Spoilers for S3E07: Oblivio. Based off a personal headcanon of mine that Tikki and Plagg (and all other kwamis) are conscious when transforming their holders.
"I can't believe it, Plagg! My lady and I kissed!"
Plagg massaged his head, mentally fighting down a looming migraine as he heard his chosen gush. Sweet merciful Camembert, Adrien was going to be insufferable.
Adrien, for his part, let out a high-pitched squee as he flopped onto his bed and excitedly kicked his legs about.
Plagg let his jaw drop as he stared at his chosen's antics, the kwami quietly retracting his earlier statement. Adrien wasn't just going to be insufferable, he was going to be something else entirely.
He needed more Camembert. He had far too little cheese to deal with this.
"We willingly kissed! I won her over, Plagg! I don't know what I did or how I did it, but I managed to get m'lady to return my purrfect fur-fections!"
Plagg's eyes visibly bugged.
Scratch that, he needed a truckload of Camembert, Brie, and Valençay cheese to deal with this nonsense and come out of it in a somewhat sane manner. Plagg flattened his ears and moaned, gritting his teeth together in agitation as his ears discerned even more teenage sappy lovesick yearning coming from his chosen.
It was that sound of gnashing that caused Adrien to finally stop his excited squealing and stare at his kwami. "You know…" he murmured, "I think something's up with you, Plagg."
"Whatever makes you think that?" Plagg countered, trying to feign ignorance. As he found himself squirming under Adrien's watchful eye, Plagg wished that this was one of those times where his chosen wasn't so astute. But alas, Adrien had taken after his cat-like curiosity traits… perhaps a little too well.
"I know you, Plagg. You would have made fun of me or at least make some sort of snide comment by now," he pointed out to the kwami.
Plagg actually gaped at his chosen. Of course, he had been one-hundred percent right on the mark. Darn, Adrien knew him a little too well by now. "It's nothing," he calmly dissuaded, twiddling his paws together and trying to avoid eye contact. "Perhaps I'm just happy that you finally made some semblance of progress with your silly crush on Ladybug. Ever thought of it that way?" he fired back with gusto.
Adrien furrowed his brow, indignant. Clearly he was not convinced by Plagg's rebuttal. "Okay. Love you too, Plagg," he preened, prodding the cat in the midriff.
Plagg tried his best not to purr or nuzzle back at the unorthodox show of affection. That'd definitely be a hint that something was off. He certainly didn't want Adrien to know that he was much more concerned about the events that had led up to that intimate moment between his chosen and Ladybug.
The fact that his very own memory had thrown a blank was also rather telling. Not that Adrien would know it, but Plagg himself had a one-hour gap of his memory during the battle.
Plagg let out an annoyed hiss. He was almost one-hundred percent certain that a reveal of some kind had happened between Adrien and Ladybug—Marinette.
And to think that he had been robbed of that. It was blatant daylight robbery! It was infuriating! He had wanted to cackle and holler in his chosen's face when the boy was finally put out of his misery, when this bizarre imbecile of a love square was finally put to rest, when that blind boy finally realized exactly who his lady was.
But no. Of course not. Of course he'd been jipped of all of that. Of course it had all been wiped back to status quo.
Plagg mentally made a note to swipe at Tikki the next time he saw her. Sure, it wasn't exactly the Miraculous Cure's fault since it always put things back to the way they were before, but this one in particular had wiped a truly phenomenal one-hour gap in his memory banks that he honestly wished he could recall, so Plagg was going to lump some of the blame on the goody-two-shoes ladybug kwami.
There were times where he wished Dark Owl hadn't happened. This was one of those times, where the cat kwami seriously wanted to repeatedly smash his head into a wall after knowing the unbelievable irony of who Tikki's Miraculous holder was.
The only thing stopping Plagg was the knowledge that his Sugarcube must almost certainly also be screaming inwardly in utter frustration as well. She was most likely stuck in the exact same situation as him — amnesiac, with no memories of what had happened in the battle.
He could almost hear her indignant squeaks of frustration that she hadn't been able to consciously see her bug succeed in making sappy and romantic—in Plagg's opinion… but it was true, dammit—progress in her relationship with his chosen. Considering that Tikki had also been trying to coax and gently set up her own chosen with his since she knew that Adrien was Chat, Plagg highly suspected that she must also be regretting this massive regression in their crazy relationship.
Maybe even more so than him, considering that she was the more meticulous of the two.
Plagg shuddered. If a reveal of some sort had happened, he would've finally been able to meet up with his other half once again. But most unfortunately, he couldn't remember an inkling of it… which meant trouble with a capital T.
He really, really hoped he hadn't made a fool of himself in front of Tikki. And if he had, then well… that would be the only silver lining of both kwamis not remembering a thing of what had happened alongside their humans.
Plagg didn't know what he would have done if his other half let slip to him about the mortifying details of something he had done while he was amnesiac the next time he had a secret rendezvous. After all, Tikki would never, ever, ever let him live it down.
At least this way she'd forget about any such incident herself and never haunt him as a result. But even if he had made a fool of himself, was the calamity really worth forgetting about as long as it led to the relapse in Adrien's relationship with Ladybug?
"She kissed me, Plagg! Full on the lips, too!" Adrien's mouth was shaped into an 'o', his imaginative mind taking control again. "And my lady can't deny it, there's photographic proof on Alya's phone! I actually have a chance with her! It's just like Alya said — the Ladynoir ship is canon! Ladybug and Chat Noir are truly meant to be! This is the best day of my life!"
Considering that he knew that it was actually Marinette who was furiously protesting against this new "development" in her relationship with Chat Noir, Plagg genuinely wanted to wring his paws in frustration. Instead, he took in a deep breath, struggling to remain calm even as the cheesiness levels hit an all-time high.
Nope. He was now certain of his answer to the earlier question. It was definitely not worth forgetting.
Even if he'd been an amnesiac cheese-loving clown in front of his Sugarcube, he would fight down the mortifying embarrassment and pick the other option. At least he'd have the honor of seeing Adrien and Marinette being the dorks he knew they were instead of knowing that something had happened between them and being left to his imagination.
Tikki was the imaginative kwami, not him! He was dying to tease Adrien… but alas, he could remember nary a thing. It was all but a cloudy mist in his mind.
"So…" Plagg drawled, "are you done being disgustingly sappy yet?"
Perhaps he wouldn't have been this grouchy if everything had gone according to plan. But no, if the picture that the girl from the Ladyblog had shown them was any indicator, they'd made it to first base in-costume.
And they'd definitely liked it. There was no denying that, no matter how many shades of red Adrien swore Ladybug turn as she attempted to furiously deny, deny, deny.
If that staunch refusal to see what was in plain sight wasn't so painful, Plagg would've actually laughed.
…or cried. But if he'd done so, that would be a giant red flag that something was up. Not to mention that his chosen would never let him hear the end of it if he caught Plagg actually sniffing.
There was a flash of pale white that soared through the air, snapping the kwami out of his stupor.
He raised a brow when he saw that Adrien had tossed him a slice of Camembert. "What's up, kid?" Plagg questioned, suspicion laced in his tone. Adrien didn't usually give him Camembert when it wasn't necessary — the kid hated the cheese, much to Plagg's eternal dismay. "Why the freebie?" he prodded Adrien, still not believing that he would willingly hand his kwami the cheese for no apparent reason.
"I just felt like it, Plagg," Adrien shrugged in response. "I made progress with my relationship with Ladybug. It's a good day."
Plagg nibbled on his Camembert, trying to restrain himself from digging his claws into the table. The more he thought about it, the more he whined inwardly.
Adrien thought that he had made progress now that he saw an image of him and Ladybug kissing.
That was what Adrien thought, though.
Plagg, however, knew otherwise.
He'd bet anything that Adrien made much more than mere relationship progress within that one hour which no one could recall.
But alas, status quo was god.
Hawkmoth was a stupid jerk.
Yeah… the kid's luck was horrendous. Plagg conceded that he must have rubbed off on Adrien a little too much.
He tore his eyes away from his precious Camembert to glance at his charge. "Yes?"
"Why are you being so… nonchalant about all of this? You don't want to tease me about this, you don't want to mock me about this, and you don't even want to congratulate me about this. You just want to laze around like nothing had happened! What is up with you today, Plagg?"
Plagg placed the slice of cheese aside as the armor-piercing question hit home. That question was right to the point — it was just like one of Tikki's innocuous queries. The kwami regarded Adrien warily, narrowing his emerald eyes to slits.
"Kid," Plagg bit his tongue, twirling a whisker around with a paw. "You're being dumb. You actually think you made relationship progress?" Plagg chortled, the kwami pausing as the corners of his mouth curled upwards, baring his fangs at his chosen.
"…I think otherwise," he finally exhaled.
Needless to say, Adrien was downright insulted. "Wh-what!?" he stumbled, "Plagg, what the—"
"Hush, Adrien!" Plagg had expected Adrien's disgruntled gasp of protest and raised his paw up before the boy could continue. Surprisingly, Adrien relented and sat back, deciding to listen to what he had to say.
Good. It was about time that the kid learnt that being an almighty god of destruction commanded some semblance of respect.
"Look, kid. I've lived for far longer than you can possibly imagine." Plagg couldn't help but to shiver. It wasn't often that he opened up to his Chat Noirs. It usually hurt the kwami a lot more when he did. But still, this was an exception… he had to say this to Adrien. "And in all that time, I've seen love blossom many, many times," he continued, "Come on, Adrien! This is the City of Love, for crying out loud!"
Adrien was too stunned to reply with anything other than, "I thought you thought that love was disgusting."
"Well, I love Camembert to infinity and beyond!" he rebuffed, placing a paw to his heart as he licked his lips.
Adrien smirked. "Besides that, Plagg."
Plagg glowered at his chosen, flying up to look at Adrien eye-level. "Vivre sans aimer n'est pas proprement vivre," he quoted from memory, "To live without loving is to not really live."
The kwami of destruction knew that more than anyone, considering that he'd always felt the most alive whenever he was with Tikki. Not that he'd ever admit that to the crimson spotted kwami. She would giggle at him and make him feel awkward.
That said, Plagg was certain that she already knew. Little bugger.
"You know what that means? It means that you didn't make progress in the slightest," Plagg finally explained. "There's a reason you—" 'and I', he mentally supplied, "—forgot about what happened with the akuma. As I said, 'to live without loving is to not really live'."
He then paused, rubbing his paws gleefully. "But what about without knowing?" he pointed out. "Can one love without even knowing anything about their soulmate?"
Plagg chuckled. He knew the answer to that. Damn 'love at first sight' cliché. Tikki might coo in delight, but he wanted to gag and spit out a hairball. Yet, even without his memory, Plagg knew that was exactly what must have happened.
And the rules, Tikki, and Master Fu be damned, Plagg wanted Adrien to know it.
"Somehow, you must have made more progress with your precious Ladybug as a clean slate," Plagg almost sneered, knowing exactly why that had been the case. "In other words, you didn't make any relationship progress at all once you beat the akuma. I'd bet my Camembert that you and Ladybug regressed instead! You made it to first base and kissed and then one Miraculous Ladybug later, it's all back to nothing but cat puns and banter and arghhhhhh!"
He didn't know if that rant was more for him or Tikki. Plagg was very well aware that she, like him, was totally done with this complete and utter stupidity that was the love square.
God, he missed Tikki. Why couldn't she be with him already? But really, what would she say if she knew he'd gotten over his laziness to give his chosen love advice? She'd be disgustingly sweet and gloat about it right to his face, Plagg just knew it.
"If you'd actually made progress with your 'relationship'…" Plagg hissed, the inverted air quotes obvious from his sarcastic tone alone. The kwami then lowered himself back down to the table and reached for his Camembert, his voice softening. "…then maybe you two would be together already—"
"I knew it, Plagg!" Adrien shrilled, "I knew you cared about me!" He reached down to scratch his kwami's ears, an act which caused Plagg to let out a squeak of surprise. "You can hide it under all your snarky retorts and layers of indifference, but deep down you really do care, ya lil' rascal!"
"Shuddup shuddup shuddup!" Plagg shook his head vehemently, every subsequent denial louder than the last. "Say that again and I will bite you!" he threatened with a growl, pointing a claw at him. "I mean it, Adrien!" he added with he saw that his kitten was laughing at him.
Adrien only laughed harder at Plagg's attempt to rein things in. "I'll give you two wheels of Ca-mem-bert, Plagg!" he offered in a singsong-like manner, causing the kwami to freeze.
"I take back what I just said." Plagg quickly surrendered. "Please give me the Camembert…" he begged, his plea almost becoming a whine as he flashed his best kitty-eyes at Adrien.
Adrien grinned at his impish kwami. "You're such a cat, Plagg," was his only response.
As his chosen left the room to fetch him his delicious prize, Plagg allowed himself to smile. Perhaps ranting about the akuma and the resulting chaos in Adrien's love life was worth it after all. He needed to unleash his frustrations at the way that things were going or else he'd use Cataclysm on something in fury.
Perhaps it was for the better that everything had reset. Now that Adrien knew that he could win Ladybug—Marinette—over, maybe he would actually succeed if he played his cards right.
Maybe Tikki would convince Marinette that his chosen wasn't all that bad in spite of all the horrendous puns. Maybe Ladybug would concede and give Chat Noir a chance.
Maybe one day it'll finally get through to his chosen that the superhero partner he was in love with was also the girl in school that sat behind him in class, who just so happened to coincidentally also be crushing on his civilian form.
And maybe next time, it won't be reset by the status quo and Plagg would be able to relish in letting out unrestrained peals of laughter that followed the inevitable "I told you so!" which he would shove in Adrien's stunned face when reality finally hit his kitten in the face.
Yeah, Plagg thought with a sappy smile that he quickly masked under an aura of bored indifference, maybe next time…
"She kissed me! Ladybug kissed me~"
Plagg's ears twitched as he heard his chosen humming from outside the corridor.
With a sigh, the kwami accepted that until that day came, Adrien was still going to be absolutely intolerable.
But if he were to be perfectly honest, Plagg wouldn't have it any other way.
Oblivio is such a tease of an episode AEKZJFLLGHWRKFQWEDGEHDSHDV