Live and Let Die

By ArtikGato

Disclaimer: I do not own Weiß Kreuz or the spiffycool song 'Live and Let Die'. I don't own James fact, I don't own a LOT of things...

Author's Notes: I have just one thing for you to keep in mind. THIS FIC IS HUMOR!!! I REPEAT!! HUMOR!!!! NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! Okay, now that THAT is out of the way...

Do not read if the prospect of Omi and Ken in drag offends you. Or scares you... (bursts out laughing)  Sorry, but it's just...(bursts out laughing again)

Do not read if the prospect of the Shwarz playing musical instruments offends/scares you....

Do not read if the prospect of Farfarello being in this story offends/scares you...

And finally, don't read if the prospect of Yohji SINGING offends or scares you. ^_^


Somebody's Name + - = singing


The song "Live and Let Die" is sung by Paul McCartney and Wings, and is probably most famous as the themesong to the James Bond movie cleverly entitled...Live and Let Die...^^''' I'm lazy, so the lyrics in their entirety shall NOT be at the bottom. I didn't interrupt the song THAT much, anyhow!

Live and Let Die

As we begin the story, a door can be seen. But, it is no ordinary door. It has a big star on it, and has the words "DO NOT TRESSPASS IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE!!! ~Farfie-chan~" written on it in what appears to be ketchup. (I'm sure he meant it to be blood...) Voices can be heard from inside of the room that most surely is behind the door (because wouldn't that be STUPID if there was just a DOOR there and nothing behind it?!).

            "Why do we have to be the backup singers?!" two voices demanded at once.

            "BECAUSE!!!" bellowed another voice.

            "But...the backup singers are female!" one of the two earlier voices protested.

            "And your point is?" the voice that bellowed earlier asked.

            "Well...we're not female," replied the remaining voice.

            "Duh!" exclaimed the voice that bellowed.

            "So we can't be the backup singers!" the first voice exclaimed, cheerily.

            "No no, I never said that..." said the voice that bellowed, evilly.

            "Please tell me that you're not-" started the third voice.

            "Oh, but I AM!!!" cackled the voice that bellowed.

            "ACK!! What in the name of Kami is THAT?!" the first voice shrieked.

            "Your COSTUMES!!" the voice that bellowed exclaimed.

            "But...they're PINK!!!" the third voice pointed out.

            "And they're...are they DRESSES?!?!" the first voice demanded.

            "Yup!!" the voice that bellowed before replied, cheerily.

            "WHY?!" the two other voices demanded.

            "Well, you have to look the part if you're going to be the backup singers!" the voice that bellowed replied.

            "We never said that we wanted to be the backup singers!!" the first voice protested.

            "But you have to!!" the voice that bellowed whined.

            "Can you at least give us something less...frilly and PINK and LITTLE BO BEEP-ish?" the voice that didn't bellow or speak first requested.

            "I actually wasn't planning on making you guys wear those...ATROCITIES...I just wanted to see what your reactions would be," the voice that bellows said, chuckling a little. There was a bit of rustling, and then the voice continued. "Here you go!" he said.

            "Well...silver's not my color..." the first voice started.

            "Look at the SKIRT LINE on this thing! Yeesh! Isn't this thing breaking several laws?" the voice that didn't bellow OR just say something asked.

            "It's perfectly California..." the voice that bellowed said, sheepishly.

            "ARGH! Get me something ELSE!!!" the third voice exclaimed.

            "Ow!! You didn't have to THROW it at me!" the voice that bellowed exclaimed.

            "Since you're getting him something else, could you get me something else too?" the first voice requested.

            "Geez! You too?! What's wrong with YOUR dress?!" the voice that bellowed demanded.

            "Silver isn't really my you have anything in dark blue? Or black maybe?" the first voice asked.

            "Oh okay!! Fine!! Here you go, a BLUE dress, and here YOU go, an red dress with an INCREDIBLY LOW SKIRT LINE!!! THERE!!! YOU'VE RUINED MY DREAM!!" the voice that bellowed...uhm...bellowed...

            "Dream?" the first voice asked.

            "Well...that's better. But I STILL don't like the idea of having to wear a dress," the third voice pointed out.

            "Well TOUGH!! You both still owe me favors!!" the voice that bellowed shouted.

            "Okay! Fine! You win! We'll sing the backup!!! But MARK MY WORDS, WHEN THIS IS OVER YOU WILL BE SO DEAD!!!" the third voice shrieked.

            "Just go get changed!! And you too!!" the voice that bellowed commanded.

            "You didn't have to PUSH me!" the third voice protested.

            "Oww...I hit my head on the stall door..." the first voice complained.

            "...sorry. Now GET DRESSED!!!" the voice that bellowed bellowed. (O_o)

            "Okay!" the two voices chorused, sounding a bit miffed.

A few seconds later, the door with the star and writing on it opened, and Yohji, dressed in a tuxuedo and wearing a cowboy hat (don't ask--he insisted), stepped out of the room behind the door. (HAH!! TOLD YA there was a room behind it!) He snickered, and walked off.

            "Yohji? Hey!! Yohji!? You there?" called the first voice from inside of the room. A few seconds later, Omi's head popped out from behind the door. He looked around, and dissappeared behind the door again.

            "I don't see him, Ken," Omi said.

            "Maybe he went to the stage," Ken suggested.

            "Yeah, probably." Omi replied. Then the door opened, and Omi and Ken stepped out of the room behind the door that we were so interested in!! (What? What do you MEAN that you weren't interested in the door? Well I was!! *cries*) Omi was wearing a dark blue DRESS that had very thin straps, black boots, and he was also wearing his baseball cap, which only made him look more ridiculous. Ken, on the other hand, was wearing a sleeveless red DRESS which had a skirt that was MUCH LONGER than Omi's. He was wearing high heels (the poor guy) and of course, his trademark goggles.

MEANWHILE!!! Aya wandered around the strange building that he had seen Omi, Ken, and Yohji enter a while ago.

            "Yohji? Ken? Omi?" he called. He got no answer. He suddenly noticed a set of huge doors, so he opened one and walked into a huge room with seats that were everywhere. He recognized it as an auditorium, except that he couldn't see the stage, as there were only two very dim lights near the doors.

            "Omi? Ken? Yohji?" he called. He suddenly heard a diabolical cackle. "Okay...that was weird..." "Uhmmmm....Farfarello?" he called.

            "That's FARFIE-CHAN!!!" a voice that sounded remarkably like Farfarello's screeched, followed by a massive amount of "SHHHHHHH!!"s.

            "Guys? Are you back there?" Aya called. There was suddenly a rusty squeaky sound and Aya deducted that someone was pulling the curtains on the nonexistent stage. A spotlight suddenly shone out of the middle of nowhere and illuminated someone that looked like Yohji in a tuxuedo... no, no, it was Yohji. He was wearing a cowboy hat, after all. Music started playing all of a sudden.

Yohji - (just in case you forgot, the dash means that he's singing now...) When you were young and your heart was an open book, you used to say live and let live-

            Some of the stage suddenly came on, revealing what looked like Omi and Ken in drag. Wait wait wait...OMI and KEN in DRAG?! Aya suddenly noticed the hat and goggles, and had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. It WAS Omi and Ken in drag.

Omi and Ken - You know you did, you know you did, you know you did.

Yohji - But when this ever changing world in which live in makes you give it a cry...

Live and let die!!

            The rest of the stagelights come on, revealing Crawford playing a set of drums, Nagi playing a piano, Shuldig playing a saxophone, and Farfarello hanging in a upside down from the ceiling playing a violin.

Omi and Ken - Live and let die.

Yohji - Live and let die!

Omi and Ken - Live and let die!

**Shwarz play their instruments and stuff!!**

Yohji - Why does it matter to ya? When you've got a job to do you've got to do it well.

You've got to give it all you've ever HAD!!!

**another space of the Shwarz playing music and stuff!**

Yohji - You used to say live and let live.

Omi and Ken - You know you did you know you did you know you did.

Yohji - But when this ever changing world in which we live in makes you give it a cry...


Omi and Ken - Live and let die!

Yohji - Live and let die!

Omi and Ken - Live and let die!

**the Shwarz play music until it fades out dramatically**

            "Umm..." said Aya, looking VERY confused and just a TAD bit scared.

            "Well? Did ya like it?! It's about you!!" Yohji called up to him. "See, 'cause when you were younger you used to just NOT kill people, and now that life has given you a rough time, you ARE killing people!! It's just like the SONG!!!"

            "Why are Omi and Ken in DRAG?!" Aya demanded. Omi and Ken scowled.

            "...well, I couldn't find the Shrient and we needed FEMALE backup singers...besides, aren't they just so CUTE?!" Yohji exclaimed in mock joy, running over and attempting to pinch Omi's cheeks. Omi ran in the general direction of the door with the star and the ketchup on it screaming, followed by Ken. The Shwarz just packed up their musical instruments, and Farfarello came down from the ceiling, rubbing his hands together diabolically.

            "Crazy songfics hurt God," he said, and then laughed maniacally and started to gnaw on his arm. The other three Shwarz just kinda...BACKED AWAY.

            "What did I do to deserve this?" Aya asked, hitting himself on the forehead. Then he thought of something.

            "Wait a minute...if all of you guys were down there singing or playing music, then who was controlling the lights?" he asked, arbitrarily. As if it was some sort of cue, Manx appeared.

            "That would be me!" she exclaimed, grinning.

            "Is everyone but me out of character?!" Aya demanded.

            "For the record, we didn't say anything..." Nagi trailed off. Aya just shook his head, sighed, left the room, and ran away, never to be seen or heard from again. Well...that is, until my next songfic...


(FYI, in case you couldn't figure it out, the voice that bellowed was Yohji, the first voice was Omi, and the third voice or the voice that didn't bellow OR say something first was Ken)