By: Pumpkinbelly

AN: This is my first fic. Please take pity on me.  Words in ~are the song ~ words in *are thoughts*

Spoilers: Season 5, this takes place the summer after Buffy died.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.  Joss owns Dawn and Spike.  The song is Tourniquet by Evanescence.

Dawn sat starting down at her wrists.  She had cut them and the blood was flowing freely.

~I tired to kill the pain but only brought more~

The pain was almost unbearable.  She couldn't believe what she had just done. She knew she was dying.  The blood wouldn't stop flowing.

~I lay dying

And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal~

The guilt was cutting through her.  She had thought that suicide was the answer.  That all the pain would go away with a few simple cuts.  It wasn't like she hadn't cut herself before.  But this was different.  This hurt too much.

~I'm dying praying and screaming

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost? ~

*Why did I do this? * She couldn't stop the blood. There was too much.

~My god my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

My god my tourniquet

Return to me salvation~

*I don't want to die. Oh God bring me back. *  But there was no going back.  Dawn was dying, she knew it, and she was the one that caused it.  She did because she couldn't handle the pain.  Spike helped but he didn't understand.  How could he?  Buffy didn't die for him; she died for her, Dawn.  The thing that wasn't even supposes to exist. 

~Do you remember me

Lost for so long

Will you be on the other side?

Or will you forget me~

Will she see Buffy when she leaves this earth? Will she go to heaven? Hell? She didn't have to ask where Buffy went.  She knew that Buffy went to heaven, even if the others didn't.  How could they think that someone who saved thousands of lives be tormented for eternity?  Buffy was the warrior of the people.  She was more to Dawn though.  * I was made out of her.  That's something else the others don't understand.  I was made out of Buffy.  When she died a part of me died also.*

~I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?

My god my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

My god my tourniquet

Return to me salvation~

The pain was blinding her.  At this moment this is what she wanted * I want to die.  I need to die*

~My wounds cry for the grave

My soul cries for deliverance

Will I be denied Christ? ~

* Oh God please let me be saved.  Don't let me be sent to hell.  I need to be saved. * That was Dawn's last thought as her soul left her body and ascended into heaven.  

An hour later Spike walked into the house and found Dawn's body lying in a pool of her own blood in the bathroom.  A tear slide down Spikes cheek before the gut wrenching sobs started to fill the house.  Spikes salvation was gone.

 Spike sat next to Dawn for what seemed like an eternity begging her to come back to him.   But she wasn't coming back and nether was Buffy.  Spike had nothing to live for.  Not anymore.  He had failed Buffy.  And Dawn had failed also.  Her request was to live and Spikes was to make sure that happened. 

Spike walked out of the bathroom and down the stairs.  He opened the door and walked into the sunlight.


My suicide. ~