1 April 1638

My mama kept a journal, and now my sister does, and I think I will too. I'm thirteen now and I think I should start writing down how my life is.

I'm thirteen and I live with my older sister Meulin. We live in our mama's old house on the outskirts of town, in the forest, and we have two gardens: the one in the back for herbs and food, and the one in the front for flowers (which is mine). Meulin takes care of me since our mama passed away a year ago, but we take care of each other too. I love my sister, and I loved our mama. Our real mama, I mean, not our mother and father.

My sister is tired and over-worried a lot, and I think it's because she has to take care of me. She's worried she won't be able to raise me right like our mama was going to. I know she will, but she worries a lot, and about a lot of things. She worries to me that Kurloz, the boy she likes, won't want to marry her because she doesn't have a dowry. I know he will. He looks at her like she makes the sun shine.

I don't know why my sister likes Kurloz. He's tall and pale and skinny and his hair is so dark he almost looks see-through in comparison. The boy I like-Karkat-is a little short and he has such nice brown hair. He's tan because he works outside, and he's a bit fat and strong like my sister and me. His eyes are beautiful, all sorts of lovely coffee-with-cream browns. I could just get lost in his eyes forever.

Meulin giggles when I tell her about Karkat. I think she thinks it's cute that I like him. I hope he thinks I'm cute! I have a nice smile and pretty eyes, like my mama always said.

2 April 1638

Kurloz came over today for supper. Meulin cooked for him, like she always does, and I left early because neither of them talk to me when he's over for dinner. They're busy getting lost in each other's eyes or gushing about each other. I always just leave quietly and Meulin doesn't notice. Kurloz definitely doesn't notice.

I don't mean that he doesn't care about me. I think he does, because Meulin cares about me. I just think he and my sister would rather be alone together. Anyways, I can just read in the library and work on my notes about plants. Right now things are blooming, so I'm watching everything to see when the flowers start and noting when I see squirrels and rabbits and all that. I have lots of numbers and dates and I'm working on organizing them. Meulin doesn't know exactly what I'm doing, but she's proud of me nonetheless. Like my mama.

3 April 1638

Today in the village I played with my friends in the village square, hiding between the market stalls and running down the alleys. Meulin doesn't like Sheppard's Alley because that's where our mama found her when she got sick running away from our mother and father, but I don't mind it, really. It's not so scary during the day.

Equius doesn't like to run around with us, but when we're all tired out and we sit around the fountain and talk he sits with us. Usually it's Aradia and Tavros and Kanaya and Equius, and sometimes Sollux and Karkat, and sometimes Terezi and Vriska. It's good to sit together and talk. Most of my friends say what they mean, which is nice. Well, Tavros doesn't, because he's nervous, and Equius doesn't when he's talking to Aradia. It's obvious he thinks she's beautiful, but he never says that. He's very silly that way.

4 April 1638

My friends came to my house today to play out in the woods. Karkat was really loud in the house and I had to remind him to be quiet because this is where my sister does her work. He said she can do her work when he's loud, but I told him it's hard for her to focus and she needs to focus so nobody gets hurt. He grumped and went outside.

When I'm with them, I don't go out to the clearing with the forget-me-nots. They don't know the woods like I do, so they don't notice that we never go to that clearing, and that's fine with me. I don't know what I'd say if someone asked, besides Equius. Equius already knows because he and Horuss and Mr. Zahhak helped Meulin and me dig our mama's grave.

Meulin and I go there sometimes. We talk to our mama, and sometimes to her family-her own mama, her husband, her best friend, and her first baby. We never met them but Mama told us so much that sometimes I feel like we did.

I miss our mama. I love her so much. I wish she was still here.

5 April 1638

Today was a normal day. It's quite nice when the days are the same, because I don't have to reorganize my thoughts. I have everything organized right now. It takes lots of energy to reorganize, and I'd really rather not. Meulin understands; she and I always do the same thing in the evenings. She's a good big sister that way.

6 April 1638

Karkat is so wonderful. I wish I could tell him how I felt because I want him to know what he thinks of me. And if he likes me back, then…then perhaps I could kiss him. I've always wanted to try kissing someone. I want to fall in love so very much. I've seen how happy Meulin is with Kurloz, even if it means she spends less time with me.

I guess that's how it is sometimes in love. There's only so much time in the day, and Meulin always sets some aside for Kurloz.

I want to have someone like that-someone who I would always set aside time for. I hope it can be Karkat.

7 April 1638

Aradia and I were talking today by the fountain and I asked her why she always asked about where Sollux was when Karkat was with us. I had a suspicion as to why, but I wanted to know.

She went all red and said, "Well, I think he's very nice, is all."

"Nice?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

She blushed even redder and whispered, "I think he's very handsome. And…I like him."

"I knew it!" I squealed. I did! I knew it all along. "Oh my goodness, are you going to tell him? You could go to dinner! Or for a romantic walk in the woods! I could show you the bridge over the river-"

"Nepeta!" Aradia said. "Quiet down!"

"Sorry," I said, still smiling. "It's just so cute!"

She blushed all red, and now I know what I should be keeping my eye on-who, I mean! I love watching people fall in love. It's so wonderful. I could just swoon myself.

8 April 1638

Equius and I went to the creek today and he stood awkwardly on the bank while I played in the water, until finally he got in to play with me. He smiles a little when I get him to play, instead of just standing there like a bump on a log. He's so silly.

9 April 1638

Horuss came over for lunch today. He does that a lot, because he's worried about us-Meulin and me. He thinks we're going to starve without our mama. His father Mr. Zahhak worries a lot about Meulin and me, too. I think he probably promised our mama that he'd take care of us. I know Meulin appreciates it.

Anyways, it's nice. Horuss sometimes brings expensive medicines for Meulin and that makes her feel better.

10 April 1638

Everything was mostly the same today. I spent the morning on chores, hunting and weeding and tending the garden and sewing and all that, and then had lunch with my sister, and then went into the village to spend time with all my friends. Then when it got dark I went home and ate dinner with Meulin, and then we read in the library and did little things like knitting until it was time to go to sleep.

It was nice.

11 April 1638

Karkat is so handsome. I love how soft his face is, especially when he smiles. And he has the most wonderful laugh. He doesn't laugh much, or smile much, but when he does I could just melt from it. I don't think he's noticed yet, thank goodness, because he hasn't done anything about it, and I'd think he would do something if he knew I liked him.

Then again, Aradia isn't doing anything, even though I'm pretty sure Sollux likes her back. I should ask Sollux! He's not a good liar. I'm sure I'd be able to tell if he liked Aradia.

12 April 1638

Meulin was acting very strange today. I don't know why for sure, but it's probably to do with Kurloz. Everything is to do with Kurloz for her. I hope she's not like this so much when they get married. It's very irritating.

13 April 1638

Today is Aradia's birthday! We all spent time together in the village and I finally had the chance to get Sollux and Aradia next to each other, and I saw how red they both were. The two of them most certainly like each other. I'm not surprised!

I'm excited to see how this works out. I know it will.

14 April 1638

Meulin finished her new skirt today. It's just like all of our other skirts-the same plain pattern in our favorite green fabric-but she's going to embroider the hem with little poppies. They're our birth month flower, and she can make them in so many colors. Both of our skirts' hems have flowers on them, because it's a lovely little touch to our normal clothes.

I want to make a new dress for the festivals in fall. Something to impress Karkat! I'm sure he'll like me with a lovely new dress.

15 April 1638

Aradia and I talked about Sollux again today. Equius was there, too, but he didn't say anything. Of course he didn't. He never does!

Anyways, I told Aradia to tell Sollux, because obviously he likes her, but she won't! She says it's too soon and she can't be sure, even though I am fairly sure. I told her I'll ask Sollux and she said I can as long as I don't tell him she wants to know. I'm sure I can do that. I can hardly wait!

16 April 1638

I think today was not a good day for my mama. She was always especially sad on April sixteenth. It's the day on her husband's gravestone. She never talked about how she didn't have one of her fingers, but I know something bad happened to her and to her family.

She isn't here to mourn today anymore. So I will mourn for her today, because I think that was important to her.

17 April 1638

I can't help but talk to Meulin about Karkat. He's so wonderful and I like him so much…I can tell Meulin is a little sick of hearing about him, but she doesn't say anything. She is my big sister. I imagine it's her job to listen to me when I'm being silly.

I love her, and I know she loves me. Even without our mama, we're going to be alright. I'm certain of it.

18 April 1638

I talked to Sollux today and I asked him if he liked Aradia. He went terribly red and said, "N-No! Why would you even ask that?"

"You get very red when you're near her."

He blushed all the way down his neck and said, "So what if I do?"

"Maybe you should tell her," I said, teasing.

"I-I don't know. Maybe."

"Well, I think you should," I said. "You never know!"

He stayed red as I went back over to Aradia and Equius and Tavros, and I told Aradia what he'd said. She looked like she was going to faint clear away!

"I knew it!" I said. "I told you so!"

"Be quiet!" she said, blushing all over. I bit my lip to keep from grinning to big and poked her.

"Alright. But I did tell you so."

She shook her head and laughed a little, nervous. I'm so happy for them! I know they're going to be happy together.

19 April 1638

Things are now much more complicated. Today when Equius was walking me home, he said, "Nepeta, I-may I tell you something?"

"Of course, silly."

"I believe it is prudent to tell you that I…I am also quite fond of Aradia."

"Oh! Equius-why didn't you tell me?"

"She is rather below my station."

"Hey! Don't talk like that! I'm below your station, aren't I?"

He went red and said, "I do not wish to marry you."

"Still, though. Do you want me to tell her? Or find out what she thinks of you?"

"I-No!" he almost shouted. His forehead was soaked with sweat and I saw him wiping his palms on his shirt.

"Alright, if you're sure."

He's silly. I'm sorry I tried to hard to get Aradia and Sollux together, though. It's going to be more complicated now. But then, if Equius refuses to be with Aradia because she's "below him", then that's his own problem, not mine.

20 April 1638

Today was like most days, which is nice. I like when things are the same. It's much easier.

21 April 1638

My garden is growing so well! The flower garden is my responsibility and it's growing very well. All the perennial plants are growing up green and lovely, and I know they're going to bloom in beautiful colors.

It's going to be wonderful.

22 April 1638

Kurloz was over today in the afternoon so I went out to the village to be with my friends. I always do that but especially when my sister clearly wants to spend time with Kurloz. I don't know what they do when they're alone, but I don't think I really want to know.

23 April 1638

Feferi and Eridan and Gamzee were in the village today! I like it when Feferi's around. She's so kind and sweet! Although sometimes I don't think she understands that we are fine here. She tries to take care of us, almost like Mr. Zahhak and Horuss and sometimes Equius, but all the rest of my friends have parents. So I don't know why she's so worried.

Well, she's friendly anyways, which is more than I can say for Eridan. And he smells like fish.

24 April 1638

Meulin and I read a good book tonight in the library together. I could feel our mama missing, but I think it's going to be okay. I can feel where she was, but it's not as sad anymore.

We're going to be alright, Linny and me.

25 April 1638

Another day like the others. I might not need to write that every time, because I know how my days are.

27 April 1638

Yesterday was the same, so I didn't write about it. Today Meulin went hunting, and I asked her if she'd take me, and she said no again. I can hunt but she doesn't like me to. She thinks I'm going to hurt myself. I know I won't! I've been practicing my aim with the little bow and I'm very good. My mama taught me a little bit of how to hunt.

She'll have to take me soon. I'll make her.

28 April 1638

Aradia told Sollux today! She finally just told him and now they're going to be together! Oh my goodness, it's so adorable. I'm so happy for them! It's so wonderful that people get to be in love. I love it!

I just hope Karkat loves me so I can be that happy, too!

30 April 1638

My garden is just starting to bloom. I can't wait until it's in full bloom this summer! I know it's all going to be wonderful.