Summary: Set after 5x02
Chapter 5: Something I Need – One Republic
"I had a dream the other night, 'bout how we only get one life, woke me up right after two, stayed awake and stared at you, so I won't lose my mind. And I had the week that came from hell, and yes I know that you could tell, but you're like the net under the ledge, when I go flying off the edge, you go flying off as well."
With eyes sealed shut, the feeling of the room and the walls closing in on him was still strong. No matter how many times he told himself there was no possible way they walls were moving, the overwhelming feeling of it being true made his heart race, faster than ever. His legs tucked against his chest, feeling the thumping of his heart on his knees.
He opened his eyes to check the cell room around him, to be instead met by the painted ceiling of the bedroom. He quickly sat up, exhaling a large breath. As he attempted to draw another in, it felt as if his throat closed up. He couldn't breathe. He struggled for a moment before jumping out of bed, running through to the bathroom. The blinding light of the bathroom seeping through his eyelids as he emptied the contents of his stomach, not that there was much to anyway, he hadn't eaten a lot in two days. It was more dry heaving at this point.
He flushed the toilet and rinsed his mouth out, looking at his reflection in the mirror. Amy was right, he did look paler than usual. The dark circles under his eyes clear as day, even with the light just in front of him. He noticed then his shirt drenched with sweat at the neck hole and under his arms.
A panicked knock at the door made him jump, followed by a panicked voice. "Jake? Are you okay?" Amy questioned through the door.
Jake rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, I am now." At least he could breathe.
"Did you have another nightmare?" Amy wondered.
"Uh... No. I couldn't sleep." He answered without thinking well.
"Why did you throw up then?"
Jake slowly opened the bathroom door he must have shut on his way in. "I don't know! Why all the questions?" He slightly stormed through to the kitchen.
Amy wasted no time and quickly followed her boyfriend through to another room of their apartment. She watched him make a small glass of water, not saying anything to startle him. After a moment, she had to let him know she was there. "Jake, are you okay? I'm worried about you. You're not eating or sleeping, you keep throwing up."
"Is it okay that I want to keep some things in like a man? Is it okay I want to put my whole prison thing behind me and become the old Jake again? Well, I try and try, but you keep asking questions which brings back the memories of the torture I endured for weeks. The memories it is so abundantly clear I don't want!"
Amy was shocked by his response and stood still. Without realizing, she just began crying, making Jake's stern face immediately turn apologetic.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I shouldn't have said anything, I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry!" He began pacing around the kitchen.
Amy wiped her cheek from the tears. "Jake! Stop!" He quickly stopped in his tracks. She looked over at him with a worried look. "You look half-dead, babe," she smiled, and much to her surprise, he subtly smiled back. "Do you want to talk about it? Talk about what's bothering you?"
Jake, almost immediately, shook his head. "No, not really," he sighed, looking down at the floor.
"Okay, that's fine, but just so you know, I'm here if you want to talk." She gave him a gentle smile, approaching him quickly. She gave him a peck on his cheek before turning back around and walking toward the bedroom.
Jake stopped her in her tracks. "Wait," he spoke, making her turn around and take a few steps closer. "I can't get prison out of my head, no matter how hard I try."
She gave him the best sympathetic smile she could. There was nothing else to do. What could you do? She hadn't been through what he had, so had no right to try and compare anything either. "That's understandable, Jake," she began, looking deeply over at the half soul of him. "but I think maybe the easiest thing to do now is be thankful you aren't there anymore, that you didn't have that full sentence, you didn't even have 1/15th of it." She cracked a small smile. This time, he didn't return it.
"Are you saying I haven't tried being grateful I'm not in that shit hole anymore? That was the first thing I tried doing to get the place out of my head, Amy, it just won't go. All these dreams, all these nightmares, just being trapped there. I may not have had that long, but I did have 2/180th of it, and it almost killed me." Jake looked past her as if she was a window.
"How did you know one-hundred and eighty months is fifteen years?" Amy wondered.
"I looked it up," he mumbled. "That's not the point of the conversation." He snapped back.
Amy slightly nodded. "Right, sorry," she lightly apologized. "Jake, I don't know how to deal with this, I'm sorry," she looked at him, gaining his full attention again "We could talk about it?"
Jake took a deep breath. "Okay." He smiled.
Okay, this one is a little shorter -not that they all aren't- but I kinda ran out of things, and I didn't really want to write a really long speech about the first two episodes of season 5. It's easier just to watch them, and it probably would take less time!
Also, I want to apologize for the sudden disappearance of the last chapter. I didn't like it in the first place, and it wasn't really peraltiago anyway, so I deleted it. When I wrote it I had just found out that somebody I used to live a few doors down had just passed away... Haha, then like 5 days later I found out my aunt had just died too, (Yep, two close deaths in a week! I f-king hate my life right now *laughs awkwardly*)
Please review, it means the world to me :)