A/N: Everyone is aged up at least slightly in this, except for Shiro. I had way too much fun with this one. I don't have Princess Bride on hand to watch, so sorry if some of the scenes are extra wonky.
None of my usual ships apply in this story. Keith is trying to avenge his mother, so Krolia is dead. Um... yeah.
Hunk and Keith tramped through the dreary woods. Keith was panting from the long trek. Hunk was still going strong, even though he had a grown man slung over one shoulder.
Keith glanced at the man, who had recently learned to be named Shiro. Originally known as the Dread Pirate Roberts, Keith knew that Shiro was his only chance at getting into the prince's castle to find the six-fingered man who had killed his mother.
Unfortunately, Shiro was kind of dead at that moment.
Keith gripped the sword at his side with his free hand -the other hand holding the metal arm that somehow connected to the mass of metal that had replaced Shiro's right shoulder. After twenty years, he finally had a means to avenge his father's death. It would take a miracle to get Shiro's help, though.
Luckily, Keith knew just where to find one.
The group eventually arrived at a decrepit hut. Keith went right up to the door and pounded on it.
"Go away!" yelled a grumpy voice from inside. A slot on the door opened to reveal an equally grumpy old man with sharp blue eyes and wispy, dark brown hair. "What, what?"
"Are you Miracle Lance, who worked for the king all these years?" Keith asked.
"I was, until his brat son fired me," Miracle Lance snapped. "Thank you for bringing up that painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!"
The slot slapped closed. Keith knocked again, prompting the slot to open again.
"Beat it, or I'll call the brute squad," Miracle Lance griped.
"I'm on the brute squad," Hunk offered.
Miracle Lance looked Hunk up and down. "You are the brute squad."
"We need a miracle," Keith cut it.
"Look, I'm retired! Besides, why would you want someone that the king's bratty son fired? I'd probably kill whoever you wanted me to miracle!"
"He's already dead," Hunk said.
"He is?" Miracle Lance squinted at Shiro over Hunk's shoulder. "Fine, bring him in. I'll have a look."
The door was opened. Hunk carried Shiro in and laid the limp man on the table. Keith followed and put the metal arm beside him.
Miracle Lance walked around Shiro, clicking his tongue. He picked up the metal arm and let it fall back to the table.
"Sir?" Keith tried.
"I've seen worse," Miracle Lance decided.
Keith waited for Miracle Lance to do his miracle, but he only went on examining Shiro. Finally, he tried again.
Miracle Lance glanced up. "Eh?"
"We are in a rush."
"Don't you rush me, sonny." Miracle Lance flapped his hands in Keith's face, making him back away. "You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles." He glanced at Shiro. "Can't do much worse here, I suppose. You got money?"
"I have sixty-five."
Miracle Lance threw his hands in the arm. "Holy crow, I've never worked for so little! Well, I did once, but that was for a very noble cause."
"This is a noble cause. His wife is…," Keith's mind raced for an excuse, "...crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation."
"You are a rotten liar!" Miracle Lance snorted.
Keith leaned close. "I need him to avenge my mother, murdered twenty years ago."
Miracle Lance wasn't impressed. "Your first story was better." He turned and began digging through a pile of junk nearby. "Now, where's those bellows crammed? He probably owes you money, huh? Well, I'll ask him."
"He is dead," Keith said, confused.
"Ho ho, look who knows so much." Miracle Lance turned around, now holding large bellows. "Well, it just so happens here that your friend is only mostly dead. There is a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Here, open his mouth."
Hunk leaned over and pried Shiro's mouth open, and Miracle Lance stuck in the tip of the bellows, still talking.
"Now, mostly dead is still slightly alive. Now, with all dead… well, there's only one thing you can do for all dead."
"What?" Keith asked.
Miracle Lance grinned. "Go through his clothes and look for loose change."
Miracle Lance pumped the bellows once, filling Shiro's lungs with air, then put away the bellows. He leaned down and yelled in Shiro's ear.
"Hey, hello in there! Hey! What's so important? What you got here that is worth living for?"
Keith and Hunk glanced at each other, sure the miracle man had gone off the deep end. But then, Miracle Lance pressed on Shiro's chest to force the air back out. With the air, came two words that sounded like, "oo ove."
"'True love,' you heard that," Keith said, smiling. "You could not ask for a more noble cause."
"Yeah, true love is the greatest thing in the world, except for some nice garlic knots. When the dough is toasted just right and the garlic is fresh." Miracle Lance sighed. "They're so perky. I love that. But, that is not what he said. No, he distinctly said, 'to blave.' And, as we all know, 'to blave' means to 'to bluff,' eh? You were probably playing cards and he cheated-"
Miracle Lance was cut off by an angry yell from another room. A withered old woman stomped into the room, brown eyes fiery and light brown hair frizzed up like it was showing her anger.
"Liar!" the woman screamed, thrusting a finger in Miracle Lance's face. "Liar!"
Miracle Lance rapidly backed away, despite the woman being a head shorter than him. "Get back, witch!"
"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!" The old woman huffed. "Though after what you said, I'm not sure I even want to be that anymore!"
"You never had it so good!" Miracle Lance said with a nervous smile.
"True love, he said. True love, Lance!"
"Not another word, Pidge," Miracle Lance muttered.
Pidge glanced past him to Keith and Hunk. "He's afraid. Ever since Prince Lotor fired him, his confidence has been shattered."
Miracle Lance groaned. "Why did you have to say that name? You promised to never say that name!"
"What, Lotor?" Pidge said innocently.
Miracle Lance threw his hands in the air. "Agh!"
He tried to walk away, but Pidge followed right behind him.
"Lotor, Lotor," Pidge said, following him around a pole. "Lotor," as they rounded a table. "Lot-or!" Pidge sang as she ducked under a hanging plant.
Miracle Lance shoved his fingers in his ears. "I'm not listening!"
"Your life is expiring, and you don't even have the decency to say that you won't help that man," Pidge accused.
Miracle Lance, who was apparently listening after all, said, "Nobody's hearing nothing."
Keith sighed. They didn't have time for this. But Miracle Lance's reaction to Lotor's name had given him an idea.
"This is Allura's true love," Keith said, gesturing to Shiro. "If you heal him, he can stop Lotor's wedding."
"Enough!" Miracle Lance paused and removed his fingers. "Wait, what? I heal him, and Lotor suffers?"
Keith grinned. "Humiliation galore."
Miracle Lance laughed and clapped his hands. "Oh, boy, I'm going to lick the dalmation! That is a noble cause! Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job."
Some time later, Miracle Lance and Pidge were hunched over a small brown ball. Pidge was delicately brushing a brown substance over it.
"That a miracle pill?" Keith asked.
"The chocolate coating makes it go down easier," Pidge said. "But you'll have to wait fifteen minutes for maximum potency. And he shouldn't go swimming after for at least-"
"An hour," Miracle Lance supplied.
"Yes, an hour."
"A good hour."
Miracle Lance dropped the pill into a small drawstring bag and handed it to Keith. Hunk picked Shiro back up and headed outside.
"Thank you for everything," Keith said, shaking the couple's hands before hurrying outside.
"Okay, bye," Miracle Lance said.
"Have fun storming the castle!" Pidge called.
Pidge sighed with a smile as the trio vanished into the trees. "Think it'll work?"
"It will take a miracle," Miracle Lance said.
The couple cheerfully raised their hands and called a final, "Bye-bye!"