At the gates of the famous and open Fanfiction, a commotion was breaking out at the gates, like someone was being forced out.
*BAM!* MADMAN479R held onto the gates with a death grip while two Fanfiction enforcers tried to shove him out.
"PLEASE DON'T KICK ME OUT! I WANT TO STAY PLEASE, IM SORRY MY UPDATE SCHEDULE IS SHIT, BUT PLEASE LET ME STAY! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WATTPAD, THEY TOO LAZY AND BROING STORIES, I DON'T WANNA GO TO AO3 EITHER! TOO MANY NON-CON FICS! PLEASE LET ME STAY!"
"You promise to upload sooner?" one enforcer demanded.
"Okay, this is your only warning though." Both let him go as he breathed a sigh of relief.
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"So before we begin this more, light hearted viewing, I would like to bring some more guests along, 6 in total." Con announced.
"Who are they?" Ironwood asked with suspicion.
"Oh you're familiar with most of them General." A bright light filled the room as 5 people and one dog appeared.
"What the fu-"
Ironwood interrupted that thought "Ace Ops?" he spoke as he saw the person team.
"General?" Clover, leader of the team questioned. "What's going on?" Marrow shouted as he looked around in a haste.
ONE EXPLENATION LATER
"And that's it." Ozpin told the team.
"So let me get this straight." Harriet started, "We have been kidnapped."
"Yep." Roman nodded.
"Some raised from the dead."
"Basically." Vernal confirmed.
"All to watch blondie in alternate worlds?" she finished.
"That's the gist of it." Jaune agreed.
Pyrrha also had a question, "From General Ironwood's reaction, I know that they are related to his Atlas forces but…" she looked at the Puggle Wuggle that had tackled both her and Jaune during the commotion.
"You see, that good girl known as Hera, is a dog you and Jaune own in another Universe, I figured you would need the emotional support after the last viewing." Con explained as the dog licked the champion and the knight.
"AWWW! She's so cute" Ruby and Weiss started petting the walking, fluffy pillow as she barked in pleasure. "I bet she and Zwei would be best friends!" This got Hera's attention as she saw the corgi and zoomed towards it, seeing her fellow dog, the fact he was from a different reality didn't bother her at all. Both dogs playing as those around cooed at the sight, those that didn't just rolled their eyes and didn't take notice at all.
"Now, lets start the next world shall we." Without complaint, everyone sat down, Clover sat next to Qrow and gave the man a friendly smile, getting a hesitant one in return.
It was Dustmas Eve, not a creature was sti-
"Is that an alarm?" Ruby asked.
"It's Dustmas in this world?" Emerald wondered.
"Pft! Whats so great about Dustmas anyway?" Mercury scoffed.
"Dude lighten up." Sun shook his head.
"I actually have a question, how does the jolly man get to the kids in the apartments?" Clover decided to try and ease the tension.
"They have to buzz his ass in." Qrow joked, getting a laugh from the military Huntsman. Huh, someone appreciated his quips.
Ahem. As I was saying. Not a creature was stirring
"Accept for the ass holes in 2B." Roman continued the joke.
"Somebody turn it off already!" Weiss demanded.
Roman was amused, "Kinda quick to anger there ice queen." He chuckled only to get an icy glare that had no effect on him.
"You deal with a snoring brute that doesn't even hear her own alarm in the morning, when she keeps accidently setting it to 5am!" Weiss turned her glare to the blonde who whistled innocently, avoiding eye contact.
NOT A CREATURE WAS-
WOULD SOMEONE JUST HIT THE GOD DAMN SNOOZE BUTTON ON THAT THING ALREADY! OR MAYBE THE FAT ASS THAT USES IT WILL F***ING WAKE UP ALREADY!
"That was just uncalled for." Kali decided
A rather large bellied man turned over to address the nuisance to his slumber, it was Jaune! But with a white beard and rosy cheek. He was Santa Clause!
"JAUNE JAUNE'S SANTA!" Nora cried with delight.
"Im Santa in this one?" Jaune asked.
Con was stupefied by the question, "we just witnessed you and Cinder fuse to fight a get skinny quick demon and then watched you take on a god and this is what stumps you?" he asked the now blushing blond.
"Seriously, what part of 'infinite universes and possibilities' do you not understand."
"Okay man lay off!"
Ruby, surprisingly wasn't so happy. "Jaune how could you!" this got some strange looks for the fellow guests, even Tyrian.
"Sweetie?" Summer questioned.
"Oh yeah I forgot." Taiyang spoke.
"What is it, from what I know, human and Faunus children adore the fat man don't they?" Salem was confused.
Ozpin was also baffled, his ex-wife kept up to date on holidays? They sure didn't have Dustmas when they were together.
"Well." Yang began, "She sorta hates Santa, or at least doesn't trust him." she rubbed the back of her head.
"Why?" Neptune was answered by the Rose.
"WHY?! This guy is a criminal!" Ruby argued.
"How friend Ruby?"
"He is breaking and entering! And he has a face that's all red meaning he's been drinking, smelling like he's been smoking and is a morbidly obese, old man that is let into the house because 'he has something for the kids'?" Ruby listed off.
"Well, thanks Ruby, I may never be able to think of Santa the same again." Blake said.
He looked over at the clock at his bed side table with a tired smile, ready to get on with the most important day of the year, his clock read:
DEC 24. 11:59
"Jumping Jehovah!" Jaune cried out as he leapt from his bed, hastily putting on his winter coat and hat, his black belt fumbling in his shaking hands.
"It's one minute to Dustmas!?" he was in disbelief, surely he hadn't over slept.
"He has one shift of the whole year and he over slept?" Cinder couldn't grasp the idea of it.
Meanwhile, the elves in Jaune's workshop were also in a deep sleep. Their cute little snores filling the workshop. Only a slave driver would ruin such a moment.
"Awwww." Some of the audience cooed at the sight.
"Ah they're so cute!" Nora said.
"What now Ruby?" Sighed her partner.
"Slavery." Was the answer.
"Oh for fu-."
"WEISS!" exclaimed her sister.
BAM! The door was kicked open by their boss.
"PACK THE TOYS!" Jaune ordered as elves shot up, some scampering around, others working on the toys in front of them without really any progress.
"GET MY LIST!" Jaune demanded from another random worker.
He then marched on as he continued to rattled off, "AND IF THOSE FLEA BAGS ARENT SADDLED IN 6 SECONDS, THEN GET YOUR ASS UNDER THE MISTLETOE, BECAUSE MY BOOT IS GONNA GIVE IT A F***IN' SOUL KISS!" He finished as he came beside another elf who was nervously hammering a rubix cube.
Yang, mercury, vernal, neo, Roma, Nora and a few others laughed at that threat. "I'll have to use that." Mercury said.
"AND WHO WAS IN CHARGE OF MY WAKE UP CALL!?" oh he was gonna stuff that poor elf with toys and use him as his new gift bag.
The elf he stood next to nervously lifted a trembling hand as he admitted his fault. Hopefully Santa would be merciful
"It's Jaune, of course he'll forgive the little guy." Yang convinced herself.
He got back handed into next year by a pissed off saint.
"Damn!" Marrow cried.
"He got knocked the fuck out!" Vernal laughed.
Outside, another elf was just finishing up the sleigh for the "Jolly" spirit of Christmas.
Jaune looked as his reindeers were tied together in an ugly mess. Turning to the little creature, Jaune was understanding.
"Pack ya sh** and get out." He dismissed the now jobless midget, who hung his head in shame. Jaune jumped into the sleigh, bag in the back and an elf in the passenger seat.
"Fired on Christmas Eve, that's just tragic." Ghira spoke.
"Hya!" he whipped the reins as they took off, leaving a crying, unemployed and pathetic elf behind.
In the night sky, saint Arc looked at his digital watch, it now read 11:59:30 and counting!
"Holy!- Lets do this!" Jaune was still determined to get the job done in time, though he had no time to go into the houses and plant the presents in each house. So he came up with a brilliant idea!
"How is he going to pull this off in one night?" Hazel questioned.
Throughout the quiet planet of remnant, as its people were enwrapped in a peaceful slumber, some struggled due to the excitement that boiled within, waiting for the joyful day to come. Those awake heard the sound of whistling, not man made, but something that seemed to be falling.
"Oh crap." A few Atlas Personnel were familiar with that dreaded sound.
Crash! A present had had broken through the roof of a nice little home!
"Hell yeah, I could get use to this kinda holiday!" Vernal was really into the show.
The same happened in the streets of the city of Vale! Destroying doors, windows and solid walls!
"How can a box do that?!" Watts demanded.
A certain maiden who was sleeping in bed was hit with one gift, its force sending the person through her own bed and the floor beneath!
"Was that me?!" Cinder shouted
Jaune and his assistant had resorted to throwing the gift down to the people and home below, the strength along with momentum and height would make each present dive as fast as a bomb, with the force of either head or body sized meteors.
One had broken through one road in Vale and a nun who was driving a moped fell into the newly formed crater.
"That poor lady." Summer gasped.
A homeless man lay in the cold streets of the harsh city, no one and nowhere to go to, only being able to rely on the generosity of a few, he lived a sad, lonely life.
The ragged man heard a whistling sound just like others around the world, he looked up and say the famous sleigh, lit up in the moon light missing the object heading towards him.
His eyes lit up with a warmth he had not known for years, he wasn't alone! Someone cared! Someone remembered! Santa remembered!
With fiery enthusiasms he cried "Santa remembered me!" it was truly heart-warming.
"AWW." That was nice.
"Wait, that present is heading straight for him." Neptune pointed out.
"Yeah, it's his gift." Yang replied.
"Yeah and these same presents have broken solid concrete!"
That stopped the happy cheers.
"Im sure he'll be fine." Pyrrha tried.
Only for his head to be completely obliterated as a present zoomed into it.
"What was that sorry?" Tyrian laughed.
HEAD SHOT! (Ooooh)
ONE SHOT! ONE KILL! (That doesn't seem appropriate.)
BUZZ KILL! (Wait! What was that last one?!)
30 PERSON KILL STREAK! (JESUS JAUNE CALM DOWN!)
Jaune and his helper continued to bombard the planet below.
Big red box. Going over.
Green tube, see ya later.
Brightly coloured… thing? Bye! "Woah wait a minute!" huh it seemed to talk for a second. Jaune looked over to see a now empty passenger seat.
OH MY GOD HE THREW THE ELF! He realized.
"No, not the elf!" Nora cried.
If remnant had a space programme, the people would be seeing the small impacts happening across the world as Santa continued his high casualty mission.
Finally! The madness was over as Jaune's sleigh came to a stop at some random neighbourhood. The citizens of Remnant had suffered loss of property, people and happiness. But at least they had their damned presents. I hope you're happy Jaune!
"BOO-YAH!" oh, apparently he was. Jaune looked at his wrist watch "15 seconds to spare! I F***ing rule!" he declared.
"He done that in 15 seconds?" Harriet was dumbfounded.
"Santa Dance." Oh now he was dancing, great.
However as he danced around, he kicked a present that was stuck by the feet of his sleigh, he still had one more present to go!
"Oh no ya don't." Jaune wasn't going to let this slide. "You're not gonna f*** me, Jaune's the one doing the f***in' tonight!" and with that, he took off in a mad sprint, the present was going to a house on the block so he could make it on foot!
He jumped over fences in backyards.
Slid over the tables.
Dashed across gardens.
Passed a window to a bedroom with a naked woman readi- helloooo~. Jaune paused as he took another peak at the hourglass model before taking off again, that sight going into the mental vault.
As did some of the male and a few female audience members.
He used a skateboard towards a slide, launching upwards and landing on a trampoline.
There! He saw the house, he shot towards the front door of his target and aggressively pulled at the handle, it wouldn't budge!
"Why won't this damn thing open!" he demanded as he wrapped both hands around it, it kinda felt warm surprisingly, and the rattling sounded like chocked cries as well?
"AH ge ovv ov me! AH OH Agh!"
The sight changed to Jaune chocking an equally old Pyrrha in bed as he was still asleep!
"Oh no Pyrrha!" Ruby exclaimed as everyone was shocked at the sight.
"Jaune stop." Nora grabbed Jaune, ironically chocking him as well.
He was throttling the poor Mrs Arc as he slept. "You- ACK! You're having a dream!" she tried to get him to stop. Their bedroom door burst open as three elves rushed in, one with a Taser stick.
They cried for him to stop and after 6 powerful shocks, he dropped onto the cold wooden floor if his house.
Pyrrha, after catching her breathe, declared "I hate Christmas!" the elves gasped in shock "You heard me!" she didn't deny what she said.
"So that's that. For now, I hope this more, light hearted one helped out for most of you." Con said.
"It certainly is a change from the grim versions." Terra admitted.
"But still filled with action!" Vernal had her priorities set, but wouldn't admit to liking this better than the previous one, too much death there, even for her.
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Hey everyone, happy holidays and happy New Year! Sorry I haven't updated in a while and sorry this is a little late. I wanted to upload this on Christmas but computer decided to take a holiday and not work so yeah.
Hera is an original character made my "dragontaku-Justineverything" from a tumblr I follow, I've seen his works with Hera and her Mama Pyrrha and Papa Jaune and I just love the puggle wuggle!
Anyway thanks for the support and I will try to do better, none the less. See ya all.