of the sky, so... maybe, I suppose?"
"Illya was flying?!" Shirou added, confused out of his mind right now. "She can use brooms and staff like Sensei now, too?!"
"... what?" the stick asked back. "Which sensei are you talking about, are you high, Oniichan?"
The Servants readied themselves again, weapons now fully deployed as something else approached from the very same direction the wand had come from. Anthy and the other Masters looked up, and saw a handsome blond man in a militaristic gray uniform floating slowly towards them, surrounded by a dozen grotesque winged demons, all of the female variety. "Harpies!" Artoria growled, eyeing the emaciated, monstrously drooling and cackling female fiends flapping their wings in formation around their leader, who only sneered coldly at them.
"So, the stick has found reinforcements? It doesn't matter," grumbled the man. "Step aside, dogs! Don't dare stepping into the way of Jadeite, former General of the Negaverse, and current Commander of First Lady's forces! To cross me is to court Death itself!"
"Jadeite...?" Saber flinched, remembering the name from some of Ala Alba's stories. "That's impossible! You're dead!"
"Well, technically, so am I," Archer reminded her.
"And I," Assassin dryly added.
"Me, too!" Caster offered.
Saber clenched her teeth. "I know... But, unlike you, there is no way he can be counted as a legend worth entering the Throne of Heroes!"
"Neither am I," Archer admitted. "I had to find another way into it."
"In my case, it's more like the way forced me into it, but yes..." Assassin all but hissed.
Caster blinked, then smiled with a shrug. "I wasn't a big heroine either, I was just too linked to the Grail, I suppose!"
"Enough nonsense!" Jadeite sneered. "I don't care how you know my name, woman, but you shall not live to see another day! Soldiers! Seize them!" he gestured down with a hand, and the harpy squadron swooped down on the party, clawing and slashing, more than ready to do battle...
Meanwhile, in Mahora City:
"Very well," Darjeeling calmly said, finishing pouring the tea for herself and the other two, "let us discuss, then, the terms of this competition."
Tomoe Mami nodded, just as politely, but with the firm smile of someone who has an edge on being the only one in the room who knew about Negi's secret. "Of course. I am glad we could discuss this like civilized people, but then again, our refined taste on these subjects of the heart should make us sisters in arms who would not resort to underhanded tactics against each other, shouldn't it?"
"Quite, quite!" Goutokuji Miyako nodded as well, taking a first elegant bite out of her biscuit. "Of course, we face a hard road ahead of us regardless, but I'm still sure we can succeed through our sheer drive and determination, right...?"
The three of them were too charming to engage into the boastful Ojou Laugh, so they simply shared a joint Saintly Smile over the tea table, and their combined radiance almost blinded the other seven girls sitting in the room, by the door and respectfully behind the conference table. It was a most holy and pure light that bathed the whole room for a moment, as the three young blondes began planning a Plot Relevance Counter Attack for the ages...
Out of the seven other girls, Matsubara Kaoru winced. "Man, I thought Miyako was over that already... I mean, sure, Sensei was impressive as heck during that martial arts tournament," this was said with a small blush that did not escape the notice of Assam and Momoko, "but still...!"
"You're blushing," Akatsutsumi Momoko pointed out accordingly, thus. "Why do you blush when you talk about Sensei, hmmm, Kaoru-chan...?"
"I do not! And shut up, before they heard you and kill me!" Kaoru threatened her with a fist.
"I only come for the snacks and tea," Sakura Kyouko blandly said while stuffing her mouth with even more delicious biscuits. "I want that to stand for the record."
"Honestly, you Mahora people," Rosehip sighed.
"What was that supposed to mean, CLAMP wannabe?" Miki Sayaka squinted at her, angrily. "At least we don't go around pretending to be British, unlike you!"
"Should I remind you we hold the advantage in numbers in this room, which also belongs to the Commander to begin with?" Pekoe asked in turn. "As if you could leave this room alive after invoking our-"
"A-hem!" Miyako, Darjeeling and Mami all quite loud, but no less politely, coughed at the same time then, without glaring at their companions but nonetheless conveying the intent just as well.
"Sorry, Ma'am!" Momoko, Kaoru, Sayaka, Kyouko, Pekoe, Assam and Rosehip all rushed out to answer then, with a submissive bowing of their heads, after which the trio's radiant smiles and nods of gentle acceptance returned.
After a moment, Kyouko glanced furtively at Kaoru and whispered, "Wait, wait, why did we just do that?"
"Survival instincts, don't you realize it, geez...?" Kaoru hissed between clenched teeth.
Saber resolutely raised her sword, took a quick deep breath, and chanted, "The breath of the planet-"
Meanwhile, Rin activated her family crest, utilizing one of the gems engraved in to to conserve her gems as she sent fire up into the sky to keep the harpies back.
"- converges into a brilliant torrent of life-!"
At the same time, Assassin just calmly tugged out a submachinegun, spraying fire up into the enemy contingent, further keeping them at bay while Saber's sword grew visible in a massive burst of golden light.
"Take this! Excalibur!"
Even as Archer also joined in the efforts to keep the harpies roughly in place while Saber prepared her trump card by shooting blades at them from his bow in quick succession, Artoria's Noble Phantasm roared into life like a proud dragon, blazing up and rippling through the sky, engulfing the whole dozens of enemies in a single massive beam of burning light consuming them. At once, they were vaporized into dust, and only Jadeite's instincts making him pull back and away in the nick of time prevented him from being killed... again. Aghast, the blond man gaped at the sight of the Noble Phantasm slowly subsiding right before his eyes. His whole platoon had been annihilated before they could inflict even a single strike upon the adversary!
"What... What manner of monsters are you?!" he demanded. "I wasn't told there'd be people like you here!"
Saber smiled, keeping Excalibur trained on him. "I am Arthur, King of the Bretons! Comrade to Ala Alba's brave warriors! Do you see now, why I would know of your perfidy? Surrender now, evildoer! You are no match for our forces, anymore than you were for those children!"
"You feel better not having to hide your identity anymore, don't you?" Rin observed. "Good thing we're all on the same side now..."
"Ala... Alba?" Jadeite seethed, as if having difficulties remembering the name at first. "I see! Those boy's ragtag bunch! However, I lost to the Sailor Senshi, not to them... and I will not lose to you either! I will have my revenge!" he promised, sweeping a hand before himself and then vanishing altogether from sight right before a knife thrown by Assassin could go straight through his head.
The enigmatic Servant only scowled grimly. "I should have nailed him sooner..."
"That's okay, we understand. You must have wanted to learn about his superiors from him, am I right?" Caster smiled gently at him, his gaze not bothering to meet hers. "But that's fine, since Saber seems to know him, I'm sure she can tell us about his allegiances..."
The King sighed, lowering her legendary sword at last. "I am sorry to say I have no idea why he would be alive by this point, Irisviel. Ala Alba's reports stated he was, quite definitely, dead beyond any salvation. Of course, evil often has a way to return from where we least expect it..."
Anthy nodded, saying something at last, rather quietly. "That much is right, but... there is something else about this realm that troubles me. It feels... familiar, and yet..."
"And... yet?" Shirou asked when she only rubbed her chin softly, deep in thought, only to end up shaking her head at him.
"It's like living a fairy tale, that's all," she finally said.
"What is that even supposed to mean?" Rin groaned. "Archer, can you translate, please?"
The tanned Servant just smirked at her in that arrogant way she found so unnerving. "Master's ways and background are more complicated than you could imagine... Tohsaka-san," he pronounced her name with a certain playful teasing, which only further annoyed her and made Shirou and Saber further jealous, although the latter tried her best to keep it reigned in before Irisviel. "But she's from Ohtori, of course she would be familiar with environments like these."
"That guy was gay, wasn't he?" Ritsuko asked. "Nothing wrong with that, of course, but he was just so flaming!"
"If I remember correctly, that was supposed to be his Berserker Button," Shirou reminisced. "Asuna-san and the others said he hated being called that..."
"Oh, so he's in denial. No wonder he's so bitter," Ritsuko said.
Saber rasped. "I would rather not have you demeaning anyone's gender issues, not even a foe's, in my presence, if you please." Then she glared coldly at the wand, which had moved around to half-hide behind Shirou, warily. "What is your business with that fiend, and what does Illyasviel have to do with it?"
"Oh, your master is called Illyasviel, then?" Dress of Heaven asked the wand. "What a coincidence, that's just what I would have liked to name a daughter, if I ever had one...!"
Shirou and Rin uneasily looked aside, while Assassin only muttered most likely quite cynical something to himself.
"Very well..." the wand relented. "Are you sure you are ready for the incredible bombshell of my secret identity? Can you withstand the awesomeness of my reveal? Then I shall tell you! They know me across the worlds of magic as the mighty staff that pierces the barriers of reality! I am... The Magical Stick of Love, Peace and Justice! The Incredibly Wholesome but Coquettishly Sexual, Irresistible Kaleido Ruby!-!-! YES, IT'S ME!"
Rin winced noticeably at that, her disgust evident in her face.
"Ohhhh, she's a dearie...!" Caster giggled cutely. "So happy and full of life!"
"Thank you, Mama!" Ruby said. "Good to see you're still the same, even if you've forgotten Illya somehow!"
Rin sighed. "Listen, if you are an actual Kaleidostick, then you must have figured this out already, so stop playing around, will you? I'm not the Tohsaka Rin you knew, and this isn't the Irisviel von Einzbern you are familiar with either. So, only because you belong to some Illya, it doesn't mean it's the same Illya that we-"
"Well, duuuuuuuhhhh!" Ruby interrupted, quickly fluttering around her. "What do you think I am, dumb? Of course I've figured it out by now, that you aren't the same shrill, abusive, incompetent and bossy Tohsaka Rin I had to suffer under until I met Illya! And how could I tell? Because... your hair is a little bit lighter!"
Rin had, in a flash, grabbed Ruby and slammed her down brutally against the ground, yelling, "DO YOU MEAN I OTHERWISE LOOK LIKE I'M ALL THOSE OTHER THINGS?!"
"ARTIFACT ABUUUUUUUUSE!" Ruby wailed.
"Tohsaka! Don't fight, don't fight!" Shirou chided. "I mean, just look at yourself now! You're picking on a stick, for Kami's sake!"
"You don't know anything about these... things, Emiya!" Rin told him. "I had to train in their use! I know perfectly what they are able of! Believe me, they are pure evil and not worth any pity!"
"Seriously?" Caster asked. "But, she's just so cute...!"
"That only makes it even more deceptive in its evil! And don't call it a 'she', call it an 'it'! These contraptions don't deserve to be humanized!"
Right then, however, the usual bickering between mankind's finest (and Shirou) was interrupted when a little girl in an elementary school uniform came running into view, making Saber and Shirou's eyes widen greatly. At first she only seemed to have eyes for Ruby, stopping by her and not really paying much attention to the rest of the party.
"Geez, Ruby!" she complained in an all too familiar voice, panting as she placed her hands on her knees. "You made me run all the way here for you! I know you were hit too, but... aaaaaahhhh!" her pale face blushed beet red as she finally caught a good view of the baffled Shirou, and she took several quick steps back, stuttering, "O-O-Onii-chan?!"
Before anything else could be said, however, she was caught from behind in a crushing hug by Dress of Heaven, her face abruptly smothered between the woman's large breasts. "Oh, dear, what a cuuuuuutie!" Irisviel said in extremely joyful tones. "I'd never seen a child as pretty as you...!"
"M-M-Mama?!" the child with long white hair panicked, struggling in her grasp. "What, what are you doing here?! Ah! And why are you dressed like that?! What would Papa... uhhh..." she caught a glimpse of the expressionless Assassin next, and squinted at the masked man, paying special attention to his eyes. "Do we know each other?"
Assassin shook his head in silence.
The child breathed out in relief. "I thought so, that's actually a- ahhhhh, Rin-san, too!" she grew panicky again as Rin just facepalmed and exhaled. "Sorry, Rin-san, I never intended to goof up this much! Too many things happened, and all too fast, and I don't even know why- Why- Why is the Saber card here too?!"
"The Saber card..." Artoria said with a small sigh of her own.
"And why are you wearing Kuro's clothes, they just look wrong on a man!" the child pointed at Archer. "Well, at least you wear pants, thank God!"
Archer couldn't help but making a small smile. "I wouldn't dream of not wearing them, Ojou-chan."
"And why do you have this huge evil aura around you, what in the world!" she finally pointed at Ritsuko, now even more freaked out, if that was possible.
Ritsuko smiled very slow and widely. "I have no idea whatsoever what do you mean with that, Imouto-chan..."
"Calm down, Illya, relax!" Ruby said, going over to fly around her head. "This has a perfectly straightforward and simple explanation! You'll see..."
Half a hour and metric ton of questions and answers later:
"That, that wasn't straightforward or simple at all!" Illyasviel von Einzbern protested heatedly, her eyes running around into spirals. "You mean Kuro isn't my only double!? And Miyu's brother isn't the only double of Onii-chan!? And how could the universe support two Rin-sans without exploding, anyway?! Does this mean there are two Luvia-sans too?! And what's the deal with these mysterious men in red, you still haven't explained anything about that!"
"We are the mysterious and cryptic type, sorry," Assassin offered dryly.
"I have partial amnesia, it seems..." Archer innocently said, looking aside.
"What, did you hit your head or something? You're a Class card, Class cards can't get amnesia! Can they?" Illya then asked Ruby.
The Kaleidostick shugged its wings. "Maybe? How should I know?"
"He's a Servant, not a Class card," Anthy patiently reminded her. "As for Luviagelita-san, yes, she was a rival of ours in the Holy Grail War, but she stayed behind in our world after losing her Servant. Right now, she's running some sort of wrestling league in Mahora City, isn't that right, Tohsaka-sempai?"
Rin grouched. "Don't even remind me of that madwoman. Look... Illya-san, I don't know what my Evil Universe Counterpart did to you, but you don't need to fear me! I assure you I'm a perfectly reasonable and logical woman who wouldn't ever dream of hurting a child, right, Saber? Emiya-kun?"
Saber just nodded firmly, but Shirou paused for a moment before saying, "... sure, let's go with that."
"What was that supposed to mean, Emiya-kun?!" Rin growled. "You're the one who hangs around the Dark Evangel, why don't you accuse her of that to her face?"
Illya blinked, worried. "Dark Evangel? And who's that...?"
"Pssst!" Ruby whispered, leaning onto her and nudging her shoulder. "Illya-chan, this is the chance of your lifetime! This is your Oniichan, but it isn't your Oniichan, and neither is Miyu-chan's! Do you know what that means?" As Illya blushed in realization, the stick giggled, "Yes! It's got all the charm and forbidden allure of incest without being incest! Or Bro Poaching! You have no excuse for not making a move now!"
Illya absently punched her aside, although her face had twisted into a vacant goofy grin even as Saber and Rin looked at her sternly.
Shirou was too concerned thinking of another thing to pay attention to that, humming lowly. "What's that you had said about some Miyu's brother, who is like me...? Ah, now I remember, that kid who helps Luvia-san around is named Miyu, isn't she, Tohsaka?"
"Yes. Yes, she is, Emiya-kun," Rin grumbled.
Illya blinked. "There's another Miyu-too...?! Then, does that mean there's another Taiga-sensei!? And another Kuro-chan?! And another Sella and Leysritt?"
"Sella and who?" Rin frowned.
"You know, the maids at my house...!"
"I don't know any Sella or Leysritt, sorry," Rin shook her head. She hadn't gotten a chance to meet up with Lelouch during Mahorafest, after all. "The only maid your counterpart has is named Sayoko. As for Fujimura-sensei, well, yes, she's Emiya's guardian..."
"Why would Oniiichan have a guardian?" Illya asked. "What happened to Mama and Papa?!"
Shirou flinched, quite uncomfortable, while Saber only looked down. "Well, you see, the thing is-"
Ruby rasped cutely. "Maybe we should finish this conversation in the citadel, Illya? We're sitting ducks out here, and it's a miracle that gay guy hasn't brought reinforcements against us yet. I guess he thought we wouldn't be stupid enough as to stay here this long..."
"Citadel? What citadel?" Mashu asked.
"Why, the last bastion for Magical Girls in our battle against the forces of darkness, of course!" Ruby replied. "The City of Mahou Shoujo, ruled by wise Queen Setsuna! She'll know what do do, I'm sure!"
"Queen Setsuna?" Shirou asked. "Um, let me guess, she's short, pale and very strong, has wings and is married to Queen Konoka, isn't she?"
"... of course not, Oniichan, what kind of weirdo world do you come from?" Ruby asked back. "Queen Setsuna, the guardian who came from beyond time! That's who I mean, naturally!"
"... Okay, sorry I asked, then..."
After marching across a couple of flowery valleys, along a small river, and through a narrow passage between mountains, with Ritsuko making dirty comments about how it was all sexual and Freudian, the Chaldea party finally arrived at a small city fully surrounded by tall, pastel colored walls decorated with fancy hearts, stars, rainbows and flowers. Ritsuko, Rin, Assassin and Archer all winced at the terribly bad taste on display while Illya walked up to the closed gates and knocked on them.
"The Pani Poni Empress of the Meguca Suffering lays her arms down at the breaking of a new dawn," a voice said from the inside.
"As sure as the Mau meows, Hope will rise again. Do not ask what your Meguca can do for you, but what you can do for your Meguca," Illya replied.
"The Pink Goddess is in her Heaven, all is right with the world," the voice said. "From above she smiles upon us, and we shall have tea and pastries after classes."
"Seriously? Well, that's nice. Now and ever and forever happily ever after! Now open the fucking door," Illya said, making Shirou and Archer flinch, right before the gates were opened from the inside for her. She giggled apologetically at them. "Sorry, but what better secret code for Mahou Shoujo than a foul word? They'll never suspect we use them!"
"They?" Rin asked as they followed her in. "Who are 'they', exactly? Someone has you under seige, right? What kind of- huh," she trailed off, looking around, as the whole city seemed to be made of candy houses, with streets paved on what looked like chocolate, and populated with nothing but cute girls warily peeking out of each window, several of them quietly gasping and gawking at the sight of the men in the entourage. "Okay, now the day officially got weird!"
A girl hidden behind a large and square green shield that was as tall as herself waddled closer to them, light body armor clearly clanging with each step. Only her shy eyes were visible through a narrow slit window in the shield, as she stuttered, "G-G-Good morning, Illya-san! Um... you're aware y-you've brought outsiders to the city, r-right...?"
"That's okay, Sana-chan, they're friends!" Illya said. "They rescued Ruby from Jadeite, I feel we can trust them! Besides, these are my Mama and my Oniichan!" she smiled, gesturing at Shirou and Dress of Heaven. "Well, sort of anyway..."
"P-Pleased to meet you!" the girl bowed quickly to them, banging her forehead against the shield, and Mashu had to bite her tongue to keep herself from lecturing the girl on how to hold a shield. "Uwaaa, I'm Futaba Sana, Puella Magi, and sentinel of the gates, h-how do you do..."
"Howdy there!" Ritsuko waved happily. "I'm Fujimaru Ritsuko, history's greatest heroine, and these are my Servants, Assassin, Caster, Saber, Archer, Shirou, Rin, Anthy and Eggplant!"
"We are not your Servants!" Rin growled.
"... Eggplant is now my official Class designation?" Mashu asked in faint dismay.
Sana looked with mounting concern at Illya, who just shrugged. "Look, just trust us on this, okay? We need an audience with the Queen and we've wasted too many paragraphs as it is, so please take us to her already, we've gotta keep the plot moving fast..." Ruby told her.
Sana blinked. "I need to stay at the gate, th-though!" She then turned around and called out, "Felicia-chan! We need someone to take Illya-chan's new friends to the Queen, can you please d-do that for me, if it's not a bother...?"
"Yaaaayyyy!" a blond girl around Sana's age, wearing a midriff-showing outfit with a horned helmet, and carrying a gigantic hammer attached to her back, merrily skipped ahead from a nearby surveillance seat to greet the others. "Screentime at last!" she grinned dumbly and waved. "How do you do, I'm Mitsuki Felicia! My favorite animals are cows! I am thirteen years old and my blood type is O! I go to school in Kamihama Academy..."
Sana sighed. "Felicia-chan, I don't think they're too interested in all that stuff right now, s-sorry..."
"Ah, but it's my Defining Character Moment! Without a fight scene, how am I going to estabes- stabli- set myself as a strong presence in the narraout- narratin- narrowti- in the story?!"
"She's absolutely right," Ritsuko said as Anthy sagely nodded. "If you don't start strong, then odds are you'll just fade away as yet another throwaway character, like Hyde or Billy the Kid or Darius. Fight on, Felicia-chan! You can pull it off, I'm sure!"
"You two can understand her language?" Rin snorted.
"Everyone around here is convinced we're living in some sort of fairy tale, so for them it's very important to follow the rules of a story," Illya explained as they followed Felicia down the main street, and Sana weakly waved them goodbye from behind the shield. "I guess they're all a bit loopy, but Ruby is a lot of help to... mediate, should we say? She can understand them far better than I can..."
"So that's the way it is, huh..." Assassin huffed. "We should have brought Nursery Rhyme then. This isn't my kind of battleground at all."
"I think it's all lovely!" Caster beamed, looking all around her in awe. "What a pleasant and nice society, who would be evil enough as to want to destroy it...?"
"Um... maybe this Solomon guy we've been fighting of late?" Ritsuko exposed. "You know, the one we were gathered to fight and we've been opposing this whole time, Iri-chan?"
"Solomon? Like the king in the Bible?" Ruby asked. "Nope, our enemy is someone called First Lady. We don't know that much about her, she's fairly secretive and Illya and I haven't been here that long either, but looks like she's got a mad-on against all Magical Girls, and whenever an enemy of them dies in one world or another, she pulls them into her forces. Suffice to say, over time she's gotten quite a large army..."
"That's funny, this world doesn't look like it's in a state of war," Ritsuko shrugged, ripping a bit of candy from a window and munching on it while passing an especially delectable house by, ignoring the angry protests from the Mahou Shoujo poking out its front door. "Why, everything just looks so... um... Disney!"
"That's because we still control this area, but rumors are the First Lady's domains are a hellish landscape of torture, fire, pain, and Stephanie Meyer imagery," Illya cautioned. "Every day their forces grow larger and bolder, and today Jadeite's crossed a line, none of them ever came this close before! Of course, it might be because he's still new and doesn't know any better, but..."
Archer frowned to himself, as if troubled by something about that history. Anthy seemed to realize it, as she had been thinking the same thing, and took a moment to gently touch his arm as they walked.
His eyes never left Illya's petite figure, his expression filled with a deep concern...
He also didn't notice everyone noticing and start uttering about lolicons. Silly workaholic heroes…
The royal palace was not really a palace or a castle, it was more like a big fancy house set before the city's main square. And it wasn't made of candy but good old concrete, blocks and bricks. Which was good, since Ritsuko and Saber had eaten from like half of the city's houses along the way there. Even now, as they were ushered into the royal chambers, Saber was still gulping a large portion of chocolate, then politely wiping her mouth with the back of a hand before the Magical Maid in charge opened the doors of the large throne room.
The throne was technically not a throne either, but a big comfortable office chair on which sat a tall, somewhat tanned (although nowhere as much as Anthy) woman with long, very dark green hair, who had a tall stack of papers by each side, and wore a simple, functional set of black shirt and light gray pants, her feet in open sandals. Ritsuko was actually fairly disappointed at the lack of pomp and ceremony.
"Ma'am!" Felicia bowed as she walked ahead. "These are the intruders, ah, sorry, gaijin, uh, I mean visitors who saved Illya-chan from General Jadeite!"
"Actually, it was technically Ruby-san whom we saved..." Shirou began, before getting a discreet elbow to the stomach from Rin.
"How do you do, Your Majesty!" Ritsuko took it upon herself to greet her with a grand bow and showy gesture of flattering hand motions. "I'm Fujimaru Ritsuko, dimension-hopping heroine supreme from world saving organization Chaldea! And these are my Servants-"
"- and colleagues," Rin made sure to point out this time.
Somewhere, the boys of the United Magical Girl Association sneezed.
"- Shielder, Caster, Assassin, Saber, Archer, Shirou, Anthy and Rin!" Ritsuko went on as if she hadn't been interrupted. "Your world has just been labeled a Singularity, which means it is on the brink of collapse, but never fear, we're here to save it!"
"We know it's a lot to take in from a single sentence, but please trust us, we are experts on this," Anthy bowed even moreso, but much less flashily. "Well, not me, I have just joined, but... Before we said anything else, may I ask if you have seen a young lady named Tenjou Utena, please?"
Rin and Shirou were utterly baffled at this weird non sequitur. "Excuse me?!" the former asked.
"She is tall and slim, rather athletic, with beautiful long light pink hair, very courageous and driven, might be wearing men's clothing..." Anthy continued, also acting as if Rin hadn't spoken at all.
"That's your girlfriend, right?" Rin asked. "Why would your girlfriend be in a place like this at all?!"
The Queen looked evenly at them, then half-sighed. "The Rose Bride of Ohtori. I never expected to see you here, what is the history behind this?"
Rin did a shocked double take, while Shirou only cocked his head aside, question marks floating over it. "She's known across dimensions?! What in the-?!"
"I originally came from your dimension, and so I know everything about you, Tohsaka Rin," the Queen said, quite on the cold, distant side. "Well, everything up to the point I was forced into this realm. I am sorry, Rose Bride, but your husband has never been sighted in these lands. Were I to hazard a guess, I would say she still must be somewhere back in our world."
Anthy nodded pensively at that. "Thank you very much. That... is a relief for the most part, actually..."
"Okay, I always knew you were kind of weird, but not this much!" Rin gasped. "Are you even human at all?!"
Felicia coughed into a fist, since apparently the kingdom didn't have much of a budget and there were no other guards in sight to intimidate loud guests from being disrespectful. Saber thought those were terribly low standards from a fellow sovereign, even if their chocolate was still superb. "Mind your manners before the Queen, will you?!"
Said Queen rose from her seat, taking hold of a very long staff that had been resting by her side. "It used to be I was one of the Sailor Senshi, Sailor Pluto, Guardian of the Gates of Time. However, once, very long ago, I sacrificed myself to save our world from a crisis beyond compare, and somehow, my esence drifted into this world, where I gathered many a lost, stranded warrior of hope and peace. Together, we founded this city, a haven for all sisters in arms against the forces of evil and darkness. We call it..." there was a long, dramatic pause, "Gensokyo!"
More silence ensued.
"Wow," an impressed Shirou said at last. "That's a really cool name!" And he actually meant it!
The Queen shrugged. "Most of my subjects are very young, many of them were videogamers, the name was well liked and stuck during discussions on what to name the city, we had elections and everything. I see you have not asked what a Sailor Senshi is. Have my companions appeared in your world already?"
"Yes, well, actually, we are friends with a few of them," Shirou offered as Saber nodded. "We've met Sailor Venus, Mars and Mercury, all of them quite nice people..."
"Especially Sailor Mercury," Saber felt like stressing.
"Mars is a very debatable case," Rin grumbled, folding her arms.
"However, I have to assume you were replaced or something," Shirou added, "because I clearly remember them saying Sailor Pluto is a blonde lady?"
"I know," the Queen nodded. "When I thought I was about to be obliterated from existence, I passed my Star Seed to another, the most suitable candidate in the vicinity." Or rather, the only other woman left alive in the world by then, but, details. "I have high hopes of her stopping what I couldn't halt, and bringing a conclusion to the destructive cycle of time recursions..."
"Oh, do you mean that thing where Chao Lingshen-san would keep on going back in time again and again?" Shirou asked this time. "If so, yeah, Negi-sensei convinced her to stay so she wouldn't do it anymore, so that should work fine from now on..."
"That is good to hear," the Queen approved with a nod and a smile. "I know I can stay here forever, in that case, since I am not needed there any more. Besides, Gensokyo needs me now more than ever. No doubt you have already heard of First Lady, who keeps tightening her forces around us day by day. Perhaps you are the heroes we need to turn the tide around..."
"Man, this shit's just so chuuni, it's great," Ritsuko commented on with a huge shit-eating grin. "I have no idea about more than half of what you guys are saying, it's like a trippy drug trip! Ahem, or so I have heard, anyway, it's not like I took anything from Holmes-san's stuff while we were in Londinium, that's only for losers..."
"... on second thought..." the Queen began saying after hearing that.
What's in a Name?
"So, what's your team called, anyway?" Sailor Mars after them after the dust of the battle settled. "Because you have a name, right?"
"Of course we do!" the busty blonde said. "We are RWBY! See, it's an acronym for our initials," she pointed at her teammates one by one and finally at herself. "Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Yang!"
"R... W... B..." Sailor Jupiter began going through the name phonetically. "Ah, how egocentric!" Mayu gasped and pointed at Ruby. "You named the whole team after yourself!"
"I didn't!" Ruby protested. "It wasn't my idea! I wanted to call ourselves... The Fantastic Four!"
"She also wanted me to call myself Catwoman, then Black Cat, then Chat Noir, then Cheetah, then Black Panther..." Blake began reminiscing not that fondly.
"Wildcat, then?" Ruby offered hopefully.
"Can't you ever think of a name that isn't taken already?!"
Little Red Public Domain Hood.
"Well," Sailor Mercury smiled amicably, "you're much more agreeable than the last girl wearing a red hood I met..."
Ruby, instantly, lost her own radiant smile and took on a small concerned frown. "S-Seriously? Who was she...?"
"Oh, just someone we ran into in Kyoto, while we... hmmm... while we tried to help a friend. She called herself both Bulleta and Baby Bonnie, and while she certainly could fight, well... I imagine you wouldn't know about her, right? I mean, the secret world of magic and superpowers is so big, no doubt there's more than enough room for two adventurers with Little Red Riding Hood motifs..."
Ruby nodded, her silver eyes now as wide and round as saucers, her face suddenly quite on the pale side. "Y-Yes... Although..." she said very slowly, "She doesn't seem to think that..."
Then her expression simply froze, and Akira grew really worried.
Coaching- by Shadow Crystal Mage.
"Uuu," Fran said.
"Umu..." Nero coached patiently.
"Damn it, that's not even close!"
The End of the Unequally Rational and Emotional Moon Silver Millennium.
"So this is it..." Beryl weakly cackled, coughing some blood up. "All is lost for both of us now, but I at least die happy! For I die knowing I have gained my revenge on you! Princess Serenity, this is what you get for taking my man away from me!"
The barely any less injured Princess of the Moon blinked, supporting herself on Venus' sword. "What-What did you just say?"
"You heard me well!" Beryl snapped. "What point is there on keeping pretending anymore? I know perfectly well about you and Endymion!"
"- Endymion?!" the Princess gasped. "What the hell, you stupid cow! Endymion and I were only friends! Pals! Buddies! Bros!"
"Why do you keep denying it?!" Beryl sneered. "Everyone knew you snuck out of your kingdom to go meet him here!" she stomped on the debris of the Earth kingdom still smoking beneath their feet. "And in secrecy, you would whisper sweet nothings to each other under the moonlight!"
"Out of all the idiotic-" a livid Serenity said. "Okay, if everyone knew about it, then how it was a secret, you moron! And way to miss the point, jackass! If you'd been keeping really close tabs, you'd know Mars kept on disappearing from her kingdom just at the same time Endymion and I were 'meeting' here!"
Beryl blinked several times. "-you had a threesome going on?!"
Serenity facepalmed."He was my beard, you bloated whore! My parents were all against me liking girls, they wanted grandchildren so much, and so I only could see Mars in private! Endymion was a good bro, so he supplied his castle for our, ahem, romantic escapades, and we kept the appearances there was something going on between us, but I've never liked men that way!"
"What is this, I don't even," Beryl gurgled in an increased daze. Then she seemed to briefly snap back into venomous anger. "N-No, you won't fool me with your pointless lies, you witch! In his final moments, while turning my never ending love down, Endymion told me he loved another! A gorgeous blonde who had stolen his heart!"
"- that was Venus, you imbecile."
"First of all, I'm not the witch, you are," Serenity growled. "And second, while Mars and I were doing things that are nothing of your fucking business, Endymion had his dates with Venus, where they likely did things that are not my business and certainly were never yours either. So there, happy now, bitch?! You threw this exaggerated tantrum that wasted the lives of millions all for nothing but a stupid misunderstanding you could have avoided if you d just stopped to ask before siccing a fucking army on us!"
"... oh. Boy, I feel stupid now," Beryl lowered her head. Then she shrugged. "Well, same difference. I still had to kill the Venus slut, and I had to punish you over being a fucking lesbo supporter of my Prince's infidelity, so what? All's well when it ends well!"
"Skank, those were my friends you just killed!" Serenity roared, then ran her through with Venus' sword.
"Soooo," Nephrite finally said, sitting along his fellow surviving Generals and a portrait of Jadeite around Beryl's throne, here and now, "it's really Sailor Venus, and not the Moon Princess, you are after now, right? To engage your vengeance on the-"
"What? Oh, no, how pathetic you think I am, Nephrite?" the Queen shook her head. "That was then, this is now. It's been thousands of years, for fuck's sake! Do you really believe I'd still be pining after a man and hurting because of his bimbo lover after all that time? No, I can live and let go when it comes to that. My issues with Endymion and the Princess of Venus right now are strictly business, that's all. The bitch who killed you, however... now that's something you just don't forgive, ever!"
"Okay, I can't say I disagree with anything of that, no," Zoicite nodded, quite reasonably, he thought.
"I'm afraid I'm not as good with these things as Mother was, Luna," the dying Princess admitted with a faint smile, standing on the wreckage with the shining Star Seeds in her hands. "I might miss the mark with some of them, but please look after them all the same, won't you? Sorry to bother you with this assignment, but-"
Artemis nodded while Luna could do nothing but weep for her dear mistress. "No matter how the Guardians reincarnate, we will be there for them, Your Majesty," he assured her. "Please trust us."
"I always will, dear friend. Thank you," Serenity warmly told him, then closed her eyes and concentrated, shooting the Seeds up into space, sensing the souls themselves separating from the powers in a few cases as all of them gained height. Some of the powers would go into different souls that would be compatible enough, and the souls of those friends she knew- and more than a friend, in one case-would go on to live completely normal lives instead, hopefully.
But with her final breath, she made sure of keeping Venus and Endymion s souls attached to their respective powers. It was the least she owed them, after all, since this had all been her fault to begin with.
Then Princess Serenity passed away in blessed out peace.
And that was how the next Age of Man came to a start.
Peak Profile Patient.
Mako's father stood up, pulling on the lapels of his stained coat and puffing his flabby chest up with pride. "You doubt me, huh?" he asked the prone but recovering Ryuko, with an air of great yet comical dignity. "Girl, I've treated many a famous patient! I used to be a bigshot doctor for the most famous of Gotham City..."
"Gotham?!" Ryuko blinked, startled, sitting up on the dirty bed of the tiny clinic.
Barazo grinned goofily, eyebrows wiggling. "That's right! Impressed, huh? I worked there for a few years, before moving back to Japan. Why, I still remember my first successful surgery...!"
Barazo finished unwrapping the bloody bandages off the man's face, and then pulled back with a disgusted hiccup, his cheeks swelling up from the inside as he took a hand to his own mouth.
"Mirror," the man in the chair gurgled, eyes unfocused.
"Gah-!" Barazo gagged. "Dah, dah, dah duh-!"
"Mirror!" the patient shouted, before a sweetly smiling Sukuyo, in her white nurse uniform, gave him a hand mirror.
"You- You must understand..."Barazo gulped, "the damage to the facial nerves was very intense, and we didn't have the best resources at hand-!"
"Heh..". the man chuckled, looking into the mirror.
Barazo fidgeted in place, terrified. "I, I'm sure we can improve on your condition with further treatment, I just need-!"
"Hee hee hehh hehhh!" the man stood up jerkily. "Bwa! Ha hah! Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HYAAA HAAAHHHH!" he laughed madly, first smashing the mirror against a table, and then pushing Barazo aside and stumbling out of the clinic and into the icy urban night.
"I take no responsibility for Harvey Dent, however!" Barazo sneered, looking aside with an upturned nose. "They took him to Gotham's most expensive clinic instead! Feh! For all it did for him! He'd have been better off with me!"
"Well, yeah..."Ryuko mumbled. "I'm sure both sides would've been left the same, at least..."
"So you're a Gotham kid, Mako?" Ryuko asked as they sat on the hole-filled roof of the Mankanshoku family. Holey rusted metal, Batman!
"Aaaa-Yeeep!" Mako smiled. "'Dad moved there right after that whole mess with the childbirth of the Ichijou family's heir. I was born shortly after, and so I studied Elementary School abroad, how cool is that?! Why didja think I landed a studentship at Honnouji? I'm an expert in English, bomb making, AND criminal psychiatry!"
"- okay," Ryuko blandly said.
"My thesis on Satsuki-sempai and the Elite Four is going to revolutionize the psychiatric world as soon as it's done, assuming I'm not assassinated first," Mako conspiratively confided her, leaning closer and whispering in Ryuko's ear. "Well, the Elite Three anyway. Gamagoori-sempai is perfectly normal and nice!"
"- sure, let's go with that."
"Anyway, once the Ichijou-gumi finally moved on, learned to accept losses as a normal part of human life, and pardoned Dad, and things got ugly in Gotham with that sad mess of trying to revive Mr. Freeze's wife, we moved back to Japan just in time for Matarou to be born here! And I'm sooooo glad, 'cause I got to meet Ryuko-chan instead of having my parents killed and being adopted by Bruce Wayne!" she happily said, glomping Ryuko very dearly.
The other girl hummed thoughtfully. "I don't know why, but I just felt as if the universe had shuddered in terror for just a second, right now..."
"Oh, I'm sure that's only the sensation of my body sexily rubbing up and down against yours, Ryuko-chan!" Mako panted.
Somewhere else in the Honnouji Prefecture, the patriarch of the Shuei Yakuza Group turned around from the large portrait of his beloved wife to face Kirisaki Chitoge again, exhaling a heavy sigh. "And that's why you shouldn't ever ask Raku-kun about his mother. I hope you understand..."
The young blonde gulped. "Y-Yes, sir. I'll keep that in mind...!"
Extra: A Few Facts on Chaldea's Servants and How They Lived in the Unequally World.
Assassin Mata Hari: As seen in the Read or Die OVA, Miss Deep is her modern day clone. The small chested Mata Hari who was apprehended and executed was actually a scapegoat she pinned the blame on before escaping to carry on with her last mission, although she still died shortly after finishing it. Mata Hari thinks it was a necessary thing to do for the greater good, but still regrets it deeply to this day.
Caster Merlin: Much like in The Once and Future King, he actually ages backwards, Benjamin Button-style, so while he was a wacky old man when Artoria knew him, under his The Sword in the Stone apperance, by now he's looking and acting more like the hormonal vital young man seen in Grand Order canon. Still keeps Archimedes around, though.
Rider Astolfo: While quite effeminate and ambiguous, the story of Astolfo actually has him to be as quite a ladykiller and sleep-around stud. It is likely that through one of his many one night stands, he might be the distant ancestor to a certain other absent minded, pink haired, quite profficient in battle scattered petite idiot who, in the other hand, is not actually related to Sasaki Kojiro at all.
Assassin Doctor Jekyll: While normally he looks the same as in GO canon, in this setting, whenever he transforms into Hyde he gains his appearance from The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (the comic books version, not the movie's). Is too polite to ask Vlad Tepes what's the deal with this Mina Harker lady he used to know and who claimed being attacked by him.
Lancer Vlad Tepes: Never was a vampire. In this continuity he's not a Berserker and still sticks to the Apocrypha characterization. The vampire who attacked Miss Harker and killed Lucy Westenra was actually one Count Orlock, a Nosferatu using the name of Dracula. The Mina Tepes who currently plans to establish a vampire nation in an artificial island named The Bund is actually a descendant of Orlock, not of him.
Ruler Sherlock Holmes: It is actually a little known fact his housemaid, Mrs. Hudson, was actually one of the last few demi-men of the canine variety who once populated the British isles during the ages of magic (like the fox-man who was one of those to assume the mantle of Robin Hood). As a favor to her after she saved his life in one of his first cases, Holmes pulled a few strings with brother Mycroft, who in turn resorted to his contacts with the Clock Tower so Mrs. Hudson could lead a public life under the protection of an amulet granting her the illusionary appearance of a human woman. Mrs. Hudson was actually a very accomplished driver and pilot of experimental aerial ships who served as Holmes' chaffeur; while her role is greatly downplayed in the accounts from Conan Doyle, further details can be found in the secret chronicles from Japan's Miyazaki Hayao-sensei.
Archer James Moriarty: Much like Holmes, Moriarty also employed hired help from some of the last dog-people in Britain, namely two henchmen named Smiley and Todd. They would prove being far too incompetent for Moriarty's comfort, yet he would feel obliged to keep them around out of some strange sense of duty. Or perhaps just sheer pity.
Ruler Jeanne D'Arc: She never made a Contract with Kyubey, although she was offered it, and she was known under the nickname of 'Tart' (much like Artoria's 'Wart') in her childhood. Her friends Melissa de Vignolles and Riz Hawkwood did take the contract, however, and naturally it ended badly for them. Even so, Jeanne being Jeanne, she still can't bring herself to hate Incubators, even though her Alter counterpart despises them even more deeply than she despises everything else, for some reason she cannot understand.
Archer Robin Hood: Not related at all to the fox-man Robin Hood who lived nearly a century before him, other than sharing on the same popular name for bandits roaming the area of Sherwood, and they never even got to meet each other. He did get to meet a jolly little pig-man friar who annoyed him by ever refusing to accept the fact he was Robin Hood despite all of his best physical displays, however...