As we went out of warp and into the gigantic cemetery I heard and felt them, all these lives that were drained out of the bodies of the Starfleet members. I could hear the last thing they fought over and the last feeling they had. I gripped the control panel so hard that my knuckles became white and the turmoil of the ship wasn't helping either. The red alert which was blaring through my ears blended in with the shouting thoughts of everyone on the bridge.

As we were hailed the headache which began to increase stopped and my thoughts became steady. But after the Romulan, whose name was Nero, spoke to Spock my mind was attacked again and the headache came back not as painful as before but it was back.

That was the first time my shields cracked.

The second time was much more painful. It was as I saw Spock standing on the control panel with an outstretched hand while Vulcan got destroyed. That was the second time I heard all these painful cries and on top of that, I felt all these broken bones. The bonds between families members, between loved ones and between friends. The last time I felt something like this was the massacre on Tarsus IV but it wasn't as painful as this. But the things that made it so painful were the thoughts of Spock which tore him apart and the same happened in some way to me. I wasn't fast enough to block all of this and because of the medication and the shock before my shields weren't as good as they should. They didn't hold and another crack was added.

Another tiny crack was forced on me as Spock pinched me and I fell unconscious at the bridge after I shouted at Spock.

As I awoke on the Ice Planet Delta Vega my shields were half destroyed and the headache increased more and more and running through the ice desert didn't help either.

After Spock Prime rescued me from this monster all I wanted was a silent place to build my shields back up but live spit me on the face. Spock Prime forced a mind meld on me. After Spock Prime left my Psi points I had a hard time to regain my breathing. I felt that my shields were damaged again another large crack was added to the collection. All these emotions, memories and unspoken word swirled inside my head and one woke my curiosity T'hy'la. What does it mean? I didn't know and it would be rude to ask.

Afterward, I ended up in the cold base have I met Scotty a very charismatic Scotsman. Who was quite interesting, to quote Spock. He was a genius I knew that and after he told me about the dog that had gone lost I had my proof that he was one of the smartest humans I've ever had the chance to met. Before Spock Prime beamed us on board of the Enterprise I've had to promise that I get my place as a commanding officer to fulfill my plan and rescue Pike. To get to this point I had to do something I will regret for the rest of my life.

On the bridge of the Enterprise, I screamed with all force that Spock never loved his mom, that he didn't feel anything as she died. I wasn't surprised that he showed emotion but I was surprised by his aggressive way. He leaped onto me and threw punches to my face and strangled me on top of that. And the physical contact let me fell all of the emotion which were build up in him and he let me take all of these. I couldn't breathe and that wasn't because Spock strangled me. It was because he kept touching me and these emotions were too much, his thoughts were too much. To my relieve, Spock's father, Sarek, held him back and I regained my breath.

While I saw how the Narada was drawn into the black hole I remembered the first time something like this happened in this week. I couldn't bring myself to watch this again so the only logical thing to do was hail them and give them a second chance.

"What are you doing Captain?" asked Mr. Spock with a slightly annoying tone

"This is the only way to make peace with Romulus. This is logic Spock, I thought you liked this?!" I said with a sheepish grin.

"Not this time!" answered Spock with a little smile which only I seem to notice.

Nero was totally against this idea and answered with bitterness towards us. So the only correct way to answer was. "Sulu, fire everything we have."

We have a long time in space before us and this was the chance to get to know the people of this ship, to chat with some of the Vulcans and to regain mental shields, because of the last three days they were a bloody mess if I find only one part of my shields complete I'll be relieved as fuck. But unfortunately, it wasn't like that it was worse. No part was where it was supposed to be I was so vulnerable that a child vulcan could take me out and there wasn't a damn thing I could do.

As I began to meditate I was overwhelmed with this many emotions and thoughts were too much for me to bear so I sat there breathing heavily. I hugged myself for quite some time until I heard a chime on the door.

"Come in," I said and as I saw who it was I was rather surprised. I could imagine everybody, Bones, Chekov, Scotty, even for crying out, Uhura but as I met eyes with the black haired, pointy-eared Spock in my door I couldn't believe it. Spock seemed rather confused as he saw my face but didn't hesitate long and came to his point.

"Captain..."

"Spock we are off duty, therefore it is Jim."

"...Jim, I heard from Doctor McCoy about your love for Chess would you like to play a party with me?" he said.

"Yes, of course, I would love to, but do you have a board of your own I'm official not allowed to be here only because of Bones I'm on this ship. Therefore I don't have one hear." I rambled

"Yes, I have one. Would you like to play in my room, or should I bring it to yours?"

"No, we can play in your room." I practically shouted to him.

He was very politely as we were in his room. He turned the heat down although I insisted that it was ok how it was and he doesn't have to change it. But he insisted that because he was half human he didn't mind. Then we set up the board and began to play. It wasn't like other games where it was very simple too beat all my opponents. No, here it was a hard fight to get the upper hand and that only for few minutes.

The whole evening was to my surprise very relaxed. For the first time in days, I could let my mind ease. It was probably because of the shield from Spock which my mind took advantage from. He protected my mind with his strong mental shields and that made me so comfortable around him. That made it also so hard to leave his room. Because as I was outside of this room I was back in the loud world with all these loud minds who led me to flinch from while to while. As I sad there in my room, the one next to Spocks I had to get myself some of the sleeping pills Bones gave me for the hardest times. Only he knew what my secret was. The pills made me instantly sleepy. I fell into the world of nightmares and memories which left me the rest of the night sleepless and exhausted.

Time Skip

The Enterprise was now official my ship and I and my crew were on a new mission we had to check on a planet where some mysterious things happened like crashes and lost memories.

We already were two weeks there and nothing harmful happened. But even the luckiest crew had its bad days and so we ended up with a shipwide illness. This illness wasn't physically it was mentally and everyone who got it would get his or hers worsed nightmare. The hardest thing was you couldn't comfort the one with the nightmare because the illness spread through touch.

These nightmares got its tool of me because not many weren't affected by it. I had to witness multiple other nightmares as I tried not to get in touch with anybody while I searched for Spock who had to repair our engines. Scotty had already got the illness and couldn't do anything and like I knew Spock he wouldn't touch anybody because of his already existing touch telepathy. But I had to be wrong Spock got the illness already and was curled into a ball on the observation deck. Hands-on his ears and tears streaming down his face and that was the last straw to destroy my shields. While Spock apologized to his mom for her death, which wasn't his fault, his nightmare invaded my mind and I had a hard time to stand. I half cried and shouted, "Spock, this wasn't your fault..."

"You had nothing to do with this..." I clutched the table which was standing there and breathed hard "Spock! The ship needs you. You have to repair the engines, please Spock, you must repair the ship." That was my last words before I gripped my head and let out a loud cry and slumped down like a sack.

Spock who heard everything came back to reality and saw with a shocked face down to his captain who had still his hands at his head and had a hard time breathing.

Spock runs to the common the wall and called Medbay. "Spock to Medbay!" he shouted into it.

"McCoy here!"

"Dr. McCoy would you please come to the observation deck three and get the Captain. He fainted and is in pain, I can't help him now because I have to go and repair the engines, Spock out." and after that Spock ran to the engines and repaired them in record time with his mind by Jim and the worst memories in his mind.

After the ship was brought to another solar system. With enough distance between them and the odd planet, they could relax. The illness also vanished to their luck. But because of their Captains lack of luck, he was in some kind of coma and wouldn't wake up. As Spock came into the sickbay there were McCoy, Chappel, and M'Benga who were hovering above Captain Kirk.

"I've never seen such readings from him!" said as he looked on his pad.

"Maybe its because he's only part Betazoid?" answered Chappel.

"Dammit Jim, why didn't you tell me something like this a bit earlier!" shouted to the unconscious form of the Captain.

" did Nurse Chappel just say that the Captain is part Betazoid?" asked Spock.

Dr. McCoy sighted a low voiced "Yes, but this is a thing not many, people know. I know it only because of an accident and these two know it because I need two people who are helping me when he gets himself injured."

"Leonard I think you want to see this!" said Dr.M'Benga.

"What the fuck, Jim. What have you done to yourself?"

"Dr. McCoy, should I attempt a mind meld to lessen the pain that the Captain feels right now?"

"You Vulcan Voodo! No way, he is un a critical condition I won't allow it!"

"Leonard I think we have no other choice think, I think Spock knows what he does!" interrupted Chappel.

"Okay, but if his readings go critical I hypo Spock till he is lying in the medbay!"

Spock gave McCoy an odd look before placed his fingers on the psi points of the Captain and went into his mind.

I've read a story where Jim was part Betazoid and I liked the idea so I wrote this but you have to remember that I orient on this story so it is most likely that you could know this story already or you remembered a story like these.

I hope you like this story till this point and I hope my English isn't that bad, cause I'm using already an app to correct my grammar.

This story will go one till then live long and prosper