Chapter 18

AN: We're back! Time for a new chapter. We're getting sooo close to the end, and I'm super excited. Last chapter was a hurdle to overcome, so now that we're over it, let us all just have fun seeing Naruto train the magic eye!

Last time, on KMM…

"Now can we please get to the tower? I need a shower and a good reading lamp," Sakura muttered.

"Oh yeah! Hey, Gaara, what do you think about spoilers? Sakura-chan hates them and I don't know why." Naruto spoke as the two teams headed towards the tower.

None of them noticed the snake hissing from the trees, seething at the missed opportunity for a Sharingan body. He would have to look for another opportunity. Perhaps it was time to get Kabuto's help in capturing either Sasuke or Naruto.

After Orochimaru found a way to stop those pesky flames and the kyuubi's vicious chakra, of course.

Five Days Later…

"Seeing as there are only four teams who made it out of the forest intact, we will have no preliminaries," Sarutobi said to the gathered genin. After Naruto had burst into the tower shouting about his old student wanting to take his body, ANBU had scoured the forest.

Unfortunately, the only sign of Orochimaru left behind were snakes feasting on various genin teams. Seeing as the snakes strangely only went after Konoha teams suspected of treasonous tendencies and Sound members, Sarutobi made the executive decision to let them go about their business.

"You have each walked the difficult path towards greatness," Sarutobi continued. He glared at Kakashi's genin team (and the Suna team, dear lord they're multiplying), each buried in the book he'd like to be reading himself. As Hokage he had to put aside his wants for the sake of propriety! Why couldn't those brats do the same? Must they torment him so?

Naruto zoned out while the Hokage blathered on and on about hard work and making their villages proud in the finals, and his book was just a front for him fantasizing.

So they had a month to prepare, so what? He was too cool to not win it all, and then he'd be even closer to his ultimate goal: becoming Ramenkage!
It had been on his mind, his goal of being Hokage; why rule a village when you can rule the divine food group? Visions filled his head of issuing laws for ramen flavors and containers and ordering the executions for Ramen deniers. Namely that fish guy and Pedomaru.

The fact that there was no such thing as a ramen food group (not to mention a Ramenkage) was of little consequence to Naruto. Kurama, who was the unfortunate victim to Naruto's every thought, was convinced the Sharingan finally did the killing blow to the brat's relationship with reality.

"And now, go forth and stoke your Will of Fire." The Hokage said.

Naruto blinked at the dismissal and figured it was past time to grab the food of the gods. He was already drooling behind his mask.

Too bad for the blond, Kakashi had operation: Stage Four to implement.

"Oh Naruto, my adorable little apprentice-to-be," Kakashi sang from behind, "it's time to fully indoctrinate you— I mean, finish your transformation."

Naruto gulped. "Maa," he said, trying to win points, "I have the road of life to get lost on?"

Kakashi beamed in pride, but still had a strange glint to his eye.

"I'm sure you do, but first: Chidori!"

Asuma, Kurenai, and Guy, who where congratulating their teams nearby, blanched at that rather frightening plan. They of course knew that Naruto had already mastered (or rumored to have, according to Anko) the Sharingan! What more could the menace need?

"Ne, Kakashi?" Asuma asked. He figured he'd try to distract his colleague from the inevitable. "What about your other students?"

The other sensei were impressed with Asuma's quick thinking. Kakashi would be too busy giving each of his students proper instruction to make an overpowered genin into an unstoppable killing machine! Well, until after the exams, when they'd do everything in their power to keep him away from their precious students. Even Guy seemed a tad nervous of Kakashi's plan.

They did not factor in a key obstacle, however: the rest of Team Seven.

Sakura and Sasuke, still reading, held out their hands, where several storage scrolls appeared.

"Pleasure doing business with you, Sensei. See you in a month, and good luck with the idiot," Sakura said and poofed away.

Why were genin able to shunshin, was the collective thought of all observers (except Sarutobi, who had money on the brain. He was looking forward to raking in millions if Team Seven kept being this flashy).

"Hn," Sasuke grunted, and pocketed his packet. "Protect the eye or you die, Naruto. The eye surgeon I ordered will arrive after the exams."

Naruto grinned at his teammate, ignoring the sudden killing intent from Kakashi.

"Does he have a blue eye for me?"

Sasuke nodded. "A perfect match. It's imported from Iwa."

"YATTA! See you in a month, Teme!"

Kakashi— and surprisingly Sarutobi— had plans to make sure that surgeon never arrived. One was because a Jinchuuriki with a Sharingan was extremely profitable mission-wise, and the other was from delusions of creating a perfect apprentice.

Tenzo, hidden behind his leader's throne, shuddered at the awful sense that Kakashi "I love spitting on Sanity's face and cackling in front of a sobbing Common Sense" Hatake and the freaking God of Shinobi were in complete sync on something. It was not a pleasant realization that Danzo might have been the less stressful option for the Mokuten user to have pledged loyalty to.

Curse his younger self for believing in Kakashi.

Later, with Kakashi and Naruto…

Kakashi dumped his apprentice to be on the ground, absently flicking a stray lighting bolt away from him. The air was what any lighting aficionado would call delicious, but he would contain his desire to go wild with the natural version of his true love.

"Maa, Naruto, why are you trying to take my hopes and dreams away from me, when I am so close to reaching them!"

Naruto gulped. "Your what?"

"Run, you fleabag ridden midget," Kurama suggested. The Bijuu would be damned more than he already was before he let his vessel become even more like an Uchiha.

Kakashi must have sensed the warning. He lifted Naruto back of his shirt and tore the headband off. An eye smile brimming with sadistic glee was etched into the Sharingan forever. Generations of Uchiha DNA seemed to scream run.

"I'm teaching you the most badass and hip assassination jutsu in the world, my adorable little apprentice."

"You mean… the first through the heart with lighting jutsu?" Naruto asked. His eyes sparkled when Kakashi nodded, and Susanoo bloomed from nowhere.

Kakashi felt his confidence returning; surely after seeing how much better he was with the Sharingan, he'd turn down the measly Iwa cast off? Who would want an eye from Iwa of all places! They were insane, everyone knew that! The eye probably carried the disease with it.

The best shinobi were unhinged, yes, but they were Konoha un-hinged, not the pathetic Iwa version. Never mind the fact that Konoha shinobi could not verbalize the difference when asked; they just knew they were different than Iwa, and that was that!

"That's right. Now first lesson: how to take all the lightning in this here canyon and roll it into a ball!"
By the end of the month, Naruto would not only have mastered Chidori, but also learn how to use lighting in the most enjoyable way possible: a throwable cannonball of pure chaos.

The Hokage would be pleased, he was certain.

With Iruka…

"Iruka-san?"

Iruka ignored the pest and focused on grading papers, or tried to. He was just so proud of his former students, making it to the third round. Pretty soon he'd be handing them their chunin flak jackets, and then congratulating them on their first jonin sensei assignments!

"Iruka-san, please, it's important."

Is this what fatherhood felt like? Naruto had supposedly helped defeat Orochimaru! While Iruka made sure to add the traitor to his little black book (next to Kakashi and now erased Danzo), he just couldn't stop the grin when he heard the news.

"Iruka-san!"

Deer had a pen embedded in the wall by his ear before the word finished leaving his mouth. He gulped when his long-time friend glared at him. The ANBU medic regretted all choices that led up to being the sucker that would let the legendary academy teacher know about the Orange Menace's… condition.

Perhaps he shouldn't have defended Iruka being a nice and easy-going man during the cleanup of Danzo's room. Deer was always too optimistic, according to his old sensei.

"What. Do. You. Want? Oh, sorry, Deer-san. Didn't see you there, I thought you were someone else." Iruka rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed.

'Who the fuck do I need to avoid until the cosmos ends,' Deer wondered, then decided against trying to fathom it out. Iruka's black book was thick, to say the least. And it was volume six. Trying to pinpoint the unlucky bastard responsible was not worth the hassle.

"Uh, yes, so…" He trailed off, trying to gather courage. He was ANBU, damnit! He could tell his long time nightmare this crucial information!

"Deer, is everything okay? It's not Naruto, is it?" All semblance of politeness was gone, not even an honorific from the king of 'proper respect'.

"Well, not exactly, but yes. You see… well Kakashi-senpai drugged him and performed a sadistic surgery on him."

There. He said it. It wasn't completely true (he'd been thinking about getting his own Sharingan for surgeries himself, now that they had a nice supply), it was definitely not false either.

Iruka didn't explode or kill Deer on that revelation. He kind of wished the chunin did in all honesty, as what actually happened was far worse.

Iruka took out his black book. He grabbed a red pen from his desk. He turned to Kakashi's name and very methodically crossed it out a dozen times.

And then he chuckled.

Hokage's office…

"What is the plan then, Sensei?"

Jiraiya and Hiruzen Sarutobi were long-time student and teacher and were generally in agreement on how to handle various village… inconveniences. It had led to many peaceful years for Konoha, and would likely lead to many more to come.

But sometimes they would lock horns on some minor detail like which Daimyo to frame for the murder of another, or if the Uchiha really needed to be murdered by Itachi instead of a less likable scapegoat. They always resolved it, one way or another.

Never had they had two crucial arguments at once, however.

"I am afraid there is nothing to do, Jiraiya; the Akatsuki will come after the exams like our source says. We will handle it then."

"And Orochimaru?" His old teammate was now known to be the mastermind behind the suspected Suna aggression.

Sarutobi gave that grandfatherly smile that made Jiraiya want to hide under a mountain and pray he could stay out of whatever the fuck was going to happen.

"Oh, him? An invasion always stokes the flames, and blood is the best fertilizer for trees."

"But we could stop him now! Sensei, think of the repair costs!"

A serene look took over. "Do not worry about our budget, Naruto will bring ten times that in!"

Jiraiya sweat dropped. At least he had more reason to train his godson. Money not channeled through rigging Tsunade's games and threatening the people legally stole her fortune into signing it over to Konoha? Always a win, in the Toad Sage's mind.

"How was the assassination of the eye surgeon, if I may ask?"

Jiraiya scoffed at the sudden left turn. "That? Dead and gone."

"Thank you, Jiraiya; I am not sure what I'd do without you."

And that made his heart swell. His sensei needed him. Out of all of his teammates, he was the least screwed up!

"Probably have to send your secretaries out to take care of your last minute cleanups."

"Hmm, yes, and I do need them for their unique skills in the paper arts."

He decided not to touch that with a ten meter pole.

"So… want to hear the latest about my new book?"

The next hour was very productive, if one considered Icha Icha a worthy topic for two S-ranks.

Back with Naruto…

"YAAATTA" Was the echoing cries through the canyons, followed by enough lightning to make A whimper.

Kakashi beamed in pride at his apprentice (because Naruto still being a genin was just a way to bring the budget up at this point) who was proving the laws of nature were like all laws.

That is, suggestions, not orders, upheld only by ethics that no self-respecting shinobi had. Unless you were a weakling like Iruka. Kakashi took a moment to mentally spit at his rival.

Naruto knew who the best sensei was, and it wasn't a monster who thought hospitals were good.

While Kakashi muddled through plans to continue his Mini-me plot, Naruto was having a blast.

Kurama? Well, at least he was used to it.

Sort of.

Not at all.

He really loathed his existence. And humanity. And lightning.

'I will outlaw the use of lightning when I raze the flesh bags to the ground, once and for all!'

His supposed "siblings" simply cut the connection off, knowing that as bad as they had it with their Jinchuuriki, they didn't have to have an Uzumaki. Shukaku almost felt bad for his older brother.

But then Gaara began reading the next chapter in Icha Icha, and all thoughts outside of the story vanished. Shukaku created a sand chair for himself, following along with Ruraiya on his eternal quest to save Msunade.

Finally, at the academy…

"Kurama-sama, we thank you for your bountiful favor!" The girls of the academy intoned.

"Kurama-sama, we thank you for your bountiful favor!" The boys chanted back. They were not sure why exactly they had to do this, but it beat study period.

"Oh Kurama-sama! Our lives are thanks to you."

"Oh Kurama-sama! Our lives are thanks to you."

"When our hearts feel your claws impaling us, when your teeth bite our heads off, we know it's because we have truly earned your blessings!"

"When our hearts feel your claws impaling us, when your teeth bite our heads off, we know it's because we have truly earned your blessings!"

Kuro peeped in, his worshiper senses tingling, and was in awe of what he saw. His little converts, already bringing in new blood!

Oh, how Kurama-sama would be proud!

Said giant fox, in the midst of praying for death as the metaphorical cage around him shuddered with each lightning strike his container took willingly, got the disturbing feeling he made a grave mistake saving those fox kits eons ago. More than usual, that is.

End! Happy Sunday, hope you enjoyed the chapter, let me know what you think! I'm at a new job (and in a new profession haha) so this was… well it brought a really big smile to my face.

Imported eyes. I'm sorry, even I'm not sure where that idea came from, but when I wrote it, I knew I had to roll with it.

Have a fantastic week,

Riku.

(ps. Join our discord; Shout out to Dragon- congrats on the trip!)

discord .gg / K5C8SYh

(take out the spaces, if you still need help, just PM me and I'll help you out!)