Chapter One - Champagne Supernova
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the character of Dangermouse or Father Ted. I do not own the characters of ER, Friends, 24, The Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy...I don't own many characters actually. Maybe it would just be simply me listing the characters I do own...
Timeline: 1066 - Battle of Hastings, 1215 - Magna Carta, 1321 - Discovery of the letter W. 1492 - Discovery of America. 1493 - Re-discovery of America after someone forgot where they had placed it; it was next to Columbus's car keys behind the sofa. 1746 - Birth of Bob. 1900 - Turn of the century. 1914 - Big ass war. 1939 - Even bigger ass war. 1950 - Not so big ass war. 1964 - Not big ass war but bigger assed than the previous not as big ass war. 1964 to 2003 - Nothing of mention.
"You know Buffy I've been thinking..." Xander paused awaiting Buffy's response yet it didn't come. He looked over to his blonde (*cough*...what?) friend to see her struggling to open a carton of apple juice.
"What?" She said.
"I said, you know Buffy I've been thinking..."
She looked at him expressionless.
"Oh for God's sake." He exclaimed. "Your meant to say," He made speech marks with his hands, "Really? God for you." He stopped doing the speech mark thing. "Or something like that."
"Oh. Sorry. I was trying to get this damn thing open."
Xander grabbed the carton, "Give it here."
"Hey! Oh, I see. Just because you're a man you think that somehow the irrefutable laws of carton opening did not apply to..."
Xander handed back the newly opened carton, "There you go."
Buffy looked at the carton, looked at Xander and then back to the carton. "Yeah, well, I loosed it for you."
"Sure, you did."
"Good! I'm glad you agree."
"So I've been thinking and I've decided something."
"What's..." Buffy took a sip of her drink, "...That?"
"I've decided to..." Xander paused like Buffy just had, "...sell my comic books."
"What?" A stream of apple juice came out of Buffy's nose. "Wait? Did you say you were going to sell your comic books?"
"I lost some of my precious apple juice for that? I thought it was something important like you've decided to have a sex change or decided to ask me out on..." Buffy managed to stop herself in mid-sentence. "...Just the sex change one. I thought it was something important like you've decided to have a sex change."
Xander didn't seem to hear what Buffy had just said, much to her relief. He said, almost as if he was talking to himself, "Yeah, I'm going to sell my comic books. I've decided that I have to grow up. No more living in the past. No more living like an immature teenage boy."
"So you're also going to stop watching cartoons?"
"Hey, won't those comic fetch a tidy sum?"
"Yeah, they ought too."
"What ya going to do with the money? Go on holiday? Buy me some jewellery? Get a new TV? Buy me some jewellery? Take me on holiday?
"Probably just put it in the bank."
Buffy made a disappointed sound. Kind of a cross between the death cry of a bald Eagle and the sound made by a Badger when you poke it with a Jam-covered fork.
"Why?" Asked Xander interested in why Buffy had made said sound.
"I just had a strange feeling of deja vu." Said Xander who had just experienced a strange feeling of deja vu...Wow, I just experienced a strange feeling of deja vu. Anyway on with the story...
"What other kinds of deja vus do you feel?"
"Damn. You always have an answer, don't you?"
Xander paused with an expression of thoughts on his face. "...Yes."
"Why is that?"
"It's just a gift, I suppose. Kind of like you and your ability to make crappy pancakes."
"Sorry, I meant," Xander did the speech mark thing again, "Taste-challenged" And he stopped again, "pancakes."
"Hey! At least my pancakes look like pancakes unlike your so-called trifle."
"Don't belittle the trifle."
"I'll belittle any food substance I wish."
"Oh, yeah. I was tough little..." Buffy searched for an appropriate word.
"Cookie?" Suggested Xander.
"Cookie? Is that how you see me?"
"How is cookie offensive? Lard I could understand, maybe even bacon, but cookie?"
"Cookie is offensive." Said Buffy matter of factly.
"In the unexplainable kind of way."
"I hate the unexplainable kind of way."
"Don't you hate the explainable kind of way as well?"
"Only if I hate the explanation."
"So you're selling your comic books?"
"And your not going to buy me anything with the money?"
"You know where the door is."
"I also know where the window is."
"No, I meant..."
Xander cut her off. "That's great Buffy, but I have to go."
"No, you don't understand. I was throwing you out."
"Yeah, Okay. I'll call you tomorrow."
"I threw you out! I threw you out!"
"Sure, Buffy. Whatever you say."