The Musings of a Madman.

Chapter One - I Shall Dub Thee Chapter, Sir Chapterlot of Englandshire.

Disclaimer: This story has no plot. If you had read one of my previous stories this will come as no shock to you. I just write what I think and hope for the best. Which coincidentally is the policy I use for another area of my life but there is no reason to go into that, at least for now. So if you expect this to make sense then you may be sadly disappointed. There is no moral to this story. There is no defining message I am trying to send you. I just write and you just read. That's the deal. Oh and I don't own the characters...blah...blah...you know the drill.

"Are you okay?"

He had asked that question many times before but somehow he meant it everytime. It wasn't some polite question that society required him to ask. He really wanted to know.

"Yeah." Buffy hesitated for just a moment before reaffirming that, "I'm fine."

"Okay." He realised that he shouldn't push it any further. If she wanted to talk then she would and nothing he or anyone else said could make her talk before she was ready. Obviously that came with the Slayer powers, or was that just a Buffy thing? He often wondered that. What exactly was Buffy-Buffy? And what was Slayer-Buffy? Maybe they were so interwoven by now that they were one and the same. Either way it didn't really matter and he cursed himself for thinking about it. She was Buffy and that was that. But still...No! He mustn't. She is Buffy. She is Buffy. She is Buffy.

"Xander?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you repeatedly saying my name?"

Oh my God! Was I just talking out loud? Did she hear everything I just said? Am I doing it right now? He paused and looked in her direction. She seemed to be waiting for something. Waiting for him to speak. He hadn't been talking out-loud. Then how had she known he was repeatedly saying her name? He decided that denial was the best possible...he was a man after all. "I wasn't."

"You were! I saw you!"

Damn! She's calling me on it. Note to self, must get better Poker face. Wait, did she just say I saw you? She did. That must mean he had been mouthing it. Stupid mouth! Why can't it ever do what's its told. There is no time to think about that now. Must come up with a reason. Think man! Think!...Quick, she's staring at you. Maybe he should stall for time, but how? Hmm....Damn it! Why am I thinking about how to stall for time when I should coming up with a reason? Why am I thinking about why I shouldn't be thinking about stalling for time? Stop it and concentrate. Maybe I was saying something that looks like Buffy. That's it! Now I need to think of something that looks like Buffy...Duffy?...Puffy?...Puff the magic dragon?...No, that's stupid. Okay, something that looks like Buffy...Tuffy? That's not even a word...or is it? No time for that. Something that looks like Buffy...Muffy? Muffin? Muffin! That's it! I was saying Muffin. "Muffin."

"Pardon me?"

"Muffin. I was saying Muffin."

"Muffin?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want a Muffin?"

"...Yes...yes I do."

"What kind?"

What kind? Oh, crap. What kind of muffin do I want? What kinds are there?...I think I heard someone say something about poison Ivy. Poison Ivy muffin? That's got to be wrong. Chocolate? There has got to be a chocolate muffin, surely. "Chocolate?"

"Okay."

Phew.

"Chocolate chip?"

Chocolate chip? What am I thinking about? Of course, I want chocolate chip. "Yeah."

"Okay, I'll go get us some."

Author's Name: It's not much of a beginning I admit but then what did you expect? I think it sets the story up nicely. You don't have a clue what is going on and never do I. Perfect. If you wish to complain about this chapter or any future chapter then you know what you can do. Also if you wish to order a limited edition copy of my autobiography 'I blame it on the Milkman' then press the big button on your computer hard drive.