It had been five years ago to the day since she had seen him last, the love of her childhood. But it felt longer than that, even though the memory of that last day with him was as fresh in her mind as if it had been yesterday. Maybe because she still thought about it everyday, whether she meant to or not. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the memory of him, and neither could her heavy heart. Always reliving that last day in her dreams, and always remembering the pain his departure caused her, and the city. Everything stayed the same there, and that was the hardest part. Seasons changed, people grew older and so did she, but everywhere she looked she could imagine the little boy with his friends... A game of Baseball in the Vacant Lot, flying a kite in the park, or relaxing on the stoop of the old Boarding House with his best friend, herself not far away, always watching... But that was years ago, and she had been forced to move on, with only the occasional letter to keep him alive in her mind. Wondering what might happen if she were ever to see him again. But that was about to change. 

What's it been over a decade?

It still smarts like it was four minutes ago

We only influenced each other totally

We only bruised each other even more so

What are you my blood? You touch me like you are my blood

What are you my dad? You affect me like you are my dad

How long can a girl be shackled to you

How long before my dignity is reclaimed?

How long can a girl stay haunted by you?

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

"Hey Helga! Guess who's coming to visit!"

She couldn't believe what she heard. He was in the city, maybe only a few blocks away, and her heart was pounding. Six years ago now since that last conversation. Six years to grow, to forget and remember again. And to wonder if he remembered that day as well as she did. Probably not, but she wondered anyway. A few people had seen him around, even her sister had spotted 'that cute little boy with the weird head! Wasn't he in your forth grade class baby sister?' And she flinched at those sugary words. Was he? That was so long ago.

But she hadn't seen him, and she wasn't sure if she could. Too worried that the years apart had changed him into someone else. What if he didn't remember her, and what if he did? Too many insecurities had left her soft. How could she defend herself now? She didn't want to be hurt again.



Where've you been? I heard you moved to my city

My *sister saw you somewhere downtown

I'd be paralysed if I ran into you

My tongue would seize up if we were to meet again

What are you my god? You touch me like you are my god

What are you my twin? You affect me like you are my twin

How long can a girl be tortured by you?

How long before my dignity is reclaimed?

How long can a girl be haunted by you?

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

She'd found her way to the old Boarding House unconsciously, and held her coat close to protect her from the wind that wanted her to knock on the door. So familiar was that house and she shivered in the cold air. Meters away he stood, unaware. After minutes of watching the weathered green door, it creaked open and her heartbeat quickened. A blond man stepped out to find the silent girl standing in front of him. He smiled and asked her in, telling her that his son had just got home and was in the living room. "It's been so long since we last saw you! He'll be delighted to see you again! Here, let me take your coat."

But her heart was racing and her head was dizzy. Fear washed over her and her eyes widened; he was only a room away. This wasn't right; she couldn't do this. She couldn't! The front door was still ajar and the wind found its way to her trembling figure. No, she couldn't do this. Not now.

And then she was gone.



So here I am one room away from where you're standing

A well-intentioned man told me you just walked in

This man knows not of how this information has affected me

But he knows the colour of the car I just drove away in

What are you my kin? You touch me like you are my kin

What are you my air? You affect me like you are my air

How long can a girl be tortured by you?

How long before my dignity is reclaimed?

How long can a girl be haunted by you?

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

(*changed from 'brother')