I'm so tired of being hereSuppressed by all my childish fearsAnd if you have to leaveI wish that you would just leave'Cause your presence still lingers hereAnd it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too realThere's just too much that time cannot erase
My Immortal, by Evanescence, from the album Origin, released in 2000
I had always felt a strange connection to Bella, even before my first phase. I could never quite place what it was, and I had to shove my feelings aside as she was in love with that bloodsucking Leech. Even just saying the name caused my body to shake, a growl fighting its way out of my mouth. The feeling formerly recognised as love, was later confirmed to be an imprint, but I didn't know that at the time.
I had just newly phased after all, inexperienced in this whole thing. And especially regarding the issue of imprinting. From what Jared and Sam had described, it didn't feel like an imprint. It was more like- she needed someone there, so there I was. It felt incomplete- like I was one half of a whole. But nobody could understand why- for all we knew, I had imprinted, but somehow only felt half of the bond. Like it was half formed, and therefore at half strength.
It was unnerving, even scary- was I dysfunctional? Did I imprint with only half an imprint? Even though I resented the fact she was in love with the Leech, I wanted her to be happy. So all the time I wanted to be with her, (which, to be honest, was majority of the time) I instead buried myself in fixing cars and motorbikes.
It was something to take my mind of Bella, whom I loved. I never told Bella my feelings for her- I never wanted to break her relationship, that would hurt her. It wasn't out of concern for the Leech himself. No, it was all about Bella. Everything was about Bella. My heart physically stung just thinking about hurting Bella, and my wolf bristled angrily at the mere suggestion. The instinct to protect was just too strong.
I was fixing Embry's Bike one cloudy day- a normal day, except I had taken a break off of pack duties- when the strangest sense of nausea overcame me. I had thought it was unusual- Werewolves don't get sick, so I couldn't explain the odd feeling of sickness. Coupled with what felt like my heart tugging at the strings, and I knew something was wrong. It was a feeling I'd never felt before- I felt like I was being pulled apart- and like many other things surrounding Bella, made me nervous.
My thoughts were suddenly filled with Bella, my instincts tugging me away from my house. I just couldn't shake it. I wasn't sure what this feeling was, it was like a premonition. I knew better then to ignore it. The last time I ignored something like this, my mother died in a car crash and my father left paralysed. The consequences of the innocence of a five year old, which could ruin lives. I had no such excuse this time.
'I'll go see how she is to put my mind at rest'
Thoughts that echoed through my mind, and my wolf growled at the mere thought that I would be ignoring it. Even though I tried to reassure myself that she was fine, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. It was one of those instinctual feelings that you couldn't ignore, especially when you are part wolf.
'She'll be with the Bloodsucker, He'll look after her'
I internally argued, despite the thought about me still phasing winning the war in my mind. The Bloodsucker may be my enemy, and I hated him, but surely he wouldn't hurt Bella. She 'was his everything' quote-on-quote. It was like there was this sickening feeling in my stomach, telling me that something wasn't right. Various scenarios were making me feel even more worried about what situation I could find her in, and I vibrated even more in fury.
I leapt and phased in mid air. Fur burst out of its human shell, and my bones rearranged to accommodate for a more canine form. A muzzle emerged out of my mouth, and I could smell the scents of the forest- soon followed by the sharp improvement of my hearing. Something that now I had been introduced, I couldn't live without.
The phase had lost all pain since the first initial phase, something that I, and the rest of the pack, thanked our ancestors for. When I had first phased, I had the issue that I had centuries of Alpha Instincts, telling me to challenge Sam for the right to be Alpha. It made my wolf bristle, and being so newly phased, it was all but possible for me to reign them in.
Sam had to dodge a bite to the flank, and he was obviously fighting his instincts to submit. It would be bad for me to be Alpha- and I didn't even want to be Alpha- as I had no experience when it came to phasing or fighting or leading. Thanks to me being so unused to my wolf form, he easily slammed me on the ground and forced me to become submissive without too much damage done to me or him.
I immediately was able to reign in my instincts, and we continued from there. I truly saw how dangerous we could be- hence why I stayed away from Bella, even though it physically hurt me to stay away from her. I started to sprint towards the forest instinctively, when I felt a shimmer, indicating someone had phased in.
Quil and Embry were on patrol, running the border in case of an intruder, and I knew they cared as much as I did. They were quite protective over her, ever since they met her, when she was younger. Those were the times- before this werewolf nonsense and the damn bloodsuckers screwed everything up. Times was simpler then..but I wouldn't give up my wolf for the end of the world.
"Jake? What's up?"
Embry asked as he continued his patrol. I wasn't supposed to be phased- as much as I loved unwinding in this form, they all knew I had set the day aside for fixing cars and spending time with my father. Who I hadn't spent much time with as of late. I continued running towards the forest near the Swan's house, the trees blurring into a vibrant green.
Quil just stayed quiet, concentrating on his job. These two were my best friends for many reasons- one being they were always there for me. And when I had to ignore them, because they hadn't phased, they harboured no ill will as they understood why. I know I could have broken the injunction if I'd wanted to..but if it kept them safe I would be willing to go along with it.
"Jacob? What's the problem?"
I could feel Sam shake his fur out, and stretch his muscles. It looked like he'd been lounging around, and decided to phase just as Emily was on her way out. He truly loved that girl- and all of us were happy..apart from Leah. She was still sore about it, but she was better then before.
Sam's tail was wagging as he thought of Emily, the thought of her enough to make him smile and yip happily. Instead of explaining what was wrong, I showed them how I felt, and while Embry and Quil nodded, Sam just said
"Go check on her, I will be near if you need us"
At least I wasn't being told how irrational how I am, or how unfounded my fears were. I thought a silent 'Thanks' towards Sam and I continued running to Bella's and Charlie's house. I ran as fast as I could-a speed usually reserved for chasing vampires who crossed onto our land. Quil and Embry were talking quietly to themselves, and Sam was casually running in my direction, not particularly slowly but not too fast either.
As I dug my paws into the earth, pushing my body beyond its fastest, I sniffed the air. I eventually picked up her scent, calming me a little, until I smelt the bloodsucking leeches. I coughed and spluttered as my nose itched and burned with the smell. I accidentally projected what I was smelling, and Quil, Embry and Sam gagged before I quickly reigned it in, apologising. It was like acid, it burned my nose horribly. I thought to myself,
'She must be alright if he's with her'.
Then I realised, his scent doubled back whereas Bella's didn't. That caused me to immediately get worried, and Sam, Quil and Embry started to share my worry. And it was genuine worry, not the kind projected from my mind. They could feel how I was feeling, my tail drooping and my ears pulled back.
I was anxious. Worried. I wanted her to be safe. Sam started to run towards my location faster as I started to track Bella's scent. Speaking of which, It smelt like strawberries, burning wood and forests, which was an extremely enticing smell. It was a nice contrast to the Leech's horrible smell.
Then the scent changed to something sinister- blood. Its copper like smell twisting and turning, and all throughout I was wishing and hoping that it didn't belong to Bella. I tracked faster and faster as both Quil and Embry diverted from their patrols to come and help me. They hung back further however, in case it was a ploy to lure us away from La Push.
I was pretty deep in the forest by now, Bella's scent convoluted and merged with the Leeches. Did he leave her here? Alone? As I slowly emerged through the bush, I saw Bella, My Bella, in a bloody mess, for lack of a better term. Quil was violently sick at the image that he saw, and I was honestly trying to fight my churning stomach.
She didn't look like the beautiful girl I knew, her normally hazel brown eyes overshadowed, and hidden by her closed lids. What in the name of God happened! She looked bad, and my instincts were kicked into overdrive.
Her bones protruding in directions they shouldn't, (I could hear Quil being sick once more, and if I wasn't so worried for Bella, I would have made sure he was okay) jagged edges pointing out of her paler-then-pale skin. Her shoulders and lower legs were bruised, turning blue beneath the pressure of the ground.
She was dirty, and looked like she had been dragged through a hedge, with twigs sticking out of her hair, and leaves intertwined with her brown locks. It wasn't recognisable as Bella, and I cried out in pain. How could this happen? How could he do this? Why is she so injured? How did I allow this to happen? Then I had a terrible thought; Is she even still alive?
My wolf howled in anguish at the mere thought, and I couldn't help but whimper like a kicked puppy. And I suppose I bared more relation to a dog then I ever did before. As I was still a decent distance away, I let up an anguished howl, alerting the entire pack to my situation. My howl, loud and sharp, cut through the silence of the forest, echoing and reverberating around the dense trees.
They would do anything for an imprint in need. Even if my feelings as an imprint only reached out as a protective older brother. Because that was what Bella needed- not a lover, not a friend, but a brother. Embry, Quil, and Sam gagged in horror once more, each loping faster to try and aid me and my imprint. Bella looked even paler then before, even for her, and she was passed out from what I could tell.
Perhaps that was best- so that she didn't feel the pain. I approached her, slowly, and whined lowly, hoping to gain some response. I didn't care that I would seem like a giant wolf to her, I was hoping she would at least give me a sign, a sign that she was alive. I nosed her hand softly, licking the side of her cheek with such care that I wouldn't hurt her. My heart couldn't take it if she was dead. Please, God no!
Like God himself answered my prayers, Bella slowly and surely raised her hand, and placed it against my head, fur meeting skin. The look of pain and anguish in her eyes was astonishing, and I licked her palm much like a dog would, ignoring the taste of copper.
As quick as it happened, it ended, and her hand slammed back against the ground with surprising force. I threw my head back into the air once more, and let out a long, pain filled, anxious howl, that was sure to attract the pack's attention if the first one had failed. I licked her face softly as I waited, her blood alarming both my wolf and the Pack.
Me and Edward were walking through the forest out the back of my house. The birds were chirping, the tree's swaying and it generally felt alive. Despite me being as clumsy as a drunken ballet dancer compared to the Cullens, I actually found the path relatively easy to walk along, even without any support. We were pretty deep into the forest, and I turned towards Edward.
He had been acting rather strangely, as of late, being more irritable, and his eyes were rarely that vibrant amber I loved so much. It was worrying, and I hadn't been able to bring up the issue to Carlisle, because I hadn't been able to see the Cullen Patriarch. As we began to stray off the path, I turned towards Edward once more.
"Edward, How deep are we going? I have to go soon"
It was true- Charlie would get worried if I was gone for too long, and I needed to cook him something to eat. We both knew that if Charlie cooked, we would be sick for weeks on end. And hungry. Edward just turned around, and if possible, glared at me, venom pooling in his eyes. They were a deep onyx, a foreign colour compared to the rest of his family. He hadn't slipped from the diet, that much I knew, but something was causing him to act this way.
Seeing that his anger was directed at me, I was confused. What had I done? I needed to make a point to talk to Carlisle about Edward. Something that I should have prioritised long before it got to this point. Maybe it was the anniversary of someone's death or something..there had to be a reason for him to not be acting..well, like Edward. Anyhow, keeping my voice soft and placating, I turned towards the vampire I loved. He continued walking ignoring me, a sharp rumbling sound emitting from deep within his throat.
"Edward? What's wrong?"
I reiterated, my eyes blinking widely in shock. He snarled a wild, animalistic snarl, and turned towards me, faster then then my human eyes can see. His hands were clenched, and I imagine if he was human, sweat would be pooling in his hands. I had never seen him this angry before, especially at me. He was always kind and caring to me..arguing only if he felt his way would keep me more safe.
He spat, glaring daggers at me. I involuntarily shook, he had never scared me before like this. I honestly didn't know what was wrong. It wasn't like him to get this mad, nor was it like him to look so much like a vampire. He kept that side of him locked up, and away from me, in an attempt to protect me from what he could be like. And this is why it was such a shock.
I began before he cut me off. He raised his hand and smacked me so hard I crashed against the earth. My breathing jerked, and the breath escaped me for a moment or two, surprised that I was suddenly on the ground. And even more surprised that he was the cause. My jaw was aching, and in an attempt to speak, my speech came out garbled, and I was thanked by pain. I heard a loud snap, before screaming in pain.
I tried to stand back up, but I couldn't. My left arm was useless- It had been broken. And I knew it was broken, I had broken my arm once before being my usual clumsy self. I was no stranger to broken bones, and the fact that Edward had done that made me worry for his well being. Not my own- What was causing him to act the way he was currently.
Perhaps I could get him to calm down, and then I could go see Carlisle. It wouldn't be unbelievable to think that my injury was caused by me falling over, clumsiness was a known trait of mine.
"You listen here Isabella"
My name was spat out like it was a piece of dirt, lying on the ground and being rubbed into the earth. He usually said it with affection, with love, not with menace and hate.
"I am sick! Sick of you seeing that Mutt and the fact that I can't do anything with you because of it! I am sick of being attracted to your blood! Sick of the fact that the Mutt can do everything perfect but I can't! I'm sick of me going through hell when you don't even want me!"
I was in shock, unable to realise anything. I didn't fully snap back until he stood on my legs, effectively crushing them. I screamed once more, tears running down my face. He kicked me in the chest, leaving me winded and unable to move. The pain was so intense- I had never felt anything like it. This wasn't Edward..wasn't the Edward I had fallen in love with. Who was this 'Mutt'? The only man in my life was Edward, and he knew that.
I spluttered once more before he grabbed my wrist, and pressing hard, shattered it. I could feel the fragments shaking around in the confinement of my skin, and any nerves I had were tight and painful. My wrist was cut open from the shards of bones, and it started to bleed. Yet he didn't stop. Oh, no, He was far from stopping.
'But at least he didn't bite me,'
I supposed, trying to find at least one positive of this entire situation. I wasn't ready to be turned yet, having not made the decision. I wasn't ready, plus there was always the feeling which was dragging me away from Edward, a feeling telling me that getting changed would be one of the worst mistakes of my life.
It was hard to focus on anything else but the pain. It seeped into my mind, which was past caring about moral dilemmas. All I could do was concentrate on the pain, rather then things like 'is Edward okay?'.
'He somehow resisted the urge to drink my blood'.
As I lost blood, the forest span around me, with my eyesight mainly focused on Edward. He kicked me in the head, causing the darkness to envelop me. I hadn't even been able to hear his answer.
My eyesight came back to me slowly, my surroundings blurred and unrecognisable. I was still weak, and I could hardly move. The pain was abundant, and I couldn't even muster the energy to move my head. Charlie must be worried by now, the sky was dark colour, meaning that I had probably been away for a few hours at least. But I had no concept of time.. nor did I know how long I was knocked out for.
I was hoping that it was just a nightmare, the kind that you definitely wouldn't like but was far better then the truth, but since my wounds were still here, I could tell that it was all too real. I saw a large russet brown wolf with amber eyes slowly approach me, the animal centreing and standing clear in contrast with the rest of my vision.
Despite it being a wolf, I didn't feel afraid. I felt safe, protected, loved. And it was weird, but I knew this wolf wouldn't hurt me. It couldn't hurt me. It carefully approached me, and nudged me, whining. It's rough tongue roamed my hand, tickling me and didn't bring about too much pain. I tried to put my hand up to it, but I couldn't.
I couldn't speak, nor move, but I was determined to show this wolf that I was alive. As the darkness approached, I fought to raise my hand, and softly placed my hand on it's furry head. It was soft, furry, and beautiful. The colour suited it. No, not it. Him.
Something was telling me it was a boy, but I wasn't sure what. I was no Alice after all. Alice...had she seen this happening? I hoped not..Alice didn't seem like she would, pardon the pun, throw me to the wolves. I was Bella Barbie after all. Then, my hand dropped to the ground, and I passed out one more time.
I was sure that this would be the last time I passed out, and I wished I could have said goodbye to those I loved. The last thing I heard was the Wolf letting out a loud howl, that sounded full of anxiety and pain, before I slipped off the edge into a deep sleep once more.
Italics - Thoughts
Bold Italics - Pack Speech
So, how many of you believed that my first ever fanfiction would be about Assassin's Creed? Funnily enough, it was actually about Twilight, specifically the book universe. I had gotten pretty deep into the fandom and was fixated on 'Bella/Wolf' pairings, and about protagonists being wolves. Wolves are my favourite animals, just for a fact.
So, a couple of notes here.
1. The wolves were wolves, and were all shifted during the events of the first Twilight. So basically, imagine that Jacob pushed Bella away, in the middle of Book 1.
2. The wolves are much more instinctual in nature in this story, with them behaving more like actual wolves. They also can revert to a more wolf mindset, where they are more animal then human, and it is the wolf side influencing them. This will be referred to as either 'being the wolf', 'being feral' or 'the wolf taking control'
3. Edward is not evil, but why he acted the way he did and the way he injured Bella will be explained as a further plot point. Don't hate me Team Edward fans!
And, that's about it. Oh, just to mention, this story will be updated a lot less regularly then my Assassin's Creed story, as that will take precedence. I hope you enjoyed reading the first chapter of Twilight: The Bloodmoon, and are following my slight warping of the Twilight Universe.
Edit Notes , 28/5/19 - Fixed paragraphing issues, minor gramattical issues corrected, and a few extra lines added in.