Chapter 10: Ferret Slaying
Disclaimer: In case you didn't read the summary, I own nothing. Not Harry Potter or anything affiliated with that, nor do I own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or anything affiliated with that, in case you were wondering. I merely poke fun at them.
Hermione wept. 'He's gone.' Hermione wept. More.
Madame Pomfrey poked her head into the waiting room of the Hospital Wing, which was more just a bench more than an actual waiting room. Also, there was no waiting, as Hermione wept over the death of one Draco Malfoy.
"Ms. Granger?" Madame Pomfrey called to her. Hermione still wept. "Ms. Granger, we've got some good news. It seems Mr. Malfoy will be alright. The stab wasn't actually that deep, there was only minor bleeding."
Hermione wept louder. "He's dead! He's Dead!!!" She cried.
Madame Pomfrey looked confused. "Didn't you hear me, dear? Draco will be all right. It was only a stab in the arm, after all. Nothing to be concerned about."
Hermione fell onto her knees weeping. "Oh gods!" She cried to the heavens…or the ceiling. "Why did he have to die? Why did you take him from me!"
Madame Pomfrey looked confused.
Cue lilting music.
Hermione and Draco were running through a field, bright wildflowers nicking their ankles. Opening their arms to each other as they ran, they ran with the speed of a person on a motorized scooter. With a failing engine.
A/N-What can I say? There's a reason Quidditch is flying on broomsticks and not running on the ground.
Their eyes met, although from a distance. Not looking where she was going, Hermione tripped. "I'm alright! I'm good!" She stood back up and ran to him, a bit of dirt smudged across her face.
Draco suddenly stopped and crouched down. "Need…. breather…can't…run any…more…" He panted, short of breath, his face flushed.
Hermione called to Draco. "Come on, my love, we're almost there!"
He pulled himself back up and ran a couple steps. Then he fainted.
Hermione ran to his side. "Draco, oh my love, whom I love, oh I love you. Are you alright, lover?" She knelt at his side, and moved closer to him, as to kiss him.
Draco came to. He looked into Hermione's eyes.
And then he screamed.
Hermione fell back onto her bottom in the dirt. "Draco, my love. What's wrong?" She asked, moving closer to him again.
Draco looked at Hermione. "What the hell do you think you are doing? Look at you; you're covered in dirt and sweat! You'll get me dirty! And I just got a facial! Don't get any closer!" Draco scooted away.
End Lilting Music
Hermione sighed, although she was still weeping. "Those were good times!" She laughed crazily through her tears. "Why did you take those times from me?!" She screamed.
Madame Pomfrey yelled to Hermione. "Ms. Granger! Draco will be released in a few hours! He's fine! He's just resting, would you like to see him?"
Hermione collapsed into a sobbing heap on the ground and wept. She wept for the days that she would never have with Draco, the smirks they would never share, the condescension from him that she would never receive. Hermione was heartbroken.
Madame Pomfrey sighed, and walked right up to Hermione, who looked straight through her, weeping. Madame turned around, then pivoted back around and struck Hermione with a punch to the face. Hermione wept; then she conked out. Madame Pomfrey smoothed out her dress. "That should shut her up." She walked calmly back into her office. "Stupid students. One of these days…"
Ron-the-Ferret-Slayer walked into the Hospital Wing. "Hermione?" He looked around. "Hermione, where are you?" He looked around, she was nowhere to be found. "Hmm…let's see. If I were a heartbroken star of a popular series, where would I be?"
He looked pensive for a moment, and then shrugged. "Who knows? I'll just wait in here, I'm sure it'll come to me." With that he walked into the waiting room.
"Hermione!" He shouted and ran to her side, tears forming at his eyes. "What's wrong?"
Hermione weakly opened an eye. "-Dead." She wept, and then fell unconscious.
Ron stood up, a decisive expression across his face. "This can only be the doing of one Evil Ferret. Harryus, wherever you are, I will find you. And I will slay you." He smoothed out his miniskirt and strutted out of the Hospital Wing.
Ginny Weasley was leaning up against a wall, a thin cigarette poised on her lips. She took a long drag and let it out slowly, that is, until she started coughing forcefully. Almost like her lungs didn't want to be poisoned with every breath she takes with the cigarette. She shrugged it off and pushed off the wall, putting the butt out with her toe as a familiar face came into sight. She smiled, showing off nasty yellow teeth. But as the other person came closer, her expression changed drastically.
"Ron Weasley! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Ginny demanded angrily, motioning to the shoulder length blonde wig adorning Ron's head.
Ron rolled his eyes. "Ginny, everyone knows that Slayers are blonde chicks!" He posed. "How do I look?"
Ginny looked, horrified, at her older brother. "Ron! Look at your legs!"
Ron looked down quickly, noticing the multicolored adhesive bandages all across his legs. "Shaving." He looked mildly annoyed. "I'll learn."
Ginny shook her head. "Ron! You are a boy, not a girl! You need to stop this cross-dressing thing! It got old years ago!"
Ron pursed his lips. "I don't need this from you. I save the world from creatures you can't imagine every day. I would love to be in my room, watching Wizard vision, or talking about boys, or god! Even doing homework! But I can't! I have to save the world!" He walked past Ginny and then turned around to face her. "I have to kill Harryus." Ginny froze in shock.
Quickly she regained her voice to call to Ron. "You leave now, Ron Weasley, don't you ever come back. Don't you ever. You'll be dead to me."
Ron kept walking.
Ginny ran as fast as her legs would carry her, well no, actually she walked. But she didn't have much endurance; her lungs weren't very strong anymore, with the smoking and all. "I have to find Harry!" She said anxiously to herself. "Where is he?"
Draco opened his eyes and looked around. 'Where am I?' He wondered to himself.
"I'm sure you are wondering where you are and what you are doing here, Mr. Malfoy." Entered a cheerfully old voice.
"Yes Headmaster." Draco noticed the sterile look of his surroundings. 'Must be the hospital wing.' He reasoned.
"In fact, you are probably thinking that you are in the Hospital Wing. You would be correct, Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore's eyes gleamed brightly.
'How does he know all of this?' Draco wondered.
Dumbledore smiled. "I have my ways, Mr. Malfoy." He began to leave, but turned to face Draco. "Oh and Mr. Malfoy, if you happen to see Mr. Potter, could you please direct him to see me. I must speak to him about the scar on his forehead."
Without waiting for a response, the Headmaster disappeared.
Draco looked confused. "Potter's scar? What's wrong with Potter's scar?"
The doors of the Hospital Wing were thrown open. A wild looking Harry Potter burst into the room. He ran around the room crazily.
"Potter?" Draco looked extremely confused.
Harry rushed into the waiting room. "Hermione!" He screeched.
Hermione opened her eyes. "Draco?"
"No, It's Harry."
Hermione wept. "Draco…he's…dead!" She held herself as she wept.
Harry patted her on the back. "Oh 'Mione. At least you have parents. My parents…" Harry's voice broke, and a few tears fell from his face.
Hermione looked up through her tears. "Oh Harry, I'm so sorry. I forgot."
Harry's face turned grave. "You could, couldn't you?" He spat. "You never knew them at all. Not like I did!"
Hermione looked at him strangely. "Harry, you were a baby when they died."
Harry glared at her. "Oh, so you want to rub in it, now? Fine! You have parents and I don't! You're parents weren't murdered! Oh, MUM!" Harry broke into tears.
Hermione moved closer to Harry. "I'm so sorry Harry. I was so involved with myself-"
"You're sorry?" Asked Harry angrily. "You're sorry, Hermione?! How can you ever talk to me about loss? My parents are dead! You don't know what that's like, you have parents, even if they aren't wizards, you Mudblood!"
Hermione flinched and pulled far away from Harry. Pressed against a wall, she whispered. "You really are evil, aren't you?"
Harry looked up at her. "No Hermione. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like-"
Draco walked into the room. "Hey guys. What's going on? Oof!" He fell to the ground as a thin pale girl in a tight miniskirt with long blonde hair ran into the waiting room, accidentally pushing him on her way. Oh no, that's just Ron.
Ron smirked triumphantly. "I thought I'd find you here, Ferret."
Draco shook his head, upset. "I was only a Ferret for a little while! I'm better now!"
Ron didn't seem to notice Draco at all. He was looking intently at Harry. "I'm going to slay you, demon."
"That's not very nice! I never did anything to you!" Shouted Draco, although no one even seemed to hear him.
Harry stood up and faced Ron. "You couldn't do it last time. You still can't do it."
Ron looked cheated. "Draco was stabbed! I was a little distracted!"
Hermione fell to a heap on the floor. "Draco! Oh Draco!" She wept.
"Yeah Hermione, I'm right here." Draco moved nearer to Hermione. Although not too close, she had a little dried blood on her hands and face.
Hermione didn't seem to notice him.
Ginny Weasley walked into the waiting room. "Harry, Nooooooo-" She started coughing awfully. "Hold on a second" She croaked. "Okay. -Ooooooooo!!!"
Ron glanced back at her. "Ginny, don't get in the middle of this. Just get out. This is between me," he pointed to himself, and then to Harry, "and my prey."
Ginny screamed. Or she would have if she hadn't started coughing again. She moved slowly until she stood in front of Harry. "I won't let-" she coughed, "you!"
Ron pulled out a dagger from a thigh holster. "Sorry Ginny, but this is business." He moved closer until he was only a foot from Ginny. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and tossed them across the room. Ginny squealed and chased them.
Ron looked hard at Harry. "So this is how it ends."
Hermione rushed up and stood in front of Harry. "I'm sorry Ron, but I can't let you do this, even if Harry is evil."
Draco stood up. "Oh, Potter. That reminds me, Dumbledore wants you to go see him. Something about your bleedin' scar."
Ron glared at Hermione. "You can't stand in my way, Hermione. None of you can." He took a deep breath and looked at them both. "I'm Ron, the Ferret Slayer!"
Hermione looked at Ron. "You obviously forget that you aren't the only superhero here!" Clothes were ripped off and suddenly there was much spandex and little else.
Ron shuddered. Not only because the wrath of the Gangsta Princess was upon him, but Harry's costume had somehow been shrunk and was FAR too small for him.
Harry squirmed. "Something's wrong here…" He tried to pull his spandex shorts down, but to no avail, they snapped right back up. Too far up.
Suddenly Ron lunged forward, and the battle of the Superheroes was begun. In a clash of fists of fury, screaming and hair pulling, and those little pop up signs of "KaPOW!" "Thunk!" "Ouch!" and multitudes of other things, the fight was violent and terrible. Actually terrible, as in terrible pathetic.
Draco stood on the edge of the room, waiting for it to end, though not wanting to get involved, for fear of blemishing his perfect face, not to mention the rest of his perfect self. Soon he got bored. Watching Harry Potter fight in something so tight it should never be worn by any creature, living or otherwise, was not Draco Malfoy's ideal way to spend the evening. "Could you all just STOP!" Draco shouted.
He was ignored. Draco tried again and again, but to no avail. "What in blazes is going on here? Is everyone bloody crazy! Hello?! I'm here! STOP FIGHTING!!!"
And still, no response. Draco sighed and walked out of the Hospital Wing, desperate to find someone who would acknowledge him.
Sorry it took so long to update this chapter. I hope to hear from you in the form of a review! Thanks!