Office Paradox

Raj didn't know what he expected when he pushed open the frosty glass doors of Sheldon's office, but one thing was for sure, what he saw was the furthest thing from it. He stood there, shocked. Blinking rapidly, he rubbed his closed fist against his eyes, surely this was a mind game. Maybe he entered another dimension. Those explanations made more sense than anything else.

There in front of him was Sheldon, sitting at his large desk dressed normally (he then remembered he had a formal meeting with Sibert and the rest of the board members) black slacks, white button up shirt, black tie –that was undone and hanging loosely around his neck, his sleeves pushed up to his elbows, and honestly that would've all been normal had it not been for the other factor. Sitting in front of Sheldon, on top of his desk was a certain blonde female, Penny. She wore a black pin skirt and a white button up shirt as well, however the first few buttons on her shirt were undone and her skirt was shoved so far up her thighs he didn't know where it began or ended.

Sheldon had taken his hands out from underneath Penny's skirt, and Penny had untangled her own from Sheldon's hair. She sighed deeply and jumped down from his desk, trying in vain to straighten herself out to look decent. Sheldon had only opened his desk drawer and handed her a hair tie, quickly Penny shoved her hair into a messy bun and approached Raj, "Hi, Sweetie."

Raj only held back a laugh at the audacity, she couldn't act as if he didn't walk in on the most unbelievable situation ever. "Uh, hi…what's going on?" Penny looked back at Sheldon who was irritably standing to his feet and trying to fix the mess that was his hair, and then towards Raj she patted his cheek, "Sheldon can explain everything to you, I gotta get back to my office my break is over." Raj felt like he could breathe slightly better when he realized Penny was leaving, but that quickly got thrown out the window when he saw her heading for the door and Sheldon…the mysophobe, reaching for her hip with a firm hand and pull her back into him, planting a deep kiss on her lips before letting her go. He mumbled something into her hair, and she giggled before she disappeared behind the doors.

Sheldon looks at Raj.

Raj looks at Sheldon.

"Was there a reason you came here, or did you just want to disrupt my alone time?" Sheldon asked, visibly frustrated as he walked back to his desk. Raj exhales, "I, uh, yeah…" but he can barely focus, "I just wanted to run over your notes on the last formula we did, I revised the equation and I think we're set to go. I just wanted your final opinion," was what he was supposed to say, he swears that's what he meant to say. But instead he said, "You and Penny?! What the hell, dude?"

Sheldon just looks up at him through his thick eyelashes, that's when he notices the faint hickey on his supposed asexual friend's neck. Sheldon gestures to the chair in front of his desk and Raj takes a seat. "Whatever Penny and I do, has nothing to do with anyone else. I trust I can rely on you to keep what you saw to yourself?"

The shorter of the two shook his head, "But what about Leonard and Amy? Leonard has been in love with Penny for years, he called dibs on her. He's going to be pissed when he finds out. And Amy-" He saw the fire in Sheldon's eyes before he spoke.

"Leonard is nothing but an insecure homunculus. He cannot—nobody can claim ownership over another human, slavery times are over. Penny was never his and will never be his, the sooner he excepts that the better for everyone involved. Truth be told, I don't care if he finds out I relish the thought of him finding out. However, Penny has his interests at heart and doesn't want to hurt him. Why? I don't know, but I found it's easier to nod and agree with your woman opposed to argue." He shrugged his shoulders as he stood to his feet, he fidgeted with the bookshelf on the wall.

"As for Amy Farrah Fowler, she and I have long since ended our relationship agreement. She was pushy and manipulative, I owe her nothing but a hello when I see her in the halls. I wish her well, and whomever she latches her claws onto."

Raj was confused, "But the whole reason you guys broke up was because you didn't want to get physical with her? I thought you didn't do sex." Sheldon tensed slightly, "No, I don't do sex. However, I do make love to Penny, not that it's any of your business. I was never attracted to Amy, she was a fine companion and I enjoyed our intellectual banter but that is all. She was more of a warm grandmother than a girlfriend." Raj flinched at the words, if any woman heard themselves being compared to a grandmother, they'd be pissed. However, he knew in some weird way Sheldon meant it as a compliment.

Clasping his hands together behind him he looked at his friend, "Any other questions that are keeping you from doing the work you get paid to do?"

"How long?"

"Nearly a year," Sheldon stated with a smile, "We find the thrill of almost being caught, exciting," he explained once he saw the astonished look on his friend's face. "Well, I assume all good things must come to an end, the probability of never being caught got slimmer as time went on."

Finally standing to his own feet, Raj smiled, "I'm happy for you man, honestly. I know everyone else will be too, maybe not Leonard or Amy, but it doesn't matter. You and Penny are good together." He said genuinely.

"I find so too."