It was a sunny day at Bad Bird Studios. And a hot one at that. "The peckin' sun is killing me! I need some fluids! Stat!" Demanded The Conductor. One of the owl servants there had brought him his favorite drink: pink lemonade. "Ah, that's the stuff!" He exclaimed. Now he was ready to direct a whole movie... well, maybe that was a hyperbole. For what was about to come up, was going to have him eat those words.
At the stage, everything was all prepared for the scene. "If not for that pink lemonade, I'd belong in a bloody 4-star restaurant!" The Conductor had stated. "I might need some more just to make it through this scene without breakin' a sweat." So he ordered 3 more bottles of pink lemonade. After quickly gulping down all 3, he started to feel a mild twinge in his pelvic area. "Oh peck, it all went right through me, didn't it." The Conductor moaned.
After a painstakingly long 3 hours of directing, The Conductor was feeling more and more tense, lightly pressing on his bladder to ease the pain. "Almost there. Just gotta make it through the final act and I'll be home free." Once the directing was done, The Conductor had his legs crossed, about to burst. He soon ran off to find the nearest bathroom. He knew his side of the studio in and out. The closest restroom, however, was through the catering room, which was full of fluids. "It's now or never." The Conductor said.
The studio had decided to spend its extra money on drink fountains to be more exquisite. Apparently exquisiteness requires 7 loud punch fountains. "It's gonna be ok, lasse. Just don't think about water." He thought to himself... and he did the exact opposite. Because reverse psychology is a peck neck, The Conductor thought of waterfalls, rivers, faucets, or any form of running water.
Once he finally got through, he was in tears at the sight of the restroom. Tears of sorrow, that it was (despite having no eyes). Low and behold, the bathroom was closed for repair. "Ah cripes! Ah bloody peckin' heck!" Yelled The Conductor. He couldn't waste another second of this torture, so he ran to every other bathroom, which was either occupied, broken, or flat out impossible to get to.
With no other option available, or and time left, The Conductor couldn't hold it any longer. "I guess this is it." He remarked. Letting out one spurt after another in the middle of an occupied area. Soon it became a full-blown waterfall as his suit was soaked to the max. It was a few minutes before the stream died down. "At least I didn't blow up." The Conductor said. Ironically enough, nobody else saw him, nor what he did.
Relieved no one saw him or even knew the liquid on the ground was pee, The Conductor changed his clothes and continued directing. The end.
Now for the TF2 part, which is what The Conductor was directing.
"Action!" Shouted The Conductor. "Is tea time doctor!" Exclaimed Heavy. Medic replied with a content "Yah." Just then, Engineer came to the pair's table. "What you want?" He asked. Like his usual self, Heavy ordered a sandvich, and Medic ordered Oktoberfest (Which was just a bonus duck). Engineer then ran off to get them their food when suddenly, a scream can be heard. It was from Scout!
"What was that?" Asked a nervous Heavy. As the duo went to the next car in the train, They came to an unpleasant surprise: Scout was dead! "Scout! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shouted Soldier. Angerly, Heavy asked "Which one of you killed scout?" "Spy!" Exclaimed Medic.
There it was, clear as day: A butterfly knife in Scout's back. With this knowledge acquired, Heavy asked "Who is spy?" No answers. Heavy then proceeded to pull out a picture of Scout's mom. "Scout's mama!" Said Heavy. Engineer gave an impressed whistle, indicating that he likes the picture. "Engineer is Sp-" Heavy almost said but was interrupted by Engineer retaliating with a "Nope(.avi)."
"What about you?" Engineer asked. "Are you a spy?" Heavy immediately went into a state of an identity crisis. "HEEEAAAVVVYYY!" Screamed Medic. Pointing to the drunkard himself, Demoman. Which he replied with a "NO!" and went back to his drunken sleeping.
"Soldier" then laughed at Heavy and his failed attempts, with a hardy "Ohh honh honh honh hoi" but immediately regret laughing and covered his mouth. "Soldier is spy!" Heavy revealed. "Finally. You idiots! I am the spy."
Heavy then proceeded to through spy out of the caboose. The end.