Author's Note: I know I said to at least one of you that we'd have Ryoga in this chapter, but I had serious problems with the story flow. I had to write this instead. I was the vast majority of the way through this chapter before I realized that Ranma didn't even appear in it. This is all going on in the background.
Chapter 26: Troubles of the Joketsuzoku
September 28, 1987 (Timeline 4)
The local Happosai gave a sigh as he finished getting ready for his yard sale, planning to sell some trinkets for extra money. In the original timeline, Happosai mixed the Nanban Mirror in with the items. In this one, however, he did not. As such, while everyone was distracted outside by Happosai's sale, the visiting Happosai appeared under Umisenken to grab up the Nanban Mirror and a few other trinkets from his room before vanishing in a flash of white light.
Oh, and he looted the forgotten Nekoyama Castle Basement of its wealth on his way home, as was customary.
September 28, 1987 (Timeline 5)
After the Nanban Mirror was crushed under an oblivious Nabiki's foot, most timelines held that the remnants were taken by Cologne for proper disposal. In this timeline, however, she had left the mess behind...
"Oh my, where did the dustpan and broom go?" Kasumi asked, searching high and low for the cleaning implements. Unbeknownst to her, Happosai had taken them to collect the shattered remains for his own purposes. He soon vanished with the fragments collected in a durable trash bag.
And he looted the forgotten Nekoyama Castle Basement of its wealth on his way home, as was customary.
March 31, 1977 (Timeline 6)
After snatching treasures and technique scrolls from the deserted Joketsuzoku village, including the Nanban Mirror, Happosai looted the Kyoto Prefectural Police Headquarters of its yakuza gold and checked himself into the same ryokan in Takato that he had visited in his home timeline. He did so to watch the Rhythmic Gymnastics Tournament and Takato Sakura Matsuri all over again. This world, of which only about 3% of the population was male, happened to be the ideal place for Happosai to relax and recharge his batteries. This was both figuratively and literally since he could obtain female ki from plenty of willing and respectful ladies, at least some of whom saw his latching onto their chests as 'endearing'. It resulted in a very different reception with the ladies than he had received in his home timeline.
Sadly, this population imbalance also led to the Joketsuzoku dying out over a century ago in spite of its best efforts. He also had to save Natsume and Kurumi from the bear himself because this timeline did not have a version of him available at the right place and time. He made sure to direct them toward the Tendo Family, who was thankfully still at the festival and were more than willing to adopt. It was strange how things could go in these alternate timelines. Still, it was one of his favorite ones so far. They knew how to take care of an old man around here.
He also looted the forgotten Nekoyama Castle Basement of its wealth, as was customary, but decided to give it to the Tendos in this timeline to help provide those two girls a better life and to give Kimiko proper medical care.
April 6, 1977 (Timeline 2/Restart Timeline)
A flash of white light filled a subway tunnel just after midnight, specifically at a time during which no train happened to be passing through. The diminutive Grandmaster of Anything Goes appeared back in this timeline unseen thanks to this foreplanning, though without the mirror in hand. As it turned out, the singular tear was simply a way to transfer ki from the user via a bodily fluid to power the mirror while the verbal command could also be bypassed simply by lacing that ki with intent to convey his commands. Manipulating ki with one's willpower was a default skill of ki control, after all. He had initially learned to convey his commands to the mirror silently through that teardrop, then he had the bright idea of using the magical artifact while it was in his ki-space. Doing that surrounded it with his ki by default and allowed him to will his commands to the ancient artifact without even pulling it out.
Happosai strongly suspected this to be the intended way to use the mirror, and the other method was included for those who lacked sufficient ki control. It was simply too seamless not to be part of its design and was something Ranma or even Ukyo could probably manage at this point. Directing the mirror through will instead of by word also allowed for a much finer level of control over where and when the user ended up. The next thing Happosai wanted to figure out was how to get rid of the light show to reduce his chances of being noticed, but planning around its presence wasn't impossible. That's why he had memorized the subway schedule for the area. Speaking of which, he heard the next train coming. The ancient pervert slipped into the Umisenken and rushed off to the station ahead before then emerging onto the surface. Thoughts of a less technical nature began to creep into his mind as he leapt up to rooftop level and started to bound across the Nerima skyline toward the Tendo Dojo.
The ancient grandmaster had left the Saotome home after speaking with Ranma's family and promptly spent over a week moving across multiple timelines. He did so while collecting resources and treasures, experimenting with the mirror, and planning for what was to come; but it was mainly spent trying to unwind and come to terms with his uncharacteristic guilt. He had been hit hard with it recently. Ranma, Natsume, Kurumi, Hinako...in one way or another his other self had wronged all of those children and he was only stopped this time around because Ranma's soul pulled a chaotic magic trick and reincarnated itself in the past. His sins toward Ranma and the two sisters had been prevented, but Hinako...well, Ranma had arrived years too late to prevent Happosai from wronging that girl. Her bruised and wrapped arms from their last meeting were his fault because he didn't train her properly in how to handle perverts and bullies. That was not something he could ignore or justify to himself, even after taking a week off to unwind and recover, so he would have to do something about it.
As far as feeling responsible for China's controlled self-destruction, Happosai had ultimately decided that one wasn't truly his or Ranma's fault. After all, it was the Joketsuzoku who decided that murder and destruction were the solutions to their problems. There was also the fact he wasn't good at taking responsibility for things at the best of times. Why shoulder something he could reasonably convince himself was someone else's fault? No, he would direct that blame squarely at the Chinese Amazons. His urge to resolve that matter was tempered by the fact that their actions would almost surely come back to haunt them. They'd bitten off more than they could chew in trying to manipulate the Chinese government. Happosai's main goal wasn't revenge, but making sure that the consequences didn't boil over onto him or the children.
On nearing the Tendo Dojo, he perceived the movement of a woman attempting not to be noticed. Her training in stealth was passable but not sufficient to evade his awareness. The man chose to monitor the lady in part because she was also heading for the Dojo and in part because what he could identify of her figure's shape was pleasing to the eye...
It was the earliest hour of the morning at the Tendo Dojo. Soun slept in bed with his wife, all three daughters were in their respective rooms, and Happosai had been seen leaving the house hopefully to stay the night with the Saotomes. Fenfang, dressed in grays and wearing washable black hair dye along with a mask, took advantage of the opportunity to sneak over the wall and onto the property. She would have preferred to wait until the next morning when everyone took the children to school and Happosai went to charge his ki reserves on the local female population, but this opportunity could not be passed up. Loofah's people could already be in Japan and she needed to secure the treasure that might be hidden here for Cologne's sake as soon as possible. Cologne would fail her mission if Loofah's people managed to get both the treasure and Happosai's life.
The Joketsuzoku warrior expertly entered the home in a way that wasn't unlike a burglar. She started to search the residence while remaining careful to keep her ki from leaking out. In half an hour she had finished searching the bottom floor and moved on to the second floor where the bedrooms were. When eventually peeking into Soun's room, the door ostensibly left open to grant the young children free access, she froze for a moment and took note of the protective embrace with which he held his wife. She felt envy and a longing for that in her life...but also respect for the woman. It was not yet time for this.
Before she could enter the bedroom to search, Fenfang became aware of small footfalls in a nearby room. She fled into the shadows of the hallway and leapt up to anchor herself to a corner of the ceiling, hiding as a door opened to reveal the eldest daughter and her kitten. No ordinary child should have been able to see her...but Kasumi was hardly ordinary. The young girl's eyes glowed violet as she quickly zeroed in on the intruder as if the shadows did not exist at all.
"...Are you okay?" Kasumi's voice called out somewhat quietly in the hall after a significant pause.
This puzzled Fenfang. The woman silently dropped down from the shadows to respond. There was no value in clinging to them in the presence of this girl. "That is not a question one asks an intruder...aren't you scared of me?" The Joketsuzoku inquired gently.
Kasumi pondered for a moment, tilting her head, before giving a light shake of her head. "I don't feel anything bad from you to be afraid of. You're here to protect something, not to hurt anyone. And...there seems to be something wrong with the ki around your belly. Are you in pain?"
Fenfang's hand gently touched her own torso in surprise before recovering her self-control. "...it's an old injury that will heal no further. I've learned to live with it." Her assessment of Kasumi improved. The girl's ability to detect and analyze a target from what little ki Fenfang was letting out was astounding. Empathic and triage abilities? Fenfang hoped to train the child if she and her father ever hit it off in the future. Still...to tell her the truth or to escape? At this range, she suspected that Kasumi could tell the difference between the truth and a lie even with Fenfang suppressing her ki as much as she could. Kasumi thankfully seemed the type to side with honor rather than the ancient evil given what intelligence had been collected and her apparent innocent nature. With that in mind, and knowing that she could seal away Kasumi's memories of this encounter if she had to, Fenfang made the decision to provide a watered-down version of the truth. "Happosai stole a treasure trove from my village many years ago. I don't know if it's hidden here, but this is the first place I know to look. There are others from our village looking for it as well, but they aren't all...very nice people. If the treasure isn't found quickly and quietly, there might be fighting. I would rather avoid people being needlessly hurt. Can you help me without telling him or your family? I think well of your father and see no reason to get him in trouble with his Master." Fenfang summarized the situation in a way a nine-year-old would hopefully understand and she made absolutely sure not to lie.
"Hmm..." Kasumi stared at the intruder with those large, glowing eyes for several moments before she gave a nod of understanding. "Okay. Come with me!" Kasumi stepped forward, grasped Fenfang's hand, and started leading her back downstairs. Her other arm still held her kitten to her chest. They went down the steps and entered the living room...after which Kasumi gently spoke. "Mister Sasuke, can you come out to talk please?"
Fenfang wasn't sure what she was supposed to expect, but seeing a panel rise from the floor and a ninja peek his head out wasn't it. Sasuke looked a little sheepish. "...how did you know I was here, Lady Kasumi?" He asked with no small amount of surprise.
Kasumi simply smiled kindly. "I've always known. I've felt you guys coming and going like kitties since the Kunos visited for the first time. They asked you to protect us from strange people, right?" Sasuke looked quite surprised at this admission, only managing a small nod. "I thought so. They're such nice people."
"Like...kitties?" Fenfang asked the child to clarify, not fully understanding the analogy.
"Yes! Sneaking around under the house and Dojo, in the attic, hiding in trees and bushes, eating the snacks I leave out for them when they think I'm not looking...ninja are just like big, skittish kitties! Three of them were even watching us talk upstairs, but I didn't want to talk for much longer right outside the bedrooms. We might have woken someone up." The girl beamed at the comparison, even as Sasuke flinched a little at the comment of 'eating snacks' with a measure of clear personal guilt.
Fenfang gave the man a deadpan look. "You eat food that she leaves out? Not to accuse this child of such, but do you not fear poison in general?"
Sasuke sighed. "Lady Kodachi is starting to feed us sometimes, having us test her culinary creations so that she is not outpaced by Lady Ukyo's own training, but it was all too recently when we had to eat literal table scraps and drink water collected from the gutters. Lord Kocho wants us to be self-sufficient. Being assigned to the Tendo Dojo is seen as one of the best postings because we are more regularly fed..." It was now clear to Fenfang why the child didn't fear her intrusion. The home was under constant guard, Kasumi was training herself to perceive them without even realizing it, and having people sneaking around wasn't even a strange occurrence to her anymore. It was likely that the rest of the people in the house aside from Happosai had no inkling as to what was going on, but Kasumi simply interpreted it as 'protective cat-like behavior'.
She couldn't discount the ninja entirely, though. The Joketsuzoku warrior did not even know they were observing her as she searched the house. If Fenfang had entered with malicious intent in her ki that Kasumi felt warranted retaliation, had failed to gain Kasumi's approval through her honesty, or had tried to leave the house while carrying the treasure even if had she found it, this encounter would likely have unfolded in a very different way. This complication also meant that erasing the memories of everyone involved was no longer an option. Fenfang was thankful that she hadn't revealed more than she already had. It was a defeat for someone whose role was typically obtaining intelligence without leaving any trace behind.
"Mister Sasuke, can you tell me if there is a treasure hidden here? If Grandpa Happosai stole it, we shouldn't keep it..." Kasumi asked of the ninja.
Sasuke initially hesitated for a moment, likely contemplating the consequences of displeasing the ancient evil, before he pulled out out a small notebook that Fenfang realized was filled with timestamped notes on various happenings on the property. "Well, there was a treasure like that hidden here until earlier today. We were already warned not to lay a hand upon it once he realized that we were here." The small ninja's comment drew Fenfang's immediate attention. "This morning, at 11:26 AM, he arrived with an 'intense expression' and extracted a mirror from the treasure before storing some new acquisitions into his 'women's clothing collection'. He then took a raw, uncut onion from the kitchen and departed. Then, at 12:45 PM, he returned and took the entire treasure into his ki-space. He stayed here until the Saotomes went home, leaving with them to discuss matters related to his school of Martial Arts."
Fenfang's hands clenched on hearing that information. The comment about the mirror and the onion revealed that Happosai had discovered the true nature of perhaps the most powerful of the artifacts. Even worse, she had missed the treasure by less than a day. Had someone warned Happosai? Given that this happened before the television broadcast, it wasn't possible that he noticed Soun's rather light conditioning because it hadn't even been applied yet. Or perhaps he'd visited the future already and was already preparing contingencies based on future knowledge. "That's not good. Happosai will be attacked at some point should the treasure not be found. While that's to be expected, some of my people wouldn't hesitate to do it here should he still live within these walls."
"What can be done?" Sasuke inquired.
The disguised Joketsuzoku pondered for a brief time before responding. "Show me where the treasure used to be. If I can sense the remnants of my peoples' magic, then I'll report that the treasure has been moved elsewhere and that everyone here was either unaware of the treasure or cooperative in my investigation. That should buy you some consideration except from the worst of us. I would also ask that you keep watch to see if the treasure is returned here. If it is, then assume that this family is in added danger from it. I'll leave contact information for you in case that happens."
Sasuke was hesitant but ultimately acquiesced. "Very well. Lady Kasumi...I believe you should return to bed. We will handle things here."
"Okay, Mister Sasuke..." Kasumi said, interrupted by a yawn. The child then gave a final comment to Fenfang. "I don't know your name to give a polite goodbye...so I'll just say good night." The child gave a bow to them both and any ninja watching before taking her kitten and heading back up the stairs.
"She's a good child," Fenfang observed.
"Yes, we're lucky that she's the eldest of the group. Hopefully, the others will learn well from her." Sasuke's response was fairly generic and Fenfang noticed. Both already knew that Ranma was just as likely—if not more so—to be the leader of that band of children. Neither would volunteer that information to the other, though. Too much had already been shared tonight. Fenfang was lucky to have essentially been handed the role of 'inspector' by Kasumi or there might have been a fight as it was. They entered Happosai's room, traveled through a closet and under some floorboards filled with ladies' undergarments, and finally accessed a forgotten well that existed under the structure of the house. Happosai had hidden it under a metal sheet and packed earth that had evaded the detection of the earlier police inspection, but now it was exposed due to the haste with which the treasure was moved. Within that emptied well, Fenfang could feel it. The residue of Joketsuzoku magics. She refused to enter the well lest she be trapped inside by the ninja, but she could see enough.
"...It was here..." Fenfang's words were not of relief, but frustration. So much leeway would have been possible if she'd been able to reserve the treasure for Cologne. Sadly, it wasn't to be. She forced herself to focus on what to do from here instead of pondering further on 'what-ifs'. "I'll file the report and paint this place in as good a light as possible. You...keep doing what you've been doing." She pulled a business card from her ki-space, explicitly meant to have as little information on it as possible. It pretty much just had a phone number on it and the word 'Hotline'. "If it comes back call me discretely."
He accepted the business card. "U-understood, miss...what do we call you though?" Sasuke probably already suspected that she was from the Chinese village that Happosai had mentioned on television. Her accent was clear enough even if her mask afforded her some measure of protection. She had no intention of confirming that for him needlessly though.
"Hmm...how about 'Kuro'? It's generic, but that's a benefit at times like this." Indeed, the Japanese word for 'black' would do well enough. It was a throwaway name anyway.
"Very well, Miss Kuro. We will monitor the situation. I am not able to promise House Kuno's support on the matter, but Lady Kasumi did ask it as part of my assigned duties." Fenfang noticed Sasuke's careful effort to distance his true masters from this arrangement, but that was fine. The fewer people involved, the better. Having the ninjas involved at all was a risk.
"I'll get going then. I'd rather not be around if someone else happens to wake up. See you later, maybe!" With that casual goodbye mixed in to diffuse the serious mood, the young woman stealthily withdrew from the property and into the night.
"She isn't bad at stealth, is she?" An elderly voice said to Sasuke from behind.
"Well, she's not as good as a ninja, but I would give her a seven out of te—" Sasuke's response died on his tongue as he froze in realization, and then turned back toward a deceptively smiling Happosai.
"That high, huh? I wonder how the Umisenken rates on your scale. I know that you're maybe a five on mine." Happosai's smile then vanished from his face, replaced with a look bordering between irritation and anger. "Why did you agree to cooperate with that girl against me? You had best have a very good answer."
Sasuke's mouth opened and closed silently for several fearful moments until he noticed a slight shift that indicated mounting anger in Happosai's gaze. He then spat out his answer. "Th-The children! My job is to keep the children safe and away from your attackers! Th-this will draw some of them away!"
Happosai's expression shifted away from anger at the mention of the children, though the irritation remained. Sasuke had no way of knowing that the danger Happosai had put Hinako in was still on his mind, even after a week of vacation. He pulled out his pipe and started to smoke, letting the man sweat it out for a moment while appearing to consider the ninja's fate. "...You're lucky you had the best possible reason, Sasuke. I don't appreciate betrayal." Sasuke seemed to show signs of relief, at least until Happosai put on a dark smile. "Hmm...your reason is so good that I think I'll give you some training once I return from escorting Hinako-chan to school! Be here and be ready in the morning. Fail at either one and you will regret it." Sasuke knew the meaning of those words. Show up or be hunted down, and expect something nightmarish akin to what Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome had gone through. He slumped to the ground and gave a nod of surrender.
His point made and the ultimatum given, Happosai didn't stay any longer than necessary. The ancient man bounded off into the night ostensibly to track the woman who had vanished. Of course, this was unlikely to happen given her head start...but he had a cheat to employ. Entering an alleyway, Happosai focused on the Nanban Mirror in his ki-space and sent the thoughts 'Take me to the nearest unobserved alley or load-bearing rooftop to her destination, five minutes before her arrival'. In a flash of white light, Happosai was gone.
A similar flash of light made itself known on the skyline of another part of Tokyo, albeit unnoticed due to the 'unobserved' quantifier. As for the 'load-bearing' quantifier, well...he'd learned from when he fell through the Sainokawahara Dorm's deteriorated roof in 1989. Carefully chaining together enough quantifiers allowed the magic to take him to where and when he needed to be—even if he wasn't sure of the details. The Nanban Mirror was a disturbingly powerful tool. He looked around himself tensely, taking in the landmarks to realize that he was in another part of Tokyo entirely.
"Shibuya, huh? There must be a connection to Soun's interview, then. There's the news building over that way..." Happosai's eyes narrowed in realization. His cowardly student did seem a little extra talkative on television earlier. The diminutive grandmaster slipped into the Umisenken, took note of which buildings were likely to be his target's destination, and waited. Sure enough, he saw a blue-haired woman walk up to a five-story apartment building exactly five minutes after his own arrival. Gone was the black hair, replaced by cyan blue, but he knew that shapely body type. She had also stopped restricting her ki as much which made her stand out among the few people who were still out and about at nearly two in the morning. It took all the restraint he had not to pounce on the woman. She was ideal. Well, save for the injury that Kasumi had sensed. Poor woman.
He held his lustful emotions in check and used the Umisenken to sneak into the building with her. The impish man followed her up to her apartment, slid inside while she was taking off her shoes, and followed the young woman as she got herself a quick drink of water in the kitchenette before going to her bedroom. He watched her change out of her clothes into panties and an oversized T-shirt, forgetting his desire to lay low and inspect the place in the process. Fenfang then belly-flopped onto the bed with a groan. Apparently, she wasn't accustomed to such late nights.
'Ayaaa...why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? Am I really so...baby crazy that I forget my training and just admit everything to the first child I see? Nnnnnghhh...get it together, Fenfang!' The woman rolled over onto her back while she grumbled in Mandarin and offered a target that Happosai simply could not pass up.
"SWEEETOOO!" The Umisenken failed as Happosai's self-control collapsed entirely. He leapt onto the tired woman's prone form and buried his head into her cleavage. The perverted grandmaster was even wearing her recently discarded bra like a piece of chinstrap-secured headgear.
"KYAAAAAA!" The resultant violence was abrupt, loud, stress-tested the building's soundproofing, and damaged at least three pieces of furniture. It also made two dents in the plaster of one of the walls. Before long, Happosai was nursing two lumps on his head that went part of the way to filling the cups of the stolen bra. "Y-You! The great evil! What are you doing here?" the woman exclaimed in her anger.
Happosai glared at her and rubbed his head to dull the pain. "You snuck into where I was living in the middle of the night to steal my treasure, so I snuck into where you were living in the middle of the night and stole your underwear. It's only fair."
"It's not the same! I'm trying to reclaim what you stole, and I didn't touch you like this!" The woman's anger overrode her composure.
"No, but you did touch my student, didn't you? He was a little too comfortable in that interview, his attitude a little too put together when he got home, his hair a little too lustrous, and you live within half a kilometer of the place he was interviewed." Happosai responded coldly, causing the Joketsuzoku to blink in contemplation before glaring at Happosai. Her silence was telling. Had Happosai not been informed of the Joketsuzoku's abilities of mind alteration, he might never have known. "What commands did you give him with your shiatsu shampooing techniques?"
"...aside from a non-permanent interrogation? A short-term relaxant and mind focuser, some minor confidence affirmation, and a recommendation to seek support if things get to be too much in his home life." The woman's response surprised Happosai and he gave her a skeptical look that she took offense to. "Orders that are more restrictive than necessary can do more harm than good when your job is to be subtle! And since my questioning showed he was innocent of everything and was just a man trying to care for a sick wife and train up his daughters as best he could, I...did him a few favors on the psychology side instead of taking control. The man would be a Joketsuzoku-worthy husband if you hadn't destroyed his confidence."
Silence reigned for several moments before Happosai broke into laughter. "Hahahahahahahahaha! Y-you...and Soun! Oh, maybe he's better than I thought if he's attracting women on the side!"
"D-don't compare him to yourself! He is a loyal man doing his best! You are an evil little gnome who stole from us and broke our Elder's heart!" The cyan-haired Joketsuzoku yelled out. The room went silent at that comment, the laughter abruptly ending.
"...Cologne was hurt when I left?" Happosai asked in mild surprise. Fenfang had her hands over her mouth as if she had released some sort of horrible secret. Indeed, revealing a weakness of an Elder was not good, especially to an enemy that said Elder was about to fight. This was not Fenfang's day. It took several seconds for the Xiu to recover her thoughts.
"She...will do what she has to do. Her just bringing back the treasure might have been enough at first, but with the danger you've put the village in by revealing us to the Communists she will probably have to kill you to satisfy the village." Fenfang said this begrudgingly, hesitant to reveal more. Still, it made Happosai reassess some things. The plans he had made based on Ran's gathered intelligence weren't radically changed, but he might be able to adjust some details...
"...If you want her to have closure, call me when she arrives. I'll accept her challenge with the treasure as the prize. If you're telling the truth, I owe her that much," Happosai decided, surprising the woman.
"You would face her honorably on the field of battle?" Fenfang asked in suspicion.
"As long as your village agrees that no Kisses of Death or Marriage can be given in Japan from now on, whether I win or lose. They're already illegal here and just about everywhere else on Earth," Happosai said. Maybe he could get something out of this to shield the kids.
Fenfang glared, disliking the demand but keeping that to herself for the moment. "Isn't one of your school's tenants to accept all challenges? Doesn't having the rematch hinge on your condition violate that?"
Happosai scoffed. "People have taken advantage of that rule to issue one-sided challenges against us before. Ones where the challenger demands something from us if we lose while offering nothing in exchange. I'm changing the rule to avoid any more of that and to protect Ranma from your people. If you want this fight to happen the way you want it, your people need to hold off on coming in like conquerors chasing after children. What sort of challenge demands that the winner gives up their citizenship and future, anyway? You just call it an honor and pretend you're doing us 'barbarian men' a favor." Happosai's response may have been more irritated than it should have been, but he'd seen how Shampoo treated the older Ranma. Love potions? Magic spells? Locking his curse to hold his manhood hostage? No, such things wouldn't be allowed this time around. "Anyone who tries to use the kisses here, except a child too young to know better, is someone who I will consider a personal enemy."
Fenfang was a not-so-closet romantic who wanted to defend her people's customs. Sadly, her wider awareness of how the world worked compared to other Chinese Amazons meant that she knew more than most just how badly the practice would be interpreted by the Japanese government. She also knew that it had been thoroughly abused in the past. The idea of Happosai declaring personal enemies was also sobering. It made the next words out of her mouth somewhat hollow. "It's supposed to be a test to see if the man is worthy of being part of the tribe. If applied honorably—"
"Except that too many Joketsuzoku don't consider any beings but themselves worthy of being treated honorably. The rest of us are just resources to claim or obstacles to kill. That will not happen to the children." Happosai's eyes sternly regarded the Joketsuzoku warrior, one who at least seemed to be conflicted with the ethics of the matter in spite of her words. "If it ever does happen, I will make sure the world knows where your village is. There are ways I can arrange for that to happen even after my death. I'm not the only one who knows."
That risk had temporarily escaped Fenfang's mind. It was true that Happosai could simply tell every nation in the world where the village was. They wouldn't last a week. Possibly not a day. The impish man really had her in a bind. "...I...will contact the village about your terms. Can you at least allow the Kiss of Marriage if it's not coerced and is done with the man's full understanding ahead of time? Let it work the way it's meant to?"
Happosai's eyes narrowed at the woman. "Soun will not abandon his wife."
"I-I don't want him to! What they have is beautiful! But...it's going to end on its own. I'd be willing to train his daughters and my duties as a member of the Xiu bar me from returning to the village anyway!" Fenfang said this with urgency.
This made Happosai feel a little awkward. Just what did this woman see in the coward? Still, far be it from him to deny his student the comfort of an attractive and willing woman. The old man eventually gave a sigh. "No Kisses of Marriage before the age of twenty, no magic, no coercion, no manipulation, no hostage taking, no threats to the man or others, no baby-trapping, and no bad-faith acting. You respect the decisions of the man, no matter what it is. And once it's done, you accept any existing children fully. No pushing them out for your own. And no Kisses of Death at all. If one of your girls loses a fight, she improves herself instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a petulant child." Happosai said, giving those iron-clad concessions at least.
Fenfang gave a nod and responded. "I...will pass that all on to the Council. Some of the people coming here to complicate things for Elder Ku Long and aren't operating with the permission of the village, though—"
"Then they take their lives in their own hands and whatever is done to them is to be forgiven by your village council. I will spare children who are too young to know what they are really doing, but I won't recognize the kisses and might deal with the kids' guardians if they're responsible." Happosai wasn't one to kill, but he needed the woman in front of him to believe he would...and if it was a child's life or some random Amazon's, he could make that choice. He shouldn't have to go that far, though. The Ultimate Weakness Moxibustion might be enough to cripple them so long as he wasn't drawn into something like the Hiryu Shoten Ha like his future self was.
"Yes. I will get the word out tomorrow morning and wait for the Council's reply. In the meantime...let's see..." A nervous Fenfang knelt down and started to search through her discarded clothes for something, unknowingly calming Happosai with a view of her panties. "...Ah, here it is! Here's a spare hotline card. You can reach me here or leave a message. You can also leave your number with me unless you're going to keep staying with the Tendos. I already know theirs."
Happosai accepted the card when she handed it to him, noting that it was the same sort of card that she'd given Sasuke. "Hnn...alright. We'll keep in touch through the Tendos' number for now. If that's everything, I need to get going." He opened a window into the night and paused for a moment. "By the way...nice choice in fabric softener~" With that teasing taunt and the horrified look on Fenfang's face, he leapt away onto a nearby rooftop and bounded off across the Shibuya skyline.
"H—hey, wait!" Fenfang rushed to the window and yelled out after him. "Give back my bra, you pervert!"
Her only reply was the fading cackle of a lustful old man.
Two hours later
The Joketsuzoku Council was once more in an emergency session, but this time it was different. Different in that Loofah found herself flanked by guards with weapons. There was confusion with the other members of the council as well as Loofah herself. Why had these people personally gone to collect her from her home? Shampoo's mother and father were also present, openly glaring at her. The Elder suspected trouble...
Lotion stepped forward into her proper place as Matriarch of the Joketsuzoku, her eyes landing on Loofah with similar surprise. 'The Emergency Session has begun. For what reason is the guard flanking Lu Fa?' The ancient woman asked warily. Was this a coup by Loofah, marked by support from the guard? Or was Loofah being escorted?
Shampoo's mother stepped forward to give her answer. 'Betrayal, Matriarch Lo Xian. We have received a wave of telegraphs from a number of Xiu in the Xining area who have broken free from their conditioning, accusing Elder Lu Fa of sending them into the ranks of the Xiu through manipulation and abuse of power. Some of those who have sent communications claim to be people who have previously disappeared and been thought dead rather than being convicted by this council of any crime. Some of our sisters assigned to monitor our village's telegraphs attempted to hide these communications, but there were simply too many to conceal.' There was a murmuring of voices within the council—a louder one than usual—before Loofah interjected in rage.
'That is a lie! Of course the criminals would claim to be wronged if suddenly freed! And the dead sending telegraphs? Anyone could use a fake name if you cannot hear their voice or see their face! Such claims mean nothing!' Loofah's words made several people think. That was true, though it happening all at once was suspicious.
Lotion chose to focus on the other part of the problem for the moment. 'How did this come to pass? What is happening with the Xiu in Xining?'
Shampoo's mother began to explain while glaring at Loofah. 'Someone used Formula 119 on one of our Xiu who had been pressed into service. This broke them free of the conditioning placed on them with the Xi Fa Xiang Gao technique. We aren't sure which one was freed first, but that freed Xiu then got a hold of more Formula 119 and used it on some others...and those people used it on some others still. It is causing a cascade of people who are suddenly free of the compulsion. A few are still reporting in and acting loyally, but some others condemn the village and have voiced their intentions to leave their posts. Some are using the Xiu network for their own encrypted communications with each other without our being able to decode them. Yet others are silent. Some of the Xiu are even fighting each other. As far as the dead being a lie, at least three 'deceased' sisters carried information that they alone would know. They are also on their way back to the village right now to prove that they yet live.'
To call this bad news would be a gross understatement. While some in the program were injured and joined the Xiu to honestly fight for the village in their own way, others were criminals who had been banished from the village and were used for intelligence gathering and manipulation. The conditioning they underwent not only ensured their loyalty and silence but also kept the criminals from remembering where the village was and telling anyone. Sadly, this protection was being stripped away. It didn't matter if the rogue Xiu were wrongly accused or not, they were still angered and free to retaliate against the village at their leisure. And the idea that some sisters in good standing with the village were secretly conditioned, thrown away, and treated as if they were dead? That was both dishonorable and unsustainable. They had too few people as it was to be casting them aside like that.
The people on the council were horrified. Every one of them looked to Lotion for guidance. The ancient woman sighed, looking every bit her advanced age for that moment. She thought for a significant amount of time, processing what she had heard. Her eyes soon hardened, however, and she reclaimed the visage of a leader. 'The Xiu program was a risk...and it has ultimately backfired horribly. In time, the government will come here either to raid our secrets or slaughter our people...and regardless of our skill, they will be able to send enough corpses to sweep us away in a torrent of their own blood. Even weakened as they are, they have enough power to send a hundred armed soldiers against every one of our own warriors. They can also send planes to assail us from the sky...and they can use their ultimate weapon to wipe our village from the face of the Earth as their leisure just like what happened to two Japanese cities just 32 years ago. That power is even greater than that of a natural disaster.'
'We will still fight, for we are Joketsuzoku, but we will also prepare for the worst so that future generations survive. I hereby order that we open up negotiations with Yaocaicun and other villages at least 35 kilometers from our own to send refugees. Stores and businesses in the outside world that have been abandoned by rebelling Xiu may also be taken over by our own people as a foothold into new areas. Known loyal Xiu will take that on as part of their mission, alongside the securing of wealth and assisting in the efficient and quiet movement of people. Those who wish to remain may do so at their own risk, though any conspirators we find won't be allowed to leave.' Eyes widened at Lotion's decree and the Elders realized that things had truly gone badly. Evacuating the village? There was a plan to do it, but that was reserved for natural disasters and floods rather than invasions or enemy attacks. The last time they had to flee the village was over 200 years ago due to a flood.
'It seems that there is another problem,' Shampoo's mother resumed speaking. 'Happosai has learned of the groups of people sent to take the treasure, his life, and to lay claim to Ranma Saotome. Both those supported by the village and the ones who are not. He has agreed to accept this as Elder Ku Long's formal challenge and meet her on the field of battle as such, on the condition that the Kisses of Marriage and Death in Japan are permanently disavowed.' There was a deep rumbling of discontent with these words, but Shampoo's mother continued. 'Japan's government has recently taken a far harder stance on the arranged marriages of children, specifically for the abuse that Ranma Saotome has suffered. The Kiss of Marriage would be harshly punished as it would be seen as an effort to abduct and enslave their people. The Kiss of Death, meanwhile, is seen as a declaration to commit cold-blooded murder rather than a call for honorable mortal combat.'
'And why should we honor a demand of the great evil?' A rather belligerent ally of Loofah asked.
'Happosai reminded our agent that he knows where the village is, and has told people so the secret would survive his death. If we assail the children in his care by refusing to permanently remove the Kisses of Marriage and Death from use in Japan or against Japanese people, he or those in Japan he has given the secret will see to it that everyone in the world knows where the village is.' Many of the Elders immediately exploded into rage and complaint at the statement of Shampoo's mother.
'SILENCE!' Lotion called out, controlling the people who were raging about Happosai's demand to change their ancient traditions. '...did he say anything else?'
Shampoo's mother nodded as she continued. 'The Xiu contact was able to convince him to let the Kiss of Marriage persist in cases of good faith and full mutual awareness, with extensive restrictions. Only men who have reached the age of 20, adulthood by their own law, are eligible. They cannot be manipulated or coerced into compliance. There will be no magic, no threats or hostages be it direct or indirect, no baby-trapping, no deception. The pair both have to agree for the marriage to proceed and any existing children from before the marriage are to be accepted fully. Happosai's main concern was Ranma Saotome being forced into an arranged marriage so soon after he was extracted from numerous dishonorable engagements, but he demands the ban be applied permanently because of how readily we use it.'
This was not liked, but the context was not missed. The kisses were thoroughly abused in the past and it seemed that Happosai was well aware of this. Sadly, a good portion of the council wanted that practice to continue. Shampoo's mother then dropped another bombshell. 'He knows some of the warriors coming are not coming with the consent of the Council, and he states that they will take their lives into their own hands and make him their 'personal enemy' if they attempt Kisses of Marriage or Death. He demands that the Council withdraw its protection from those warriors instead of risking its own existence for their sake. The sole exceptions are children who he feels do not yet understand the nuances of the situation. The parents or guardians would shoulder the responsibility in their stead.'
Silence. That was the situation in the council chambers for no less than five seconds. Happosai had essentially told them 'honor my terms of accept my declaration of war'. Oh, he could have simply demanded the treasure and that the tribe keeps their distance in exchange for not giving the village's location away, but he hadn't. He still gave Cologne a chance to complete her mission. The price he demanded they pay, though...it stung their pride deeply.
Shampoo's mother finally gave the bit of information that finally humbled the council. 'The agent on site has also learned that in addition to moving the treasure from a previous hiding place to an unknown location, Happosai has shown signs of using the Nanban Mirror in conjunction with a raw onion. He has also shown signs of knowing the Umisenken stealth technique employed by the Saotome clan. Assume that he can appear anywhere on Earth, at any time, and render himself imperceptible.'
Loofah's old eyes widened as a fact forced itself into her mind that was even more urgent than her pending incarceration. 'You mean to tell me that the great evil can appear nearby at any moment, sneak into our most sensitive areas undetected, and we wouldn't know he was here until he robbed us blind and slid the knife into our backs?'
Lotion gave a deep sigh. She was truly getting too old for this. 'We have no choice but to temporarily agree with his demands. It's clear that he does not need to face Ku Long in honorable combat and only gives her a chance to complete her mission in exchange for what he sees as his heir's security. We can only hope that Ku Long will be able to best the great evil. For now, we need to send out a response to all members of the Xiu telling them that Elder Lu Fa has been taken into custody for her abuse of authority and that any outstanding or ongoing orders issued by her or her staff are to be read back for confirmation or rejection.'
Loofah glared at Lotion at these words and screamed in rage. 'Coward! You would allow that filth of a man to tell us what to do? Never before have you so clearly proven that you need to step down!'
Everyone tensed at this overt challenge. Loofah was known to be hotheaded when pushed, but never had she been this insubordinate and disrespectful to the Matriarch. Lotion, however, remained ice-calm. 'We do not have the means to deal with him right now. At least this way Ku Long has a chance of completing her mission and resolving this whole matter for us. Also, I believe I mentioned before Ku Long left that there was to be no meddling. You may not have done so within the village, but you have done everything you could to sabotage our assets and people outside the village to make this situation impossible to manage. Both the Xiu rebelling and Happosai acting against your agents' overt pursuit of his heir are your fault!' Lotion's cold calm broke at those last three words to emphasize just how badly Loofah had messed things up.
Lotion quickly regained her composure. 'We don't have time for your antics. Guards, take Lu Fa and use the Xi Fa Xiang Gao to question her. If she is guilty, put her in the lowest level of the pit with simple clothes and full restraints. Then do the same with her conspirators and anyone else revealed during the questioning to be such. I want at least three people to check each prisoner's clothes and bindings to make sure they can't escape. The Council has other business to attend to.' With that, Loofah was hauled out of the room with an enraged expression on her face. A quick series of pressure points disabled her voice box long enough for her to be hauled out quietly while the Council continued with its business.
Loofah would soon find herself at the bottom of a deep pit just outside the village, gradually joined by more of her bound and gagged allies as the investigation progressed.
Beeping. Mousse's sleep was disturbed by repeated, irregular beeps. He sat up in bed in the darkened room in the military base's barber shop and put on his glasses that were now secured by a white elastic band. Recoil from his firearms training required those glasses to be more secure than they were, and they were harder for him to push upwards out of the way out of habit. The child then rose and followed the noises to Xiao Mei's room where she was decoding a telegraph message. She wrote out characters at a high speed with a codebook open for reference, though the book hardly looked like a codebook. It had a fake cover that protected it from cursory glances by making it look like a hair care reference that was at least several years out of date.
'Xiao Mei...what—' Mousse was silenced by the raising of a hand as the woman furiously decoded the beeps and dashes in real time. Eventually, she started to send beeps and dashes of her own, only to return to receiving. It would be no less than an hour before she was done with the back and forth, the woman sighing in the aftermath.
'The situation finally broke, Mu Tsu,' she said in a measure of relief. 'The village is finally aware of the corruption and is imprisoning people back home. Since every message is now under scrutiny instead of being hidden and the people sending and receiving messages have been changed, I informed them of your situation, of the poisoned letter, and the plot to kill Elder Ku Long. They interrogated Elder Lu Fa with the Xi Fa Xiang Gao and confirmed that she is responsible. Her rank of Elder has been revoked.'
Mousse tried to understand what this meant. Did it mean that this was over? Just like that? He felt apprehension about going home. Wouldn't he be punished more than ever, even if it was because of what an Elder tricked him into doing? 'What...happens now?' His question roused Xiao Mei's attention for the moment.
After a few moments of contemplation, Xiao Mei came to a decision and decided to be forthright with the child. 'I've been expecting the situation with the village and the Xiu to collapse sooner or later, but things are worse than I thought. The village is in danger of being found and attacked by the enemy thanks to everything falling apart. I have orders to take you and go overseas for a while to train you and ensure the survival of your family line.'
The boy's eyes widened in horror. The village was in danger? His family? He clenched his small fists and looked down to the ground in anger. 'It's because of that Luanma—...Ranma person! If he hadn't come, none of this would have happened!' Two fingers reached out and raised his chin back up so he was once more looking Xiao Mei in the eyes.
'And who sent him here?' Xiao Mei asked bluntly, making Mousse freeze in realization. 'Future Mu Tsu sent Ranma here. Ranma used Joketsuzoku techniques against his evil father to free himself of abuse. Happosai saw it and pointed it out to everyone, informing them of our existence. The Xiu who were meant to protect us were stretched to their limits, and evils from within the village that were already being committed before Ranma's arrival were exposed. Evils like the one that tricked you into coming out here. That is the truth. The ones responsible are Future Mu Tsu, Happosai, and Lu Fa. Not the boy. Hastily blaming innocent people for the sins of others is one of the problems that lead that other version of you down the path of darkness. Do not make that same mistake.'
The guardian knelt down to his level, her hands being placed upon his shoulders. 'Listen to me. You are not to blame for this either. Everyone has the potential for evil. You simply saw what yours might look like. Take advantage of that knowledge and steer yourself away. That is the best way you can help the village right now. Improve yourself.'
The village's people, even his own parents, rarely put things in such terms. Mousse had acted out for attention as long as he had been able to walk and eventually saw all punishment as simply a result of the village's dislike of him, something to keep him from Shampoo, or more recently a way to hurt him for something his other self did. By the time the people he knew started trying to tell him that any punishment was for his own good, his mind had long closed to the idea. In the future, this became a stubbornness that no one could break through. But now there was someone who had an outside perspective and did not hate him—someone who had stopped him from doing true evil—explaining the reason he needed to change. Not as punishment, but as a means to save himself.
'Okay...' Mousse acknowledged, the quiet word carrying more weight and change than even Xiao Mei could know at the time. 'Where are we going?'
Xiao Mei pondered for a moment on whether or not she should tell him before deciding against it. 'I think I'll keep it a surprise. You might enjoy being there, though~' The teasing tone distracted Mousse from his thoughts and made him pout. 'Now don't be like that, we'll be leaving for that place soon enough. I just have to make sure to activate the commands I planted as part of my exit strategy. Pay close attention to what I do, and be ready to hold as much as you can safely carry with your Hidden Weapons Technique.'
The next hour was a lesson to Mousse on how to employ the Xi Fa Xiang Gao on a larger scale. With an innocuous phrase spoken by Xiao Mei to a non-commissioned officer activating a pre-programmed response embedded in his mind, he delivered a typewritten piece of paper from her to his commanding officer. That officer read the similarly innocuous letter—which triggered another pre-programmed response in his mind—and escalated it to the next step up the command chain. The dominos fell until the carefully crafted triggers reached the command staff of the base, who were soon convinced that there was an imminent invasion coming from the Soviet Union that they and they alone could detect and intercept. Honorable military discharges were handed out to female personnel in non-combat positions, including to Xiao Mei, with the appearance of keeping them out of harm's way. This was also extended to the women who had been drafted into looking for the Joketsuzoku village.
When the first bus full of hastily awakened women holding their pay, meager belongings, and discharge papers left the base for Xining, Xiao Mei and Mousse were on it with stolen military equipment and money packed in their ki-spaces. The missing assets would ultimately be blamed on embezzlement by an officer who had, coincidentally, also harassed some of the female draftees.
Even if the conditioning of the military personnel were somehow removed later, the subtlety employed guaranteed that no one would ever be able to remember anything specific that tied Xiao Mei or Mousse to the early morning's strange events.
The sun was only just breaking over the mountains as Cologne, Ran, and Shampoo made their way east along a road. Of course, they weren't walking along the roadside normally. That would be a waste. 'Everything is training.' That's what Ran had told her adoptive niece, but the training was somewhat different from the standard that youths like Shampoo were typically held to. The replacement of the Chestnuts Roasting over an Open Fire exercise with the Submerged Pebbles in a Pot exercise was merely the first sign of something that was lacking in modern Joketsuzoku training techniques. Something that the Saotome School of Martial Arts had in spades.
Creativity.
Even now, Shampoo was balancing on a used tire while walking backward to achieve forward motion. This action allowed Shampoo to train balance, pacing, momentum management, and backward motion even when there was no terrain nearby to take advantage of but flat ground. Ran did the same, of course, refusing to ignore an opportunity to train. The simple merging of commonly available modern tools or trash, when combined with a creativity that some on the Joketsuzoku Council sometimes frowned upon, allowed for such unexpected opportunities.
The de-aged Elder reflected on the strange duality that new techniques and training exercises held in Joketsuzoku culture. They were desperately sought and having a new technique be included as part of the village's skills was a great honor for the one who invented or captured the technique, but these moves were often rejected by the more corrupt Elders when presented for consideration. This rejection was often justified by saying the techniques in question 'lacked the proven benefit of three millennia of Joketsuzoku history' only for the very same Elders who condemned the techniques in the first place to silently claim them for their own clans as 'family-specific arts'. This corruption led to the hoarding of practical techniques that could otherwise have helped the village and also had a record of causing inter-clan feuds within the Joketsuzoku when an Elder's family 'stole' a technique from the original presenter in this manner. The clan matriarch, Lotion, did her best to limit such corruption but was not always successful.
Cologne, who had claimed her own old tire to practice this new Reverse Step Wheel Roll exercise alongside her grandchild and adopted daughter, realized that she would have to protect Ran's contributions to Shampoo's education from Loofah and her allies on their return. So long as Loofah and her ilk sat on the Council, Cologne too would have to hoard knowledge rather than have Ran claim the honor she deserved. Fortunately, Ran responded to Cologne's concerns by saying 'I don't want anyone but Ranma and Xian Pu doing this anyway'. Cologne was only learning the technique so that she could assist Shampoo in her training and perhaps build an edge against Happosai by training in unexpected ways.
The majestic cry of a bird of prey distracted the group and Cologne looked over her shoulder and upward to note a familiar creature descending toward them. She hopped off of her tire and arrested its forward momentum with a foot. The rejuvenated blue-haired woman then held out her arm and a falcon landed on it in a trained manner, a scroll tied to a holder on one of its legs. 'Nice to see you, Fenghuang...this is a messenger falcon from the village. They must have needed to get this message to us swiftly.'
Cologne opened the scroll to find that it was not only a rather verbose update but also included some money from the village. The funds were meant to be used for airline seats so as to hasten their arrival. It was a good thing they had stopped and had identification and passports made in Xining. Her eyes widened slightly before she looked toward Ran. 'Lan, please pull out the food cart. Not only will its handle provide Fenghuang a place to perch and regain his strength, but Xian Pu can also feed him food and water from it while we read this.'
Ran noted the impressive length of the text and complied, pulling the cart from her and Ranma's shared ki-space. The falcon, at Cologne's gentle coaxing, moved from her arm to the handle and was promptly doted on by the small purple-haired child.
'You're so pretty, Fenghuang! Here, have some dried fish!' Shampoo paid no mind to the bird's sharp talons, trusting the well-trained creature as she fed it.
Shampoo's happy mood wasn't shared by Cologne and Ran. Both went pale as they read about the Xiu rebelling and Happosai's ultimatum, as well as his apparent use of the Nanban Mirror and a new stealth technique for which the Joketsuzoku had no current defense. Loofah's attempt to send Mousse to kill Cologne was even more chilling. The communication emphasized that Cologne was now ordered to bring back Happosai's head, regardless of if she found the treasure or not, and do it as soon as possible. Ran quickly came to a conclusion that only she and Cologne could reach. After all, only the two of them knew that Ran had broken the conditioning on that wife at the restaurant. The village was in danger because of her actions. 'It's all my fault. I caused this.' The memories of the Joketsuzoku who made up her mind alongside Ranma's contribution made her feel intense guilt.
Cologne wasn't pleased to learn of this, that was for certain, but she shook her head in disagreement. 'If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else. The Xiu were already pushed past their limit and the village was always in danger. You simply triggered what was sure to happen.'
Ran rapidly voiced her disagreement. 'If it would have happened without me, then why didn't the village twelve years from now seem to have any problems? No. Ranma used a Joketsuzoku technique in front of people, Happosai declared the village's existence and strained the Xiu to their limits, and I dealt the final blow to knock them the rest of the way off balance. I don't fault Ranma for simply using the technique, but Happosai and I are responsible for something that just didn't have to happen. It wasn't supposed to happen. The Xiu, the wars China's waging, none of it!' Silence reigned for several moments. Cologne had temporarily forgotten that Ran was aware of the future to a degree. Even if the history of the Joketsuzoku from 1977 to 1989 was something Ran had a relative dearth of knowledge of, she knew the village was still standing and hadn't had many major conflicts in at least one generation until Ranma came along.
Cologne put a hand on Ran's shoulder in comfort, something Ran wasn't used to receiving from who used to be a manipulative old crone. 'Lan, you said it yourself—Happosai had strained the Xiu to their limits before you acted. That caused the warfare and death, not you or Ranma. By the time you freed that woman, things were already past the point of collapse. You hastened it by at most a few weeks if at all, given what I'm reading about Lu Fa's own meddling in the situation. And speaking of her, you exposed that Lu Fa was using the Xiu as a dumping ground for her enemies and their families. That's at least twelve extra years where they would have been in forced labor had you done nothing. Twelve years where she might yet have been in power imprisoning more people. I believe there is a Western saying...something about ripping off the bandage quickly being better than slowly doing it in fear.' The pseudo-young woman smiled at Ran. 'Do not shoulder the blame for this. It lies squarely with Happosai and Lu Fa.'
Ran glanced at Shampoo, who was happily tending to the bird and not listening. Upon verifying that the child wouldn't hear about this morbid topic, she spoke in hushed tones. 'So Happosai has to die now. Whether you get the treasure or not.' Truthfully, Ran was having second thoughts about Happosai being killed mainly because of the part of her that was Ranma. The parts of her that were made of Joketsuzoku warriors were in no way concerned for his fate.
Cologne nodded with an almost imperceptible touch of regret for the man who might have been her husband in another life. 'My mission is now to bring back his head, along with the treasure if I'm able to find it. There's no helping it now. He's become a threat to the village. His use of the Nanban Mirror is also worrying...but if he is truly facing me honorably in exchange for guaranteeing the protection of Ranma from the Kiss of Marriage instead of running, I will at least treat him with respect until he once more proves unworthy. Knowing him, though, he is doing this because he has some sort of plan. Happosai is as slippery as they come.' The woman gave a sigh and decided to change the subject. 'Was being engaged to Xian Pu really so horrible for Ranma? Is that why his master is going so far to prevent it?'
'Yes,' Ran said without hesitation. Now that the Kiss of Marriage was formally off the table, she could be more specific rather than staying vague. 'Magic tools and efforts at mind control that often backfired on unsuspecting fiancées and rivals, love potions, manipulation, locking his curse to hold his manhood hostage...there was no honor in what you and Xian Pu did to him in the future. He was already resistant to arranged marriages and older people one-sidedly demanding things from him because of the irresponsible adults in his life, but you and Happosai made things so much worse.'
Cologne clicked her teeth in irritation at her future self as she took in this information. 'So I pushed the two apart with my meddling? Well, I guess I would do almost anything to help Xian Pu find a good husband, especially if he was a prodigy. I hope that the lack of a Kiss of Marriage will ease your mind. Maybe the two can interact properly this time if they should meet...no pressures, just children being children.'
Ran wasn't sure if that would work or not. Ranma still remembered Shampoo from when she chased him across China trying to kill him and then spent almost two years trying to seduce him...but who knew what this new timeline would hold. 'Maybe...no promises though. There's a lot of baggage there. I'm sure he was looking forward to never seeing the Joketsuzoku again.'
For the first time since the conversation started, Cologne managed a wan smile. 'Well, life is full of disappointments. He'll just have to make the best of it because we are coming whether he likes or not.' With that, Cologne wrote a reply to the letter and sent it back with the falcon before they made haste to the next city. No more playing with tires or taking the scenic route. The time for that had passed.