I.

This is desperation:

She's practically begging at this point; her pride has taken a hit, but she doesn't really care at the moment.

"Please, Sheldon, please," her voice is hoarse, and she feels his eyes on her, and honestly she knows the guys could be recording her and using this as some sort of twisted blackmail in the future, but damn it she needs Sheldon to agree because if he doesn't she's going to look so stupid.

He turns his nose at her slightly, uncomfortable with her begging, "I don't see why you couldn't have said it was me," both of their heads turned to Leonard, who sat there sulking at the scene in front of him.

She rolled her eyes; she knew one of the downsides of this would be dealing with Leonard and his whiny tendencies. They haven't even been dating for a good year, and he was still whiny and controlling over her life, she was glad the first person to have come to her mind was Sheldon and not him, she wasn't sure she could deal with him for an entire night.

Before she could reply, Sheldon spoke up, "Because she didn't. It's that simple, Leonard, I am the better suited mate, anyways."

Her eyes glowed with hope, "So you'll do it then?"

He sighed deeply, putting on a show of inconvenience, "When is this wretched event?"

"Three nights from tonight."

He nodded, "I suppose. It would give you the chance to show your friends you were capable of amounting to something," he shrugged as he leaned back into the sofa, eating his Chinese food.

She glared at him, aware he had just insulted her, but she didn't say anything. He was going out of his way to do her a favour, and honestly, she couldn't be any more grateful. She didn't know why she told her former friend she was married to a scientist, but she did. Maybe it was because of the endless bragging Amanda seemed to be doing. ("Oh, I traveled the world after high school, I met a man in Paris, his name is Francois, we have a vacation home in Maui and France, and we just adopted a rescue dog!") She was on her second glass of wine before she blurted out the lie, ("Well I'm married to a scientist! He's being considered for the Nobel Prize!") Take that Amanda. She could hear the humour in Amanda's voice as she spoke and congratulated her, it infuriated Penny. The bitch didn't believe her.

So no, she didn't specify who her hubby was, but she sure as hell wasn't going to ask anyone else besides Sheldon. Howard was married to Bernadette already, and he wasn't a scientist (not to mention he was a pervert), Raj as sweet as he was; was more of one of the girls than hubby material, and Leonard was just a huge no because he would only think this was a ploy to get him back or something desperate. The only candidate was Sheldon, tall, scientist, and extremely smart. She also didn't have to worry about him groping her all night.

But then her smile faltered, she didn't have to worry about him groping her all night.

This is how you coach a scientist:

"I'm not going to bite you, Sheldon!" She was frustrated.

The reunion was tomorrow night and Sheldon still was so tentative when he was touching her. It was like he thought she was either infested with every disease and germ he could think of, or he touched her like she was a priceless comic book and he didn't want to damage her.

He looked at her appalled, "I should hope not, do you know how many germs are in the mouth alone? Penny I could really—"

"Enough!" She cut him off, "Sheldon, please, try to meet me half way here, I'm trying. It's just one night, I just need you to be human for one night," she begged him as she fell onto the couch, defeated.

He studied the blonde, her head in her hands, she looked tired and beaten. Like she had been fighting a war that already was lost, "Insanity," he murmured. She looked up at him confused, "Excuse me?"

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results," he informed her, "Einstein said that."

"Well I heard he was a smart man," she replied humorlessly. He picked up on her sarcasm, so he ignored the comment and sat beside her, "Touching doesn't come easy for me, Penny."

She chortled.

"I've had a hard time since back home. When I was eight, Junior locked me in the chicken coop, it hadn't been cleaned in days and it was filthy. I spent the better half of an hour in there, by the time MeeMaw found me I had already given up on screaming for help. I was covered in feces and feathers, it was the worst time of my life," he admitted.

She was shocked. She never heard that story before, but it made a lot of sense as to why he was the way he was now. The germs, the touching, the system…she suddenly wished she could go back in time and hogtie Junior, she'd do it in record time too.

He looked at her, "That's why today I am…" he trailed off and gestured blindly in front of him. She nodded in understanding.

"But, you must be insane," he told her seriously, "Every day you come back to 4A, and you hug me or you touch me, and every day it's like you're waiting for a different result, it never comes though, I still get tense, but you're patient with me, and you never push me," he informed her.

She waited for him to continue, unsure of where this was going.

"But you still try. You're persistent, and though I don't know why, I…respect that. So, I will stay as long as I need to and I'll do this coaching over and over again, until we come to a different result. Because tomorrow night has to go perfectly, because you would do the same thing for me."

And they did stay at it for a few more hours.

This is shopping with an anti-shopaholic:

"Penny, please!"

She rolled her eyes at him, honestly, he could be such a baby when it came to the mall. He could spend hours in the comic book store, or even in at a train store, but one damn minute inside the mall and its absolute torture and his brain is melting. She handed him another bag and made her way to another store, this one sold dresses.

He was quiet as he walked into the store with her, he trailed behind holding the three bags she had given him, and she was pleased with this new silence. Truthfully, she could've shopped a lot quicker, but she wanted him to suffer since he kept whining about it.

She looked through a rack of fine dresses, each beautifully made, but none catching her eye. Some yellow, some black, some green, some blue. Some cotton, some silk, some lace, some sheer. It was a whole new world for him, and she knew he was probably taking in a lot of things right now. She didn't ever recall him being in a gown store before.

"What about this one?"

His voice was quiet, and she had to take in what he said before it processed. She looked over at him and saw him a few racks behind, holding out a red cloth. It was long, and it was silk, and she fell in love. She hadn't tried it on yet, but from the intricate design she knew it was something unique. Just then a sales rep came up to them and she smiled brightly.

"Ah, I see our new Chanel has caught your eye. It came in straight off the runway a few days ago," she fingered the silk cloth hanging off the mannequin.

The sales rep started to undress the mannequin, but she felt the nerves come over her. Chanel? That had to be expensive, and honestly, she didn't have the budget for something like that. Maybe she should just go to Walmart or something, get something on clearance and call it or day. Or maybe she just shouldn't even go to this stupid thing! She closed her eyes and exhaled deeply, once she opened them again, she saw him looking at her and she knew that look well.

She let the sales rep hand her the dress, "It's a size four," she smiled widely, "Looks like it's just your fit."

Once she touched the cloth, she fell in love all over again, it was so soft, and it felt like sex. She smiled gratefully and went to try the dress on in the changerooms.

The entire way home he pouted out the window, "I'm still upset you did not let me see the dress. It seems unfair that I paid for it only to not see it," he stated with his arms folded over his chest.

She only rolled her eyes, "You'll see it tomorrow night."

He didn't bother to reply; he knew she was right and refused to say so.

This is how she spends the night before the reunion:

"This is so weird."

"It's like an alternate universe."

"Honestly, is this necessary?"

"We should take a picture to preserve this."

"You'd want to take a picture of this?"

"I'd like to take a picture of anything that has to do with Penny."

She glared at the three guys, and all of them snapped to attention and looked away from them. She insisted on a trial run for the night, they'd carry on with their touching experiment but in a normal circumstance that didn't carry much pressure.

She was determined to have him relaxed by tomorrow night, she didn't want their interaction to seem forced and she more than anything didn't want to be embarrassed in front of Amanda and all the other girls that hated her in high school. She knew they all were eager to see what kind of house wife she turned into, she was only glad she started her career as a pharmaceutical sales rep, not so long ago because now she could say that instead of a waitress at a cheesecake restaurant.

She spent the better part of an hour going over how she would introduce herself to her old friends and enemies, and how she would brag about her future. ("Brianna? Brianna Dale? Oh, my goodness, four children? Wow, I can't find the time for kids between my lucrative career as a pharmaceutical sales rep, and my loving marriage. My husband? Oh, you didn't hear? Dr. Sheldon Cooper, yes doctor. He's a scientist, one of the greatest minds of our generation! He's going to win a Nobel Prize someday soon, you know? Oh, well I wouldn't expect somebody of your caliber to know what a Nobel Prize is. Anyways, nice catching up…" Insert fake smile and a pitiful chuckle here.) It was perfect.

She just hoped he was perfect.