Title: Hold On To What?
Author:
Willow
Summary: Josh knows he's dying, but he doesn't want it to be alone.
Spoilers/Episode: Post season 1, 'What Kind Of Day Has It Been'. Spoilers for ITSOTG1
Characters: Josh POV
Rating: PG (angst)
Disclaimer: They all belong to Aaron Sorkin, NBC, John Wells and many others who aren't me.


You know I'm sure it's August, so why am I so cold?

People are rushing past me, all lost in their own worlds, looking for their friends, but where are my friends? Why isn't any one trying to find me?

Christ this hurts. I wonder how long I've been here. Seems like forever. If I could speak, if I could shout, maybe someone would stop. Am I really here though? Maybe this is a dream.

My hands feel warm and sticky. My life is draining away here. I don't want to be alone. Where are they all? Oh God no! that doesn't even bear thinking about, but I've thought it now...... Maybe they're all dead.

If I close my eyes for just a second it might make the pain go away. No. I've got to stay awake. But this hurts so much. I don't know how much longer I can hold on now.

This is my punishment. It's thirty years later. Now it's my turn to die scared and alone.

Someone just stepped over me. They looked down. They actually looked at me. They looked me in the eye. I thought I was saved. But they carried on moving. That's it, I can't do this. I quit.

I'm still here. I can't leave my mom. Everyone else she loves has died. I have to hold on. I'm just not sure what I'm holding on to. Blood, that's what I'm holding now. My blood.

What's going on? I thought I was in my office. Donna was just here. But now I'm outside and...... Oh hell, I'm still here. Still waiting.

I wonder what death is like. I've never believed in an afterlife, now I really hope I've been wrong. At least then I'll see my dad and Joanie and my grandfather.

I'm sure I just heard my name. It sounded like Toby. But I can't hear him anymore. I'm not sure I'm still breathing. I must be, surely death doesn't hurt this much.

There it is again. It is Toby. He's telling me off! What the hell? No, no he's not. He looks horrified. I knew this was bad. He's shouting for help. I'm trying to ask him to hold me. I really don't want to die alone.

END