Late one night Bill was trawling the back alley ways of Arlen. Occasionally digging around various trashcans for a little snack. Tonight, he hadn't much luck. The local competition beat him to anything worthwhile so far. He continued his search in vain for the next hour.

The night air was particularly damp, amplifying his rank stench, nearly knocking out a hissing possum in the adjacent trashcan. It darted off into the dark, fleeing from the offensive odor. Little victories. He smiled triumphantly when his eyes landed on a half-eaten McChicken the poor rodent abandoned. The sandwich had seen better days and most definitely wasn't safe for consumption. Did that stop Bill from wolfing the thing down wrapper and all? Hell no.

He burped loudly in satisfaction and patted his large gut. What kind of animal eats the goddamn wrapper? Bill Dauterive, that's who. The degenerate continued his assault toward town, where the vermin were fatter, and the prizes were soggier.

The stained white wife beater clung to his sweaty body. Rodents skittered away from his thundering steps. This was it. He ripped a loud wet fart as he struggled to climb into a dumpster behind some rundown furniture store. He managed to roll over the edge, moldy cushioning broke his fall. Insatiable hunger over took him as he swallowed down a few handfuls of the stuff. As he was stuffing his fat gob with the moldy mattress foam his hand brushed against something hard and smooth. He tossed a few large cushions aside, revealing a female mannequin. His eyes raked over the intact mannequin hungrily, a predatory grin splayed on his face. Its featureless face stared back blankly. He finally found his queen, something to replace Peggy's old ratty body cast.

Bill carefully dug the rest of its body out of its cushiony grave. Wondering who would throw out a perfectly good lady. Once his new toy was safely out of the dumpster he climbed out, landing ungracefully on his ass. A soft cry left his lips as he rubbed his sore tailbone. While he recovered, it quickly dawned on him that quite the task was ahead of him since he left his car at home.

Bill hefted up the mannequin, which was much heavier than it looked, and began his journey home. Its plastic limbs scraped the sidewalk noisily. Thankfully it was around 2am on a Tuesday, so there wouldn't be any judgmental onlookers.

A good while later he finally made it home, huffing and wheezing up his short drive way. He clumsily dragged the mannequin into his house. He kicked off his shoes, freeing his fungus covered feet, digging them into the disgusting carpet. With a loud grunt he hauled his new bride into his room and crawled into bed next to it. Another loud fart erupted from him, that McChicken was coming back to haunt him. If the mannequin had eyes they would probably be weeping.


A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading :)

Disclaimer: Don't own King of the Hill, just borrowing the characters for a bit.