Ashley's Little List

"...And that's why you're being too harsh on the Star Wars prequels," Ashley finished with a smile and a clap.

Missy blinked. "You just love everything, don't you?"

Ashley looked away. "...No. There are some things I don't like. And some people... And... Een some you could say I hate, and... Okay, the truth is I've kind of got a list of people things that, when I'm in a really bad mood, I think might make the world better if they weren't there anymore."

"...Yeah right," Missy said with a laugh. "I'd like to see that."

Ashley proceeded to reach into herself, part of her shirt turning to goo, and pulled out a rolled-up sheet of paper. Which when unfurled fell to the floor and railed for a few feet beyond that.

"Wait a second," Missy began as she started to get a bad feeling about this. And then, Ashley began to sing and Missy had just enough time to say "no, crap!" before being cut off.

As someday it may happen that a victim must be found, I've got a little list.

I've got a little list!

Of society offenders who might well be underground,

and who never would be missed—Never would be missed!

There's the King and Queen who got away with mutant genocide!

The congressmen who voted for the pro-registration side!

The cultist who goes around kissing mutant feet

(seriously, what the hell is wrong with those NEETs?)

And the killer androids built by a quack anthropologist!

They'd none of them be missed, they'd none of them be missed!

She's got them on her list, she's got them on her list!

They'd none of them be missed, they'd none of them be missed!

For a moment, Missy looked around to try and figure out where the background voices had come from.

There's the man who hates on heroes, calling all of them 'menace,'

That mustached journalist

I've got him on the list.

And the gangster going around and enslaving teenage girls?

He 'was' on the list

He never will be missed.

There's the online tutor who refuses to say that,

you did well when you got your homework in early by a week,

and that entire country of people who call Mutants 'gene freak'

And while I'm on the subject

Magneto deserves a noose

For after world-conquering attempts,

'I lived through genocide' is no longer an excuse!

The aunt who tells you to your face, with a voice quite filled with hate

"My sister should have smothered you and gone and sealed your fate"

And the guy who watched Family Guy in two-thousand-and-four

and won't admit the show's just not funny anymore

And anyone and everyone who's ever hurt a kid!

I've got them on my list!

Yeah, they're all on my list!

Not one of them'd be missed!

No, none of them be missed!

Ashley exhaled and then smiled sheepishly. "That's really an abridged version of the song. I couldn't do completely new lyrics for the abridged version."

"...This entire conversation was just so you'd have an excuse to sing, wasn't it?" Missy said with a raised eyebrow.


"I thought you liked country music?"

"I'm expanding my horizons."

"...That seemed a little mean-spirited for you."

"My psychologist said to try and express my repressed negativity via creative outlets," Ashley defended.

"I don't think he meant it that literally and... Wait, your aunt said to your face that...?"

"That Mommy should have smothered me? Yeah."

"What the FUCK!?"

AN: Yes, I did to the same joke to Family Guy that they did to The Simpsons. Ya gonna fight me over it?

Does it count as a filling if changing the lyrics is the point of the song?