Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade and its characters.

A/N: I feel that I need some sort of justification for this. Kai/Rei is actually my One True Pairing ( OTP ) in Beyblade and I love it above anything else. But I can't deny to myself that Kai/Takao does have its proof of existence, and isn't so farfetched after all. Only warnings in this include Yaoi ( Homophobes, see the back button up there? Well, click it NOW! ) and unrequited love. And of course, Rei ( mental and emotional ) torture. To all the people who reviewed my other story, "Fool for Love", thanks so much! You guys are the best! Next chapter for that would come out soon, I promise. For now, this is all I've got. A late night writing by yours truly. Enjoy! ^_^

" Shattered"

Today was like any other fine day in the course of my much too exciting life. Sun shining, birds chirping outside and Takao's shrill, nasal snores in his sleep . Yup, I had a feeling today was going to be as ordinary as they come. But then again, I'm not always right about these so-called "hunches". For all I know, something could prove me wrong. Take for example, the time when I lost Drigger during my battle with Kevin. Yes, I was confident that I would win, but something worse happened. It still hurts so much when I think about it, how I would do anything to get my beloved Drigger back, and to prove myself worthy of his return. I felt lost despite Max and Takao's repeated assurances that they would still take me back despite the absence of my bitbeast.

Feeling lost is the only thing that I would never want to happen to me ever again.

I lay back down on my futon since I didn't feel like going out of the room just yet. Yesterday, I heard Chief asking Max to help him scour the streets of Russia for some parts for our somewhat-damaged-but-not-quite Beyblades. Our beys have been in a not so chipper condition after the Russian Tournament. We're scheduled to be staying here in Moscow for about 2 more weeks, so there would be plenty of time to do so. Now, I feel especially bad for Takao, since Dragoon endured the most damage after the battle with Tala. He's been fussing over getting Dragoon some new parts over the last few days. It was even some sort of a miracle that we even managed to fight the Demolition Boys, much less win. I sighed, wincing a bit as the memory of my own battle overtook me, and I could almost feel the pain of my wounds again.

I find this one thing strange, though. Ever since Kai came back to us after that fiasco of the Dark Dranzer, Takao has insisted in rooming with him. No, not just insisted. He demanded that he share a room with our ever-reluctant team leader. And what was even more surprising was the fact that Kai actually agreed to it. I could tell that Max was a bit hurt, if not very hurt. Since the Bladebreakers started out, it had always been Takao and Max rooming together, and in cases where we all had to take one room, they slept beside each other. I find it very sweet, really. They were like the happily married couple of our team. Takao was virtually filing for a divorce in his decision of rooming with someone else, and I couldn't help but feel sympathy for Max.

As for me, I'd always shared a room with Kai. We weren't exactly close before. Infact, the first time I roomed with him, we never even glanced at each other for a second, much less talk. I felt too uncomfortable to strike up a conversation, and he…well, he never was really one to make small talk, anyway. So I wallowed in the silence, which was the consequence with rooming with a statue, as Takao jokes. But nonetheless, I've always thought something other than irritation or resentment at him. I couldn't put my finger on it, and it's something I couldn't describe in its entirety. But it's there. I suppose it's a more intense version of fascination, or awe. Maybe even the affectionate sort of fondness, the kind at which a child looks at his older sibling, or a fan looks up to his idol.

Yes, I think so. It's that, mixed with something else…

But in the last few months we've been together, just a few weeks before he was taken in at the abbey, we spoke to each other. His voice was soft, almost gentle. Not the usual rough tone he uses when he tells us to practice or when he gives orders. In all truth, I can't even remember what we talked about, it all seemed like a jumble of words to me. What I answered to his questions came out of my mouth, and disappeared in my mind just as quickly.

All I can recall is the way his bright, amber eyes, crimson in the light, looked at me with the fiery intensity of a thousand suns, the enticing way that his lips moved and told me secrets that I couldn't even understand, the way his fingers drummed rhythmically against solid wood. I watched all this in morbid admiration. He asked me if I was al right, and it was the last thing I heard him say before I drifted off to the land of daydreams.

I realized that I felt something… something so dangerously close to love.

Lust, maybe?

I watched this soap opera with Max one time, and the woman was yelling "Oh, Take me John! Make me yours!" and they proceeded to fulfill their bodies' carnal pleasures. Max quickly snatched the remote and changed the channel. Naturally, Max was revolted at such blatant show of indecency ( for lack of better words ) and assumed I was feeling the repulsion, too. But the wheels were turning in my head. That damn soap scene was stuck in my mind. To my horror, I heard my voice overlapping with the woman's, replacing the 'John' with 'Kai'. I suddenly felt sick.

It was something that burned my insides. It made my mind writhe with pleasure, and my body turn away in disgust. I shivered to think of what those strong arms would feel against my skin. Yet the chills in my spine made me moan, in ecstasy, pain…I don't know anymore. I just thrived in the feeling of it, knowing that somehow, it still won't go away.

The memory vanishes, and I am once more in thought of Kai's somewhat peculiar decision to be with Takao. I know it's a trivial thing to worry about it, I just can't help it, you know. I'm sort of uneasy concerning Takao. He isn't used to being with Kai, and their temporary truces almost always end up in verbal arguments or fistfights. God, how those two could duke it out. There was even a time when Takao ended up with a black eye because he knocked Kai out when he opened a refrigerator door. ( Kai happened to be standing next to the freezer, dropped something, bent to pick it up, and when he was about to stand up, Takao skipped in and happily and carelessly threw open the fridge door. Kai was out cold for hours. He got his revenge the next day.)

Al though their banters may be funny, it still makes me feel anxious. What if they end up killing each other in their sleep or something?

But I am quick to convince myself otherwise. After all, Kai practically owes his life to Takao, for saving him when things got rough. He was the one who talked Kai back to his senses. Takao didn't care that so many people were in his way; Kai's grandfather, Boris, the Demolition Boys and Kai himself. He was still determined to do anything to get Kai back. As much as I hate to admit it to myself, I couldn't do anything when he was in trouble. It made me feel worthless, to not be able to do a thing when I should have, could have. Sure, I prayed to all the gods I knew to keep him safe, and looked out at the window of our shared room every night wishing for him to come back, but that was nothing compared to what Takao did.

Jealousy starts to take over my veins. What if Kai and Takao…

I shake my head in denial. No… that would be too impossible, right?


Wait, what am I saying? I… I can't actually be jealous, can I? So what if Kai and Takao really are… together …I'm not in love with Kai, or Takao for that matter. I'm not in love with anyone. So why should I care if Kai kisses Takao, holds him in his arms and whispers sweet nothings in his ear? In reality, I should be happy for them. They're my friends, and we've been through so much together.

So what if I feel something akin to love for Kai? It's not like he'll return it or anything.

Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I'll actually believe it.

My stomach growls in reply to my turbulent thoughts. I didn't bother to think about my hunger until now. I sigh and rake my hand through my messy bangs. I really need to start feeding myself now before I get ulcer. I get out of the futon and stretch my arms, yawning slightly. Glancing at the clock, I see that it's about nine o'clock. Not so early, but not that late, either. I know Chief and Max got up at about seven, so they won't be in the suite anymore. Kai may be awake, and Takao might still be snoring the morning away.

I giggle slightly at the thought of Takao annoying Kai with his snoring. My hand drifts to the doorknob.

"Tickle, tickle, Kai!"

My hand freezes in place.

"What are youDammit, Takao! Stop that!" Laughter follows, albeit a bit strangled.

My whole body goes rigid. Kai laughing? What is happening in there? Oh, his laughter is strangely melodious. Not bubbly like Max', or mischievous like Takao's. It's deep, very sensuous, you could say.

"Aha! I got yo-ur sca-arf! I got yo-ur sca-arf!" Takao teased in a sing-song voice.

The sound of Kai's growl filled the living room. "Give. It. BACK!"

Takao merely guffawed loudly. "Catch me if you can!" He then proceeded to sing "Catch you, catch me" off-key. I heard thumping footsteps against the floor, and I assumed they were running, Kai chasing Takao in wild goose chase to get his precious scarf back.

"Catch you, catch you, catch me, catch me, matte!"

"Give the damn scarf back! And stop singing! You sound like a dying frog on crack!

I couldn't help but chuckle at their antics. Well, at least they weren't punching the living daylights out of each other.



"Hah! I got you know, you little—"

Sudden silence follows.

That's odd… might as well make my presence known now. I open the door, very slightly at first. The view of the room gets wider as I push the door farther. My eyes quickly scanned the room for my two teammates. I find what I'm looking for, and my eyes widen. I could barely hear my gasp of disbelief as the beating of my heart quickens. My hands tremble slightly, and I felt numb. I watched them, so very passionate, and my world crumbled at my feet.

Kai and Takao… they were…

How they were wrapped in a world of their own, how their mouths meshed together to become one. Blue on blue. Such a pretty sight to the naked eye, but it sickened me. I couldn't bear it.

Hunger forgotten, I stepped back into the room and locked the door. The sweat on my forehead trickles down and mingles with the tears on my cheeks.

I feel lost.


Reviews right about now wouldn't hurt…^_^ Peace!