Even I have to admit that this is super, super mean.
My real life best friend gave me the idea for this, when she showed me a super funny, but also a super mean video on youtube.
And I was like"You know what? I can see this happening to Eddie" XD.

And this is how this story was born.
I don't want to spoil anything. Just read it and you will see what I mean XD.

Poor, poor Eddie, but he had it coming ;)

And I hope the translation is at least okay, for this was a pain in the a** to translate.
I had to change a few things, for I couldn't find a propper translation.

Hope you like it and I would be very happy to get some more active readers for my stories. :)
Seriously, my account is almost dead by now :(

Please don't be shy and share your thoughts with me. I am not biting you.
And please write your comments in english or in german. I don't understand anything else, thank you.


To answer the comments from the previous chapter:

Hellhound683
Thank you very much. Glad that you like it :)

VinnieStokerLover
I think Eddie already lost his hope of getting Anne back.
Venom is the one who still has some hope left ;P

mariaarlettev
Please write your comment in english or german.
I don't understand you.

0Thisisafakename0
I don't know if you can still find the deleted scenes on youtube though.
I watched the whole thing on my Bluray^^.
And there is new Venom 2 concept art out there, which would have made the whole movie so much better.
You can clearly see that they wanted to go for a R-rating. Carnage was a monster in those concept artworks.
The prison break scene would have been super bloody. Such a shame that Sony spoiled all the fun by not allowing this -.-.
V was actually holding a microphone in the second movie XD.
And we all know that V can be a little shit sometimes if he wants to be XD
Much to Eddie's chagrin, for he is the one who has to suffer then ;p.


And as always:

I would appreciate feedback in the form of a comment very much.
Not only is feedback very motivating, but it also shows me that my story gets read and is not ignored.
If I get the feeling my story gets ignored, I won't update it, for I see no reason to do so then.
Translating all of this takes me a lot of time and if I get the feeling my writing gets ignored, I will stop translating this stuff.
So please don't be shy and share your thoughts with me. I won't bite you.


Never trust a Klyntar

It was one of those days, when you just wanted to throw yourself on the sofa and watch TV all day long and actually that was Eddie's plan for the day. At least that's how the plan would have looked like if he'd still been living alone. But he was no longer alone. Oh no. He wasn't. Haven't been for a year. And he wasn't living with a human being, no. He had hit the jackpot, because of the almost eight billion people who now lived on earth, he had been very lucky (or was it rather unlucky?) to come across an extraterrestrial life form, who had decided to use his body as its new home. And if that wasn't exhausting enough, he had to meet the only alien with the attitude of a toddler...

A thought that made him sigh and he fell back against the pillows on his couch, grumbling as he felt said alien shift restlessly beneath his skin, before manifesting out of his chest and grinning at him with two rows of razor sharp teeth. A sight that was supposed to disturb him, but it was now just as normal as the air he needed to breathe.

"What is it, Venom? Can't you see that I'm trying to relax a little right now?"

"I'm not blind."

A grunt answered the alien and Eddie rolled his eyes, before closing them and trying to ignore his not so normal friend. However, that was just as easy as ignoring an exploding bomb right next to him.

"Let's do something fun together today, Eddie. Pleeeeeaaaaaase~. The weather is so nice."

"Yes. Pretty hot..."

"Oh come on. Don't be like that. It's not that hot and there's a solution for that too, which Anne told us about a few weeks ago. You said you'd think about it."

Eddie knew exactly what Venom was alluding to. A few weeks ago, when the first hot summer days had arrived in San Francisco, they had met Anne and Dan in an ice cream parlor. And then at some point these two had come up with the topic of the beach, because as luck would have it, the meeting had taken place near a beach, as there were many cafes and ice cream parlors there, which attracted many visitors on hot summer days. Anne had told Venom how much she used to love going to one of the beaches together with Eddie to cool off in the water and that she still loved doing that to this day. And then she had the bright idea that Eddie might as well go to the beach again, because at least it would be something new and exciting for Venom to go to the beach. Plus the Klyntar could also learn a little more about humans and their behavior when going there.

But grumpy as Eddie was, he didn't like the idea of going to a crowded beach with a man-eating alien in his body and pretending it was the most normal thing in the world. Of course, there was a lot of protest from Venom and at some point even Anne and Dan joined in. Until Eddie had given in and promised to go to the beach with Venom the next hot summer day and nice as the Klyntar was (rather bold), he had unceremoniously gotten a pair of black swimming trunks for his most favorite human on earth. Wherever he got that from so suddenly. Eddie didn't even ask about such things anymore, just accepted them as long as Venom didn't bite anyone's head off for it.

And it was exactly these swimming trunks that Venom threw onto his chest right now with a big grin on his face.

"You promised me. And a promise is a promise."

Another sigh, louder this time and Eddie ran both hands over his face, before his blue eyes focused on the alien, who was looking at him expectantly.

"And there's no ulterior motive on your part?" Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

What he meant by that, was this little incident that had happened at his apartment a couple of weeks ago. He still had to grin when he thought back to it, because once he was sure that Venom had really changed and didn't want to rip his liver out anymore, he had gotten bolder and he just loved to tease the Klyntar a little here and there. Eddie might not show it, but when he was alone with Venom, he did things he never thought possible before and more recently, that included playing pranks. After all, who could resist when living with an alien who had absolutely no idea how humans lived on earth? Eddie couldn't resist at all and so he had really wanted to prank him once and that had happened on the evening he was now thinking back to and he felt his lips curl into a small grin. The prank wasn't that bad after all. He had only offered Venom a bar of chocolate. With chili filling. Extra spicy, of course, because it should be worth it. Ohhh and how worth it had been!

"Very funny!" his friend growled at him as he read his mind and saw the huge grin on his human's face.

"I thought it was brilliant," Eddie laughed as he slowly sat up, never taking his eyes off the alien. If he had learned one thing, it was to always be on the lookout for Venom, because the Klyntar was always planning some pranks too and Eddie was surprised he hadn't gotten revenge from him about the chili chocolate yet.

"Oh, I get my revenge, be sure about that. Then, when you least expect it, I'll strike!" the Klyntar snarled and to lend strength to his threat, he narrowed his eyes at him.

"But not today. No, Eddie. Today we're going to have a nice day at the beach, just like you promised me. And remember..."

"Yes, yes, a promise is a promise."

"Exactly. So get up and get ready."

"Now?"

"When else?"

"If it's not quite so hot?"

"It's hot all day. Besides, there aren't that many people there yet."

"True again. All right, you slimy nuisance, you won. I'm getting up."

Venom just grinned as Eddie got up, grumbling, grabbing his new swim trunks and started to change his clothes...


Half an hour later, Eddie was parking his motorcycle in the parking lot near the beach. And Venom was right, for there really weren't that many people there yet as it was still pretty early and most were still working. He was very fortunate to have a few days off. Which he also urgently needed, because his new job demand a lot from him and so, especially on hot summer days, a few days of vacation came in handy and even if he didn't want to go there at first, but now that he saw the sea, he too was looking forward to a nice and calm day at the beach.

He had chosen the classic in San Francisco: The Baker Beach. From there you had a wonderful view of the Golden Gate Bridge. But it almost certainly wouldn't be long before the beach would fill up, so he wasted no more time, grabbing his backpack and beach towel and heading towards the beach.

A pleasantly cool sea breeze greeted him and wonderfully cooled his sweaty skin. But the cool breeze always carried the risk of sunburn, so Eddie didn't hesitate and smeared some sun lotion onto his body once he'd removed his t-shirt and pants.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked in surprise when he suddenly heard Venom laughing inside his head. The Klyntar had been excited and in far too good a mood the entire drive. Must have been the weather and the fact that the two of them were finally going to visit one of the beaches in San Francisco, because he had wanted that for a long time. Of course it wasn't quite as nice as the beaches of Hawaii or any of the many other tropical regions of the world, but Eddie thought the beaches here at home were also worth seeing. After all, they also attracted a lot of tourists. But why Venom just wouldn't stop laughing was still a mystery to him.

"Aren't you going to share the joke with me?" Eddie asked as he stowed his stuff in his backpack and then slowly walked down to the water and he felt like the closer he got to the water, the louder his alien pal laughed. He manifested out of his shoulder blade, looking like a small, thin noodle with a head on the end and, still laughing, draped himself around Eddie's neck, appearing like a small, thin necklace so no one could see him. But he could see all the more for it, but he didn't seem to have eyes for the beach, because he was still laughing and just shaking his head to answer Eddie's question.

"Seriously, V, what's wrong with you? I have never heard you laughing like this before."

Eddie was already at the water's edge and flinched slightly, as the small waves lapped at his feet and the chill of the water crept up his legs. But it only took a few seconds for his body to get used to it and he slowly walked further into the water and he was glad that there was hardly any wind today and therefore hardly any waves. But he had the feeling that the deeper he went into the water, the louder Venom laughed and slowly the whole thing became scary for him, especially since he had never heard the Klyntar laugh like that before. He stopped for a moment, looked around and was relieved to see that the people, who were with them on the beach, were far enough away that they could neither see nor hear Venom.

"I was just thinking of something funny. No need to worry," the little noodle grinned at him when he had finally stopped laughing. At least for now.

Eddie raised an eyebrow questioningly, but then just shrugged and decided not to think about it any further and so he went even deeper into the water. The small waves were already enveloping his knees and out of the corner of his eye he caught Venom grinning, as he watched the water taking over of his body the deeper he went.

When he finally just let himself fall forward and his entire body was now swimming in the cool water, Venom burst out laughing again, who had now put his little noodle-head on top of Eddie's head and couldn't stop laughing anymore, which made the reporter growl, because he still didn't understand the joke.

"Beaches seem incredibly amusing for your species, don't they?" he grumbled and he swam a few laps, being careful not to stray too far from the beach or drift off.

His friend answered him with another burst of laughter.

The reporter was about to throw a snide comment into his direction, but couldn't quite get that far, when he stopped moving around. He could feel something underwater, right on his leg. Like a fish or seagrass, stroking his leg. It was just a faint feeling on his inner thigh, but it was there and it wouldn't go away.

"V, I think there's something in the water."

The Klyntar barely managed to stop laughing and a few moments later, his small head was hovering right in front of Eddie's face, grinning broadly at him.

"We are in the sea. It can sometimes happen that we are not alone here, Sherlock."

"I didn't mean it like that!" the human growled and he swam back a little, until he felt firm ground under his feet. When he could stand, he reached into the water, because the feeling was still there and seemed to be spreading slowly, because he now felt that strange touch on his other leg as well. It couldn't be a fish...or could it? No, that wasn't a fish. Not at all, because only a short time later, Eddie felt his swimming trunks begin to detach from his body.

"What the…?!"

He dipped his hands into the water and grabbed something and when he pulled them out of the water, he was holding...his swimming trunks? Or rather what was left of his swimming trunks, because they were only in tatters on him and even these detached themselves from his body and now drifted happily in front of and next to him in the water.

"Fuck! My pants just ripped!"

And Venom almost exploded with laughter when he heard that.

Unlike Eddie, who seemed increasingly desperate at the very moment.

The pure panic was reflected in his eyes, as he tried desperately to somehow hold the pants together, but they literally dissolved under his fingers and revealed things they shouldn't reveal at all.

"What the hell is wrong with those trunks!" he snarled as the rest of them detached from his body and floated away, leaving him naked as nature had made him. His cheeks immediately turned to an unnatural red, as he realized he was floating stark-naked in front of a public beach. And to his horror, he saw that said beach was getting more and more crowded and… oh god, there were kids too!

His eyes focused on the laughing noodle that was still hovering in front of his face and couldn't stop laughing and then, finally, it made "click" inside his head, as he put one and one together.

"You!" he hissed, but that only made Venom laugh more, if that was even possible.

"What have you done?"

The cheeky alien calmed down a bit and when it looked at him, the mischief sparkled in those white eyes.

"What's the matter, Eddie? Don't you like the swimming trunks I got for you?"

"You got them? How did you even do that? Where did you get that stupid thing from anyway? From China? Would explain why it ripped!"

"It didn't rip. It has dissolved," the Klyntar replied, and shortly thereafter he started laughing again.

"It's a prank, Eddie. And guess who helped me with that?"

No, this couldn't be. Not…

"Anne?"

Venom nodded his head, laughing.

"Yes, it was her. I told her what you did when you gave me that chocolate and she said I should get back at you and she told me about those trunks while you were talking to Dan and didn't hear our conversation. She even ordered them for me on the internet and I could just give them to you. You had no idea how long I've been waiting for this day."

"Oh, you both suck!" the reporter hissed when he couldn't think of anything else in return and the shade of red on his cheeks was already competing with that of an overripe tomato, when Venom burst out laughing again, as Eddie grabbed the last piece of his trunks and threw it into his direction. He then turned his gaze back to the beach and his heart rate quickened, when he saw the people (to his horror, some tourists with cameras too!) who, to his dismay, were also hanging out near his beach towel, which meant: He could forget to get out of the water unnoticed and quickly cover his nakedness with the bath towel. So there was only one way out and he already hated it...

"Stop laughing and help me instead!" he growled at Venom, who actually stopped laughing, but was still grinning wide and meanly at him.

"Why would I do that, huh? Did you help me when I felt like my mouth was on fire?"

The reporter said nothing in return.

"No, you haven't. You only laughed at me and now I'm laughing at you."

"Okay, okay! I get it. I'm sorry I made fun of you. Please, V. This is not funny. I don't want to end up in jail, because everyone thinks I'm a pervert."

The Klyntar didn't answer, just continued to grin at him.

"Come on, please! There are kids, man!"

"So what? Then they'll learn something today."

"VENOM!"

"Heh, not so fun anymore when you're the one being pranked, huh?"

"I've already apologized. What else do you want?"

"Hmm, you may have apologized, but I want more than a few words from you. How about some chocolate? But without chili!"

"Okay, fine! I'll do anything you want, just please! Help me now! This is totally embarrassing!"

"And how am I supposed to help you, huh? The deal was that no one is allowed to see me and I'm sticking to that deal."

"Didn't you once tell me that you can imitate clothes too?"

"Yes, but you didn't want that either and besides: Don't you always tell me not to touch you down there? That, too, is a deal I stick to. Bad luck for you, Eddie. It looks like you'll have to stay in the water until all those people are gone. Heh, I bet your skin will be wrinkled by then..."

Oh, how Eddie would have liked to wipe that wide and smug grin off his face! But he couldn't. No, he was far too busy covering his nakedness with his hands, even though he knew that this was actually completely unnecessary, because he was still in the water. But it was bad enough that Venom could see him like this. He didn't want to imagine what would happen if all these people saw him like that. Or the children! Just the thought of it was enough to make him blush all over again.

Oh no, no, no! There's no way he would be showing his manhood to half of San Francisco!

"Please…"

He didn't want to beg. No, because an Eddie Brock didn't beg. But now, at this moment, when he was so desperate and just didn't know what to do anymore, he begged. And how he begged! But Venom showed no mercy, just kept grinning at him and, to Eddie's horror, he also decided to retreat into his body and leave him alone with this embarrassing situation.

"Venom, please. It's really not funny anymore. Come on, man, I want to get out of the water. It's getting really cold."

"I know, because I can see that..."

Those words made him blush so much that even his ears started to burn, knowing what the Klyntar was referring to.

"Oh, you're just the biggest asshole the universe has ever seen!"

"Oh really? Am I? Well, too bad, because I just wanted to help you..."

"W-what? Hey, wait a minute! I take everything back, okay? You are not an asshole. You are the nicest Klyntar in the universe. That's actually what I wanted to say."

"Of course you wanted to say that, you little liar."

Venom was just having way too much fun with the whole situation and so he let Eddie suffer for a few more minutes, just enjoying how the reporter kept begging him to help him out of this embarrassing situation and with every second that passed, his voice grew more desperate. Until the symbiote decided he had teased him enough and showed mercy on him. Without comment, he let some of his gooey body seep out of Eddie's legs, who then squeaked in alarm, as the black mass slowly settled around the parts of his body that he wasn't even allowed to look at otherwise. That certainty alone had Venom grinning widely, as he manifested back out of Eddie's shoulder and draped himself around Eddie's neck like a necklace again, so he could watch the spectacle from there. And he liked what he saw, because Eddie's head now looked like it was on fire and he stood there stock still, not daring to move a muscle.

"What's the matter with you, Eddie? I thought you wanted to get out of the water? So you better move, before I change my mind. Or…do you need some motivational help?"

That goofy grin on his face sent shivers down Eddie's spine and for good reason, because moments later, an out-of-this-world scream erupted from his throat, causing some of the beachgoers to turn their heads towards him and they all looked at him as if he were an alien himself, while Venom just laughed meanly. Cheeky as he was, he had pinched his butt cheek; with his claws, of course. And yes, he could sense that his human was mad at him and that there would most likely be consequences for him later, but he didn't care at the moment, because he was having the time of his life.

Which couldn't necessarily be said of Eddie, because he looked like he was about to explode. He stood stock still, the water up to his waist and both hands clasped over his mouth to prevent that more such embarrassing noises couldn't escape his lips again. At the same time, he cursed Venom in his mind, which only earned him a mischievous laugh inside his head and his muscles tensed even more when he felt movement on his backside again and he mentally prepared himself for the next pinch. But luckily it didn't come. But Venom's claws were still there and he let him know that too.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you..." Eddie muttered over and over again when he finally got his voice back and had to lie to the puzzled couple on his right to justify that awkward scream. He told them that he had stepped on a really sharp stone and that had caused him to scream like that. He dared to doubt whether they believed it, but he didn't care either, because he only wanted one thing: to get out of the water, back to his towel and cover his nakedness and then preferably never visit a beach ever again in his life!

"Now don't act like that. I was just kidding and I know you don't hate me."

Eddie could literally see the wide grin in his mind's eye and he growled because of it, but didn't go any further into the clear provocation, but quickly headed for his towel.

When he finally made it to it, he immediately wrapped it around his waist, before flopping onto the sand and onto his back with a sigh of relief. He flinched and bit his lower lip to keep himself from making more awkward noises, as Venom deliberately slowly withdrew from his most private parts. Just to tease him a little more. If Eddie allowed him that, then he had to take advantage of this situation, right? But realizing that it really was enough and that he shouldn't try Eddie's patience any longer, he simply draped himself back around the reporter's neck like a small necklace and, when no one was looking, lifted his small head and licked Eddie's cheek apologetically. And how could Eddie be mad at him? Even though he had almost bared and embarrassed him in front of half of San Francisco, he just couldn't be mad at this cheeky alien and he let him know that by tickling his little chin with his index finger. But not without grumbling.

His cheeks were still slightly red and only slowly his heartbeat calmed down again, because he was really afraid of ending up in jail today. Bad enough that he was there all the time, because of his work. He wasn't keen on experiencing the full prison experience firsthand...

"Calm down. Everything is fine again. See? Nobody saw it... except me."

Yep, he wanted to bury himself in the sand right now and ideally never come back.

"Now you're exaggerating. It wasn't that bad after all. And hey, guess what?"

There was nothing good in that question for him. Especially not when he saw the wide grin Venom just gave him.

"What?"

"If you really hated me, you wouldn't have let me into your no-go zone."

Briefly Eddie closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried to keep his calm. What did Mrs. Chen say? Always relax. Well, it was easy for her to say, because she wasn't living with some hyper, cheeky alien who cracked perverted jokes at her.

"One day, Venom, that day will come..." the reporter growled, still pissed off by the whole situation.

"Which day?"

Eddie's eyes opened and his scowl was so fierce that even the Klyntar flinched.

"The day I kick your slimy alien ass so hard you get a free flight back to your home planet. With no return flight!"

Venom's dark but amused-sounding laughter filled his head shortly after, as the Klyntar quickly seeped back into his body for only Eddie to hear. He just grumbled and slowly sat up again.

"But before that, Anne is due! And Dan too! He's definitely involved in this prank, isn't he?"

"..."

"Venom, you better talk right now or there won't be any more chocolate for you! For a whole week!"

"Fiiiiiiiiine. Dan also helped out. A little bit. There, I told you. No reason to take the chocolate away from me."

Eddie knew as well as Venom himself knew, that there was no way he could deny him his chocolate. But he enjoyed the teasing, even if it had previously been at his expense. It was a welcome change from his stressful everyday life. But he would never admit that out loud. His pride was simply too great for that. But Venom knew without saying anything and he just laughed in response.

"How are you even going to do that? They'll be careful next time they meet you."

"And that's where you come in."

"Me? What are you up to?" Venom wanted to know when he manifested himself into the small noodle again and looked at him questioningly.

Now it was Eddie's turn to grin and he leaned very close to the small head of the Klyntar and whispered his diabolical plan to him...


~ A few weeks later ~

The mean joke about the self-dissolving swimming trunks seemed to have been forgotten, now that Anne and Dan had gotten a week's vacation and were on their way to the beach.

It was a lovely, warm summer day and Anne couldn't wait to get in the water and Dan seemed to feel the same way, because he hurried off to take off his pants and shirt and then followed his girlfriend to the water.

Indeed, it could have been the perfect beach day for the two of them, had it not been for a certain reporter spoiling their perfect beach day, as it only took a few minutes for Anne's bikini and Dan's swimming trunks to start dissolving in the water.

And at the edge of the beach, hidden from their eyes, Eddie sat on a bench, grinning like a Cheshire Cat, as he and Venom watched the spectacle from a safe distance, as Anne and Dan quickly slipped deeper into the water to cover their nakedness and the look on their faces was pure gold.

And the two didn't have a Klyntar to help them out of their predicament...

"Shouldn't we help them?"

Eddie leaned back, still with this wide and slightly mean grin on his face, and crossed his arms behind his head and he just enjoyed the show.

"Not yet, V. Not yet..."

Oh yes, revenge was sweet. Very, very sweet...


Author's note:
The video I was talking about earlier is getting called "Boyfriend loses his swimming trunks in the sea! *He was so embarrassed*
It's so mean and so funny and her laughter makes this so much funnier XD.
You can find a lot of these videos on youtube, but this one is the best in my opinion XD.