Dan and Jack the Robbers, the rewrite
By the Mighty Lu Bu
AN: This was my first fic back in the day, and it obvious. It was a poorly wrote piece of crap. Now with my craft advancing leaps and bounds I come back to this very old story for one reason. To fix what is so messed up. The original version is now chapter two.
Somewhere in the slums of Hepburn heights.
Two morons move about the night streets ever looking for trouble. Course they themselves are trouble, and not in the impressive way either. It so happens that they are stupid.
Dan, a short but thin man with a goatee and unwashed greasy black hair walked along the sidewalk, he turned to his longtime friend, Jack. Jack was a taller fat man with impeccable hygiene and yet was completely clueless about life itself, at least that is what his girlfriend might say, if he ever had one.
No strangers to crime they walk over to Head Radio which is on the outskirts of Hepburn heights. There see a green Kuruma which seems to say "Come on guys, you know you want to steal me." The occasionally delusional Dan said, "Yes I do" to the inanimate car that seemed to smile at him. Jack looked at Dan and they both nodded at each other.
Dan went to the drivers side and pulled on the door handle, it opened thoroughly inviting him to get in. At least that's how Dan felt. Jack stepped in the passenger side sitting on the cool leather seats. A couple seconds and the extremely inept Dan surprisingly got the car started. Everyone has to have a talent, mused Jack.
He drove it out of the lot and promptly slammed into a cab. The cabby got out shouting. Dan observed the Indian man shouting and shaking his fist as they slammed on the gas petal and breezed past him towards Chinatown.
Prostitutes and pimps and gang members walked the streets of liberty city as Dan and Jack rode past them. The city seemed alive with them. Dan smiled as a prostitute flashed her boobs in an attempt to get him to pull over.
Course in that one brain cell of Dan was a plan. They needed money and he was going to take it. So they drove onward towards the laundry mat in Chinatown.
The smell of fish was in the air as Jack lowered his window to take it in. He promptly put the window back up in reply to "taking it in." Soon they reached the laundry mat and Jack pulled out a pistol. Dan and Jack both got out of the car without considering the wisdom of having a driver for a quick getaway. The burst through the door of the laundry man. Jack has his gun out and Dan pulled out his gun and shouted, "Give me the damn cash woman!"
The elderly Asian cashier was near panicked managed to pull out a wad of cash and gave it too Dan. Happlily they both went out the doors and jumped into the Kuruma and drove off.
Dan said, "Count the cash man." Jack took the cash from Dan's free hand and counted it up. Jack said disappointed and irritated, "Dan you dumb ass, it's fifty bucks." He threw the cash at dan who managed to sideswipe a car while trying to keep his own car on the road. Jack then said, "Shit man, you can't even fucking drive."
Dan replied in concert, "You fucking dumbass, I outta beat the shit out of you man."
Jack replied, "Well come on little man!"
Dan said in full anger, "Your fucking fat ass can't even lift a fist!" Jack elbowed Dan in the ribs who pulled over near ST. Marks.
Dan shouted as he exited the car, "I'm going to beat your ass!"
Jack shouted, "Well bring it on you man whore!" As they stood there shouting at each other, they failed to notice another man hopping in the drivers seat and promptly taking off. Jack said seeing their ride head away from them, "Good Job Dan, you took care of our shit well. Now we have to walk."
Dan said, "Lets get a cab."
Jack said, "Can't. The fifty fucking dollars was in the car." Dan lowered his head in defeat. (and idiocy) Dan and Jack would have to walk back as dumb and broke as they started.
AN: As I said, the original version is now chapter 2. So all reviews for chapter one before August 23, 2010, are for chapter two. Be warned. Chapter two remains unchanged from all those years ago.