Chapter Two - Is That A Prawn In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?
Xander entered the Summer's house just as he had done forever since he could remember, through the front door. To be honest he had never had any desire to enter through any other entrance. Maybe if there was a big tree right aside Buffy's window that might have been different but then this wasn't a television show where stuff like that just "happened" to occur.
"Hey." He said to the younger Summer sister. "What's shaking?...Let me rephrase that."
Before he could Dawn said, "She can't hear you."
"I don't know what you are talking about." Xander said in an unusually loud voice and then he continued in a whisper, "Are you sure?"
Dawn nodded but Xander took a look around as he stepped inside just to be safe. "So, how's my favourite Summer sister doing?"
Xander had another look around, "Sure, favourite."
"I'm doing fine. Fine is how I am doing. Nothing wrong with Dawnie here. Dawnie is doing just fine."
"Okay, spread them." Xander said whilst turning Dawn against wall.
"I have stolen anything! You don't need to search me."
"Stolen? Nah, I just wanted to cop a feel." The familiar Xander grin had appeared on his face by now.
Dawn giggled and was about to respond before a recently emerged Buffy beat her to it, "Cop a feel for who?"
Xander turned around in complete shock. He was speechless.
"Cop a feel from who?" Repeated Buffy with a little more force.
"Um..." Xander stalled for time, as his mind worked like it had never worked before. Buffy was getting increasingly impatient and Xander knew the situation looked bad. He decided to do the only thing he could do in this situation, be semantic. "To whom."
It didn't work. Buffy looked even more pissed than before, which Xander didn't think possible. "Okay Buffy I know this looks bad." Immediately after he finished that sentence Xander turned to Dawn and said in a frantic whisper, "Run Dawn, run for your life."
Dawn quickly made her exit to the safety of upstairs but remained well within earshot.
Xander then turned back to Buffy, "Okay, do your worst to me but don't hurt the girl. She is just a poor little innocent prawn in my diabolically evil chess game."
Buffy couldn't help but let out a laugh, "It's pawn not prawn, Xander."
"Not according to my seafood version of chess. It's not the winning that counts, it's the race to the toilet."
"Why is it that all your games involve the toilet in someway?"
"That's not true. Some of my games involve the word 'strip'."
"Silly me. How could I have forgotten strip guess the number of fingers behind your back?"
"I don't know. That was a great game, it's a pity you didn't want to play it."
"Somehow I wasn't too confident in the judge."
"I was the judge."
"Hey, I would have been fair to both sides."
"Just accept the fact that we will never play any game with the word strip in it."
"Never! It is every man's dream."
"I thought it was every man's dream to have a television in their toilet."
"We can have more than one dream."
"Forgive me if I find that hard to believe."
"Why? Don't you think men can think of two things at any one time?"
"Not unless one of them is sex."
"Xander, it is a known fact that men think about sex every six seconds."
"That's a bogus stat made up by some feminist scientist with too much time on her hands."
"So, you don't think about sex every six seconds?"
"Three? You could only manage three seconds?"
"If someone had just walked in then...And it's not my fault, you didn't exactly make it easy for me."
Buffy looked down at her clothes and then back at Xander with a confused look on her face. "How exactly did I not make it very easy for you?"
"Well..." Xander paused as he realised the big metaphorical bear trap in front of him. "I just remember that I came here to tell you something. Oh yeah, that's it." He said pretending to just remember it. "Willow and Tara are having a party."
"I don't know. Probably some lesbian full moon thing."
"Lesbian full moon thing?"
"I wasn't really listening. I was thinking about..."
"...No. I was thinking about where the word lesbian comes from."
"So you were thinking about sex then?"