Disclaimer: Isn't this always first? One way or another I'm going to have to find a way to permanently stick the 'disclaimer' to the beginning of each chapter I write . . . Damn things . . . *Sigh* I do not own Trigun. THERE!! I said it!! *Psychologists around the world cheer at the accomplishment*

But anyway. This is my third written Trigun fic. I dunno which is going up first. Eh, I might've already uploaded one; who knows.

In a nutshell this is what might happen if a woman who had Vash's speed used it all for stealing and decided to steal from him, while he's asleep nonetheless.

And this here is . . .

Chapter One: The Best

I was careful as I snuck into the hotel; I knew this place was harboring a known felon, though I did not know who. Despite how confident I was that my martial arts and light steps were perfected enough that I wouldn't have to worry about it, I still held my cautious nature. Tonight was that night, I knew. Every month there was that night when my moon was blocked out by a larger one, and that was never a good sign.

Now understand, I am not superstitious. I don't believe that Friday the thirteenth is an evil day, or that fate controls who you meet, what you do, where you end up and which career you take, but I still have a few things that bug me and prove so true that I have no reason but to believe it. [D L: I dunno yet how the Trigun moons work, but in my story, they work like this here. Think of it as a new moon.] Like my moon becoming covered. I knew from the day I was born that this moon was mine, and only mine. Every time I needed lifting, I could look up at it and feel better. Every time I needed courage, I could swear it shone brighter. When I felt lonely, its many craters made me feel part of something and kept me company. And every time I missed him, I could simply look up and see his smile in the moon's lovely glow. And just like those other examples, every time the moon was hidden behind the bigger one, I felt my courage leave and my loneliness return. It never failed, even after all these years. . .

But I can't think of that now. I had once chance to make this work, and I wasn't going to waste it. I've been watching this particular hotel for some time now; it had the best customers with the best . . . possessions. I saw each and every person come and go for the past two weeks, waiting patiently for the perfect moment. Now was it. Every night at around nine a couple of richly decorated men came inside, at ten two women and a man in a red getup would enter, and then, finally, at nearly midnight, the owner's lighted window would click off and the doorman would lock the door. That's what I was waiting for. I'd seen the touch-pad alarm enough times to know what the numbers were, and I could easily get the key form the doorman. And there went the light.

I hopped down from my perch on the two-story room of the house across the street and slipped between the hotel wall and the donut store next door, which, I had also noticed, was the main place one guest spent his time. It was actually funny, and I got several laughs from watching him do silly things. But there was no time for this now. I had to stay calm and controlled, not giggling and giving away my position. I wore my favorite black outfit today, being something like a Japanese set. My shirt was a turtleneck, and had huge sleeves for hiding things. The pants were like and other, tight and form-fitting. But on top of that, an extension of my shirt, was a skirt that reached just above my knees, creating the perfect place to hide things. I had straps on my upper arms and legs - Velcro so it could go around anything. It worked better than one might think. But just in case, I had a few other tricks.

And here comes the doorman, right on time. I pulled back further, which some might think odd, since the walls were only a foot and half apart, but I was a master at hiding and I wasn't a nig, buff man that would get stuck in that area. Just as the doorman passed by I shot my hand out, grasping the key and pulling from his pocket before he could blink. I pulled back to where I was about ten feet back when he paused to look around; he felt something. I held the keys tightly in my hand to keep them from clanking together and controlled my breathing even more, making the sound nonexistent. After all, these walls were the type that tended to echo. The doorman looked in every direction before shrugging and continuing his trek. I stayed put and counted like I always did, until I reached ninety. That was the magic number, so to speak. It gave the perfect amount of time for even somebody in a wheelchair to make it far enough away to not hear me even if I spoke to them.

I smiled; my luck hadn't left yet after all. I slipped out as slowly and soundlessly as I entered the tight spot and went to the door. The owner fell asleep in three minutes, I reminded myself. The light would click off, he would busy himself with taking off his shoes, and three minutes later, he was asleep. It was his routine. And everybody had a routine, even the most unpredictable ones, no matter how long it took to find that routine. I would sometimes follow one specific person for months before getting it down, and once it took a full year to make sense of. Normally I wouldn't have stayed for the prize that long, but what he had was a ruby the size of a fist. It was worth waiting around for.

I suppose I could have just used my knife to cut open a hole in a window or unlock it, and in any other situation I might have, but in this hotel had security system that couldn't be overridden or turned off that way. This might be the only chance I have at getting in easily. The alarm silently turned on, as I assumed it did every night when the hotel was entered. I clicked in the exact code and it shut off as quickly as it came on, the tiny red light stopped blinking and a green one turned on.

I placed the key on a small table beneath it; I didn't have any more use for it anyway. I started as I always did, at the topmost floor and working my way down. Each room had something of value, but on average just three rooms of the fifteen on each level was occupied. Six levels, which meant eighteen chances for a big score. I went right for the first room on the sixth level and unlocked with an expert twist of my hand - which held a ridged knife - and a satisfied click from the handle. I went in and saw one, seemingly old woman, so deep in sleep I might've yelled loudly in her ear and she wouldn't so much as twitch. I searched through her things as quickly as possible; my luck wouldn't last all night, and my skill, perfect as it was, wouldn't last this night.

Wasted search. She had nothing I didn't already have. Each of them other rooms was just as disappointing, until, that is, I went into room three-fourteen. I had a strange feeling about this one, and one thing I learned to always listen to was my instincts. It told me that if I wanted to search through this place, it wouldn't be able to be long. It told me if I stayed for too long I'd be caught, and my philosophy was, it's not a crime until you're caught. Sure, I had a 'hot sheet', but very little crimes were on it. Those were the times when I was practicing, stealing things like a piece of bubblegum or plastic ring or hair tie. Or a sign off a store door. Little things that were meaningless like that, until I was sure I could steal other things.

I found a few things that were more interesting than anything else, which in my book deemed it worthy of a take. A silver gun, which was heavy as well as bigger than I was used to, and I noticed it was not like any other type I'd seen, which is a lot coming from me. I also found a boot that had a knife in it, but split in half and tucked into the sides. I tapped the bottom and the two came together, creating a sharp blade. I smirked but put it down; I wouldn't have much use for it anyway. This room didn't have very much in the way of valuable belongings, so I looked instead at the sleeping form wrapped up in thick blankets and moved to look at this person, male or female I did not yet know. He/she had blonde hair, a little long, that flipped over the head and rested slightly over their eyes. I could make out a tiny freckle beneath the left eye, and as well took in a gold ring on the left ear. I smirked and carefully took it off, putting it in my left ear as I thought of where I had seen this person before. The main reason why I had the earring in my left ear was because of this weird thing in which I just feel that accessories on me felt better on my left side that my right. That's where my knives were, and my tools. I even had a chain around my waist that was incredibly thin and hooked together over my left hip and hung down an inch or so.

Even as I thought I could see a piece of paper or something of the like on the ground, slightly beneath the bed. I knelt down and picked it up, set on knowing what it was. It was a piece of paper, and I read it. Now, some people would think that because of the low light in the room I wouldn't be able to see what was on it, but after more than a decade of sneaking around in darkness you learn to pick out which blur meant what.

It seemed to be some kind of note, but before I had a chance to read what it was about, a hand clamped down on my wrist. I jerked and snapped my head up, realizing for the first time that dawn was fast approaching.

Two greenish blue eyes met mine, and a voice came from the lips that moved. "Do a guy a favor, and tell him exactly what you're doing in his room."

"Why?" I replied, stunning him just long enough to twist my wrist out of his grip and jump back. The covers practically flew back and he, too, jumped up, fully awake. Now I recognized him; he was the silly man that loved to spend time in the donut store next door. Only his red getup was gone. He had a pair of what looked to be gray gym shorts and a hugely oversized black shirt. I noticed his right arm had several scars and his left one looked like it might be metal.

I took a stance only a black-belt could hold properly and waited. I was good at that. So he made the first move. He said something I wasn't listening to and made a grab for my wrist again; he should know by now that I wasn't going to let myself get caught. I dodged and used my quickest moves, purposely showing off my speed. But I was surprised as well; he was well matched with me. But I nonetheless did some of my best tricks, twisting around with a handful of his shirt in my hand and kicking him to he bent over enough for me to take it off. Well, that was a shock. He didn't look too happy about it.

His entire torso looked covered in scars. And yup, his left arm was metal. Somehow, either through my shock just wearing down or his sudden vehementy at my actions, I ended up caught with both of my arms pinned behind my back by his left hand. His right hand went straight for taking back his earring. As he put it on I struggled, causing us both to fall, me landing on my back very uncomfortably, what with my arms still pinned back there and all.

Gods, he was heavy! Did I have to pick a fight with someone so damn tall? Lucky for me I wasn't stuck for very long. He let go of my arms as he sat up, only he firmly remained sitting on my hips. He crossed his arms.

"Do you have any idea who I am?"

"Tall?" I retorted, purposely trying to annoy him. "Do I look like I care? I don't watch the news."

"I am Vash the Stampede."

"Did you heat a word I said? I. . .don't. . .watch. . .the. . .news." I said it slowly to maybe help it through his skull.

"Let me put it this way. I have sixty billion double dollars on me if I'm taken back alive. Does that help your memory?"

"Just what the hell did you do to get that much on you? I've got just over fifty thousand."

He raised a brow at me. "Are you. . .comparing yourself to me?"

"Could you get off of me now?" I snapped. This was getting too weird for me.

"Why should I make this any easier for you?" He poked my chin. "What else did you take?"

"Why should I make this any easier for you?" I shot back. I crossed my own arms and refused to move. "You want them back, you find them."

He looked like he was going to growl at me, but I. . .um. . .stayed my ground. He finally gave up the stares and pulled a necklace from my left sleeve. I got that in room five oh three. It had real diamonds and nice sized sapphires and emeralds. Very beautiful, with the chain being silver. He put that aside, and delved back in. Soon there was a small pile of jewels and such next to him. I could really hold a lot in those Velcro strips.

But he didn't find his gun. He checked both of my arms and my legs - while fighting down a blush, by the way - but only I knew where it was.

He brought up the subject. "Where's my gun?"

"Did you drop it?" I asked, putting on my best questioning look. These as well were perfected, and I had full faith that I wouldn't screw it up, as dawn had reached us and bathed the room in gold light by now. Which reminds me. . . "My moon's back," I whispered. Perfect.

Vash kind of tilted his head for a second, wondering what that was about. But before he could say a damn thing I shoved him back so hard his head whacked the floor. Right about now he ought to be thanking the Gods that the floor was carpeted.

I got, leaving the night's prizes behind as I dashed out of the door, but I got another surprise. He was able to keep up with me, and after him yelling something and me rounding a corner, he had me pinned again - this time to the wall.

He questioned me again about the gun, but that I wasn't listening to. I refused to answer and heard people scurrying out of a room and turning the corner. It was those two women, the ones who he kept traveling with. The shorter one spoke up.

"What's going on?" she snapped, seeing as how I was pinned to the wall by a man without a shirt who as well looked very angry and had his mechanical arm against my shoulders so I couldn't get away. . . And then it hit me. How I could get out of here.

"Help!" I said. "He's trying to rape me!"

Both of the two women turned dark immediately, and looked like they were going to kill him. Vash, in the meantime, looked like he wanted to argue that but it wouldn't do any good. The short girl growled and decked him across the face, much as he tried to deny what I had said. I thanked both women and hugged them, managing to take a watch from the taller girl and five derringers from the short one. I waved good-bye and slipped away, even as that Vash character tried to prove his innocence and tell them I was a thief in one.

I hadn't gotten very far when I heard him point out that he wouldn't go out without a shirt like this unless he was chasing someone, and that Milly's watch was gone. So that's the tall girl's name.

All three made for following me, and I knew that if I were to get out of here I'd have to take a higher route. I saw a decorative bar above me, just before a vent. Yes! my mind crowed. I took a few steps back and ran forward, jumping to grab onto the bar and swing into the vent, legs first. [D L: Ever see the Fifth Element? Like that.]

I caught a glimpse of the trio as I swung in, and that the short woman saw me. She pointed and then I was crawling away, as quietly as possible. Thankfully I trained a full three months in vents to learn how to do this just right, no matter what I was carrying. And I knew enough about this particular hotel that I knew my way around. I took a random course and ended up on the first level, just before the door. I popped open the vent and dropped down, not making a sound even though the entry room was two stories high itself, and wide enough to fit four rooms in.


I stopped, standing still as I closed my eyes. I turned slowly, seeing that Vash character in front of me, dressed in his usual red getup, and I looked over my shoulders to see Milly on one side, holding a huge gun. Over the other was the short woman, pointing two derringers at me.

I sighed, reaching behind me to the back of my thighs. I pulled four Velcro pieces and the five derringers and watch fell onto the floor.

"And my gun?"

I looked directly at him. "What makes you so sure I have it? And that I can't leave, right now?"

"I know you have it. I saw it."

"You saw what?"

"My gun. Between your breasts. Hand it over or I'll have Meryl get it."

I looked back at the short, dark-haired woman and she nodded. "What?" she said. "Think I'll let him reach in that area?"

"Fine," I said at last. I unbuckled my belt and removed it and his gun hit the floor with a solid clank. I replaced it as he retrieved his gun. Now was my chance. I kicked him hard in the face and spun, knocked each girl's guns away and knocking them back. I went for the alarm, setting it to go off now, and made off the door.

Vash made an attempt to stop me, but I had weapons. I through one of my iron balls at him; I had a whole pod on my belt for just this kind of scene. He knocked it into the alarm using his gun so the alarm went off again, broken. But now I was out the door.

All three followed me quickly, and my luck ran out then and there. Three men walking close together and looking like bandits themselves caught me as I turned a corner, having done a good job of confusing the other trio a while back. Even worse, there were five more men conversing behind the three that caught me.

"Hey, beautiful," the buffest one said, catching my arm in an iron death-grip. "Where are you running off to?" He crushed my body against his, licking the side of my face. The other seven men saw me and started making perverse comments about how cute I would look screaming and so on.

Man number two spoke up, holding my chin in one meaty hand. "I know this face! She's a thief, and a damn good one at that! She's worth fifty thou if she's brought in, and even more if we could find her stash and return it!"

"But wouldn't the stash be worth more if we sell it the highest bidder?" man number three said. They all laughed.

Man number four yanked me a little too roughly out of the man number one's arms with my arms pinned painfully behind my back. I struggled for a second, getting a feel for his stance, and kicked back, hitting him right between the legs with a crunch. Man number two grabbed me like number four, only with one hand in my hair to hold it back, but in the most painful way. I cursed leaving my red hair long; the way it waved left for a good grip.

Man number one punched me, hard, in the stomach. I lurched forward as people did in pain but number two yanked my head back up.

I kicked back again, and then forward, throwing two into one and attacking the others quickly. Number seven hit me across the face with the back of his hand and I spun to hit the ground, getting one elbow up and coughing, blood falling from a spot were there used to be a molar.

Number six stomped hard on my head, and I heard a crack, knowing he probably just fractured a vertebrae. I was sure, as I saw eight's face on level with mine and unbelievably cruel, that I was going to die here, and these men were going to enjoy it.

Number five yanked me up, off of the ground, and the others took turns hitting me, but making sure to not be too rough. They more than likely wanted me to suffer more than that before I died. And they were all laughing. I could barely stand when a distraction came.

"Let her go, now!"

Gods, it was that Vash guy again. Did I have to lose him so well? I saw him fight me; the two us of together would have no problem beating these brutes. I could open one eye still, thank the Gods. I saw he was pointing a gun at one, and the two girls were next to him, pointing their guns as well. The only thing different about him now was he had these yellow-orange round glasses on. He pulled the trigger, once, and I saw it nick one's ear, showing off his obvious skill in gun fighting.

I took the chance and used it to my full potential. I hit five and knocked out three, giving seven a bloody nose and eight a broken arm. I stunned them each as best I could before scampering off, taking a spot to sit on a corner that was to the left of the trio, them standing in the middle of the street and all. That Milly girl edged over to where I was and knelt down, keeping her gun aimed at the group of men as though protecting me. This was new. The last time anybody ever protected me was when he was still alive. I shoved those thoughts out of my head as quickly as they came, focusing on the standoff.

Which just now broke. The number men attacked the trio, and Milly stood, shooting her gun, which spat out something that looked like a plus sign and knocked them back as well. I could see Vash going out of his way to not kill anyone, or even use his gun, but Meryl had no problem with it. The fight took more time than it should have with him being so careful, but nonetheless they won. . . And then they turned to face me.

"Old buddies of yours?" Meryl asked, putting back her guns and glaring at me.

I coughed, which was as close to a laugh as I could get. "Of course not. My luck just ran out last night. My moon was covered."


"My moon was covered," I said again, as though this should be obvious. "Every month, if you'll notice, one small moon gets hidden behind the bigger one, and blocks its light. That's my moon that gets hidden. When it gets covered, my luck goes away. That simple."

She raise a brow at me, as though saying, "What planet are you from?" and shook her head.

"Are you going to stand there and stare for the rest of the day, or are you going to go back to your lives already?" I stood up, which was hard with the size of the bruise on my right thigh, and limped away. It would take some time for these wounds to heal, but I was a fast healer. To live in my life I kind of had to be. That Meryl girl caught my wrist and clamped something on it.

"I'm sorry, but even if you were got hurt, it was your own fault. It's my job to make sure nobody who commits a crime gets away without proper retribution for what you've done."

"Are these handcuffs?" I asked, tugging my arm.


"Okay." I twisted suddenly, knocking back the little woman and unlocking the cuffs. When the Milly shot one of those things at me I ducked under her arm, latching down one cuff and latched the other side to Meryl's foot. "Sayonara!" I cried, waving as I backed away. But wait a minute. . . Vash was gone. I spun, knowing where he was before I saw him just behind me. He made a grab for my hand and I shoved him away and leapt back a good five feet. "If you're an outlaw, then you should know my place. I stole nothing from you or your friends I didn't give back." I raised me hands so he could see they were empty. "No crime. You took everything I stole."

He wavered, I knew this much. He had to admit, I indeed hadn't committed a steal this night. But I still broke and entered a hotel, which shouldn't be a crime in the first place. He sighed, and I could tell he was going to just let me go. "You might want to get out of here before somebody else catches you."

I smiled at him. He was a good sport, after all. I winked and blew him a kiss as thanks and dashed off, taking my usual soundless and acrobatic leave. The two women were struggling to get out of their predicament and Meryl was screaming at Vash for letting me go and so on. But I didn't look back.


What do all of you think of chapter one? Say something so I know if I ought to continue or let it die here.

See ya!