One night I heard Brother Elf speak about trains, which was not unusual itself, as he spoke of them quite often. When he first brought me to this land, I was unfamiliar with this futuristic mode of transportation, but I have since learned much more than I care to know. His companions interjected the occasional grunt of disapproval, but at least they were conversing amongst each other and could leave at will.

Oh, if only I could escape this dungeon, but alas, my trusty steed, Arod, did not accompany me to this forsaken place. A warrior should not be confined to one room, one land. Brother Elf is wise, calm, and thoughtful, but he is not much into action. But that night something seemed different.

The stars were veiled. Something stirred in the East. A sleepless malice. The eye of the enemy was moving… No, he wasn't coming, but indeed someone was moving close toward our room.

I tightened the hold on my bow as two short figures snuck inside and quickly closed the door behind them. Intruders! What was worse, I soon recognized them as two of the guests Brother Elf and his friend the Hobbit often have over at their apartment. I had seen and heard enough about the Space Dwarf to know the reason he led his female companion in there was not good.

"Are you sure of this?" she whispered.

Space Dwarf kissed her and nodded. "Sheldon will probably continue to discuss those damn railroad schedules for the rest of the night. We have plenty of time to have some fun…"

Moonlight lit their silhouettes melting in a passionate embrace. Lady Dwarf pushed them toward the bed as they never stopped kissing and caressing each other. I gulped. What were they going to do? I knew it was nothing good.

Space Dwarf fell on the bed in a seated position. His lady mischieviously smirked and quickly straddled him. Her hands wasted no time undoing his belt buckle. Lady Dwarf definitely was very bold, and both were very irresponsible.

Their lips met again, and Space Dwarf started his assault to her neck and bosom. Why did they choose to do this right in front of me, of all places? Because of them and the dwarf's eagerness, soon I was looking at his lady's breast against my will. What was worse, she was even more impatient and had finally removed his belt.

As the lady gained access inside his slacks, Space Dwarf grinned. "I guess finally this bed is gonna see some action," he commented.

"Oh," she exclaimed, "don't you think it feels a little weird that it's not Amy doing it? You know, since she and Sheldon finally got physical…"

Space Dwarf froze. "Why did you need to bring up Sheldon?" he complained. "Now the mood is gone."

In response, she sucked on his neck and squeezed in his pants. "Really?"

He only smiled and grabbed her waist to guide her to lie down with him on the bed.

At this point I clung onto my bow so tight I might have broken it. Filthy creatures! Do not think I wouldn't have killed you, dwarves. It would have been my pleasure. I didn't do it only because we agreed not to draw attention to us.

A plague upon the stiff necks of dwarves! Space Dwarf rolled on his lady and decisively pulled up her skirt and tugged down her undergarment and his own.

"Ummmmm, I like you being so resolute," she hummed.

Trust me, Lady Dwarf, he wouldn't have been so bold if I could use my arrows.

He grinned and moved in between her legs, "Ready for launch!"

"Wait!" She unexpectedly stopped him. "Do you have protection?"

That was an odd request. They were half undressed at this point, why she would want to wear an armor now?

"Um- I am afraid I don't. We used the last one in my wallet at your parent's Christmas party." He paused. "We really should stop sneaking around in other people's houses."

Lady Dwarf shrugged. "Or not. C'mon, just be careful. And quiet."

Ai! Space Dwarf buried himself in her and moved unequivocally. Quiet, sure. They breathed so loud I could shoot them in the dark. As his pace quickened, he sounded more like a dying prey. She hung on his neck and pulled him closer to her before muffling a loud moan on his shoulder. It took so little then for him to do the deed and roll away.

Breathless, they laid staring at each other and grinning like two fools. He took her hand and lifted it to his mouth to place a gentle kiss. Those Dwarfs! Brave enough to intrude in here. Lucky enough to have found their soulmate.

"Howie," she muttered, "you pulled out in time, right?"

Space Dwarf squeezed her hand, "Don't worry about that. Worst case, we have just made a baby."

Turned out this was exactly what they did that night. We knew this some time later, informed by Brother Elf who found out what had happened on his bed and hence spent a whole day cleaning up and sanitizing his room and everything inside. This included me, Legolas, son of Thranduil and Prince of the Woodland Realm. I ended up treated with hot steam because of two senseless dwarves.