Helpless Addiction

Chapter 1

Rating: PG-13-R?

Author: Moonchild DJ

E-Mail: moonchilddj@yahoo.com

*Sky: IT KEEPS CUTTING OFF HERE WHEN DEE-SAMA TRIES TO POST, SO IF I WRITE SOMETHING HERE, MAYBE IT WILL STOP?! (Now, back to your regularly scheduled fanfic)*
Disclaimer: Yugioh and its characters=not mine. This storyline and its ideas and plot=mine mine mine mine! ^_^ Please don't take, ne? Inspiration is hard to come by.

Author's Notes: Kon'wa, minna-chan! Moonchild DJ back-and alive!!-with yet another new story..*whacks herself upside the head*..as if I need another fic to work on. Blame the recent episodes of the Battle City Tournament for this one, it just came to me after watching one. It's...well..rather unique, and taking on my favorite pairing, Seto and Jou. ^^ I can never get enough of these..I hope you enjoy, I certainly had fun writing it!

Just to say, this fic is mostly done in POV(point of view), Seto and Jou's.
~/yaddayaddayadda/~ will be Seto's

*/yaddayaddayadda/* will be Jou's

That said, and cleared up--enjoy, and let me know what you think, ne? Reviews are wonderful things to a frazzled author.. @_@

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~/A slim, long-fingered hand slid carelessly through blond hair that caught the sunlight. Devil-may-care honey brown eyes crinkle at the sight of your best friend. That same slim hand perched lightly on one hip as you raised the other to wave at that brat, Yugi.

"Yugi! Thanks for all the help getting my Red Eyes back." Your low voice, soft this time and as smooth as silk, calls to the violet-eyed pipsqueak running to your side. You smile a genuine smile at him, no hint of a growl or anything harsh to it. Because he's your best friend.

And for once in my life, I envy the boy, because you genuinely like him. It makes me wish that I had that chance, instead of the constant insults and harsh words and looks between us. But I know that that won't happen. I've done too much, damaged your pride once too often. So what am I restricted to? Watching your every move via my cameras set up to cover all the duels to happen. I'm no better than Pegasus, spying on you like this. But I have no choice.

Mokuba would so hammer me if he caught my guilty pleasure. He doesn't know of my private cameras tuned to every gesture you make, and I intend to keep it that way. He wouldn't understand, considering he knows how much I "hate" you. He's seen our little battles, he wouldn't understand that all my words and actions against you are just a front to hide the truth.

You laugh at something Yugi says, your face lighting with natural mirth, and the heart that most, if not all people think is made of ice, melts at the sheer beauty of you. Gods, I've got it bad.. a helpless addiction, a craving to know MY puppy from the inside out. You would never let me see this side of you if I stood before you. No. Your spirited eyes would snap fire at me, narrowed in hate. Your teeth would be set in a growl, insults emitting from your beautiful lips. You would either challenge me to a duel, or try to pick a fight, or worse, just walk away.

You would never look at me in anything more than hate, and so I'm forced to know you through my technology. I feel like a technological version of a peeping tom, because you don't know I'm watching you. A flush reddens my cheeks as my mind takes the peeping tom to a whole new level, imagining you losing the jacket, the shirt, the jeans..

Gods, I am such a hentai.

You bring that out in me. You with your golden angelic looks and devilish charm. Of course, you never think that about yourself, you're too down-to- earth for that. You may pretend to be the ladies' man, but you have a modesty to you to ever think yourself appealing. But you are. That smile, that roguish, devil-may-care personality, that natural charm, even with the flapping mouth. Your hair, your eyes, everything about you, inside and out, makes me come undone. I'm surprised I'm even able to make a coherent sentence around you.

But then, it doesn't take much to make an insult, does it? A bully does that, not someone who's got the most unusual crush for you. What can I say? I can't tell you my true feelings, you'd laugh in my face. I've said too much to hurt you, you'd never believe any kind words from my lips.

So it's insults as always. Kicking myself mentally for saying things I don't mean. Watching you from afar. Wishing I could know you like Yugi and your friends do. No, more than that. More like a lover. To have your trust, your touch, your love...I'd never be lonely again.

But that won't happen. You hate me too much. I find myself reaching to one of the personal cameras, tracing your face with a fingertip. Gods, I've got it bad. And you don't even know it.

You smile that smile again, laugh with Yugi, in good spirits after that encounter with the Rare Hunter, and I just melt. Of course, I don't show it physically, wouldn't do for everyone to see the cool and unflappable Seto Kaiba turn into a ball of mush. No one knows. Except for those who are closest to me.

"Big brother? Are you okay?" Mokuba frowns, cocking his head as piercing dark blue eyes peer at me, narrowing suspiciously. It takes all my willpower to not flush like a kid caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar as I turn the cameras away from him discreetly. The kid's too smart for my own good.

"I'm fine, kiddo. Why do you ask?"

"You're staring at those cameras so intensely. Is there an interesting duel happening?"

Ack. Kami, what do I say to that? My mouth is not so glib as yours, one slip-up and my little brother will think I'm ready for the psych ward. You cause me so much trouble, Katsuya Jounouchi.

"Kind of. The mutt just got his Red Eyes back from that Rare Hunter with Yugi's help." There. That was safe. Right?

"Ooohhhhhh." Mokuba rolls out with a strange little smile on his face, looking as if he knew something. What was that supposed to mean? I'm sure I must've looked confused as all get out, but Mokuba just continued to grin that self-satisfied grin.

"Right. Time to make another appearance. Personal this time." Heaven help me, I wanted to see you for myself. I glance back at the screens, taking in your face one last time at a time when you aren't snarling at me.

"Wait! I'm coming with you! I've got to make sure no one else is cheating like that Rare Hunter." I hear Mokuba say before rushing after me. I hear him give the watchers instructions to alert us should anyone have the God cards, and I sigh. I may have started this dueling match to attain the other God cards besides Obelisk the Tormentor, but at the moment, I couldn't care less. All that matters to me is seeing Jou again. Even if he wouldn't want to see me. What kind of destiny is that? Isis didn't predict that I would crave my puppy more and more. God cards and past lives and darkness, my foot. Just give me the chance to see Jou, and I'm happy. Pathetic, but true./~

******

*/I thank Yugi.. well, really Yami.. for getting my Red Eyes back from that Rare Hunter, but I tell him to keep it. As much as it pains me to say it, I know that Yugi will need all the help he can get in this tournament, and it gives me a sense of pride that my Red Eyes will be a part of that help. I smile at him, and he smiles back, and nods. He knows how much it takes me to let him keep it. But he'll use it well. That Rare Hunter was only the first of many, and I know there'll be more challenges before this crazy match is over.

We start to take our leave of each other, but the sound of a helicopter stops us, and I know we both look up at once. I sighed as I saw the initials of KC on the side and mutter to Yami. "Oh great. The king decides to pay an appearance to his lowly court." But inside, my heart's beating fast. Seto Kaiba's come.

Deep breaths, Jou, deep breaths. But no hyperventilating, it wouldn't do to have those gorgeous blue eyes laugh at me as I faint at his feet like some overzealous fangirl. Though I could faint at his feet, worship him like the god he is. Even though I pretend to hate his guts, I adore him, look forward to any little glimpse of him. He's able to push my buttons, make me lose my cool, has been ever since we first met, before Duelist Kingdom. But I think I get to him, too. Why else would he go to such lengths to harass me? I've never done anything to him, after all.

But he couldn't see me in a positive light, either. We've said too much to each other for him to see the words are just a cover. I would die for him to look at me with anything other than hate in those intense blue eyes, even if it's just a friendly glance. No malice, no narrowing of the eyes, as if I was the lowest life form on the earth. But that'll only happen in my dreams. And boy, have I dreamt.

Gods, I'm such a hentai.

I can't help myself.. he's just too gorgeous. That thick dark brown hair, those intense see-to-your-soul blue eyes, the tall, slim frame, graceful and long-limbed. The sheer power and intimidation to just his stance...he's so wonderful, he can't help but inspire the most hentai of dreams. Where he loses the trench, the shirt, the pants, everything.

I shake my head ruefully at myself and watch the helicopter touch down, watch the most eligible, unattainable teenager this side of Japan hop out. I have to restrain a sigh of adoration from bursting past my lips at the sight of you, the wind from the helicopter rotors ruffling your hair and rippling your coat around you.. I swear, you have to be a god on earth, how else could you be so perfect? It's no fair, why do I, with the most unusual of crushes on you, have to be your rival? Even if you knew what I really felt, you wouldn't give me a second look. And that's what I hate most. I adore you, and you hate me. I could scream.

"Jou?" I hear Yugi ask me. Probably wondering why I've gone into this daze, or what I like to call, the Kaiba zone. Oh, if he only knew. I turn my head and give him my look of "revulsion" for the brunette coming our way, his little brother behind him.

"Suddenly, the air just got a little less cleaner.." I mutter to Yugi, jerking a thumb in your direction, and about squeaked when I saw your eyes dart toward me. Oh great, you noticed me.. I don't know whether to be glad or freaked.

"Funny. I was about to say the same thing, mutt." You growl in that low, smooth voice that sends shivers up my spine. "What are you doing here, I thought the tournament was banned to stray dogs."

Even if you insult me, I still hang onto your every word. Even with that blasted nickname, I'd do anything to just be YOUR puppy.

"You can try to keep me out of the tournament, Kaiba, but I keep bouncing back and overcoming your stupid rules."

"Yes, you keep turning up, all right. .like a bad penny."

"Look who's talking, Kaiba."

"Big brother!" Mokuba chides you, poking your side with a clipboard. "Can't you put aside your rivalry with Jou just this once?"

I see your eyes soften as you glance down to your dark-haired brother, ruffling his hair affectionately. I know you love Mokuba, he is your brother, and a sweet kid, and it makes me wonder how it would feel to have your love, instead of your hate. Something more to torment over.

"Alright, kiddo. Just this once." You murmur quietly, a soft smile curling your lips. And for once, I see the real Seto Kaiba. Not the businessman, not the duelist, just a normal teenager with a little brother. And I like the sight. I like it a lot.

Your head raises, and your eyes dart toward me again. I see something flash in your eyes--not hate, not revulsion, not disgust--but it's gone before I can even figure out what it was or if I even saw it. Maybe I was just imagining that look.. I shake my head again as you glance away, and I wonder just what you're thinking./*

******

~/Mokuba. There's always something about my little brother to make me see things with a clear head. Even if I wasn't REALLY fighting with Jou, I have to keep my head on why I'm here. Although I can't help but look at him again. He has this adorable confused look on his face, as if trying to figure out something, and I just want to go to him and hug him close, wrap my arms around that slim form, bury my face into that soft-looking blond hair and never let go.

Of course, you would freak if I ever did that. You'd probably freeze in shock, and then turn around and slug me one. I know you can fight, you caught me by surprise that one time, and I had the bruise on my jaw to prove it. And I don't want to fight. Not even close. But you hate me, so I'm forced to pretend to hate you back.

Just once, I'd like to see those eyes gaze at me in something other than hate, I'd even take friendship if I couldn't have love. Wait a minute.. love? I can't love Jou.. can I?

I hear someone talking, and I turn my head. "What?" Your dark eyes are wide with something like shock, and I blink in surprise.

"Did.. did I just hear you say.. you love me?"

I bite back a gasp, glancing at him, then at Yugi, who wears a similar shocked expression. Oh gods.. no, I can't have.. I spoke my thoughts aloud, and Jou heard me. Suddenly, the environment of the tournament grounds shrinks away to nothingness. I just admitted, out loud, that I loved Jou.

And he heard me. Oh gods..

I'm so dead./~

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~End Chapter 1~

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A/N: Well? Whatcha think? Good? Bad? In between? Lemme know...this was rather fun to write, picking into the minds of Jou and Seto..^_~ I hope I did okay. See that little button down at the bottom? The pretty purple one? Clicky and review, please! I love to hear your comments! ^_^ Reviews keep a stressed-out authoress going!