Death By Grocery Shopping

Disclaimer: Nothin'. That's what I own.

Author's Note: Okay, so a few days ago, my mom dragged me and my brothers to the grocery store. That is all I need say for you to understand how I got this idea. ::shivers::


"Feh!" Inu-Yasha cried for the fifth time in the last thirty seconds.

"Inu-Yasha, it'll only take a few minutes."

"That's what you say when you PACK, but it doesn't! I seriously doubt that buying things SO you can pack is gonna take any less time!"

"Well," Kagome replied tartly as her mother pulled into the grocery store, "it'll take a lot less time if you cooperate."

"Are you sure it's a wise idea," Kagome's mother whispered to her daughter as Inu tried to untangle himself from his seat belt, "to bring him with you?"

"Sure," Kagome smiled. "As long as he wears a hat," she said, patting Inu's baseball cap-covered head, ignoring his growl, "and normal clothes," she continued, indicating his baggy jeans and loose red tee-shirt, "we should be fine, appearance wise."

"Bitch!" Inu called to Kagome, "How do you get this damned choker thing off?!" he said frustrated, tugging in vain at his seat belt.

"Um. . . I wasn't talking appearance wise." Kagome's mother sweatdropped as Kagome helped the annoyed Inu-Yasha out of his seat belt.

After a few long minutes, Kagome gave up and let Inu slit the belt with his claws. Kagome's mother kept quiet, but was already tallying up how much of Kagome's allowance it would take to pay for that.

"Right," Kagome sighed, thinking that this was a bad omen for the rest of the day, "let's go, Inu-Yasha."

Inu hopped out of the car. "Tell me why I'm here again?"

"Because you refused to go back through the well until I came with you, to go shard hunting."

Inu sighed as they watched Kagome's mother drive off. 'I shoulda gone back and waited,' he thought darkly, 'at least there I coulda worn REAL clothes.'


"Right," Kagome said cheerfully, as she and Inu-Yasha walked up to the automatic door. "We need pepper, salt, soy sauce, batteries-" she stopped as she realized she was inside, and Inu was not. "Inu-Yasha?"

She turned around to see the haniyou staring at the door.

"What is it?" she asked, walking back to him and staring at the door too. She couldn't see anything wrong with it.

"It's watching me." he growled. "It has to be. How in all the hells did it know when to open?! It's gotta be magic, or some sorta spying device or-"

"A pressure sensor?" Kagome sighed. She stepped on the padded rubber just inside the door, making it open again.

Inu-Yasha watched open mouthed. "Whoa." he whispered.

"Okay, now that we've got all that sorted out," Kagome said, turning around, starting to walk away again, "we also need some-" But she stopped, noticing that Inu-Yasha, once again, was not with her. Making a frustrated noise, she turned around to see.

Inu-Yasha jumping up and down on the padded rubber, making the door open and close, open and close, and attracting the eyes of many of the customers and employs. Red with embarrassment, Kagome grabbed Inu's arm and began to drag him away, the half demon protesting loudly.


Past boxes and jars, cartons and crates, Inu-Yasha was dragged, until he swore he would behave. Sighing, Kagome let go of him and grabbed a basket from the corner.

"You BETTER behave," she said, "or I won't take you here ever again!"

"What a punishment," Inu rolled his eyes, walking close to Kagome as she walked down what looked like the first of many long hall ways. These halls were stocked to the bursting point with different colored boxes and bags, all full of different things that attracted Inu's attention. . . and curiosity. As Kagome turned her back to look at one of the boxes, Inu picked up a bag. It was clear, and inside he could see round, fluffy white things. He poked one through the bag. It made a squishing sound, and then popped back into shape as he released the pressure on it. Curious, he sniffed it. He made a gagging noise and threw it back on it's pile. It was almost pure sugar!

"Hm?" Kagome said, turning around at the sound of Inu's gagging. "Oh, you found the marshmallows! Good, I need some of those. . ." she said, picking up one of the packages.

"How can you eat those horrible fluffy things?!" he cried, pointing at the marshmallows.

"They're yummy," she shrugged, turning her back to him again, looking at the label of a red and blue can.

Inu snorted and went back to looking at all the different styles of cans and containers. Some were square, some cylinder, some were even shaped like women with thick gluey stuff inside! When Kagome wasn't looking, Inu-Yasha opened the little yellow top that sealed one of the women-containers and stuck a finger into it. The glop that was inside the can was warm and sticky and smelled like maple sugar. He licked it. 'Almost all sugar again,' he thought, throwing the open can to the ground, ignoring the large puddle of amber brown liquid it was making on the white tile floor. 'And these people wonder why they're all over weight!'

"Come on, Inu-Yasha," Kagome called, not looking over at him, therefor never noticing the puddle of sticky sugar that was growing steadily larger and Inu kicked the woman-can.

"Coming," he grunted, un-sticking his feet from the ground, following Kagome into another hall.

In the next hall, were boxes and boxes of tall rectangles, all with pictures of smiling kids on them. As Kagome walked down the hall, looking for a certain box, no doubt, Inu picked up a red box with a bunny on it. 'Hmm.' he thought, looking the box over, 'Maybe it tastes like rabbit? Odd breakfast food, though.' His curiosity got the better of him, and he opened the red box.

Sitting on the ground, he poured its contents on the floor. They made a soft clattering as they hit, and covered the tile with bright, different colored shapes. Inu-Yasha looked curiously at them. He picked up one piece, a crescent moon shaped yellow one. Raising it to his nose, he sniffed it with interest. 'Doesn't smell like rabbit.' he thought, slightly disappointed. He popped the piece into his mouth. It surprised him how good it was. It kinda tasted like. like. a really crunchy banana. He picked up another moon shaped yellow piece and ate that too. 'Kinda good,' he thought, taking handfuls of the food from the box and eating it from his hand. 'Really good.'

"Inu-Yasha," Kagome said, looking at two boxes in her hands, one a copy of the red box he was eating from, and the other a green box with a child on it, "I know you don't know anything about cereal, but which do you think I should-" she turned around to see the half demon on the floor, eating cereal from both the box and the ground, looking oddly happy. She stared blankly at him.

"Get the red box," he said with his mouth full.


Inu sat with a force, creating a small crater in the floor and crushing the rest of the cereal. "Oooowww." his muffled voice cried. He stood up and yelled at Kagome: "WHAT WAS THAT FOR, WRETCH?!"


Inu was "sitted" again.

"The first time was for opening a box of Trix that wasn't yours, and the second was for calling me a wretch!" she hissed, careful to step ON Inu as she picked up an opened box and the unopened box Inu had as she walked out of the hall. "Come on, we'll pay for both of these later."

Inu grumbled as he got up, following her.


"Now," Kagome hissed at him as she stopped by a big cooler, "don't touch anything else!"

Inu didn't say anything. Instead he looked curiously at the large cooler. How could it keep the food cold if it didn't have a cover?

He stuck his hand into the cooler. 'It looks sorta like a big pen for food,' he thought. He picked up a box as Kagome looked through some frozen circles with white flecks on them. He shrugged and brought his attention back to the cooler. He noticed that small icicles were being made right by little holes in it. Moving his hand in front of the holes, he felt cold air blast out. He jumped back.

'How can these stores control the wind?' he thought, amazed. His attention was brought back to the little icicles, however, when he noticed the were dripping slightly. That cereal, or whatever Kagome had called it, made him really thirsty.

Sticking his tongue on the icicle, he tried to lick some water off of it. All he accomplished, however, was getting his tongue stuck.

'Ah sh-' he began thinking, when he suddenly felt a tug on his shirt. Looking down as best he could with his tongue still stuck on the cooler, he saw a little girl holding a doll.

"'Scuse me," the little girl said, looking up at Inu-Yasha with wide eyes, "but why is your face in the cold-keeper-thing? My mommy says that's really, really stupid of you."

Angry, Inu wrenched his tongue off the cooler to argue, but found he couldn't. Argue, that is. "Ooowwww!" he moaned, hand over his mouth, at the pain in his tongue.

The little girl watched his dance in pain for a moment, giggled, and then ran off before Inu could see where she went.

"Dammit!" he hissed as his speech came back to him, touching the tip of his tongue gingerly with a finger. Now not only was his ego scared, his mouth in pain. but he was still thirsty.

His ears perked as he heard a soft splattering sound behind him. He whipped around to see, a little ways away, a line of vegetables he recognized being watered by nozzles. 'Rain?' he thought, confused, tossing the box he still held back in the cooler and walking over to the vegetables.

Curiously, he stuck his hand under the nozzle. Yes, it was water.

'So these people can control wind and rain?' he thought, brow furrowed as he tried to figure their methods of elemental control. 'Scrolls?' he thought, 'or maybe this is just a form of irrigation?'

In order to figure out this mystery, he stuck his head under the nozzle, trying to see if he could find any scrolls. Not only could he not see scrolls, but he ended up with a very wet face. At least he wasn't thirsty anymore.

Confused, annoyed, and wet, Inu-Yasha 'feh'ed the vegetable stand, and turned back to find Kagome. But she was gone.

'What?! Where's that bitch?!' he thought darkly, turning down one of the hall like things. She wasn't anywhere in sight.

"How could she get lost on me?!" he muttered, as he looked for a way to find her. Those shelves were pretty high.

Knocking all the food off, Inu-Yasha climbed up the shelves and stood on top, looking around the whole store for Kagome.

"KAGOME!?" he called, hands cupped over his mouth as he did so, attracting the eyes of many, many people.


The cry of "Kagome?!" made Kagome turn around. 'That sounded like Inu- Yasha,' she thought as she turned, 'but he's still following me, right?'

One look behind her told her that he wasn't.

'Oh crap.'

"HEY! Let GO of me!" Inu's voice called from somewhere. "Yes, I see you have a vest thing with a name tag on it! Bully for you!"

"Oh gods." Kagome whispered, racing off after Inu's voice.

* "I SAID," Inu yelled, annoying, as a balding man tried to pull him off the top of the shelf, who was yelling something like 'As the manager of this store-', "GET THE HELL OFF ME!"

He tugged his pant leg out of the man's grasp and bounded off the top of the shelf, and landed on top of a different one. Leaping from shelf top to shelf top, Inu looked down at the people in the store, searching for Kagome. 'Where the heck is she?!' he thought darkly as he leapt.

Something on the ground caught his eye.

Suddenly landing cat like on the ground, Inu stood and examined a large, silver metal thing. A sort of big silver version of the basket Kagome was using, only on wheels.

He gave it a small push.

It moved.

He gave it a slightly bigger push.

It moved again.

He grasped what looked like a handle on one side of it, put one of his feet on the little shelf under the large basket, and pushed off with his second foot.

It still moved.

A disturbing look found it's way into Inu-Yasha's eyes as he smiled broadly at his new found contraption.

Pushing off hard, Inu went zooming down the hall, turned and began racing at around 60 MPH through the store, looking for Kagome.

Children laughed and pointed at the flash of silver and swoosh of hair that was Inu, and adults jumped out of the way as he flew past them in the aisles.

The cart zoomed through the store, Inu pushing it along and looking for Kagome, as well as knocking down countless displays on his way. Suddenly, half way down a hall full of bread and noodles, he brought the cart to a screeching halt. He had seen something he recognized.


Inu tipped the cart over as he moved quickly towards the boxes of ramen. The cart fell over with an ignored clatter as Inu began sniffing the containers. It WAS ramen!

Quickly forgetting his search for Kagome, the haniyou happily grabbed all the containers of ramen he could carry. Taking one of the packets, he opened them and put it in his mouth.

Then he instantly spit it out.

'Ugh!' he thought, glaring at the packet. This wasn't ramen! It was all crunchy.

Thinking back to when Kagome gave him ramen, he quickly remembered that she had always put it in really hot water first. She would know how to make it taste like ramen!

Staggering slightly under the weight of all the packets of ramen he could carry, he smiled, wobbled, and continued on his merry way, looking for Kagome.

Leaving a trail of accidentally dropped Ramen boxes as he went.


"Inu-Yasha?!" Kagome cried for the twentieth time in two minutes, running through the store. 'Where on Earth could he be?!' she thought, scared. 'He was at the frozen foods with me one moment, and the next, he was gone! Gods, I'm such an idiot for turning my back on him!'

She continued to yell at herself as she ran down the halls.

However, her progress suddenly stopped as she tripped over a tipped cart.

"Ow!" she cried as she fell to the ground, the contents of her basket strewn over the floor. Cursing mentally, she picked up her things and glared at the cart. What was a cart doing, anyway, laying in the middle of the aisle? Looking up, she noticed a trail of ramen boxes littering the aisle. The trail turned and headed towards the ice cream aisle.

"Wait." she whispered, "could it.?" Picking up her things, she quickly hurried after the trail of ramen.


Inu, still weighed down and staggering with his mountain of ramen, cursed quietly as box after box fell out of his hands. 'Damn,' he thought, annoyed, as he bent down to pick up the boxes.

And all the other boxes came toppling out of his arms.

The ramen boxes skidded across the floor, ricochet off the walls, and toppled down countless displays.

"Whoops," he said quietly, as people yelled as things fell on them, employees shrieked as glass broke and containers spilt, and Kagome, standing a few feet away from Inu, just emerging from one of the halls, glared at him.

"Er- I didn't do it!" Inu said quickly, hiding the box of ramen he had in his hands behind his back.

"SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT-" Kagome began, and continued, watching as Inu created a small crater in the tile.


An hour later, Kagome had taking a good chunk out of her saving account and paid the store for the damage, shooting death glares at Inu-Yasha the whole time.

"Look, a lot of that money was for the hole I made in the floor when you sat me! THAT was your fault!" he cried as he helped Kagome carry a few bags to a bench outside as they waited for Kagome's mother to pick them up.

"IF YOU HADN'T RUN OFF, I WOULDN'T HAVE NEEDED TO SIT-" Kagome began to yell, but was cut off by Inu "sitting".

She made a frustrated noise and turned away from Inu-Yasha, glaring at the trees that surrounded the parking lot.

Inu sat up, grumbling, sitting on the bench again and glaring at the opposite end of the parking lot, every now and then glancing at Kagome out of the corner of his eye. He hated it when she was mad at him. Maybe he SHOULD apologize.

He picked up the grocery bag, and took out a box of ramen, the only box Kagome had consent to buy him for a year because of his bad behavior.

Wordlessly, he passed Kagome the ramen, nudging it into her hands.

She looked down at it, then suspiciously back at Inu-Yasha.

"What's this for?" she said, still glaring.

"It's to say sorry," he grunted, looking away. "I dunno if you like ramen much, but." his voice trailed off as he glared at a tree, wishing he could go jump into it and hide.

Kagome said nothing for a few moments, and then said softly, "You'd give me your only box of ramen. to apologize?"

"Well, you don't need to make it sounds so stupid-" he began, but was cut off by Kagome hugging him. He looked at her in surprise. "Wha-?!"

"I'm sorry I got so mad," she said, leaning into his shoulder. "I guess I didn't realize how new everything would be to you."

He snorted, but didn't bother to move her as she leaned into him. And they waited there like that, in a comfortable silence, until Kagome's mother came.

Ending Author's Note: Okay, okay, sorry for the fluffy ending, if you don't like fluff. . . But I do! I really do, and I couldn't help but put it in. ^_^; I hope you liked! PLEASE R&R!!! Ja ne!