The Snow Queen's Throne

The Perils of Water Closets in the Wild

Anna quick stepped down the hallway, careful not to slip on the icy floor. She paused to peek into a room, mumbled a curse and moved on. "I know it's on this floor." How hard could it be to find a water closet?

She was starting to regret not asking Elsa for directions. Course Olaf would have blurted it out for the world to hear. Though her current world only consisted of Elsa, Kristoff and two talking snowmen, she didn't need that kind of attention. Blush crept up her cheeks at the thought of Kristoff. Her rational mind understood the need to answer nature's call, and it wasn't like she didn't know what he was doing, when he slipped away for a few minutes during their trips through the mountains. Still, she didn't need her sister's snowman announcing it at the top of his lungs.

Wait, does he even have lungs? The thought was lost as her bladder became more insistent. She hurried to the next door.

A mitten covered hand caught the door handle, bringing her to a sliding stop. With a shoulder bump she threw open the door. Bathed in the soft blue light of the icy walls, sat the object of her quest. "Yes!"

She stepped into the small room, pushing the door closed. Tugging off her mittens and stuffing them into a skirt pocket, her attention was drawn to the chamber seat. Unlike the plain wooden ones at home, there were detailed designs throughout, as well, as snowflakes and crocuses etched into it.

"Seriously, Elsa?" Only her sister could design a toilet to look like an art sculpture. At least, she thought to put a soft fluffy cover on it.

She hiked up her skirts and began fumbling with layers of undergarments. "I don't know why we can't have a back flap like men's clothes." Her bladder became more insistent. Prancing from one foot to the other, she unfastened the drawstrings. As the last one surrendered, she allowed the garments to pool at her feet. Pushing down her stockings, she hiked up her skirt and plopped down on the fluffy white seat.

0000

Elsa's heart skipped a beat at the sharp scream echoing through the palace. "Anna?" She sprinted for the door. From a side hallway, Kristoff chased after her.

"Anna!" Elsa's heels click clacked against the ice as she ran toward her sister's voice.

"Elsa!"

She cut down a hallway following the cry.

"Elsssaaaaa!" The cries became more desperate.

Reaching the door, Elsa threw it open. "Anna?!" She paused in the doorway. One eye twitched as she struggled to process what she'd expected to find, with the scene before her. "What…?"

"I'm stuck!" Spit flew from Anna's lips, as she struggled in vain to free herself from the icy seat.

"Stuck?" Fear gave way to relief, trembling from the adrenaline rush, Elsa leaned against the door frame.

"Yes! Stuck! Who makes a toilet seat out of ice?!" Anna grimaced as she tried to pull free.

Elsa's lips began to twitch in a failed attempt to hold back a smile. "Well, it is an ice palace, Anna. What did you expect it to be made of?" Her shoulders began to shake with laughter.

"Very funny. Get me off this thing!"

Unable to contain herself, Elsa covered her mouth with a hand. It did nothing to stop her laughter. She gripped the doorframe for support.

"You are so dead." Anna grumbled.

Elsa threw back her head, howling with laughter. One hand held her side, as she tried to breathe. Tears began to slip down her cheeks. She laughed harder.

"It's not funny, Elsa!" Anna reached out a hand. "Help me up, my butt's going numb."

"I'm…sorry." Wiping tears from her eyes, Elsa took a step forward, reaching for Anna's hand. "Let's get you up."

Beyond the doorway heavy footsteps drew closer. "Anna?!"

The sisters' eyes grew wide as they met.

All the color drained from Anna's face. "…no…"

Elsa hurried inside, pushing the door closed. Just before it latched, Kristoff's shoulder slammed into it. The door swung open, sending Elsa stumbling backwards. Unable to catch her balance she landed on Anna's lap.

Neither had a chance to move as Kristoff's large frame filled the doorway. He stood stock still, trying to process the image of the Queen, sprawled across her sister's lap. Anna's arms around Elsa's waist, keeping her from slipping onto the floor. Over Elsa's shoulder peeked a pale freckled face. Two sets of blue eyes stared at him in wide horror.

"Get out!" The sisters screamed in unison.

"Sorry." Somehow, he managed to grab the door handle, pulling it closed as he jumped back. The door slammed shut with such force, a thin crack spider webbed through its center. His eyes widened at the crack. Before the door could shatter and expose him to the sisters' wrath, he spun and hurried away.

Olaf bounced toward him. "Did you find, Anna?"

"Yes, she's fine." Kristoff avoided eye contact with the snowman.

"Does she need any help?" He headed for the door.

"No!" Kristoff caught a wooden arm, it pulled free. Disembodied fingers waved at him. "Wait!" He pounced on the snowman, before he could reach the door. Wrapping both arms around as much of the snowman as he could. Kristoff lifted him from the ground. "Why don't we go see what Sven's up too?"

Unfazed by the attack, Olaf snatched up his arm, twisting it back into place. "Okay."

Kristoff waited till they were at the end of the hall before placing him back on the ground. He stole a glance at the closed door before turning the corner. It's going to be a long ride home.

0000

"Oh, God." Anna buried her face against Elsa's back.

"It's alright." Elsa patted the hands locked around her waist. "He couldn't see anything."

"He saw everything." Came a muffled cry. "Just leave me here to die."

"It's not that bad." Elsa pried away the hands and stood. "Come on, let's get you out of here."

"My butt is stuck, and it hurts." Anna announced without looking up.

Elsa held out a hand. "We can fix that."

Anna took the hand without making eye contact.

With a flick of her fingers, Elsa vanished the ice.

Anna came to her feet, falling onto her sister. She buried her face against Elsa's chest. Arms wrapped around her in a reassuring hug.

"Better?"

"No." Came the muffled reply.

"Let's see how bad it is." Elsa said.

It took a moment for Anna's brain to register the words. She swatted at the hands lifting her skirt. "No!"

"Anna, let me see. I want to make sure you don't have frostbite."

"You can't get frostbite on your butt, Elsa!" She tried to step away, only to trip on the garments at her feet. Elsa caught her before she could fall back onto the toilet.

"Stop being silly. It's not like I haven't seen your tush before. I used to help change your diapers, remember?"

"No! How would I remember that?" Accepting defeat, she allowed Elsa to lift her skirt.

"Well, the skin is red, and it's probably going to be sore for a while. But it doesn't look to serious. Does it hurt?"

Anna yelped as a finger poked her butt cheek. "Stop that!" She spun, swatting at Elsa's hand, fixing her with a glare.

"I'm just trying to help." There was a glint of amusement in Elsa's eyes.

It took all of Anna's restraint not to pounce on her and attempt to shove her head through the ice opening. "I'm just fine without your help, thank you." She began pulling her undergarments back into place.

"Let's get you home, and into a warm bath. Maybe you'll feel better."

"Oh no, I've got to ride all the way home with Kristoff."

"And?"

"And he saw me…like that!" She waved a hand toward the toilet.

"He's seen you in stranger positions."

"You're not helping."

Elsa took her by the shoulders. "He didn't see anything. And if he had, he's too much of a gentleman to say anything. Trust me, if that's the worst he ever sees either of us, we should count ourselves lucky."

Anna snorted. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Come on," Elsa slipped an arm around her shoulders, as she opened the door. "Let's find him and go home. Hopefully, we didn't scare him away."

Anna allowed herself to be led from the room. "Next time can we bring a chamber pot or something less cold?"

"I'm sure we can arrange something." Elsa chuckled, guiding her down the hallway. "Though it won't be nearly as entertaining." She yelped as Anna pinched her butt. "You little…"

Anna almost made it to the corner, almost. The snow pile buried her up to her neck. She spit out a mouthful of snow. "Stinker!" The cry echoed through the halls.