Disclaimer: I made all of this up and I'm making no money off of this. Please don't sue. Spoilers: As of now I would say through "Nobody's Fault but Mine." Note: This is mostly from Jackie's POV, hopefully the characterization isn't too far off. Hope you enjoy it!


I screwed up. I mean really screwed up. Except I don't know what the screw up was. Was it cheating on Jackie? Or was it giving a crap about Jackie?

I wouldn't be walking around feeling like shit if I hadn't cheated on Jackie. Of course, it probably wouldn't be a big deal if I had just kept things simple with Jackie.

I should have really broken up with her after she called Kelso her boyfriend. I really should have. Because I can't pin this on her now. She and Kelso will always have a bond and I understand that. I don't want to, because seeing them together usually makes me see red. And I hate being jealous. It isn't exactly very Zen.

"I don't want to talk to you!" Jackie exclaimed through the bathroom door. She had gone to her own house. She hadn't gone back to Donna's. She didn't want Donna to feel even more sorry for her.

"Then just let me take you back to Donna's," I said.

"Why?" Jackie asked. "So she can watch me cry?"

"I don't want you here alone," I said, my head leaned up against the wall. "Please Jackie."

"Go home Steven," Jackie said evenly, without emotion.

"No," I replied. "I'm just as stubborn as you are."

"I don't want to be around you Steven," she said. I heard the tears. I hated that I was the reason she was crying. "You're just like Michael."

"No, I'm not," I said. "I'm worse, because I saw what it did to you when he cheated on you. And trust me Jackie, you don't hate me any worse than I hate me."

"Doubtful," she sniffed.

"What do you want from me Jackie?" I asked. "Do you want me to beg for forgiveness? Do you want me to write you a song? What?"

The bathroom door swung open. Her eyes were red, her cheeks tearstained. "I want you to show real emotion Steven! I want to not feel like an idiot for loving you! I want to not hurt so bad!"

"I can't make you not hurt," I said quietly. "And I can't promise that you aren't an idiot for caring about me."

"I love you Steven," Jackie said. It was like a freaking dagger in my heart, because I knew she didn't want to love me at that point. "God, why I still love you is beyond me."

"Let me take you back to Donna's," I said. "She's worried about you."

"Will you leave me alone?" she asked.

"For tonight," I replied.


"Hyde came by," Donna said, walking into her room. She had something in her hand.

"I don't want to talk to him," I said. "He said he was leaving me alone tonight."

"He left," Donna said. "He was checking on you. And he gave me this to give to you."

"What is it?" I asked, eyeing the slim object wrapped in newspaper.

"I don't know," Donna said. "Maybe you should open it."

"It's not going to help," I said.

I took the package and gently tore off the newspaper. In it was a composition notebook that looked really old. The cover was all bent with one corner torn off. There was a new-looking piece of paper sticking out of it.

Dear Jackie, You wanted real emotion. Here it is. This is my journal. I don't know why I ever kept a journal. But whatever. Read it. This is me. This is as honest as I get. You can read the whole thing if you want.

He had signed it Hyde, then scratched that out and signed Steven. It made me smile.

"What is it?" Donna asked.

"His journal," I said, looking up at her. "I'm not going to be able to sleep unless I read it. Would it bother your dad if I just hung out in the kitchen?"

"Who cares if it does?" Donna asked. "This is crisis time, right?"

I smiled at her. She's a good friend.

"Thanks," I said as I left her room.

When I got into the kitchen I made myself a cup of hot chocolate and rummaged for some cookies.

Then I settled down to read.