To Turn

A prelude to Go Thy Way, Seifer.

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I really don't know how I got here.

There's certain things that you just don't understand, and this happens to be one of them in my book.

Why I'm back at Garden.

I told myself that fateful day that I wouldn't return to Garden again. Yet... somehow I always knew that I was lying to myself.

Even as I walk past, with as much dignity as I can muster, I see all of their gazes on me. Some are angered at my presence, some are in fear, some just don't give a damn.

But I keep on walking, in past the gates, up the stairs, into the elevator.

Then I allow myself a moment, one singular moment of fear. I know that I may never leave this building again. My atrocities against it are far too numerous for me to leave.

Then, resuming my previous demeanor, I press the button that says third floor... Administrative Offices..

---

The whole ride there... I thought of what I would say, or what would happen. Cid might have me executed, or hold a Tribunal....

Hell.. who knows...

As I step off the elevator, my own footsteps echo hollowly in my ears, begging me to turn around, to leave this place which I love.

I won't.

I reach the old oak door, and stop. My feet feel stuck to the ground, my body's last endeavor to stop my course.

I make my choice, and grasp the brass handle. The temperature of it takes me by surprise. It's freezing... or maybe its just me.

I try to turn the handle, but my hand is shaking.

Breath in...

Breath out...

Calm all of your senses...

I mutter this mantra that I once learned from this very school. It works its cleansing magic, and I start to feel a little bit of confidence.

And I turn the handle.

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